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 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 101
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???Page 5 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

I never felt like I had to compete with any other women, younger or older. I had one guy dump his GF for me - she was 12 years younger than me. So much for that. Lately on OKC, I have gotten quite a few messages from guys my age (early 40s) who have a lot going for them and are handsome. They are looking for women their age or older (!) GASP - I think I found a few unicorns, lol


TrustinKarma (see message 113) Amen to that. And there are PLENTY of unicorns out there.


Bottom line - no woman needs to be "grateful" for a guy's attention. Don't waste your time with guys you are not really into. Ditto for guys. I could have been married by now several times, but I wasn't really into those guys, even though there was nothing wrong with them, and in fact, they were what is considered a "great catch". But I had no chemistry with them. So I chose to rather be alone than "settle". If I'm single forever because I can't find just the right guy for me, so be it. I was married for 20 years, and I don't need to go there again. I sure as heck won't "compete" for a guy.


Trust....you wouldn't believe how many men think you should be falling at their feet because their ego is soooo inflated and they quite literally think they are God's gift.

I won't compete for a man either.....and the minute I hear a rendition of having "competition" from a guy I am dating....I am out the door faster than he can blink. I don't have the time much less tolerance for that type of offensive sh*t.

That has happened to me twice in the 9 years I have been out here....and both times within months they tried to come crawling back because of course...."my competition" wasn't cracked up to what they thought it should or would be in their own twisted minds. Needless to say I did not go back as I deserve much better than that.

And I will concur with you and say I would much rather be single for the remainder of my life than to be in a crappy relationship that isn't working. Been there and done that.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 102
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 5:07:26 AM
cooldog

you misunderstand me. I meant that a woman who is selling herself in legalised prostitution which is what marriage can be, pays for that spiritually, emotionally and so on because there is no love....... I am promoting nothing, people will do what they will do.

I know a Thai woman married a guy twice her age from another country, had nothing in common
but felt she would have a better life in his country. He lost his job, they moved to a crowded apartment and had a second child that she thought he was too old to father.... She was a naive simple country girl and they are miserable together but stuck with two children with a man who is grandfather age.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 103
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 6:25:50 AM


@ Danimal, pre-historic may be a good choice of words-it's evolutionary that men HUNT...


That means you are...the prey? It's also evolutionary that men fu.ck and get pregnant to as many women as they can. But I hope you don't mind that part of the nature of men...


I don't know why I keep banging on this drum, but I just want to make sure that people understand that NOT ALL women feel this way.

Hearing any woman say things like "I put out the honey & allow the bears to approach" (etc)? Sure it's gonna get a rise (even I find myself reacting to it) But I have come to grips with everyone having the right to live their life as THEY see fit, make their own choices. As long as someone isn't telling me I have to believe or act a certain way, more power to them for being themselves.

I see comments in here about the lack of appeal of older women who are (most giant sin) 'fat' or not hot. Does that sometimes feel personal (being an older, average woman)? sure. But.... does it make ANY sense for me to try to talk these guys out of what they find attractive? Of course not! Everyone has the right to want what they want, everyone has the right to make their own choices.

As long as people are speaking only for themselves, not telling others how to feel or presuming to speak for a whole gender, I think we may all have to agree to disagree. No one is convincing anyone of anything here.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 104
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 6:52:11 AM

I don't know why I keep banging on this drum, but I just want to make sure that people understand that NOT ALL women feel this way.

Hearing any woman say things like "I put out the honey & allow the bears to approach" (etc)? Sure it's gonna get a rise (even I find myself reacting to it) But I have come to grips with everyone having the right to live their life as THEY see fit, make their own choices. As long as someone isn't telling me I have to believe or act a certain way, more power to them for being themselves.

I see comments in here about the lack of appeal of older women who are (most giant sin) 'fat' or not hot. Does that sometimes feel personal (being an older, average woman)? sure. But.... does it make ANY sense for me to try to talk these guys out of what they find attractive? Of course not! Everyone has the right to want what they want, everyone has the right to make their own choices.

As long as people are speaking only for themselves, not telling others how to feel or presuming to speak for a whole gender, I think we may all have to agree to disagree. No one is convincing anyone of anything here.
THANK YOU! :0D
We each have our own POV & based on that, we attract our partner into our life. We should each follow our POV as long as it works for us. Only when it does not work, should we consider changing ourself to get different results.

What works for one lady in this thread may not work for another & vice versa--& we may be looking for different traits in men...

Last night, we were watching re-runs of "Nurse Jackie" Season 5-6 & yes it is only a TV show, but we got to the point where she met a man (a cop) & they started dating--- & this was how their courtship began:

The day of her divorce, she meets a cute cop IRL who falls for her like a ton of bricks...He takes her out to dinner (or tries to) she says let's do coffee instead--so they do that & he wants to take her to dinner the next day--so the next day they meet at a fancy French restaurant--she says: there's a great fish & chips place around the block---he loves it, but was willing to sit thru a fancy, expensive dinner TO IMPRESS HER.

Next date (these are daily) a nice restaurant at South Street Seaport-he finally kisses her.

4th date at her house for dinner, she has candles lit...looks like they're gonna have sex--ex hubby comes in to get daughter's back pack-she goes off on him...it's awkward after ex leaves...

so they postpone it....
He sends her a gift at her job (a horse-shoe shaped giant loaf of bread-he later tells her in his family, they do that in his family when something GOOD happens, for luck) & says I love you--all in days of meeting her(at the job)

They end up in bed finally & it was great-he calls her all the time, etc.

He keeps making plans w/ her while they together, she doesn't have to wait to wonder is it a relationship, like they are eating dinner & he says-"let's go here 2morrow" etc. he also gave her a ride someplace in his cop car w/ the sirens going so she wouldn't be late...

Plus he knows she works 70 hrs a week, & is a recovering drug addict, he doesnt care- he just has met her & even comes to her one year sobriety anniversary. They met in real life.

He isn't online trolling 4 other women, juggling, being evasive, just throwing her a text here & there while she scratches her head...

HE SAW HER, HE LIKED HER, HE WAS READY, HE WENT FOR IT. He was INVESTED!

I always did better IRL, the ones who were to become real relationships followed a pattern, similar to the scenario from the TV show I described above. Even the few online men I dated who clicked, they asked to see me again while on the 1st meet, there was no waffling etc. Those were the men who I was willing to give a chance...

A friend sent me this quote last month & I LOVE IT...

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise.

I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.”

~Meryl Streep~
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 105
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 7:45:42 AM

I meant that a woman who is selling herself in legalised prostitution which is what marriage can be, pays for that spiritually, emotionally and so on because there is no love.


- Absolutely.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 106
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 8:38:53 AM

Any younger woman who goes with a balding paunchy older man just because he has money and status, earns every penny in my book.



you misunderstand me. I meant that a woman who is selling herself in legalised prostitution which is what marriage can be, pays for that spiritually, emotionally and so on because there is no love....... I am promoting nothing, people will do what they will do.


IMO these two quotes represent an epic fail on the part of many women to really understand this type of couple and this type of man.

I know a few of these older men that have very young GFs, they understand it's 75% about their money. They don't care, and prefer it that way. After a time, maybe 3 months to 2 years, the GFs rotate out of their lives and they find new ones.

Either the GF has achieved a higher life style, or she gets too presumptions about who controls the money. Or they just get tired of each other.

It's not at all about love, more like fondness and a mutual exchange of value.

Philosophically, I am not negative on this so called legalized prostitution. But if I engaged, it would be rigorously limited to a GF or weekend GF type of arrangement. On the surface it has a lot of appeal to me, but in practice maybe it wouldn't work out so well for my type of personality. Hard to tell since I never went that route, on the surface it seems to provide a lot of benefits.

To get married is considered the folly of a lifetime for these types of men. Why limit yourself to just one woman who then has a lot more control over the all important money?

What many women fail to understand, it doesn't bother these types of men at all that it's mainly about their money.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 107
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 8:57:07 AM

What many women fail to understand, it doesn't bother these types of men at all that it's mainly about their money.


I don't know - I think many women understand that. Perhaps what bothers us about that arrangement is that the young women are (as you pointed out) really just a commodity - bought and paid for, disposable. Now, granted they (the young women) are getting something out of it but it kind of hurts my heart and I wonder, what it does to their 'soul' (I don't mean that in a religious or moral way).

I'll also COMPLETELY admit that the attitude about this has changed as my own daughters become young adults. I'll also admit that my thinking about this is very '1st world'.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 108
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 8:58:53 AM
I personally never initiate contact with women younger then me.

I'm open to dating them, but the few times I've communicated with them, they always have this vanity thing going on.

You know, like they're a great catch because they're younger then me.

Especially the ones without kids...they put themselves on pedestals. No thanks.

I do better with women 5-7 years older. Empty nesters. More mature and less games.

I do enjoy being their fountain of youth too:)

I only expect what I offer (i.e. empty nester, renting/owning, etc.)

I do think, in most cases, water does seek its own level. Looks, money, etc.

Competition? No thanks. I don't think anyone should compete for someone's affection. If it feels like a contest? She loses.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 109
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 9:42:55 AM
I occasionally see men I'd like to hit on, and I occasionally see men I'd just like to hit. But grown-ups should not be hitting one another...

Here's the tricky part about OLDER women making obvious approaches to men in their own age range.
Many men in older age range have been brought up to believe that women who are "forward" are not "good" women.
Yes, men willing to evolve or those in process of evolving try to over-ride that old parent tape.

You DID notice the post to this thread about older women pursuing men?
Yeah yeah one could make the argument that older women who look like movie stars are "permitted" to pursue men, but really?
How you look is what you-and your actions-get judged on? Yes-again!- I know the world tends to work that way, but at what point do thinking people start saying that we need to re-evalute our standards of how we judge/perceive other people? As long as we keep sucking up to exceptional looks, good people with average or plain looks will be left sucking hind tit.
I don't disagree that everyone should have a care for their health, try to stay in shape as best as possible, and that older women should be allowed to value themselves.
It's my feeling, in the matter of women approaching men, especially with respect to older women approaching men in their own age range, that some caution needs to be exercised, because not all older men can get past the teaching of their younger years when "forward" girls were not "nice" girls.
Cindy O
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 110
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 10:15:39 AM

It's my feeling, in the matter of women approaching men, especially with respect to older women approaching men in their own age range, that some caution needs to be exercised, because not all older men can get past the teaching of their younger years when "forward" girls were not "nice" girls.

That sounds like fear talking. You're showing fear of rejection before even approaching someone.


If I'm single forever because I can't find just the right guy for me, so be it. I was married for 20 years, and I don't need to go there again. I sure as heck won't "compete" for a guy.

But guys are supposed to message you and clamber for your attention? Isn't that the most basic of 'competitions' in here? Men are not idiots and know darn well they are NOT the only person asking for your attention at any given time. It's always a competition. Always has been - on BOTH sides of the gender gap.

I still don't understand why people are so insistent on being treated like they are precious treasure in a sea of internet strangers. THE single most important part of this whole game is to rise ABOVE the competition and show you are something more - and, sorry to tell you this, but there's a million flashy profiles with hot pictures and smiling faces and people who like to 'get out there'. Just listing a profile is NOTHING SPECIAL - so asking/demanding that someone treat you as such before you get to know them is forcing them to LIE. It is just so simple and basic to send a quick note to show interest, but apparently that's not enough for one side, and impossible for the other to even attempt.


And I will concur with you and say I would much rather be single for the remainder of my life than to be in a crappy relationship that isn't working. Been there and done that.

That's a perfectly fine assessment. But the difference between that statement and the online portion of dating is that you TRIED to make something work. An attempt was made. The story about Nurse Jackie is about a couple who already MET each other and know each other to be real human beings. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN ONLINE.

People in here are comparing apples to oranges - you can't reference a relationship that's already been tested and failed to online behavior that doesn't involve human contact of any sort. Who or what choices are available depends on the market and location and a lot of other factors - but the dating behaviors people are talking about - there is a distinct and HUGE difference between those who have met already - and those who haven't even attempted it.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 111
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 10:34:57 AM



It's my feeling, in the matter of women approaching men, especially with respect to older women approaching men in their own age range, that some caution needs to be exercised, because not all older men can get past the teaching of their younger years when "forward" girls were not "nice" girls.


That sounds like fear talking. You're showing fear of rejection before even approaching someone.


Concur. And also....

If a man views me as not a 'nice' girl because I'm 'forward'.... He has eliminated me from consideration for that just like he may have eliminated me from consideration for a number of other factors (like he doesn't find me attractive).

He's not interested in me = He is not the guy for me.

When I have been actively looking, I wasn't seeking to please the masses. I was looking for someone who is a good fit for me. And a good fit for me doesn't mind if I am the one who is 'forward'....

Also (look who's getting fancy with quote boxes now :) )


The story about Nurse Jackie is about a couple who already MET each other and know each other to be real human beings. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN ONLINE.


Also, let's remember - this is the plot of a TV show.... fictional.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 112
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 10:52:19 AM
In my opinion the only time a guy would not approve of a girl hitting on him first is when he is not attracted to her. If he finds her attractive then nothing else would matter.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 113
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 10:58:30 AM
That sounds like fear talking. You're showing fear of rejection before even approaching someone.

No, I'm not personally showing fear of anything.

I have seen other women post that their contacts to men were met with rudeness, or, that the response was only about the most casual of sexual encounters. Or that the guy did date her-one time-and got pissy when her pants didn't fall off at the end of the date-BECAUSE she approached him, and therefore must be one of those "easy" women.
I cannot cite dates, poster names, thread titles,etc, but I DO remember these things being discussed here in the Pof forums.

But guys are supposed to message you and clamber for your attention?

No, I think women kind of think that men who are genuinely interested, might contact the individual they feel the interest for.
I'm not personally opposed to women doing whatever they want to connect with a guy they feel interested in. I am just saying that in certain settings/circumstances/demographics, there is stillmay be a social bias against women blatantly pursuing men or blatantly trying to attract them. I think it is up to each woman as an individual to weigh these matters and make her own decision about how she conducts herself.
Yes, maybe she will miss out on some guy if she's not actively approaching. Or if it offends the guy that she approached, yeah, maybe they aren't a good match.
But whe you discuss dating/romance and older PEOPLE, I think you have to recognize that there are still the remnants of old gender behavior "rules" that haven't quite gone away.
Cindy O
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 114
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 11:01:02 AM
I occasionally see men I'd like to hit on, and I occasionally see men I'd just like to hit. But grown-ups should not be hitting one another...

Here's the tricky part about OLDER women making obvious approaches to men in their own age range.
Many men in older age range have been brought up to believe that women who are "forward" are not "good" women.
Yes, men willing to evolve or those in process of evolving try to over-ride that old parent tape.

You DID notice the post to this thread about older women pursuing men?
Yeah yeah one could make the argument that older women who look like movie stars are "permitted" to pursue men, but really?
How you look is what you-and your actions-get judged on? Yes-again!- I know the world tends to work that way, but at what point do thinking people start saying that we need to re-evalute our standards of how we judge/perceive other people? As long as we keep sucking up to exceptional looks, good people with average or plain looks will be left sucking hind tit.
I don't disagree that everyone should have a care for their health, try to stay in shape as best as possible, and that older women should be allowed to value themselves.
It's my feeling, in the matter of women approaching men, especially with respect to older women approaching men in their own age range, that some caution needs to be exercised, because not all older men can get past the teaching of their younger years when "forward" girls were not "nice" girls.
Cindy O


I agree that some caution needs to be exercised; however, it’s possible for an older woman to approach a man first in a way that he won’t think she’s too forward. It all depends on how it’s done. Online, I think it’s fine to send a first message to a man---you might not show up in his searches. That’s assuming he doesn't have age filters on his profile that would prevent you from doing so. I'm not the type to lie about my age to bypass a man's filters.

As a woman, you don't ask him out, or tell him you think he’s attractive. You instead express interest in a commonality he might share with you in his profile. With me, it was flying. I’m a private pilot, so I would purposely seek out other pilots, and ask them about their flying, planes, etc. Most would respond to me---however, if they let the conversational ball drop for any reason, I would not continue to contact them. I think it’s fine to initiate, but not chase.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 115
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 11:04:44 AM

Msg 125: But the difference between that statement and the online portion of dating is that you TRIED to make something work. An attempt was made...THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN ONLINE.


So true. The problem is a lot of people who resort to on-line dating act like wounded animals. They've been hurt from a failed relationship, so they won't make any attempt to meet someone unless they feel there's a 100% chance of success of having the perfect relationship forever and zero chance of failure-the fairy tale fantasy. That's why so many put useless garbage in their profiles like "If you're a player, liar, cheater, looking for a one night stand....blah, blah, blah" don't contact me. Gee, that will chase away all of the evil forces (not) and leave behind only humans who are super-perfect.

There's a huge epidemic of baggage carriers here-100 time worse than the Ebola epidemic in West Africa. There are people who are carrying baggage from a failed romance that happened years or decades previous, but can't shake the hurt from it, and act like their world came to a crash yesterday. The trick is to sift through the mortally wounded, which could be difficult because they can often behave like a normal human being-for at least a little while. Then the crazy comes out once they feel you're hooked.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 116
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 11:17:44 AM

it’s possible for a woman to approach a man first in a way that he won’t think she’s too forward. It all depends on how it’s done.

Oh, I don't disgree with you at all!

As far as contacting online, that still has to be handled with some finesse.

I've never personally had this experience, but I have read/participated in threads where women reported being met with rudeness,derision, or being responded to like the worst kind of free prostitute for their effort when they intiated contact online.

As far as baggage-carriers, there are plenty of them that are NOT online,, or those who are online accusing everybody else of being baggage-overloaded.

Anyway, this whole fewer men/greater competition is something perpetuated by less desirable men who think they are OWED dates/sex/romance, simply because they are a non-institutionalized male. I'm sure it succeeds sometimes, and a less-than-desirable man winds up in a relationship with a woman who is scared of being single.
But it's getting to where women in genreal just don't scare that easy, not anymore.
Cindy O
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 117
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 11:34:56 AM
I've never personally had this experience, but I have read/participated in threads where women reported being met with rudeness,derision, or being responded to like the worst kind of free prostitute for their effort when they intiated contact online.


I have never had that happen to me, either, but I've heard about it happening to other women. Sometimes it's because those women have something in their profiles that the men construe as sexually suggestive, e.g. they mention being sensual or affectionate, or they have photos that show a lot of skin---cleavage, legs, etc.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 118
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 12:03:43 PM

If a man views me as not a 'nice' girl because I'm 'forward'.... He has eliminated me from consideration for that just like he may have eliminated me from consideration for a number of other factors... He is not the guy for me.
AGREED---THAT TYPE OF MAN IS NOT 4 YOU IF HE THINKS THAT WAY!

The story about Nurse Jackie is about a couple who already MET each other and know each other to be real human beings. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN ONLINE.
Also, let's remember - this is the plot of a TV show.... fictional.

People can meet eachother online & have the same "pattern" of getting off to a good start. I used a TV show plot as an example to make it ...less personal...I'm sure many people knew of a couple who met & it started off very well, like the example I used...no guessing, waffling, etc.

No, I think women kind of think that men who are genuinely interested, might contact the individual they feel the interest for.
I'm not personally opposed to women doing whatever they want to connect with a guy they feel interested in. I am just saying that in certain settings/circumstances/demographics, there is still may be a social bias against women blatantly pursuing men or blatantly trying to attract them. I think it is up to each woman as an individual to weigh these matters and make her own decision about how she conducts herself.
Yes, maybe she will miss out on some guy if she's not actively approaching. Or if it offends the guy that she approached, yeah, maybe they aren't a good match.
But whe you discuss dating/romance and older PEOPLE, I think you have to recognize that there are still the remnants of old gender behavior "rules" that haven't quite gone away.

I don't disagree that everyone should have a care for their health, try to stay in shape as best as possible, and that older women should be allowed to value themselves.
It's my feeling, in the matter of women approaching men, especially with respect to older women approaching men in their own age range, that some caution needs to be exercised, because not all older men can get past the teaching of their younger years when "forward" girls were not "nice" girls..
AGREED



I agree that some caution needs to be exercised; however, it’s possible for an older woman to approach a man first in a way that he won’t think she’s too forward. It all depends on how it’s done. Online, I think it’s fine to send a first message to a man---you might not show up in his searches. That’s assuming he doesn't have age filters on his profile that would prevent you from doing so.
As a woman, you don't ask him out, or tell him you think he’s attractive. You instead express interest in a commonality he might share with you in his profile. With me, it was flying. I’m a private pilot, so I would purposely seek out other pilots, and ask them about their flying, planes, etc. Most would respond to me---however, if they let the conversational ball drop for any reason, I would not continue to contact them. I think it’s fine to initiate, but not chase.

AGREE- I'd call it "flirting"- let's the man know there is an interest but w/o pressure...
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 119
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 12:21:09 PM


I agree that some caution needs to be exercised; however, it’s possible for an older woman to approach a man first in a way that he won’t think she’s too forward. It all depends on how it’s done. Online, I think it’s fine to send a first message to a man---you might not show up in his searches. That’s assuming he doesn't have age filters on his profile that would prevent you from doing so.
As a woman, you don't ask him out, or tell him you think he’s attractive. You instead express interest in a commonality he might share with you in his profile. With me, it was flying. I’m a private pilot, so I would purposely seek out other pilots, and ask them about their flying, planes, etc. Most would respond to me---however, if they let the conversational ball drop for any reason, I would not continue to contact them. I think it’s fine to initiate, but not chase.

AGREE- I'd call it "flirting"- let's the man know there is an interest but w/o pressure...


- One problem with women pursuing men is, men often don't get hints. The second problem is, the women who do that, open themselves up for more rejection. I know some love gurus are recommending women hit on men online. I actually disagree with this advice. If a woman feels herself getting turned off, discouraged, and depressed with OLD, and they are doing this, I would suggest they stop and let the men come to them. Ladies, get in shape, get pro photos, work on your profile. Part of smart dating is making dating as efficient and easy as possible - this includes reducing the pain of rejection. Ladies, there are enough crazy men you have to deal with out there, I don't want to see you making this any harder than it needs to be (maybe I'm not such a bad dude after all, hmm?!).

But from a mans perspective? - it's great when the women ask them out (Not so much for the women). When I was OLD, I got hit on regularly... and even if the woman was not my type, I'd take a second look at her - because attraction is valuable. But I understand that, I'm not your average bear.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 120
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 12:38:03 PM

Most would respond to me---however, if they let the conversational ball drop for any reason, I would not continue to contact them. I think it’s fine to initiate, but not chase.

That's exactly the point I was trying to establish - messaging a guy first is just that - 'A' message to initiate contact. It doesn't mean you have to pursue or carry the responsibility of establishing the relationship for all of eternity. It also doesn't mean you're stuck in a competition you don't want to be in. It's the virtual equivalent of saying 'Hi' to a stranger. That's all. Just because you connect doesn't mean you have to stay connected.

I think there's a strong guilt factor in play here, and people are more afraid of being guilty for enabling a bad relationship or fear being 'stuck' with their choice than they are willing to take the risk to find a great one. For the most part, people don't really care about your past win/loss record of relationships, because in reality - if you're single and not widowed, EVERYONE's record is zero-and-whatever. If you have strong feelings of guilt over connecting with someone you just met, it's more likely to have come from within than from this stranger doing some sort of emotional blackmail. It truly is putting the cart before the horse in a lot of cases.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 121
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 1:33:07 PM
While we are discussing elective medical procedures, should weight loss surgery be included in that? I'm talking ELECTIVE weight loss surgery. I have one friend whose life was saved by it, but I know of several other cases where death or illness resulting in death occurred as a consequence of weight loss surgery.


I'd like to re-visit the elective surgery issue. There are lots of people out there that have had work done. Personally I'd love to have a better chin, but I have bills to pay. If I had money to burn I'd have that chin and probably boob work to combat the sagging (gross). I've thought about weight loss surgery also. I do find it hypocritical to put down people for face work, but not weight loss surgery. And like ladyc4 I do know someone special who died due to complications from weight loss surgery. Very sad.

Young or old people have work done. Men and women. It does appear to be more common as we age. How many remember watching that reality show that was popular a few years back in which we got to see the person before, during and after surgery? I know I watched a few times.

Now back on topic. I've grown up hearing there are fewer men available as we age. Doesn't bother me because I've come to grips with the reality that I'm not relationship material, but I've always felt that the moral of this "fewer men available as women age" is just more pressure to settle. Personall, I feel settling is how to hurt the person you settle for. It's human nature not to take care of what we don't value.

On the topic of women approaching men I think it's a brave thing that can work. However, when I was looking my experience was that the men I approached tended to think I was ready just hop into bed with them. Oh yeah, that really made me want to contacting men. Not.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 122
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 1:43:44 PM

I'd like to re-visit the elective surgery issue. There are lots of people out there that have had work done. Personally I'd love to have a better chin, but I have bills to pay. If I had money to burn I'd have that chin and probably boob work to combat the sagging (gross). I've thought about weight loss surgery also. I do find it hypocritical to put down people for face work, but not weight loss surgery. And like ladyc4 I do know someone special who died due to complications from weight loss surgery. Very sad.

#1-sorry 4 anyone's loss from surgery-yes very sad
#2- when a face job or boob job helps w/ arthritis & High Blood pressure, please contact me.

Plastic surgery VS bariatric surgery are 2 different categories.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 123
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older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 1:47:34 PM

But guys are supposed to message you and clamber for your attention? Isn't that the most basic of 'competitions' in here? Men are not idiots and know darn well they are NOT the only person asking for your attention at any given time. It's always a competition. Always has been - on BOTH sides of the gender gap.

I still don't understand why people are so insistent on being treated like they are precious treasure in a sea of internet strangers. THE single most important part of this whole game is to rise ABOVE the competition and show you are something more - and, sorry to tell you this, but there's a million flashy profiles with hot pictures and smiling faces and people who like to 'get out there'. Just listing a profile is NOTHING SPECIAL - so asking/demanding that someone treat you as such before you get to know them is forcing them to LIE. It is just so simple and basic to send a quick note to show interest, but apparently that's not enough for one side, and impossible for the other to even attempt.



Maybe that has been YOUR experience, but I have to say that I don't , for one,expect anything more than a simple Hello and respond in kind...As for emailing guys,I do that as well...

People as far as I know are entitled to accept and/or NOT accept whatever behaviour that they choose and if that behaviour doesn't suit ME, then chances are that neither will the person...
I refuse to apologize for expecting what I am PERFECTLY willing to give,myself...

As for the "competition"...Well, I think there's been enough women sharing just here on the forums to disabuse anyone of the notion that ANYONE is "clamoring" for anyone else's attention, unless they are one of the "hot" ones...so...I'm thinking that's starting to sound like the sour grapes of the chronically rejected....And while I empathize,it's something that we ALL go through.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 124
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 2:02:41 PM

#2- when a face job or boob job helps w/ arthritis & High Blood pressure, please contact me.


Avoidance isn't honest. They are still surgeries. Some people have plastic surgery to correct birth defects and accidents. It's not just vanity. Also that same surgeon that is fixing faces can help with the sagging skin many people have to have removed after weight loss surgery. Diet can also help with arthritis and high blood pressure.

I am NOT putting down anyone that has had surgery. I posted that I've considered both. I just find it hypocritical to think one is superior to the other.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 125
older women have more competition and fewer men to chose from???
Posted: 10/24/2014 2:10:13 PM

I just find it hypocritical to think one is superior to the other.

One can be for vanity, while the other is for health- I find it DIFFERENT, not hypocritical. You are entitled to your opinion, as I am to mine.

Plastic VS Bariatric---even the names are diff...
And if anyone has had or needs corrective surgery, God Bless them.

In general (not directed at above poster), I find it hypocritical for a person to rag on bariatric surgery when they've had plastic surgery that was not "corrective" in nature.
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