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 Supersoulson
Joined: 10/21/2014
Msg: 89
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

And there you have it: you want to but you deny yourself out of fear of loss.


No, I VALUE what I have so I don’t do something FOOLISH .

See a difference ?

I love junk food but I resist that too because I VALUE MY HEALTH !

Whatever, I’m spinning my wheels here.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 90
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/19/2014 12:33:17 PM
And there you have it: you want to but you deny yourself out of fear of loss.


Just let OSHO do the job, I tried my best as well but they don't understand. I don't think anyone else qualifies to explain the truth to them, except the teacher:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ocbZhRQS9I

It's funny how people think that because you don't abide by their standards they inherited from their parents, you're immature. I ask married men, did your parents get married? Yes? No congratulations. What did you do to tell right from wrong? Nothing. You inherited their ways. A man is single, his parents got married: Congradulations. He's been thinking!

About what? About the values. If you mature in a boiling cherry jam pot, you may not have matured in the same way a bean matures in a boiling bean pot, but you have acquired your own maturity and perhaps it is far more rewarding than being mature in a bean pot!

So we have our own values, not because we woke up on the wrong side of the bed and decided to make a bad post, but because of many years of studying phylosophy, religion and other topics. Not everyone works 12h/day and then has no time left to think. Some are thinkers! They got time for it. So don't insult us also! :)
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 91
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/19/2014 12:42:46 PM

And there you have it: you want to but you deny yourself out of fear of loss.


Just let OSHO do the job, I tried my best as well but they don't understand. I don't think anyone else qualifies to explain the truth to them, except the teacher:


Dudes, you're entitled to feel that way. Just remain single, or enter in open relationships where you can hunt anytime you want.

When I was single I did a lot of hunting. Hunting is fun. But that's what it is, hunting, putting notches on your bed. In a scale of 1 to 10 even the best first sex does not go over a 3. While having sex with the one you want for a long time not only goes to 10, but it pushes your concept of a 10.

So enjoy your truth and hunt away.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 92
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Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/19/2014 12:54:32 PM
Did you know that professional chefs--those guys and gals that have access to the best ingredients and make the most delicious plates--sometimes crave McDonald's?

Get it?

You guys trying to build an argument that you'll never ever want anything else is just absurd. To each his own though, have fun playing the game, and then labelling the other as a hurtful cheater when it turns out the whole thing doesn't hold water.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 93
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/19/2014 1:03:59 PM

You guys trying to build an argument that you'll never ever want anything else is just absurd. To each his own though, have fun playing the game, and then labelling the other as a hurtful cheater when it turns out the whole thing doesn't hold water.


Obviously you do not read what others have posted. Lust and desire IS there, we are not negating that is there, we just chose to stay true to our relationships. Also I have a huge libido. And the libido is about sex, not about the hunt. So I'd rather put that energy in making my lady happy than hunting.

Now, if you are polyamorous, single, or in an open relationship, more power to you. More power to you if you can make it work and have no issues about the other person also sleeping with someone else. I am personally not that mature. I am very selfish when it comes to that.

Now I am not judging. If you like to sleep with multiple partners, more power to you. What I call a cheater is a person who lies and gives a partner the impression of one thing, and then go do another thing. That is the cheater. If you are in an open relationship and your partner is okay, have fun.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 94
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/19/2014 1:57:06 PM

More power to you if you can make it work and have no issues about the other person also sleeping with someone else. I am personally not that mature. I am very selfish when it comes to that.


I've run into more than 1 or 2 men who are similar - they are VERY firm in their 'I won't share' policy but still want to have the freedom to experience variety themselves. Always found that pretty selfish - that what matters to THEM should be important to us both, but what matters to me? Sorry, babe, it's simple biology. (Yep, a man said that to me as well as that he didn't make the rules). lol.

Those guys are not ever gonna be the guys for me.

I personally wouldn't date or have sex with the guy who wanted a 'poll of women' - I'm only one and probably not someone he would be interested in, but someone who stated I could expect them to 'stray' (i.e. having sex with other people while also having sex with me) is someone I would wish the best to and then stay the h*ll away from them.

I do agree that ANY arrangement that works for and is agreed upon between 2 consenting adults, where no one is being deceived or hurt is simply their own business. I'm not one to judge what someone does if it doesn't affect me...
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 95
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Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/19/2014 4:29:32 PM
This is an interesting taught, maybe we can meet and discuss this face to face...lol
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 96
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/20/2014 12:03:16 PM
I wish all women were promiscuous


I'm not sure I would be able to handle the stench.


then men wouldn't need to spend their lives in fear of spending their lives in the doghouse.



I currently do not live in fear of the dog house. I live in it...and there's cable here.

Personally, I enjoy my relationship. I like the idea that someone thinks high enough of me to have me be the only man in her life. Completely.

AHEM.

"You can do whatever you want with your life, but one day you'll know what love truly is. It's the sour and the sweet. And I know sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet."

So, no, I would not like that "perfect" world you describe.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 97
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/20/2014 5:21:31 PM

liliputtian wrote:
All men and women promiscuous, or all men and women faitful. What a great arrangement it would be.


I read both of those statements and disagreed with what you said.

The possibility of someone comprehending and then disagreeing with you didn't ever really enter your mind, hm...

Or is it one's own reading comprehension that needs work?

The quote I made is in reference to the good and the bad. There are good things about a relationship that I could not appreciate if I had never experienced the other side of it. For example, if I never had anyone cheat on me, the value of a woman who is loyal would be diminished.

The same, I imagine, as someone who was "promiscuous".

The sweet isn't as sweet without the sour.

If you're done berating other posters for disagreeing with you, I'll be taking the free doughnuts.

That'll be great, thanks.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 98
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/20/2014 5:54:49 PM
ah, once again a post thread runs into a wall. that wall is called, "someone's making something I would never do, work for them. And that has to reflect upon what works for me."

It doesn't.

OK, yes, its always funny that someone who sewed their wild seed when younger, now finds true love and can't say enough good things about it...but sure doesn't feel bad they laid pipe all over town, either. Sort of like my father's eternal lesson to me, "Do as I say....not as I do." And yes, I wish there were more of what I call, "sex positive women" out there. Most of the times I ever got past second base were due to a woman who didn't have sex for love, or to be a "slut", or because they were so hot for a guy they'd pass up regular orgasms...they had sex b/c regular orgasms are fun with the right person, who's mature and doesn't make sex into a big, "oh thank you for blessing me with your body" type of experience. the guy who can laugh when he makes a mistake in bed. For certain, the guy who can be respectful and act like a grownup.

not every woman is like that, and guess what? its fine. its what works for them. it doesn't make them a prude or mean that they have a sexual hang-up. Just like not every woman who is looking for a FB or FWB or whatever is a harlot. Or a guy who's willing to stick with a girl with a smokin' hot hourglass-shaped bod and a willingness to stray, has that attitude with every woman he'll date, or that he's even a fool for doing so. Some people buy a Corvette not for its fuel economy or trunk space, y'know? And they may not continue to buy Corvettes for life, but just try this sweet ride for as long as they can stand it.

If what works for you, doesn't work for other people....so what?If someone wants to pass on dessert b/c they can't exercise it off, but will feel better in the long run...good for them for having that strength. Now, if they want to razz me for taking their plate...I might wonder how happy about their choice, they really are :) Nietzche had a bit to say about the beast of burden who could handle the weight of rules, the blond-maned lion who had no rules, and the uber-mensch in between.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 99
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/20/2014 9:01:47 PM
The reason anyone deceives, vs tells their SO up front that they want to break up, or have an open relationship, etc...

1 They are greedy (want the security of a SO, and new conquests on the side) and opportunistic/ego stroke wanting egomaniacs, and/or narcissists who justify their behavior- "they are the exception to all rules".

2 It would inconvenience them to break up, or they are afraid of the reaction/blame, gossip, and/or they secretly fear dying alone, so they keep a main relationship for security-emotional, and/or financial.

3 Basic inability to have intimacy, which requires honesty, trust, equality and respect. They have contempt for all of that. They want the superior hand, to have knowledge the other doesn't. It's passive aggressive.
 chickiebear
Joined: 11/10/2014
Msg: 100
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/24/2014 2:16:58 AM
For me, it's about values. Values aren't necessarily inherited. Some people value monogamy (like me), and some people value the experience of multiple partners. The trick is finding someone with compatible values.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 101
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/13/2017 10:56:31 AM
I don't think this is a one size fits all answer. People cheat for various reasons such as insecurity , as in, constantly needing to reassure themselves that they're desirable OR the constant need for that feeling of something different/new, etc, etc, etc
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 102
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/13/2017 3:14:44 PM

I watched my mother constantly creeping behind my father's back






Wow, you don't hear many WOMEN behaving this way. A woman like your mom must be like 1 in .... 10 000 000 ?


....or am I naive ?
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 103
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/13/2017 3:21:15 PM

Why is it that for some people it takes no effort to stay faithful


Its that 80-20 rule. Most settle.

Go for that partner that is 80% of what they're looking for (usually character, loyalty, or some similar values you cherish).

But, 20% of who they are (often looks, and even character traits, compatibility in some cases, which is really someone scraping the bottom of the barrel in their search for a s/o), you'll always want to upgrade. You won't help but notice, anything that even slightly seems better than what you have.

Its like taking that beater type of car, that's falling apart, and seeing a brand new model you've wanted, driving right by. Your car will matter little. Doesn't matter its been reliable, for 15 years.

I also disagree with the statement "no effort". Per above, if it takes them zero effort to stay loyal, its more to do with the significant other being closer to the 100% of what they were looking for.

Also, we'll instinctively check out other potential partners. We all do it. I could be with a model like woman. I see someone who looks better, and my eyes will wander. That's human nature.

You disrespecting your partner, and making it obvious--worse yet, cheating. That's character.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 104
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Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/15/2017 1:33:56 AM
it seems to me that women do cheat when they are unhappy and when their husbands have cheated, for revenge but how empty is that. Men will cheat when they have the opportunity and feel they can get away with it. Not all, but a lot.
They may be quite happy at home but the spark is gone and they may their ego massaged.
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 105
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Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/15/2017 5:46:37 AM

Wow, you don't hear many WOMEN behaving this way. A woman like your mom must be like 1 in .... 10 000 000 ?



Add my ex, I guess that means 2 in 10,000,000. The best part of my situation is that he married her....jokes on him.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 106
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/15/2017 9:52:10 AM
" My biggest issue is actually completely away from the computer; biggest culprit being work, yoga class etc. "


A co ed yoga class is prolly the LAST place someone like you should attend. Yoga clothes practically advertise sausage !
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 107
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Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/15/2017 5:44:42 PM
People cheat because they want to and they can, simple as that. Now some may have guilty feelings about it while others find it just another notch in their chart, but nobody cheats but didn't want to at the time it happened. Cheating really isn't all that easy, sure a pick up with someone and dump and gone might be easier but cheating with someone over and over takes planning, time, etc. Nobody has ever had their clothes fall off, and their body parts interwoven without the action taken, on purpose, to get to that point.

As for women cheating, there are just as many women cheating as their are men cheating, don't kid yourself.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 108
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Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/15/2017 9:28:36 PM
Daynadaze is right.

We all get a little jaded after a few years with the same partner and women are no exception, just dont admit it as much.
However once we have regular sex with this extra marital or whatever then women do develop attachment hormones and some men get emotionally involved as well. No one person can satisfy all our needs and some cultures have the wife and the mistress and it is accepted. Women are still the ones that get pregnant so we are more careful about who we sleep with, not being sober withstanding. Men can cope with one night stands more than women but that is being general.
...
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 109
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Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/15/2017 9:32:19 PM

and some cultures have the wife and the mistress and it is accepted.


And some cultures have a carnival season where people look the other way for a set period of time.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 110
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/23/2017 9:35:49 AM

A co ed yoga class is prolly the LAST place someone like you should attend. Yoga clothes practically advertise sausage !




Totally agree - couldn't have said it better myself !












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Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 111
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/23/2017 12:08:52 PM

We all get a little jaded after a few years with the same partner - No one person can satisfy all our needs.


No, we all don't get a little jaded even after a couple of decades. And one person did satisfy all my needs for 23 years. I guess I was extremely fortunate. Actually I don't recall ever being bored with a love partner or having the desire to seek companionship or sex with another while in a relationship - although a threesome or foursome might be fun (as long as I'm the only male).

On the other hand, at least three of my sweethearts had affairs. I know - it must have been my fault. Maybe they got a little jaded or bored with having sex just once or twice a week in a good month. If they weren't so damn attractive, I suspect they might have been more faithful. Maybe not!
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 112
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/23/2017 3:01:04 PM

We all get a little jaded after a few years with the same partner and women are no exception, just dont admit it as much.


If you get jaded after a few years--odds are, you settled for the partner you're with. Being with someone who matches you correctly, would have you wanting to grow with them. Not grow apart.

Loyalty, is difficult. Cheating is easy. Lying is equally easy. Its the coward's way out. If you truly wanted out and respected your partner, you'd end the relationship. Its far more complicated to grow a set of balls, and tell your partner that things no longer are deteriorating, and trying to work things out--or walk.

Its easier to sneak out, behind their backs. Doesn't take intestinal fortitude to do so.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 113
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 3/23/2017 3:02:18 PM
*That things are deteriorating.
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