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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 665
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...Page 26 of 31    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31)

But I don't think they're too outrageous or unfounded since I dated a man who met every single criteria.

But that's exactly why it is unreasonable. Comparing every other man to 'The One' is totally unreasonable. Every human being is different - with shortcomings and places they excel - and expecting find someone nearly a carbon copy as before just won't happen the way you want it to. Heck, even if God made an exact clone of him decades ago, his life would not be on the same path. Not even close.

It's OK to have things you want in a relationship, and listing points of significance is OK to some extent - but finding someone who lands true to ALL of them is folly. I could make up 30 or so items I'd like in a woman, and truth be told, a 'good' date for me is maybe four to six of them matching up. Believing you can screen through enough candidates with enough time to find that perfect score is ridiculous.

I've brought up this math argument before... Say any one specific criteria can be met by 50% of potentials. Add another criteria, and you're down to 25%. Do that six times total, and you're down to less than Two percent. Like 15 guys out of 1,000. How many of those criteria are they truly REQUIRED to have to make you happy? Do they need to have ALL of them? Who's to say those 15 don't really give a damn what you want? That's the crux of searching too hard, being too specific -- there's nothing to force them to mutually attract even if you DO find a match.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 666
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/20/2017 8:36:49 AM
The majority of people here have been married and divorced at least once. I'm assuming at some point, everyone thought they finally met Mr./Miss Perfect who got a check mark on every item on the "must have" list, and that's why they got married. How did having that list help in saving the marriage? Was the list put to better use by being used as toilet paper?

Part of the problem is people don't realize that it takes two people to make a marriage work. A lot of people want to put all of the responsibility of making a marriage work on their partner, and when it doesn't work out, it's always the other person's fault. It's one thing to have a list that has 100 or 1,000 must haves that must be met, but the person with the list must meet those same criteria as well. That's the part that people with high demands have trouble coping with. Too many people have the attitude "I'm perfect. I won't settle for someone who isn't as perfect as me."

If people were to ask couples who have been married 40, 50, or more years, the secret to their marriage lasting so long, I doubt any of them would say "I made out a long list of 'must haves' requirements, and he/she got the most check marks and scored the highest out of every one else." It's usually simple things like mutual respect, not holding grudges if they have a spat, being there for each other, etc. But it seems in today's world, that's not enough to keep a relationship in tact.
 ChazzFortyFive
Joined: 2/17/2017
Msg: 667
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/20/2017 11:24:36 AM
O.P.
I'm clueless.

At my age, if her girls aren't sagging so bad they drag behind her and her back side doesn't look like a square box and she still has at least 6 good teeth left, I figure she's worth talking to.

You'll find the one's complaining the most about not being able to find anybody good is in themselves not very good once you get to know them. This has been my experience with the internet.

I could also whine all day about not being able to find a good woman or I could just shut up and have some patience.
Good women don't flaunt themselves and they certainly don't jump at every guy or messege that comes their way.
I just thought of a topic for my first thread here.

Good luck O.P.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 668
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/20/2017 11:48:17 AM
"There are no decent men out there" is girl talk for "I've made a lifetime, of poor decisions, when it comes down to relationships". Basically, someone with poor understanding of an abusive or toxic relationship pattern. Little less, on on wanting to break the pattern or being aware of it.

One offs, you could use the victim card. If its a pattern, its a choice.

I'd assume the person was highly narcissistic, in not wanting to accept any responsibility in their relationship failures.
I don't even like my cakes on pedestals.

I'd steer clear.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 669
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/20/2017 1:46:55 PM

And then she hits the wall without realizing it all while keeping her standards high. All of a sudden Mr. 95% will pass her by, then Mr. 90% will pass her up, then Mr. 80% will take a pass! Her standards starts to drop and she start reading books about “where all the good men has gone”. Ohh the irony!


Except by this point, we've all moved on. Since she wasn't someone we intended on just being friends with, we probably kept that distance. We'd maybe hang out a little and give being friends a try, but then gave up after she was always "busy" (too busy for us, not for literally everyone else). And then when she hits that point of realizing she's passing up every decent guy so she can keep chasing the losers she's obsessed with, and she expects us to just want to drop everything to give her the chance that she wouldn't give us. But it's too late, we've either found someone better, or just lost interest, or in some of these girl's cases, we know that she's just settling on us, while we're not really what she wants. Either way, we just don't want her anymore.

Then she develops this idea that there's just no decent guys, and that's when they'll start telling their friends every guy sucks, they'll make posts, they'll blog it... because it's easier to blame the decent guys for not waiting around for her than it is to accept that it's her fault she's not with them, because she had the chance, but they weren't good enough.

Don't let your daughters turn into this. Teach her to value who people are, not what they are. I'm sure I'm not the only one that knows too many girls with abusive guys "because they're hot." And if it was possible to slap people through the phone, you know you want to do that and call them stupid every time they complain about the guy. But instead, you're nice, and you don't talk about the 5 other guys that were infinitely better that you watched them just push aside for Mr. "Perfect."

Moral: There's tons of decent guys, actually, decent guys outnumber the jerks by a lot (of course we're all still guys and have to be tough compared to other guys). Dating a decent guy is as simple as just doing that, dating him. The claim of a lack of decent guys exists purely because that specific girl refuses to date them because just like in the post I quoted, they didn't meet every demand on her shopping list, and princess only deserves perfection.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 670
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/20/2017 4:43:34 PM
tap tap tap// ChazzFortyFive
My girls are prolly sagging, yet they know how to spell messaging
Sure, she is over the Moon you see fit to " talk " to her
Motherofpearl
 lastjedi_35
Joined: 2/16/2017
Msg: 671
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/20/2017 10:37:18 PM
Beats me I just think most women on dating sitest are just looking for attention from another guy or girl. And take there new found confidence and go back to the creep, that cause them to join an online dating site.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 672
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/22/2017 1:01:24 PM
How is this still a topic for discussion, since the answer is pretty much known(at least I think so). I think it's true that most women want a "decent", "nice", "respectful", kind of guy. However, just having those things means nothing it you don't satisfy most/all the requirements on the laundry list". Before some of you hammer me with insults and what not, understand that I have given up on dating. My luck has been pathetic, and that's being nice about it. I'm sure my "window of opportunity" is slammed shut and locked, and I accept that. Although I will say that I have never really tried to meet women outside of the online dating world(at least to possibly date), so my results might be a little off. I've had a handful of dates from match.com; some with attractive women. As you can guess, I was slapped with the dating kiss-of-death/the "nice guy" tag. At the time, I considered it a horrible thing, and even attempted to alter my behavior. However, when I really thought about it, the people who mean the most to me hold me in high regards because of who I am, and not who they want me to be. My dog taught me to only care about the people who mean the most to you. I'm very well educated, can make anyone laugh if I 'm given the chance/the time is right, etc. However, I am also not one to just do what's popular because everyone else is doing it

So, I guess you could say I think it is a combination of a lot of things. Could it just be that the two don't match? Maybe; but at least in my case, when I went out with the women I did, I got the feeling like they were looking to get married in 2 weeks, pregnant in 6, and that there was never really a chance for us to get to know each other, and see if maybe we were a good match. People want what they want, and they want it now. So, I guess you could say my money is on "you're a great guy, but I want "x", and I don't have time to find out if you have that"
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 673
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/22/2017 2:42:26 PM
^^^"but at least in my case, when I went out with the women I did, I got the feeling like they were looking to get married in 2 weeks..."

I think that's part of the problem. A lot of women are husband hunting. They have an agenda when dating, so it's like an interview to see who would make the best husband material. Guys will date for fun and feel a date doesn't necessarily have to lead to wedding bells. But some women feel used if they don't see a date leading to the next step, even though they're usually get a free night out. So if a woman doesn't see sparks and fireworks exploding within a millisecond of meeting someone, it's game over. Women are looking for the fairy tale fantasy of a knight in shining armor showing up at her doorstep and whisking her away to the magic castle in the sky.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 674
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/22/2017 3:43:40 PM

when I went out with the women I did, I got the feeling like they were looking to get married in 2 weeks, pregnant in 6, and that there was never really a chance for us to get to know each other, and see if maybe we were a good match. People want what they want, and they want it now.

Says the guy whose profile states he doesn't have the to fill in a few interests.

Suggest you try a profile review. Yours could use some help.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 675
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/22/2017 3:59:02 PM
[Says the guy whose profile states he doesn't have the to fill in a few interests.]

Would you mind telling me where I state this? Also; what part of I've given up on dating didn't you understand? Why do I need a review if that's the case?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 676
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/22/2017 6:49:53 PM

People want what they want, and they want it now.


And they want it delivered on a silver platter.


My dog taught me to only care about the people who mean the most to you.


I saw a poster once that was titled "Everything I Need to Know I Learned From My Dog".

My favorite was "If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss".


A lot of women are husband hunting.They have an agenda when dating, so it's like an interview to see who would make the best husband material. Guys will date for fun and feel a date doesn't necessarily have to lead to wedding bells.


Years ago when I first started with OLD, I chatted with a woman who was very upfront about that.
She asked me if I was looking to get married soon.
Because she said she didn't go out on dates with anyone who wasn't serious potential husband material. She considered anything else a waste of her time. If remember correctly, she was around 33 at the time.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 677
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/23/2017 8:05:46 PM
"I don't have all day to list these"
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 678
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/17/2017 7:33:19 PM
You see these women pick the A holes, who treat them bad, every single time, because in the mind of these women, that's all they are worth...they think they are a door mat and allow themselves to be a door mat, because in truth, they think very little of themselves, have very low self asteem, emotional issues and won't push themselves to be better, or seek better men...these types of women may never, be truly happy in life and will always allow themselves, to be victims...I see a lot on this site...It's very sad and counselling might help them? Damaged women are toxic and can make, a good guys life a pure misery...Avoid them at all costs, repeat, Avoid them at all costs, repeat Avoid them at all costs

These women have no idea what a decent guy is and will never know, because they choose the wrong one's every time...they need to learn to make better choices, get counselling and get some self asteem...good guys exist, but they just don't know what a good guy is and that's why they have this mind set
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 680
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/18/2017 5:25:43 AM

If you keep picking @rseholes and you're not happy with your choices then you need to look at yourself and why you're attracting these people.

If you keep picking damaged women(/men) and you're not happy with your choices then you need to look at yourself and why you're attracting these people.


Well it's nice to see someone comment...It's like a morgue on these threads ATM...

Politics are so boring and it would be good to have, real subjects to talk about and one's people have control over and can make life changes, that effect them and others around them...real people with real ideas and attitudes...people not living in societies bubble and going with the norm...people who think outside of the box...threads such as these...that might make a difference in people's attitudes and open their minds to ideas and the changes, that are needed to be made, to give their lives a positive purpose
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 681
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/18/2017 6:09:01 AM

I believe there are lots of decent men out there. I have "met" many through this and other forums.

Unfortunately I am in an area where the pickings are slim to say the least.

^^^ That was me back on page 14. I posted a couple other times in this thread also. Remarkably I still agree with myself. There are lots of amazing men out there just like there are lots of amazing women. We just have to find one another. OLD isn't a good fit for me. The real world works much better.
 jco415
Joined: 1/4/2017
Msg: 682
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/18/2017 4:48:19 PM
Whichever sex you are the reason you may ask; "Are there any decent_____left?" is because you don't seem to be able to attract, keep or possibly recognize one when they are present.
 IBup4it
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 683
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/19/2017 5:36:18 AM
It means their to damn lazy to look, or they already made a decision based on a preconceived notion.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 684
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/19/2017 2:36:14 PM

Unfortunately I am in an area where the pickings are slim to say the least.


There are lots of amazing men out there just like there are lots of amazing women. We just have to find one another.


OLD isn't a good fit for me. The real world works much better.

Not to crucify Spot too much, but these words get repeated a bazillion times in here by a bazillion people.

I think it's a symptom of the general distrust people have of anything from online.
- People don't believe what they read, so they exaggerate what they want to avoid something uncomfortable.
- People exaggerate themselves for the same reason - people want too much - and it keeps going in a nearly endless circle.
- Finding a match leads to the inevitable letdown, because realizing the flaws in other people also tends to reveal flaws in ourselves that we don't want to know - so being online gets diagnosed as the source of the problem, rather than a symptom of our own fears and vanities.

'Finding' one another gets amazingly simple - let go of your fear, and try new things. If you occasionally stop restricting your search engines from those exclusive, selective statistics - it's kind of a shock how many more single people are out there. Real life seems even more simple - because we don't all use the same dating sites, and we are not all online at the same time - so getting out and meeting people also reveals a lot of new faces. I don't think online is a good fit for anyone with below-average statistics of any sort - because people tend to limit their potentials by far too much.

Take 100 people...
1) Above average height - Down to 50 or less - with one choice
2) Above average physique or active exerciser - Maybe 30 percent - so 15 of that 50
3) Non-smoker or tobacco user - 87 percent - 13 of 15
4) Above average income - 30 percent (being generous there) - 4 of 13
5) Kids or no kids - about half - 2 of 4
6) Shares ONE interest in - whatever - 50 percent or less (depending on activity) - 1 of 2

It is so incredibly easy to whittle a whole forest of potentials down to a toothpick with nothing more than a handful of 'deal breakers'. We are our own worst enemy. Even if you believe with all your heart and soul that someone is that perfect match - there is no law anywhere that says they have to give a damn about you.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 685
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/19/2017 3:52:03 PM
^^^ lulz okay...
Of course none of that really applies to me but I could see where someone in a larger geographical area who is being selective would have issues. OLD isn't a good fit for me because I don't like the non face to face, flesh and blood aspect. I just don't dig the process. It isn't any more complicated than that.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 686
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/19/2017 7:11:11 PM

I think it's a symptom of the general distrust people have of anything from online..


And yet, Amazon.com has become a juggernaut and is redefining retail.

Maybe Amazon should have bought Match instead of Whole Foods.

When do you want that real-life Ken/Barbie delivered?


The real world works much better.


And


Real life seems even more simple


Yeah, nobody ever had a dating problem before the Internet came along.
Every relationship was perfect.
The good old days.
Sigh.

Conundrum:

If the real world works so much better, why did anyone ever take the time to join dating sites?

Why not just bask in the real-life success?
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 687
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/19/2017 7:48:40 PM
"If the real world works so much better, why did anyone ever take the time to join dating sites?"

POF has a reported 90 million users. Somebody should tell those millions of people, that they are better off looking for love in the real world.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 688
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/19/2017 8:01:45 PM

Yeah, nobody ever had a dating problem before the Internet came along.
Every relationship was perfect.
The good old days.
Sigh.

Pardon your sarcasm, but dating before the internet did indeed have plenty of problems. People were not perfect, not by a long shot - but what they were - was THERE - available, and willing to give it a shot - imperfections and all. We stuck to a choice even if it wasn't perfect - because leading by example - our former generations did the same thing - and MADE it work. Some for the rest of their lives. That's the difference.

We have been played into a bunch of inadequate, waffling, whiny sissies that can't make a yes/no decision and stick to it - even if it's just a dinner planned two days from now. There's more flakes in online dating than there is in a Kellogg's cereal warehouse.

This weakness and indecision isn't just about men not being bold and taking the first move - it's about women that refuse to confirm or deny their feelings, leaving all kinds of vague responses so we can't possibly know what's going on. The courage to be open and frank with communication has died because we refuse to step out from behind our little glowing shield of communication and BE REAL.


When do you want that real-life Ken/Barbie delivered?

Things are changing, to be sure - but that's the other part about the internet that doesn't adjust well to real life - the idea that you can get it NOW, in the size, color, quantity or whatever that you need it simply by clicking down a menu of choices. May be working great for Amazon - but that doesn't f*cking work for human beings. We're not made on an assembly line - we're made because our parents got careless with some cooking oil and a Twister mat, and decided, Oh, what the hell? Let's raise this kid. The Disney Princess ending with the cherubs floating around and the choir singing? Oops, sorry - we just ran out of that inventory. Seems it's been discontinued. Would you setting for the drooling Santa Claus on a Harley? Got plenty of them left...
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 689
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/20/2017 4:56:48 AM

If the real world works so much better, why did anyone ever take the time to join dating sites?

In my particular case it was pressure from my family. Every summer we all meet at a beach house in SC. When the children were all young there were 20+ of us. It is the only time we all see one another since we are so spread out (not everyone lives in the states). One summer ('06) my stepmother and sisters in law decided that I needed to be online dating. They all had a success story(s) from someone they knew and keep in mind this was right after Must Love Dogs came out. I honestly had no interest. I have never had an issue being single. As we all know some people just can't grasp the concept. I have always been the sort who was happy just dating here and there. I made a few profiles to appease them. My attitude was that it was just another iron in the fire; if I met someone, great and if I didn't that was fine too. It didn't take me long to realize that I don't really care for the process that is online dating. I don't have difficulty meeting men in real life. I like smiling at a man and making eye contact and seeing where that goes. You don't feel that online.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 690
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When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 6/20/2017 2:58:44 PM
Except that for some, dating is a big fiasco no matter where it is. In here, I can relax and take time to think things over. In real life, that isn't possible. You've been put on a spot to be interesting. If not, then it sucks to be you. In ether case, at some point in time one tends to take it as a losing proposition, and just stop altogether.
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