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 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 76
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???Page 4 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

I personally don't feel rejected or humiliated when a person I'm dating decides to walk away or considers me "just a friend". Why would I? The door is always open for them to go, as it is for me to go at any time. Let me get a bit extreme here to explain my point: you say to a person that you love him/her, and that person replies "I'm sorry but I don't love you". Is that really a reason to suffer? Does the fact that a person rejects you mean that you have to reject yourself by feeling bad or sad? If that person doesn't love you, someone else will. There is always someone else.


Oh ... in an ideal world, this is EXACTLY how things should work. But maybe it's easier said than done?

I think your 'extreme' example is exactly what many of us have dealt with - we found ourselves in love with someone who didn't return our feelings. That can be incredibly painful.

I think it's natural to feel bad/sad. I mean, we are human! But absolutely spot on - we should NOT reject ourselves because someone else does. We should NOT give anyone (or a whole string of anyone's) that much power over us.

I fought so hard in my life to learn that lesson. I am so glad I did.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 77
view profile
History
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 8:59:30 AM
@dgcadiz...
Well I think we'll just have to agree to disagree....

The world I live in actually INCLUDES feelings of sadness,and pain and anger and despair...Not just all of the happiness,and positivity...
I'm a realist that way...
While I get that you're saying that you don't believe in suffering over your suffering so to speak,as in allowing another person's opinion to effect the way that you see yourself,I'm sorry, but I think that rejection is rejection and I don't think that any one enjoys it, even if it doesn't affect your self-esteem,it can make your confidence waver...I also don't think that taking a break from it in any way implies anything more than THAT, taking a break...Doesn't mean forever, or that you're never going to love another person...
I also believe that a person's age also factors in here...When you're young it's easier to think that there are TONS of people out there that could be a potential match, but as you get older and still haven't MET that match,I think that it's normal to start to wonder if you ever will...

Again,I don't see not dating as being a bad thing...Why do you?
Some people choose it and that's their right....I don't personally feel that I know anyone else better than they know themselves and that also goes for knowing what's best for them....
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 78
view profile
History
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 9:06:49 AM
Los Angeles ...ah, come on

There are 16 MILLION people in the Greater Los Angeles area. There is zero lack of any type of partner for any age, gender group. For every movie star there is 10,000 regular people.

Seattle is barely a fifth ofthe size and there are a half million single males. 'No men in my area' is such a weak excuse for not finding a mate. Just over 50 percent of adults in the USA are not married. This means that every second man you see is a potential partner.

Any statement such as. 'Men here are ' like this or like that is silly. There is every size, shape, personality, attitude, type of guy times a thousand.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 79
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 10:12:11 AM
I would describe my present situation as living in a castle with the drawbridge down, but I do not take walks out of the castle anymore.

In 2010, I was filled with excitement, good humor and enthusiasm having tumbled out into the dating world after nine years. Online dating just looked like a good idea, and fun. I had the right attitude about it.

Nine months later after a coffee date in Silverlake I found myself sitting in my car thinking about what had just happened. The guy spent most his time talking to me about some script he was writing, or play he was directing, never asked me anything about myself..then, about a half hour into it he looked at his watch, said "Well, you're really funny...." then gave me a coupon for a free coffee at a coffee shop he owned, and left.

I looked down at the coffee coupon and thought about the many many men I had met in the last 9 months. The narcissist, the guy who told me he was 10 years younger than he was, the guys who told me they were single and they were actually married, the drug addict, the guys with herpes who tried to pressure me into sex on the first date, the guy who got pissed off because I wasnt going to take him home and that I dared glance over and look at other people in the restaurant, the alcoholic, the guy who yelled out in a restaurant asking if anyone had any heroin for sale.

Well, at least I got a coupon for free coffee this time.

Something kinda died in me that night. The "fun" was over.

Dating in LA is surreal. I fell off the map. I couldnt figure it out. What I didnt understand why it was so hard to simply go on a nice date. Just once. Without a backdrop of lies, made up stuff, that sense that you are only one in many many many to come. Everything is on razor's edge. Intimacy is interrupted by celphone calls, people are distracted, no eye contact, texts coming in...barriers up, judgements made, gotta get going.

I completely admit it was all too much, despite what I thought were "good choices" I found there were so many many things I could not predict from what little information you really get on a profile.

I mean really..how could I have been getting it wrong so many times with people? What was I missing? Or..what were they hiding? I dont like being tortured. I dont like screwed up situations. I was involved with two long term relationships before all this, so I know what goes into making something work and something last. I dont naturally gravitate towards screwed up situations.

There was just too much weirdness, self centeredness, and many times it was clear they had every intention of keeping their options open, permanently.

It's all about what you can do for them, as fast as possible and with as little effort as possible.

Part of my decision to stop dating is I feel I deserve better than being treated like a fast food meal, to be briefly chased, consumed and discarded.

There IS some truth to the unique culture and values of a region. LA has it's own.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 80
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 10:26:25 AM
Do you live in LA?

Also, you DO realize you are the first guy to ask me out in almost three years. No kidding! :D
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 81
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 10:27:21 AM

I personally don't feel rejected or humiliated when a person I'm dating decides to walk away or considers me "just a friend". Why would I? The door is always open for them to go, as it is for me to go at any time. Let me get a bit extreme here to explain my point: you say to a person that you love him/her, and that person replies "I'm sorry but I don't love you". Is that really a reason to suffer? Does the fact that a person rejects you mean that you have to reject yourself by feeling bad or sad? If that person doesn't love you, someone else will. There is always someone else.


dcgadiz (see message 78)

this may be true......but my answer to that is.....if you give me the "friendzone" don't sit there and blow smoke up my azz telling me we can go to movies, dinner, take day trips, et al....and you will give me the empty promise that you will contact me next week and NOT contact me at all......

except for 6, 8, 10, 12, even a year and a half down the road to call me to "see how I am doing" because all the options and prospects you had dried up and you are bored, alone, and want to get laid.

I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. I even had one call me 5 YEARS down the road for heaven's sake!

I along with Volkanoking have been out here on numerous coffee dates and have had this happen a LOT.

It just goes to show how fickle people really can be out here.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 82
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 11:14:47 AM
BA, Melanie Griffith and Meg Ryan are both in their 50s, as is the OP. Only three of the nine celebs whose quotes you’ve selected in message 80, are in their 50s. The rest are in their 30s or 40s---that’s not a fair comparison, IMO.

The three celebs in their 50s have all had some degree of cosmetic work done. Brad Pitt actually had bad skin in his teens, and underwent facial rejuvenation procedures to fill in his acne scars. He’s also a pot smoker and has regular dental treatments to keep his teeth white. Julianne Moore has had cosmetic dentistry, as well.

Also, if you compare photos of Halle Berry as a teen with her current ones, you’ll notice that she’s had a nose job: http://totallytop10.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/halle-berry-before-after1.jpg

My belief is that any older woman, regardless of whether or not she’s a celebrity, would be better served to do everything she can to put her own best foot forward (rather than in her mouth) and not make invidious comparisons between herself and other older women. It just makes her look bad.

Moreover, I’m not going to get into a debate with you on the health advantages of being a vegetarian. I believe portion-control and exercise level play a much larger role in successful weight management than just eliminating meat from one’s diet.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 83
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 11:38:58 AM
in vino acetum, especially in whirled peas...


What I tried to say is that it's very very easy to blame the system or "men" (or "women", "men are like this....", "women are like that...") for the particular situation one finds oneself in. I read that line of thinking a lot in these forums and I know that damn well from my own personal experience as well.

I personally don't feel rejected or humiliated when a person I'm dating decides to walk away or considers me "just a friend". Why would I? The door is always open for them to go, as it is for me to go at any time. Let me get a bit extreme here to explain my point: you say to a person that you love him/her, and that person replies "I'm sorry but I don't love you". Is that really a reason to suffer? Does the fact that a person rejects you mean that you have to reject yourself by feeling bad or sad? If that person doesn't love you, someone else will. There is always someone else.

Or maybe I'm too idealistic, but there is no reason to feel bad or dissapointed because one doesn't get what one wants from another person. Maybe relationships are not places to get something from, but rather places to give something to.

Sometimes we put more barriers to truly connecting to someone or find someone than we think. And personally, even though I don't know VK at all and haven't met her, I feel she is putting lots of barriers, as many of us do.

End of cheapo, new-age sort of psychoanalysis.


if you have a handful of mud in your hand, you can't be free to accept the flowers...
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 84
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 11:46:01 AM

The single male friends I know have no interest in being in a relationship with women who are pushy, unattractive, demanding, unkempt and out of fashion, naggy, desperate, think they can use their old crotch and sagging boobs as "man-bait" and expect a monogamous, exclusive relationship on the first date-- sometimes even before the first date-- because they're convinced they can trade their old cooter for commitment.

Frankly, I don't care to be friends with these "ladies" so I certainly don't blame the men for not wanting much to do with them. I see these pathetic broads throwing themselves at men, offering sex on the first date-- or AS the first date---aggressively chasing after them. When the man shows no interest, they tell themselves "he's just shy" and crank up their pursuit. (Sure some men will sleep with them for a while-- these horny old broads are giving it away free. But there's never a real relationship.)

This isn't to say all divorced-single women over 50 are like that. It's mostly just the ones who aren't very attractive or quite unattractive.
What man would want to sign up for that package?


Dayum - tell us how you really feel!!! lol.

I truly must live in an alternate universe as I don't know any women like this in my real life.

I know a bunch of great women (some single, some part of a couple) - who have a lot going for them, stay in decent shape, have active and fun lives.

Then again, I don't know all the horrendous men that so many women claim to. I'd say MOST of the people I know - socially or through work are pretty d*mn good people in a variety of ways.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 85
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 11:57:44 AM
ummm, are you female? (I thought I checked your profile and you are, if not mea culpa)

If you female and your logic holds for me... then you don't know either?

You are assuming many 50+ women are horrid (I guess?)

I am assuming that most of the women I know are great based on my contact with them.

And they DO have a lot going for them, are in decent shape, have fun/decent lives - those things are true no matter what they 'do' on dates.

Many of them (not all) are actually in relationships with men. A few are not currently but they don't tend to make finding a man a sole focus.

I'm one of the only people I know who actually 'goes so far' as to use an OLD site to meet people.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 86
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 12:21:32 PM
As much as this discussion is about Men hitting on Women in the older years, I have to wonder out loud - how many older women are 'Hitting back'? Are middle-aged & older ladies STILL clinging to (what I consider to be) the prehistoric notion - that Men have to approach first?

I would hope that after being an eligible dating age for 20-30 years and been through a few relationships or even marriages, a few of these ladies would be proactive enough to know what they want AND go after it --- but from my own experiences, I don't think it's happening - or maybe it's still happening, and since I'm not in that top 10% 'Hot' category I'm still being summarily ignored -- which begs the question; haven't you learned anything? If going after the top choices has resulted in failures time and time again, it's not up to the rest of the dating world to change for you - it's up to YOU to change your approach.

'Men have to approach first' is probably what I consider the worst of the 'Ghost Reasoning' in online dating, because there's no practical reason why that has to stand - at any age. If you don't like what you're getting, then be pro-active, not re-active. It's no big secret that there is 'competition' in dating at ANY age and status level - so pretending you don't have to work for what you want is by far the biggest lie ever told - and people tell it to themselves ALL THE TIME.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 87
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 12:36:48 PM

Are middle-aged & older ladies STILL clinging to (what I consider to be) the prehistoric notion - that Men have to approach first?


Can only answer for me, but I have and do reach out. I've been given advice that I should not, but ... that is not advice I've chosen to follow because I want a 'partnership' (which includes sharing effort and costs) vs a traditional 'man takes the lead in all things' sort of gig.

The man I've recently begun dating? (Hmmmmm..... I keep repeating he's not on the 'Top 10% Hot' category not to insult him AT ALL, but to dispel the myth that all women want are guys who look like movie stars -- also I'm smart enough to know this is ok because neither am I in that category sheesh - doesn't mean we aren't both great, lol) He is someone I messaged first (on match) because he was my age, his location was near mine and I got enough from his profile to say something somewhat humorous/smart alec in regards to (since I can be a smart alec)... His profile gave me enough info to lead me to think we'd be compatible.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 88
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 12:41:22 PM
I truly must live in an alternate universe as I don't know any women like this in my real life.

I know a bunch of great women (some single, some part of a couple) - who have a lot going for them, stay in decent shape, have active and fun lives
*****************************************************************
Are middle-aged & older ladies STILL clinging to (what I consider to be) the prehistoric notion - that Men have to approach first?

I would hope that after being an eligible dating age for 20-30 years and been through a few relationships or even marriages, a few of these ladies would be proactive enough to know what they want AND go after it --- but from my own experiences, I don't think it's happening - or maybe it's still happening, and since I'm not in that top 10% 'Hot' category I'm still being summarily ignored -- which begs the question; haven't you learned anything? If going after the top choices has resulted in failures time and time again, it's not up to the rest of the dating world to change for you - it's up to YOU to change your approach.

'Men have to approach first' is probably what I consider the worst of the 'Ghost Reasoning' in online dating, because there's no practical reason why that has to stand - at any age. If you don't like what you're getting, then be pro-active, not re-active. It's no big secret that there is 'competition' in dating at ANY age and status level - so pretending you don't have to work for what you want is by far the biggest lie ever told - and people tell it to themselves ALL THE TIME.





I live in what could be called "Upstate NY" (but way closer to NYC) & let me tell you what I've seen...

I was married from 1984-1997 & busy raising kids, working etc. so I was in la-la land. In 1997 we split & w/o even trying I met a younger man & we dated for 3 years & were in a serious thing. Then we split--& I tried OLD--so from 2000-2003... I tried a few sites & had MANY dates, the better ones were from pay sites. I did see many catty, competative women. From 2003-2007 I was in a LTR w/ a slightly older man & again was in la-la-land. In 2007, I tried again. OMG--the women were exactly as Landra described, even worse---regardless of socioeconomics, etc.

I knew one woman who was a pillar of the community--we had a girls nite out, we went to an awesome restaurant & then to a Pink Floyd Tribute band Show--in a nice venue--a restored old theatre...She wanted the end seat, I was next to her---when about 10 hot looking late 30's males trotted in & proceeded to fill the row next to me (they looked like cops or firemen, the types on calendars) Before I knew what was happened, the FIEND pulled me out of my seat & shoved me into hers, so she could sit next to the hunks (she was not so attractive & alot older, what was she thinking?) I was in shock, it happened sooooo fast...

Another time, I was on a date w/ a guy, we had dated a little & were an item, we decided to join a music meetup group & went to a nice venue in Brewster--more people showed up so we had to move tables together----all the other women were dateless & a couple of single men showed up....a woman literally SHOVED me away from my date so she could sit next to him--until WE INFORMED her that we were a couple & wanted to sit together...

This is just the tip of the iceberg of things I have seen/experienced. I am talking women in their 40's-50's & in nice neighborhoods, in nice venues, acting NOT SO NICE and this was in front of everyone....
CAN U IMAGINE HOW THEY WOULD ACT IF THEY WERE ALONE W/ THESE MEN?

These women r vicious, I know of so many professional/pillar of the community types that did gawd-knows-what just to secure some d1ck, or a date, or a FWB. Barf. Their behavior is what makes them ugly to the bone.
The Pillar was on POF w/ one old, very heavily photoshopped pic- I stopped being friends w/ her when I saw all of her antics, there were a whole slew of men who were "duped" by her.

As for the meetup woman, maybe she is still in Brewster, shoving other women out of their seats as well. If anyone tried that w/ my man today, I'd b1tch slap them so hard, they'd end up in L.A. w/ the other desperate women. LMFAO.

@ Danimal, pre-historic may be a good choice of words-it's evolutionary that men HUNT...

after being an eligible dating age for 20-30 years and been through a few relationships or even marriages, I am a lady who is be proactive enough to know what I want AND go after it...which is a man who wants me, pursues me, is attracted to me & has the ballz to show it.

Haven't I learned anything? Yes, I have! I stick with what has always worked for me- I put out the honey & allow the bears to approach.

'Men have to approach first' is probably what I consider the BEST of the Reasoning' in online dating,
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 89
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 12:57:51 PM
^^ Alternate reality for sure then!

I have never in my life felt the need to 'b1tch slap' anyone. Go figure!

My life, my job, my friends, where I live? Looking better and better all the time...
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 90
view profile
History
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 1:22:53 PM

'Men have to approach first' is probably what I consider the BEST of the Reasoning' in online dating,


I have to go against the grain on this one.......

My best dates from this site were from women who had the ballz to email me first, including my current GF of 5+ years!!

IRL, I notice as I get older, I really don't have to put effort into approaching. I just have to show up smelling nice, dressed in nice clothes, clean shaven, and arrive at the trendy lounge in my Corvette with the top down and sit at the bar by myself for a few minutes. The rest just happens.........

 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 91
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 1:47:15 PM
Some women put great value on being pursued so for them, making the first move isn't going to yield the type of relationship they seek.

Some women put great value on finding someone who sees them as an equal, so for them, making the first move is likely a no brainer.

I really do believe that neither strategy is right or wrong (though that point seems lost so often).

If (this applies to men or women) what you are doing works for you, then keep doing it! If what you are doing isn't working for you, then consider changing, but only if finding a mate is more important than what you are changing.

I remember a poster asking 'would you rather be right or be in a relationship?'

That question was helpful (even though I'm pretty sure the poster was biased to the latter). I really pondered it.

What I realized is that for me, it was more important to stay true to myself about certain things than to be involved with someone/anyone.

I know that I'd rather be single than have to fit into what some women on here consider to be THE correct female role. I want a man who accepts me as an equal. Not someone who I support completely, who makes NO effort, but someone who sees me as being equally capable of certain contributions to the relationship. I truly prefer split the costs, split the effort of making plans and a man who is comfortable with that is a better fit for me.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 92
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 2:30:39 PM

how many older women are 'Hitting back'? Are middle-aged & older ladies STILL clinging to (what I consider to be) the prehistoric notion - that Men have to approach first?

I would hope that after being an eligible dating age for 20-30 years and been through a few relationships or even marriages, a few of these ladies would be proactive enough to know what they want AND go after it --- but from my own experiences, I don't think it's happening - or maybe it's still happening, and since I'm not in that top 10% 'Hot' category I'm still being summarily ignored -- which begs the question; haven't you learned anything? If going after the top choices has resulted in failures time and time again, it's not up to the rest of the dating world to change for you - it's up to YOU to change your approach.

'Men have to approach first' is probably what I consider the worst of the 'Ghost Reasoning' in online dating, because there's no practical reason why that has to stand - at any age. If you don't like what you're getting, then be pro-active, not re-active. It's no big secret that there is 'competition' in dating at ANY age and status level - so pretending you don't have to work for what you want is by far the biggest lie ever told - and people tell it to themselves ALL THE TIME.


- Regarding what you said, I can sum it up in two words - wishful thinking. In reality, men are the primary pursuers... that's the way it's always been, the way it is now, and the way it will always be. Think about it... why would a beautiful woman have to lift a finger when she has more guys chasing her than she can handle? More power to them, I say.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 93
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 3:59:05 PM
dgcadiz (see message 91)


I so dislike that "friendzone" term...if I don't contact you at all, that says more about me than my promises, doesn't it? Besides, you can't really accuse me of not contacting you over x months, years or weeks or not being interested in this time...because you didn't call me either or contacted me. The same disinterest that I showed for you you showed it for me.


Really?? So now we are supposed to chase after you???

Well.....there have been situations where I was interested.....but all I got was the friendzone......right along with the empty promises to call.......My feeling about it is this.....don't sit here and tell me you will correspond with me when you have NO intention of doing so.

I have always, ALWAYS followed up with people when I told them I would be calling them.

And I, along with you......don't really care for the term we call the "friendzone" either....but it is what it is.


If you called me to ask me how I am doing I'd be happy to hear from you and thank you for showing interest after so much time, because you might have not called me at all. And, how do you know that I dried up, am bored, alone or want to get laid??? Maybe you are assuming too much.


Oh.....so now I am supposed to wait by the phone and be EVER SOOOOO grateful for the crumbs of attention the person I met up with 6 months (or more) before has now decided to throw me after being friendzoned?

Trust me.....when I get calls like that.....more often than not......the person on the other end had all their options and prospects dump out on them and gee.....my number just happened to come up. I can hear it in their voice.

They couldn't give me a mere chance back then.....so I can't now.

Make NO mistake about it.....Basically, that's nothing more than a guy doing a "blast text" to all the women they have met up with in the last year.....all the numbers they have kept in their "contacts folder"... also known as the "talent pool"......and whomever responds first is the "flavor of the night". -

And yes, I am sure their are many women out here who do that very same thing as well, so this is not a gender-specific issue.

I don't need or want friends like that. Do you?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 94
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 4:14:04 PM

Well, at least I got a coupon for free coffee this time.


Did you ever use the coupon?


There IS some truth to the unique culture and values of a region. LA has it's own.


The greater LA/Orange County area is the most culturally and ethnically diverse place on the planet.


I mean really..how could I have been getting it wrong so many times with people?


I completely admit it was all too much, despite what I thought were "good choices"


This is key here. I would need to see who you thought were "good" choices versus who you passed on as "bad" choices". Because if the "good" choices turned out as bad as you described, I shudder to think what the "bad" choices would have been like.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 95
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 4:44:48 PM

I am a lady who is be proactive enough to know what I want AND go after it...which is a man who wants me, pursues me, is attracted to me & has the ballz to show it.
Haven't I learned anything? Yes, I have! I stick with what has always worked for me- I put out the honey & allow the bears to approach.
'Men have to approach first' is probably what I consider the BEST of the Reasoning' in online dating,

The 'Reality Check' I was referring to in an earlier post is when women hit a certain point in their lives where guys simply don't 'go after' honey because it's there. It may not be happening today - but it WILL happen. Getting stung enough times by angry bees makes even the sweetest honey a bad choice to pursue.

Maybe THAT's why guys go after younger women - because the younger ladies don't know how - or want - to seek bitter vengeance for every difference of opinion. Their 'sting' when things go badly doesn't hurt as much.

Everyone in here wants to feel wanted, needed - but to a certain extent continuing the 'pursuit' with a lot of vague people and vague promises proves futile, and my age and maturity has told me that gamble is no longer worth the risk. Online, I won't message anyone in here repeatedly without a reply, or some sort of feedback that shows interest. It's pointless. Like plenty of guys in here can attest to - the lady just giving the first signal makes the connection and pursuit 99.9% easier to continue.

I realize there plenty of pricks out there that like to turn blame on the other person, and using "Well YOU started it" as a harsh point in a childish and painful argument, but people really need to get beyond that fear. It's not being right or wrong. It's not about lacking courage. It's not laziness we're dealing with here - it's literally shooting in the dark amongst thousands of profiles. People always want to feel special, wanted - but at the start NOBODY truly is. Believing someone BEFORE the word 'go' has to show they only EVER had 'eyes' for you is THE most freakishly childish and immature of fantasies. Anyone over 40 that still believes that storybook romance crap needs to seek counseling. Seriously.

If you make a move to show interest AND it gets reciprocated - that's literally ALL it takes in online dating. The rest can happen offline if needs be. The relationship has begun. Anyone that believes there should be 'more' to it needs to unplug themselves and shut off the cell phone for a couple days and realize you CAN still live in the real world sans a 'connection' to the fake one.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 96
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 5:28:34 PM

But dpwesu, why does that annoy you so much? I'm sure that if that came from a friend of yours it wouldn't annoy so much.


If it were actually a friend.....it wouldn't. I ACTUALLY get together with my friends and we do lots of fun things together. Several of us meet for dinner each week....more of us go antique malling, volunteer, join clubs, sporting leagues, and take day trips. etc. In other words....we ACTUALLY do things.

We actually correspond with each other and just don't say "hey...I'll give you a call sometime" and wind up not doing that. We keep in touch. We help each other out if someone needs it.


I absolutely hate the friendzone concept and the implications around that word. What people mean by being friendzoned is actually that they didn't get what they want from the other person: "I wanted a relationship and all I got was a mere friendship". Well, then grow the f.uck up. So are relationships of any kind, you don't have total control over them and you won't always get what you want. And what if I don't get a relationship from him? We dump that person. That is as childish and immature as the man who completely flees from you if you don't have sex with him when he wants, namely the first date. Well, yes, grow the f.uck up too, sex is between two people and if one of you doesn't want sex then there is no sex.


Well....welcome to dating! You will, no doubt get friendzoned.....and if you don't like the "friendzone" concept.....then maybe you should leave the dating pond or better yet grow up. It is what it is out here and the sooner you read the signals from your prospects the better off you will be.

What I personally won't tolerate is someone giving me the "friendzone" stuff telling me he will call and we can do things.....and I never hear from them until they are bored and lonely and want one thing. I am definitely NOT going to be anyone's last resort or back up option, much less f*ck buddy.

Besides.....I don't have "romantic relationships" with my friends. It's just too complicated and can screw up a friendship.

As far as sex goes.....I am not going to just hop in the sack just for the sake of it and risk getting the gift that keeps on giving....aka STD's in case you didn't know.....and I am sure there are MANY others on here who would agree but are too scared to come out and admit that.

Do I still want or need friends like that???? Nope....still don't.


Besides, what the heck is wrong with being just friends?!


Depends on the type of friendships you are referring to. I don't have a problem with rejection either......but I won't be treated in an undignified manner either.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 97
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 7:13:07 PM
As silverhawk mentioned before. For me at 48 I find I got so much going for me that chasing women and jumping thru hoops is not worth my time. We men also get picky the older we get, Yes we did learns what we want. Plenty of single guys at the meet up hikes. Most say they wont say no if they met someone nice and fun. But same time they got tired of games and feel being single is easier and make life simple. I would say there are plenty of guys out there. As many as there are women. Unless we are only talking about women and men past 70.
Women do have more competition for the top tier guys. But that's the same guys everyone wants. The men who got the looks the position and money would be wanted by the women regardless of age. I guess so many women complain that those guys who are there age seem to date younger women. Why shouldn't a guy date someone younger?It seems that plenty of women do. Regardless what so many women say on here. There are many younger women who are smarter and know more about what is going on out there in the world and can talk about so many subjects. A stupid young woman grows up to be a stupid old woman. The smart old woman used to be a smart young woman.
Same as so many women made sure to post on here that if they take care of themselves and look good they can get the younger hot guys. Why does every woman thinks that every young woman who dates an older guy is after his money?? Here so many older woman say how younger guys date them for them and want to marry them.. Cant younger women be same when dating older men??
Men do have one thing going for them. A good man who has many things going for him except in the looks department can still date a younger woman. Women like a man who is stable and got things going on, They are attracted to that young or old.
Men mostly are attracted to good looks and fun women.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 98
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 11:10:35 PM
I never felt like I had to compete with any other women, younger or older. I had one guy dump his GF for me - she was 12 years younger than me. So much for that. Lately on OKC, I have gotten quite a few messages from guys my age (early 40s) who have a lot going for them and are handsome. They are looking for women their age or older (!) GASP - I think I found a few unicorns, lol. Bottom line - no woman needs to be "grateful" for a guy's attention. Don't waste your time with guys you are not really into. Ditto for guys. I could have been married by now several times, but I wasn't really into those guys, even though there was nothing wrong with them, and in fact, they were what is considered a "great catch". But I had no chemistry with them. So I chose to rather be alone than "settle". If I'm single forever because I can't find just the right guy for me, so be it. I was married for 20 years, and I don't need to go there again. I sure as heck won't "compete" for a guy.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 99
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/23/2014 11:51:36 PM

Men do have one thing going for them. A good man who has many things going for him except in the looks department can still date a younger woman. Women like a man who is stable and got things going on, They are attracted to that young or old.
Men mostly are attracted to good looks and fun women.


Really, it should be obvious that an older man that wants to date much younger women is going to face a lot of competition and far fewer women to chose from.

There is a lot of talk from older men about dating much younger women, I never see any proof of it. Not in marriage statistics, not in pictures on POF, not in real life couple in the USA. Most men seem to date women 1-2 years younger.

An attractive woman that is a flake or just plain weird isn't all that much fun to date either. It's not easy to find well adjusted people of either gender at any age.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 100
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 12:06:51 AM
Dragonbits is correct - older women AND men have a lot of competition if they want to date significantly younger. I personally do not know young women who are interested in much older guys - not back when I was young and not now. It's not the 1900s anymore. Women don't need to "land a provider" (i.e. older man) to be taken care of. They can do that themselves. I know several young women who have boyfriends their age who are very well off, no need to look for a guy twice their age for that. Today an older man has to offer more than just money or "experience" to get the attention of a younger woman. A lot of women today expect the same of men that men have expected of women for centuries - good looks, being in shape. So no, to say it again, I don't feel like I have fewer guys to chose from at all. And a lot of (older) men don't like it - at all. Best illustrated by this amusing, cry-me-a-river piece by Richard Cohen:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/richard-cohen-james-bond-and-the-new-sex-appeal/2012/11/26/098813e6-37f4-11e2-8a97-363b0f9a0ab3_story.html
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