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 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 32
Used for my bodyPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Being deceptive, and saying one thing and doing another doesn't = meaning to do harm to the other person.


The definition is - sociopath. And she fits it to a damn T, I said walking case study.

I don't want to quote all this, but since you're having trouble understanding. She is like this :

•Glibness and Superficial Charm

•Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

•Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

•Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

•Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

•Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

•Incapacity for Love

•Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

•Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

•Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

•Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

•Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

•Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

•Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

•Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

And you will understand if you read
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Used for my body
Posted: 12/28/2014 3:48:11 PM
Ok!
Where is the hot chick that is gonna use me for my penis!!!
...
...
...
(crickets)
...
DAMN IT!!!
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 34
Used for my body
Posted: 12/28/2014 7:26:18 PM

I don't want to quote all this, but since you're having trouble understanding. She is like this :

You're making the case for sociopath. I'm not arguing that. I think you're having trouble what I'm saying: What did she do to INTEND to do HARM *upon* you -- as opposed to being impulsive, doing stupid sh!t, lying about everything from random stuff to defense, being shallow, etc?

People Intend to do harm, a majority of the time, to get back at someone. Others will Intend to do harm as a method of controlling behavior or due to some psychological problems to give themselves a sense of dominance.

Trying To Hurt someone -- not trying to do things that will likely end up hurting someone (big difference).
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 35
Used for my body
Posted: 12/28/2014 7:47:08 PM
Sociopaths harm indirectly, but they do know what they are doing. But they don't have the capacity to register the value that is associated with doing good things for the people you care about. They do engage in harmful behavior, knowing it is wrong, and doing it anyway.

She knows that she uses people, at least on some level she knows that. She confuses love for the novelty of the high that comes from a new sexual relationship. And she also enjoys the mind games that she gets to play as a result. And once she can't get anything of value, or the other person stops engaging. Then its over

I have basically called her out on it several times, she wrote an email regarding how she isn't able to control her emotions and her impulses and she knows its wrong but does it anyway, That is a malicious person, so get off the definition. and don't worry about trying to fine tune my understanding. I know exactly what she is, I've extensively tested it.

You're not understanding the psychology of what happens when you naturally don't have a capacity to feel empathy. Where that feeling is typically replaced by a more hedonistic approach, as it yields basically the same thing.

She knows that shes going to screw this dudes head up, shes already engaged in acts that secure this outcome. But she likes it, because she likes the way it makes her feel. From the chemical romance, all the way down to the fake sympathy employed as she enjoys watching the pain.

Trust me, I wasn't lazy I played my own mind games to figure out she was like this. I have an idea that her parents know, I think it runs in the family on some level. Because she sees nothing wrong with her behavior. Where I took accountability for how I acted as a result of her behavior.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 36
Used for my body
Posted: 12/28/2014 9:46:15 PM
You're not understanding the psychology of what happens when you naturally don't have a capacity to feel empathy.

You're jumping to conclusions. Lacking empathy doesn't mean you're Intending To Hurt someone. Intending to hurt someone isn't Merely doing something that you know will likely hurt them if they find out (but you're impulsive, you'll lie about it to try and cover your tracks, you're an a-hole, etc).

Doing things that hurt others is not the same as doing things TO hurt them.

Again, going back to the cheating analogy, with a little twist: The guy who cheats on his wife, at the stoplight after banging a young cute gal. In both versions of the guy, they both know what they're doing. They both know if their wife found out, she'd be pissed & hurt. But ONE guy is doing it because he thinks about Himself and his needs as he was really attracted to that gal, and has little caring about how others feel and has a tough time with empathy. The OTHER guy is where it wasn't about the gal he banged -- he could have been not all that attracted to her. Who cares as long as she's not repulsed by her. He instead did it to dominate Control over his wife -- to hurt her. Look what I can do. I'm up here, you're down there, wifey.

She knows that shes going to screw this dudes head up, shes already engaged in acts that secure this outcome. But she likes it, because she likes the way it makes her feel. From the chemical romance, all the way down to the fake sympathy employed as she enjoys watching the pain.

Now, if she is TRYING to screw with a guy's head -- and doing bad things not for sexual impulse satisfaction, but to screw with the guy's head -- then yeah.

Here's the differences of situations:

- Doing something for self-satisfaction, where, as a by-product, yes, will likely hurt the other person if/when they kinda find out
- Doing something to hurt the other person, where, as a by-product, it may be an enjoyable experience (like the guy being hot she's boning TO hurt her BF)

If someone's doing something TO hurt the other person, then they're not doing it on sexual impulses or greedy impulses in reference to what they're doing (like having sex, flirting with someone else by their SO, the enjoyability of the movie they're watching to be purposely late to pick up their SO, etc). Any enjoyable sex or other enjoyable experience will MERELY be a POSSIBLE By-Product of it. Their main goal is TO hurt the other person. If it doesn't hurt them -- they feel what they did was unsatisfactory and will try again.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 37
Used for my body
Posted: 12/28/2014 10:20:12 PM
Why are you so caught up with a word I used to describe her actions?

having or showing a desire to cause harm to someone : given to, marked by, or arising from a desire to cause pain, injury, or distress to another.

And whether that is the primary motive, a secondary motive, or even whether its a motive at all - that she feel good from engaging in those acts. That acts provide her (regardless of the means) the ability to feel good from what she takes, without having to feel bad for the actions taken as a normal person would. And even if the damage is collateral, and not direct, still needs to be accounted for.

Kind of the same reason we can't just go nuke a country like Afghanistan out of existence. Not because we'd lose, but because the collateral damage is typically (always) really bad with nukes.

So when people write, its odd to get ferociously attached to an adjective in regard to a scenario. And then attempt to define it as if I have applied meaning where it doesn't belong.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 39
Used for my body
Posted: 12/29/2014 8:37:41 AM

He lost her. He was a Loser, in that situation. She wasn't going to dump her "other BF" for him -- original high school sweethearts who BF/GF up until this point. It sucks to Lose. To have the girl pick (likely) a Better Catch. But what was he going to do? Stay with her for the sake of Not "Losing"?? LOL.


Your friend actually won. He got rid of her. And here's the reality, he was never below her league. There are average guys that sleep with super hot women, and have super hot women lust after them. Why? Because they have balls. Because they are not afraid of approaching. That also means that they are not afraid or rejection, of being dumped, or even being the one dumping the girl.

I've had women that dumped me for the other guy. I've had women dumped the other guy for me. I've been the many times the bad boy they have talked about to others. Not very often the guy the tell about the bad boy that hurt their feelings.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 40
Used for my body
Posted: 12/29/2014 9:52:37 AM

And whether that is the primary motive, a secondary motive, or even whether its a motive at all - that she feel good from engaging in those acts.

I'm not defending her. There are things someone will do TO hurt someone VS doing things not giving a sh!t about the other person and being wack. The latter is nothing light, don't get me wrong. Just making the distinction. It's easy to say everything an ex did was "TO hurt me" -- when really, there are some things they did do to hurt them, and other things they didn't. Call it a technicality -- still wrong and all, but just putting them in the right places.

Sometimes people, usually when the relationship is on the fritz and feel like they've been wronged, will do things TO hurt the other. Things that what we'd do that'd normally give us a feeling of guilt -- but instead as a "payback" (usually) and a sense of control. Hence, the situation where someone would cheat not out of sexual enjoyment but a feeling of control over their SO.... VS "I'll do what I want" and not giving a sh!t about the other person they're with. Both are f'd up. The former though is more out in left field -- usually by someone who's been previously cheated on by their SO as payback, or some really deranged person just doing that because they're wacked out about control issues and get off on that by itself instead.

Your friend actually won. He got rid of her. And here's the reality, he was never below her league.

Well, unless she wanted to leave the guy she was with, "he got rid of her" would be inaccurate. Out of denial she still wanted to have him as her guy as well, both guys. She wasn't going to leave this "friend" as she lied about it. Her getting porked by other guys somewhat randomly, and forming a relationship with another guy Was a Loss. Certainly no Win. You could say not to Think of it as a Loss per se, because moving on & away from her is a Winning Move. True. But zooming out, yes, he was a loser. One would have to lie to oneself about that.

And in reality, she was out of his league. If ya saw her (and him) you'd understand. :) They were high school sweethearts from the past, then as seniors in college. There are couples where one's out of the other's league. When younger, it usually doesn't last when the better looking one is outgoing & has a social life.

There are average guys that sleep with super hot women, and have super hot women lust after them. Why? Because they have balls.

That wasn't his situation. But yes, a guy can sleep with a gal out of his league. That's definitely a playoff win. Average guys + super hot women = league difference. The use of the word "Average" and "super hot" as differences is the definition of league difference.

I've had women that dumped me for the other guy. I've had women dumped the other guy for me.

Yeah, it happens out there. And many times, the guy won't be in a better league -- but just more their taste and/or the guy or gal aren't a perfect match & they have a liking to new meat. It certainly doesn't require a Better Catch. Sometimes it's even a Lower catch, just out of desire for "new meat" by itself as the relationship went stale, and anything that hasn't been sitting in the fridge forever is going to taste better. :)
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 41
Used for my body
Posted: 12/29/2014 12:23:10 PM

Sometimes it's even a Lower catch, just out of desire for "new meat" by itself as the relationship went stale, and anything that hasn't been sitting in the fridge forever is going to taste better. :)


Don't know dude. When you develop a taste for filet mignon, caviar, and truffles, it's hard to impossible to go back to burger. Just the dripping fat is enough to turn your stomach. So you simply pursue more filet mignon, or hunt a different variety of meat, like pheasant or quail. Once you get used to the exotic, the exotic finds YOU.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 42
Used for my body
Posted: 12/30/2014 8:57:42 PM
You mean apart from wanting casual and no commitment, silly pics posted on profile etc? and you say no one takes you seriously?? You may not have much else to offer but the sex. You are young yet and may learn to choose women that want something more, sooner or later.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 43
Used for my body
Posted: 12/30/2014 9:32:58 PM

^^^ forgive me but she just sounds like an immature little brat, to me... There's only one label that she needs - "toxic to YOU" -


Well no she is a sociopath, it took me a while to see, but eventually I got it. I was the only one who connected the people she uses. But it took me a while to understand, she had no concept of what it means to do something good for someone. She hates my cat because its associated with my ex. She gets really upset at the idea of me having a relationship. Its not about the person- and who they are, and what it means to work together. Its about the person- and what they provide, and the cost of investment in time and energy.

Someone who couldn't understand what I get from making people laugh, or the idea of sacrificing the potential to make money in a lucrative career as a lawyer, vs that of one that pays below scale but helps veterans in mental health facility, She doesn't have a moral imperative, lies for no reason, even told me I did something that she did, which really pissed me off. It was just all bad, and shes one hell of a person. But lying for no reason is really annoying and insulting.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 45
Used for my body
Posted: 12/31/2014 9:30:56 AM
Don't know dude. When you develop a taste for filet mignon, caviar, and truffles, it's hard to impossible to go back to burger.

But if/when the relationship gets sour, one's going to take the other's great looks for granted as it won't be so "great" anymore unless she's Completely out of his league. Another cute catch who isn't as good as the one he's got (but being new/fresh) will seem like a nice juicy burger hot off the grill VS stale filet mignon that's been sitting in the fridge that he's all too used to.

Now if a guy's DUMPED by a hottie -- yeah, he's more likely not to want to Chase lower quality beef (although in his drunken sorrows he very well may end up indulging in some not-so-grand lady-parts). But I've seen many "blah" Relationships that have drug on where they're together because a breakup would be too much -- they rarely if ever have sex, etc. That's when you'll more find the 'other person' not being As good looking -- because it's more of comparing apples & oranges, rather than tomato/tomatoe or clitorus/clitoris.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 46
Used for my body
Posted: 12/31/2014 9:55:08 AM
I don't know I think it depends on how rejection is handled. It is something that can be adjusted from, and used to reinforce motivation to better self. Or it is something that can be damaging to self esteem, demoralizing, and misunderstood if not evaluated carefully.

It is how you manage being butt hurt that matters. Everyone rises or falls to these types of outcomes that potentially damage the way we could view ourselves and our capability. Its how you adjust to hardship that dictates who you are as a result. Although constant failure without reprieve of success would be the exception.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 11/9/2014
Msg: 48
Used for my body
Posted: 2/14/2015 7:44:30 PM
Yes, I have been used and I liked it! Bring it baby.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 49
Used for my body
Posted: 2/14/2015 8:44:26 PM
Exactly Penny Ante,
Thing about sex is that both parties should be "using" each other, right?? lol!! If you are being sexploited and not into it all, then do not do it.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 50
Used for my body
Posted: 2/14/2015 8:48:27 PM
I don't know, I do not like caviar and truffles, like a good burger!!!. Again, the male perspective of being "good looking" or not as... as the be all and end all.

It is "dragged on" not "drug on". Schoolteacher here.... lol
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 51
Used for my body
Posted: 2/15/2015 2:29:15 AM
Before I look at the other posts and respond to them I'll respond to Op first.

Lol, if you think it is hard, try being a woman, every 2nd guy is virtually like that. There are many such examples of men completely losing interest when they don't get sex or a person stops having sex with them.
Get this, I was talking to my ex and tried to ask him a hypothetical question about if he would have sex with me if it would mean we never talk again - to see if he would chose sex over me. So after going on about it and trying to make it not hypothetical, he choses sex over me...
Then when he finds out I dont actually intend on having sex (which I obviously didn't durrr) he gets all whiny and entitled then blocks me!!!
and you would think it would be for reasons like he still loves me or cares about me etc but it was because he thought he was entitled to it after supposed 'work' he put in.


What can we do, together, to make people want us emotionally (at least primarily) than physically?

What do you think?
It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Don't go with the ones who seem obsessed with sex and want it badly - because it is probably all they care about.
Spend time actually getting to know each-other, become at-least somewhat committed to each-other first.
Honestly I am so had enough of men's sex entitlement that I am going to go as far as to tell then later down the track I only want to have it after marriage. It would weed out all the ones that are desperate for it and feel entitled to it.


How horrible does it feel that all people wanted was for you to exist physically, and not give a damn about it emotionally?

It's more horrible for them when they get rejected for being shallow and horny by everyone.

Pretty much you had sex with a girl who didn't really care about you, it was probably pretty obvious, so what do you expect?

@CtrlVector,

The definition is - sociopath. And she fits it to a damn T, I said walking case study.

Since I am in Australia, there is no such clinical diagnosis of either psychopathy or sociopathy. Not sure what countries still have those types of diagnosis.
Here we follow the DSM5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition), where sociopathy and psychopathy is covered by a kind of 'umbrella' diagnosis, of antisocial personality disorder. It is part of a cluster B which are characterized by problems in impulse and emotional regulation.

"Antisocial (or dissocial) personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for, or violation of, the rights of others. "
According to the DSM-5, there are four diagnostic criterion, of which Criterion A has seven sub-features.
A. Disregard for and violation of others rights since age 15, as indicated by one of the seven sub features:
1. Failure to obey laws and norms by engaging in behavior which results in criminal arrest, or would warrant criminal arrest
2. Lying, deception, and manipulation, for profit tor self-amusement,
3. Impulsive behavior
4. Irritability and aggression, manifested as frequently assaults others, or engages in fighting
5 Blatantly disregards safety of self and others,
6 A pattern of irresponsibility and
7. Lack of remorse for actions (American Psychiatric Association, 2013)
The other diagnostic Criterion are:
B. The person is at least age 18,
C. Conduct disorder was present by history before age 15
D. and the antisocial behavior does not occur in the context of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (American Psychiatric Association, 2013)

Many normal people may display some symptoms of the disorder but it doesn't necessarily mean they are in fact 'disordered'. It is when they are a danger to others and themselves and/or can't function normally in society that actual diagnosis comes in. As part of protocol I get men I am interested in dating to do a personality disorder test,
http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html
It would be interesting what she would get for this, if you are indeed correct in your calculation that she is a 'sociopath', she should score highly in the antisocial personality, unless she lies in her answers lol
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 52
Used for my body
Posted: 2/15/2015 1:21:09 PM

How horrible does it feel that all people wanted was for you to exist physically, and not give a damn about it emotionally?

Just wanting someone physically is better than someone not wanting you physically OR emotionally. 1 > 0.

Just wanting someone emotionally: Friend-zoned, a close pal -- but no, sorry, I don't find you wort-- I mean, Attractive.
Just wanting someone physically: Fvck-Buddy or Dating-Lite: I find you Attractive, but combining that with emotion would mean being an item and I'm not ready/wanting that right now.

Both can be Frustrating because you want both aspects to be complete, they just want one. At least in the latter, it's non-platonic and you're worth that to them at least. I think its the concept of Rejection on some level that hurts us -- not Necessarily the other person doing any wrong to you.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 53
Used for my body
Posted: 2/20/2015 3:26:08 AM
You are mistaken if you think someone wanting you just for sex is better than someone wanting you just for friendship. At-least in the friend-zoned instance they actually care about you and enough to want friends. I don't want anyone physically if I don't want them emotionally.

You are incorrect in your descriptions too:


Just wanting someone emotionally: Friend-zoned, a close pal -- but no, sorry, I don't find you wort-- I mean, Attractive.
Just wanting someone physically: Fvck-Buddy or Dating-Lite: I find you Attractive, but combining that with emotion would mean being an item and I'm not ready/wanting that right now.


No it's not like that its more like
Just wanting someone emotionally: we aren't compatible or the guy otherwise sucks or is unnatractive
Just wanting someone physically: I find you attractive and since I'm a shallow individual I would be happy with screwing you (how they see it), but I don't actually care about you or don't want to be with you (incompatible etc).
 matthew83co
Joined: 2/11/2015
Msg: 54
Used for my body
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:12:15 PM

Just wanting someone physically is better than someone not wanting you physically OR emotionally.


Living a life where you are comfortable going solo knowing full-well that life is less about social acceptance of any type and more about self-respect and inward self-fulfillment. That's better than being wanted for physical relations, emotional relations, or physical relations mixed with emotional relations. In my experience, people are miserable in relationships if they can not be happy within themselves alone prior to the relationship. They seem to love the honeymoon phases of high-chemistry, high-sex, high-appeal, and dive out as soon as it requires dedication or effort. That is my opinion anyway.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 55
Used for my body
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:34:44 PM

At-least in the friend-zoned instance they actually care about you and enough to want friends.

Not necessarily. Friend-zoned doesn't mean an actual, real friendship goes. And also, it's like comparing apples & trucks when it comes to comparing it to dating...

Just wanting someone emotionally: we aren't compatible or the guy otherwise sucks or is unnatractive

Gee, that sounds swell. Imagine a guy thinking you're unattractive, otherwise suck, etc? Winner winner chicken dinner?

Just wanting someone physically: I find you attractive and since I'm a shallow individual I would be happy with screwing you (how they see it), but I don't actually care about you or don't want to be with you (incompatible etc).

Although that's ONE possible variation of it, that's not the definition of it. Both friend-zoning and just wanting them physically don't want to be with you. Both don't care about you "in that way". Just as just wanting someone physically can be greedy (doesn't have to be) -- so can just wanting someone emotionally like after a breakup (but doesn't have to be).

Now, both concepts can definitely SUCK unless both people are at least somewhat on the same wavelength. If one wants more when the other doesn't, issues ensue. My previous point was that when one wants something non-platonic from someone else -- they're at least getting something out of it in the physical realm. Where on the "shoulder to lean on" only -- none at all.

Living a life where you are comfortable going solo knowing full-well that life is less about social acceptance of any type and more about self-respect and inward self-fulfillment.

I agree with the bulk of that. Obviously fulfilled life, a self-fulfilled life, overall, is also a social one to some degree. I don't know if you're implying that enjoying or accepting a particular person liking you on the physical level but not so much the emotional level is a sign of a lack of self-respect (I'd have to disagree with that notion, if that's the case).

That's better than being wanted for physical relations, emotional relations, or physical relations mixed with emotional relations.

The 1st and 3rd notions are non-platonic. They like you "in that way", although the 1st is lacking for a Relationship developing (or at least developing as a healthy one). Emotional alone, in reference to just-be-friends (which doesn't Mean having a true friendship; just being platonic/not-interested) -- has the person hearing that news hit a brick wall.

My point: "Just wanting someone physically is better than someone not wanting you physically OR emotionally," is that there is at least a desire -- a non-platonic desire no less. Now, I am Not implying one Should roll with someone just because of that. No. They can, they may -- but I'm not implying that in itself is awesome and fruitful. No.

My point is, if someone doesn't want you physically OR emotionally -- they like you LESS than liking you physically but not so much emotionally. And they like you on a non-platonic scale as well. So when someone feels hurt/rejected -- they were still seen on a higher-level, more attractive overall -- than someone who Wasn't Even seen as physically attractive or emotionally attractive. A "2nd place" ribbon to cheer for? No (not necessarily; if it was some supermodel, uhh, yeah, but I digress). But that pain is usually not because of being swindled -- it's because they wanted More, but were rejected in the end because they weren't good enough in that other person's eyes. My point? You were better in their eyes if than not liking either concepts.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 56
Used for my body
Posted: 2/21/2015 1:57:20 AM

My previous point was that when one wants something non-platonic from someone else -- they're at least getting something out of it in the physical realm. Where on the "shoulder to lean on" only -- none at all.


This just supports my point that men are emotionally shallow lol.
I would classify it as a loss to be having sex only, and a win to be friends only.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 57
Used for my body
Posted: 2/21/2015 1:35:06 PM

This just supports my point that men are emotionally shallow lol.

And just friend-zoning someone and just wanting a shoulder to lean on is pretty shallow too. Granted, it's not the only form of rejection but still keeping in touch and being "friends" in the broad-term -- but that's using someone as well. People can have emotional needs and be just as shallow -- and in fact, it's more dangerous to hurt others.

Going out on Spring Break and boinking with someone is shallow -- but so is every activity of Spring Break. It's only one's individual personal Taste and personal opinion that a roll in the hay is "bad". It can be -- but it in no way requires tricking or deceiving to do so, so it'd be a huge butt-hurt blunder to assume that almost always happens when it does.

I would classify it as a loss to be having sex only, and a win to be friends only.

A win in what, tho? LOL. "Friends" is vague and can mean everything from emotionally used as a shoulder to lean on because they're not over their ex, or it can mean wanting to be actual friends. It'd only be a win if the other person was truly satisfied in being just friends with the person they were chasing and were rejected by -- even if they weren't looking to use them for emotional support but were even genuine. It also raises a red flag -- why would someone Want to Become real 1-on-1 friends with someone who they only knew because they liked them and were initially chasing them? I can understand a vague "lets just be friends" in the sense of "we're going to be on platonic terms, sorry Charlie", but that's not (necessarily) being actual friends. Wanting to be friends with someone who wanted you as the reason you knew them -- that only cries out that that person likely has some emotional baggage.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 58
Used for my body
Posted: 2/21/2015 11:54:01 PM
I'd want to be platonic if I don't find them attractive or a relationship won't work (for various reasons). I know men don't want that which is why I don't even bother AT ALL with men who I find unattractive in any way at all now.

I used to think, okay I'll get to know them a bit and if I don't like them or if dating or a relationship doesn't work we can be friends... the reality is men don't want and aren't interested AT ALL if they aren't getting sex (if they were initially wanting to date).

To them, if there is no prospect of sex it simply is not worth it in most cases.

A win in what, tho? LOL. "Friends" is vague and can mean everything from emotionally used as a shoulder to lean on because they're not over their ex

Have you for even a moment considered that I may not be attracted to the man or a relationship/dating didn't work out due to incompatibilities?
I mean friends as in actual friends, I have no interest in using someone emotionally. It shows your mentality on the issue that you keep bringing up emotional using.


It'd only be a win if the other person was truly satisfied in being just friends with the person they were chasing and were rejected by

Yes and they are NEVER, that is why I don't reply to a majority of men, because I know when sh*t fails, they will ditch me.
They make themselves disposable in that way.
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