Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 451
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???Page 19 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

We cant say most men will cheat but can say most will leave for another/younger woman, who makes this bollox up?


Good question.

Oh no most men don’t cheat but, hell yeah, if you’re an older woman dating a younger dude, he’s gonna leave your old ass! Ha ha! And all the prognosticators on here will laugh at your inevitable misery!


Croaking frogs/catty felines...... must be witches near by
I see a grown woman making and owning her choices


Me too. Apparently that’s not allowed and she’s getting an unsolicited profile review to go along with all the judgmental heckling. Why she’s getting heckled….?? Seems to be a domino effect, get in line to post something snotty.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 452
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/30/2015 4:42:46 PM

I have no illusions about men in general - I know most men will cheat sooner or later,



Don't you really mean that most of men YOU are out having "fun" with are gonna cheat,,,,,,


sooner or later?


You know, the ones YOU see.

As I have said way earlier in this post, a lot of men, as they age, disappear into an abyss. It happens. How do "I" know????? I'm falling into it as I speak/type and after reading some of the comments here. Not all, but enough.
 ThePig0fTheOpera
Joined: 10/23/2015
Msg: 453
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/30/2015 5:02:49 PM

We cant say most men will cheat but can say most will leave for another/younger woman, who makes this bollox up?


Leaving someone and cheating are two different things.


Ha ha! And all the prognosticators on here will laugh at your inevitable misery!


Oh, the irony here. However, I don't see anyone here wishing anyone misery, so I'm not sure where the hell this is coming from. Every member of this forum can muster up a story of a couple they know who are 20+ years apart in age, and are a grand love story come true, but we all know they don't represent the majority. But hey, if you're into all of that "defying the odds" stuff, knock yourselves out.


get in line to post something snotty.


Snottiness? In a classy joint like this? Surely you jest!!
 ThePig0fTheOpera
Joined: 10/23/2015
Msg: 454
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/30/2015 5:50:39 PM
Awww. Let Uncle Piggy kiss your boo boo.

hahaha
 prairiefire60
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 455
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/30/2015 6:49:56 PM
"I see a grown woman making and owning her choices."

I do as well. BUT, many of you giving her the "high five" for going out with young men 20 years younger than her are very, very quick to jump on a man for looking at dating even 10 years younger. Heaven forbid he put on his profile he's looking for 10 or 15 years younger and all hell breaks loose if he posts a threads bytching about the POF age restrictions. Funny how that works.
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 456
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/30/2015 6:52:00 PM
I can identify with both VK and Karma. Walt's comment about falling into the abyss rings a bell too.

I never thought I'd be more content with a bag of Lays (chips) and a crime fiction novel, than going to a Hallowee'n party.

I could agree with Karma that all men cheat sooner or later, b/c in my own experience 3 out of 4 did. But I'm still willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Like Karma, I have insulated myself from hurt, but I'm a much more careful dater than she is. I don't think any thirty year old would turn me down for something quick and meaningless, either, but it's not my thing.
She's comfortable with her sexuality, more power to her.

Like VK, I have no little interest in playing games, living up to some guy's time line of when sex should happen, and am getting more comfortable as a single woman every day. Probably right on the edge of the abyss with Walts but somehow it feels all right.

There is no tragedy in being older, and on your own, IMO.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 457
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/30/2015 6:59:46 PM
If he did, I move along... his stupid not my Ego
I like Men
They smell good, hands feel great and I refuse to think they all cheaters/
They are no different than we = they want to feel valued
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 458
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/30/2015 7:02:12 PM
maleman999-There are people who don't cheat.
I didn't, for 22 years.
I wasn't happy for at least the last 5 years, but I didn't cheat.
Some people are just afraid of being alone, they won't leave unless they have someone else lined up.
Some people are just selfish.
I know I'm not the only person that managed to stay faithful in a marriage.
 prairiefire60
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 459
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/30/2015 7:29:02 PM
Interesting what you wrote Bamagirl, about some people being afraid to be alone.

It would be an interesting question to ask those people that cheated - "Was the marriage ending so you cheated?" or "Did you cheat and that is why the marriage ended?"

I've always believed that you end a relationship before you start another one, even if it's just for casual sex. If you want to jump in the sack with someone...leave me first and then go have sex with whoever you want. I know it doesn't work out that way for most folks but it's how I feel. I've not cheated nor been cheated on (that I know of and I'm not about to go digging around). I don't believe most men or women cheat, some do but not the majority. I cannot go though like thinking like some on here with the attitude of "all men cheat" as its a stupid attitude and it's just not true. That doom and gloom attitude carries over into whatever relationship you may form in the future and it wears off on those around you, including your children.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 460
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/30/2015 8:13:58 PM
Yeah...I never ended up thinking men were all cheaters. One of the benefits of *not* having tons of relationships or dates and being with one or two special people for long periods of time is..luckily...not being exposed to all this stuff.

Of course, once my last long term relationship ended in 2009 that's when, in my early 40's, I dove into the dating pool in a way I never have before in my life, having been off the market for a really long time. What I found, at least thru dating sites was the same old patterns of behavior, which I DON'T think represent humanity in general. I think it represents who, for the most part, tend to haunt dating sites. Not everyone, but a sufficient enough population to cause patterns and experiences to repeat enough time to where, if you don't get off that merry go round it's going to speed up to the point where you'll be *thrown* off.

I actually DO agree there are less men available now, guys are married in my age group and busy with their families. At 20 I was surrounded by unmarried guys my age. Now that number is flipped on it's head.

One last important factor, which I am sure many gals here can relate to is that I am being more true to myself now than ever..I did, in some cases, put up with situations that I would have NEVER have entertained today. Nothing horrible, but situations that, at that younger stage in my life, I felt would get better, things would improve, etc etc...it's just how you think when you're starting out. Then.....hehe....you begin to realize hey..this isn't getting better, and no, this isn't going to work and guess what..he's NOT really that right guy for me or....no-he's not interested in me.

These days there's more clarity in recognizing that *being alone is better than not being able to lead a fully authentic life and be true to myself-which means creating and maintaining healthy standards, boundaries and knowing when to gracefully move on when clearly the situation is not meant to work out.*

This will, of course, also contribute to it taking longer to "find someone." But...I'm just not in any hurry. I've experienced being in relationships for over 20 years. Now, as I move into the future, I of course have a way better grasp of what works best for me, and what doesn't, and I can take my time. None of this has made me suspicious or "down on men." Taking a really long break from dating has also given me the opportunity to really evaluate what I can bring to my next relationship, if that happens. In the meantime, I enjoy expanding my base of friends thru my hiking group and accepting invites to parties and other various events.

I also have always had the "loose leash" theory, where I completely stay away from questioning my BF about female friends or any time he spends with them. I do not get into the arena of spying, watching or getting involved with any of it. My philosophy is that you can't control *anyone.* People are going to do what they are going to do. It's not my job to monitor that. If my relationship has deteriorated to the point where this is something he is doing..even if it's "emotional cheating", then it's time to amicably part ways.

There are other "mistresses" too, like drugs and alcohol. These days, I walk away from that situation immediately. In the past, I had more of that hopeful attitude that "things will get better." Which...didn't happen.

But none of this makes me think that men in general are going to cheat. You have no idea what someone is like. All men are individuals. Some are rouges, some alley cats, and some are made of gold.

And so are their wedding rings. Yuk yuk yuk
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 461
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/31/2015 3:47:26 AM

Bamagrl:
maleman999-There are people who don't cheat.


What post are you referring to, where you assumed I said everybody cheats? I think in most cases, people in a relationship won't cheat. A lot of people might think about cheating when they meet someone attractive, but most won't act on their impulses, knowing short term satisfaction isn't worth the long term problems.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 10/14/2015
Msg: 462
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/31/2015 8:58:09 AM
Is cheating relevant to the winners?

Revolutionaries started as terrorists.

Just saying...
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 463
view profile
History
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/31/2015 10:53:01 AM

And yes, most men, if they have options, will cheat eventually. Have seen it happen too many times to believe otherwise.


Gee, I hate to break the news to you ladies, but I wouldn't. I had a chance and I didn't.

I could NOT stand the hurt look I'd get for doing it. So there.
 csillagjanos
Joined: 10/18/2015
Msg: 464
view profile
History
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/1/2015 6:16:22 PM
"""""They are no different than we""""(woman talking about men)

Well, I like to think that I am actually a bit different. In some details. "God is in the details." That's why women scream, at the appropriate moment, "Oh, my GOD!!" Because the details at that moment are of paramount importance.
 csillagjanos
Joined: 10/18/2015
Msg: 465
view profile
History
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/1/2015 6:25:12 PM
"""""Is cheating relevant to the winners?

Revolutionaries started as terrorists.
"""""

Inventors start as madmen.

Generals start as smart haters.

Political leaders start as lawyers.

Founders of religions start as philandering highway robbers. Well, most do, until they get born again.

Scientists start as cat torturers.

Writers start as kids who play with their feces.

Gods start as Jews.

Teachers start as alienized monoclastics.

Computer programmers start as autists.

Doctors start as the smart kids whom everyone wants to push in the mud face down, but is afraid of the consequences.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Everybody starts somewhere.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 466
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/2/2015 4:58:17 PM
maleman999- This was in reference to your post, #491, I was agreeing with you. :)
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 467
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/7/2015 11:39:35 AM

TrustinKarma-At least I'll have lots of steamy memories in my golden years, instead of looking back regretting things that I didn't do.

Therein lies the distinction - Trustin wants to look back on "steamy" memories. What she doesn't see, or acknowledge, is that others are building memories that are just as valid as hers.

After my divorce I went through a stage where I was not only 'free' for the first time in my adult life, but also the first time in my life I felt attractive to men. It was heady. It lead to a string of 'relationships' of various durations and depths; I built a stock of steamy memories. But there came a point I realized it had run its course. I wanted not just steamy memories but the actual connectedness of sharing all of my life with a man of integrity.


VK-These days there's more clarity in recognizing that *being alone is better than not being able to lead a fully authentic life and be true to myself-which means creating and maintaining healthy standards, boundaries and knowing when to gracefully move on when clearly the situation is not meant to work out.*

This will, of course, also contribute to it taking longer to "find someone." But...I'm just not in any hurry. I've experienced being in relationships for over 20 years. Now, as I move into the future, I of course have a way better grasp of what works best for me, and what doesn't, and I can take my time. None of this has made me suspicious or "down on men." Taking a really long break from dating has also given me the opportunity to really evaluate what I can bring to my next relationship, if that happens. In the meantime, I enjoy expanding my base of friends thru my hiking group and accepting invites to parties and other various events.


When my wild days had run their course I had to face an unpleasant truth - the level of self-awareness and self-acceptance that allowed me to use my body, mind, and spirit so poorly would not be attractive to the kind of man I want to share my life with. When I'm 'old and grey' (ok, older and greyer), I don't want to live on memories, I want to be able to live in whatever my present happens to be.

Sort of like the famous Rumi quote hit home "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” I had a lot of barriers. I have less barriers now but know that I'm still not fully ready because I keep putting up physical barriers (I live on a fricken island and work 7 days/wk).

Bringing it back OT; I am not in "competition" with any other women; I find that way of thinking silly and repugnant. From a purely statistical perspective there are less single and straight men in my age group than there were when we were in our early 20s. And there are even less who may be interested in the type of relationship I want to be engaged in. But that's irrelevant; this isn't purely a numbers game. The quality of man I will be willing to share my life with always was and always will be 1:1M - as am I.
 revoskeepnus
Joined: 8/4/2015
Msg: 468
view profile
History
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/8/2015 1:51:33 PM
considering men die at a younger age...

this OP's assumption is true from a biological standpoint...
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 469
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/8/2015 5:01:01 PM
onsidering men die at a younger age...

---

Exactly - I've seen all women in my family live their lives out as widows, because they were all (much) younger than their husbands. Don't want that for me. Men who are seven years younger would make them biologically the same age as women.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 470
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/8/2015 5:56:03 PM
^^^^^^^^

Does this also count for the maturity level????

I've come across a LOT of younger men out here who are sooooo immature, they have the mentality of a pre schooler not to mention severe mommy issues..........Needless to say, I don't have time much less any tolerance for that crap.

Given a choice.......I will live out the remainder of my days alone, or put a loaded gun to my head and pull the trigger than to put up with that.

I'd bet dimes to doughnuts there are more than a few who feel that way.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 471
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/9/2015 6:58:55 AM

Does this also count for the maturity level????

I've come across a LOT of younger men out here who are sooooo immature, they have the mentality of a pre schooler not to mention severe mommy issues..........Needless to say, I don't have time much less any tolerance for that crap.


Date who want. But claiming younger men are immature and have mommy issues is a broad generalization. When people reach about 30 years old, I don't think age has a major impact on maturity anymore. There are plenty of men in their 30s are stable, mature, independent etc.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 472
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/9/2015 7:16:10 AM

Date who you want. But claiming younger men are immature and have mommy issues is a broad generalization. When people reach about 30 years old, I don't think age has a major impact on maturity anymore. There are plenty of men in their 30s are stable, mature, independent etc.


IMO the biggest reason why most serious large age difference relationships won't work out is the 2 people not having enough in common or having different long term goals. Not maturity.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 473
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/9/2015 9:43:31 PM

IMO the biggest reason why most serious large age difference relationships won't work out is the 2 people not having enough in common or having different long term goals. Not maturity.


BINGO! Do people realize that men (people) in their 20s get married, have babies, join the military and go to war? Obviously, there are PLENTY of people in that age group that are mature enough. Saying that young men are not "mature enough" and/or giving them a pass for bad behavior, such as lying in cheating, is totally missing the point. Age is not the issue, it's personality and character. Someone who habitually lies and cheats in his 20s is unlikely to change that pattern of behavior later in life. And yes, compatibility and seeing eye-to-eye is much, much more important than age.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 474
view profile
History
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/9/2015 10:21:33 PM

Do people realize that men (people) in their 20s get married, have babies, join the military and go to war?


And in that order too, because the only reason to join the military would be because you've already f***ked up that bad in your early 20s.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 475
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 11/9/2015 10:43:02 PM
"IME a man over 25 is a man, they have good jobs, their own place and are not looking for a mother figure (30-35 are best). It isn't a mom/son type thing. Its about experience. "


What is IME? I'm behind the times again..

Ya know what's interesting, is that I found many men over 50 to be "in need of taxis"...not just guys in their 20's! One of the biggest duds I found with dating was that so many of the guys were living hand to mouth like they were in college..some had no cars or were living at home with their parents or relying on checks from mom, or...room mating..at the age of 50 plus.

And yes, I know we are all at different point in our lives and what not. I'm just not into the sort of lifestyle I left behind in my early 20's to work at the studios and buy a home.

It's a turn off to have to be the cab or know that mom and dad are lurking in the next room, or some trollish room mate is wandering around in his socks. This just ain't what I'm looking for at this point in my life.

So I suppose, age is not purely the factor..you are right there, you can be doing well at 20 and not so well at 55. And these are not guys, BTW, who had huge, unforseen medical issues or anything like that that plummeted them into a cash strapped, dependent existence..some were in bad debt because of poor money management or chronic unemployment and in once case, alcoholism.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???