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 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 51
Used for my bodyPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Before I look at the other posts and respond to them I'll respond to Op first.

Lol, if you think it is hard, try being a woman, every 2nd guy is virtually like that. There are many such examples of men completely losing interest when they don't get sex or a person stops having sex with them.
Get this, I was talking to my ex and tried to ask him a hypothetical question about if he would have sex with me if it would mean we never talk again - to see if he would chose sex over me. So after going on about it and trying to make it not hypothetical, he choses sex over me...
Then when he finds out I dont actually intend on having sex (which I obviously didn't durrr) he gets all whiny and entitled then blocks me!!!
and you would think it would be for reasons like he still loves me or cares about me etc but it was because he thought he was entitled to it after supposed 'work' he put in.


What can we do, together, to make people want us emotionally (at least primarily) than physically?

What do you think?
It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Don't go with the ones who seem obsessed with sex and want it badly - because it is probably all they care about.
Spend time actually getting to know each-other, become at-least somewhat committed to each-other first.
Honestly I am so had enough of men's sex entitlement that I am going to go as far as to tell then later down the track I only want to have it after marriage. It would weed out all the ones that are desperate for it and feel entitled to it.


How horrible does it feel that all people wanted was for you to exist physically, and not give a damn about it emotionally?

It's more horrible for them when they get rejected for being shallow and horny by everyone.

Pretty much you had sex with a girl who didn't really care about you, it was probably pretty obvious, so what do you expect?

@CtrlVector,

The definition is - sociopath. And she fits it to a damn T, I said walking case study.

Since I am in Australia, there is no such clinical diagnosis of either psychopathy or sociopathy. Not sure what countries still have those types of diagnosis.
Here we follow the DSM5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition), where sociopathy and psychopathy is covered by a kind of 'umbrella' diagnosis, of antisocial personality disorder. It is part of a cluster B which are characterized by problems in impulse and emotional regulation.

"Antisocial (or dissocial) personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for, or violation of, the rights of others. "
According to the DSM-5, there are four diagnostic criterion, of which Criterion A has seven sub-features.
A. Disregard for and violation of others rights since age 15, as indicated by one of the seven sub features:
1. Failure to obey laws and norms by engaging in behavior which results in criminal arrest, or would warrant criminal arrest
2. Lying, deception, and manipulation, for profit tor self-amusement,
3. Impulsive behavior
4. Irritability and aggression, manifested as frequently assaults others, or engages in fighting
5 Blatantly disregards safety of self and others,
6 A pattern of irresponsibility and
7. Lack of remorse for actions (American Psychiatric Association, 2013)
The other diagnostic Criterion are:
B. The person is at least age 18,
C. Conduct disorder was present by history before age 15
D. and the antisocial behavior does not occur in the context of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (American Psychiatric Association, 2013)

Many normal people may display some symptoms of the disorder but it doesn't necessarily mean they are in fact 'disordered'. It is when they are a danger to others and themselves and/or can't function normally in society that actual diagnosis comes in. As part of protocol I get men I am interested in dating to do a personality disorder test,
http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html
It would be interesting what she would get for this, if you are indeed correct in your calculation that she is a 'sociopath', she should score highly in the antisocial personality, unless she lies in her answers lol
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 52
Used for my body
Posted: 2/15/2015 1:21:09 PM

How horrible does it feel that all people wanted was for you to exist physically, and not give a damn about it emotionally?

Just wanting someone physically is better than someone not wanting you physically OR emotionally. 1 > 0.

Just wanting someone emotionally: Friend-zoned, a close pal -- but no, sorry, I don't find you wort-- I mean, Attractive.
Just wanting someone physically: Fvck-Buddy or Dating-Lite: I find you Attractive, but combining that with emotion would mean being an item and I'm not ready/wanting that right now.

Both can be Frustrating because you want both aspects to be complete, they just want one. At least in the latter, it's non-platonic and you're worth that to them at least. I think its the concept of Rejection on some level that hurts us -- not Necessarily the other person doing any wrong to you.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 53
Used for my body
Posted: 2/20/2015 3:26:08 AM
You are mistaken if you think someone wanting you just for sex is better than someone wanting you just for friendship. At-least in the friend-zoned instance they actually care about you and enough to want friends. I don't want anyone physically if I don't want them emotionally.

You are incorrect in your descriptions too:


Just wanting someone emotionally: Friend-zoned, a close pal -- but no, sorry, I don't find you wort-- I mean, Attractive.
Just wanting someone physically: Fvck-Buddy or Dating-Lite: I find you Attractive, but combining that with emotion would mean being an item and I'm not ready/wanting that right now.


No it's not like that its more like
Just wanting someone emotionally: we aren't compatible or the guy otherwise sucks or is unnatractive
Just wanting someone physically: I find you attractive and since I'm a shallow individual I would be happy with screwing you (how they see it), but I don't actually care about you or don't want to be with you (incompatible etc).
 matthew83co
Joined: 2/11/2015
Msg: 54
Used for my body
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:12:15 PM

Just wanting someone physically is better than someone not wanting you physically OR emotionally.


Living a life where you are comfortable going solo knowing full-well that life is less about social acceptance of any type and more about self-respect and inward self-fulfillment. That's better than being wanted for physical relations, emotional relations, or physical relations mixed with emotional relations. In my experience, people are miserable in relationships if they can not be happy within themselves alone prior to the relationship. They seem to love the honeymoon phases of high-chemistry, high-sex, high-appeal, and dive out as soon as it requires dedication or effort. That is my opinion anyway.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 55
Used for my body
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:34:44 PM

At-least in the friend-zoned instance they actually care about you and enough to want friends.

Not necessarily. Friend-zoned doesn't mean an actual, real friendship goes. And also, it's like comparing apples & trucks when it comes to comparing it to dating...

Just wanting someone emotionally: we aren't compatible or the guy otherwise sucks or is unnatractive

Gee, that sounds swell. Imagine a guy thinking you're unattractive, otherwise suck, etc? Winner winner chicken dinner?

Just wanting someone physically: I find you attractive and since I'm a shallow individual I would be happy with screwing you (how they see it), but I don't actually care about you or don't want to be with you (incompatible etc).

Although that's ONE possible variation of it, that's not the definition of it. Both friend-zoning and just wanting them physically don't want to be with you. Both don't care about you "in that way". Just as just wanting someone physically can be greedy (doesn't have to be) -- so can just wanting someone emotionally like after a breakup (but doesn't have to be).

Now, both concepts can definitely SUCK unless both people are at least somewhat on the same wavelength. If one wants more when the other doesn't, issues ensue. My previous point was that when one wants something non-platonic from someone else -- they're at least getting something out of it in the physical realm. Where on the "shoulder to lean on" only -- none at all.

Living a life where you are comfortable going solo knowing full-well that life is less about social acceptance of any type and more about self-respect and inward self-fulfillment.

I agree with the bulk of that. Obviously fulfilled life, a self-fulfilled life, overall, is also a social one to some degree. I don't know if you're implying that enjoying or accepting a particular person liking you on the physical level but not so much the emotional level is a sign of a lack of self-respect (I'd have to disagree with that notion, if that's the case).

That's better than being wanted for physical relations, emotional relations, or physical relations mixed with emotional relations.

The 1st and 3rd notions are non-platonic. They like you "in that way", although the 1st is lacking for a Relationship developing (or at least developing as a healthy one). Emotional alone, in reference to just-be-friends (which doesn't Mean having a true friendship; just being platonic/not-interested) -- has the person hearing that news hit a brick wall.

My point: "Just wanting someone physically is better than someone not wanting you physically OR emotionally," is that there is at least a desire -- a non-platonic desire no less. Now, I am Not implying one Should roll with someone just because of that. No. They can, they may -- but I'm not implying that in itself is awesome and fruitful. No.

My point is, if someone doesn't want you physically OR emotionally -- they like you LESS than liking you physically but not so much emotionally. And they like you on a non-platonic scale as well. So when someone feels hurt/rejected -- they were still seen on a higher-level, more attractive overall -- than someone who Wasn't Even seen as physically attractive or emotionally attractive. A "2nd place" ribbon to cheer for? No (not necessarily; if it was some supermodel, uhh, yeah, but I digress). But that pain is usually not because of being swindled -- it's because they wanted More, but were rejected in the end because they weren't good enough in that other person's eyes. My point? You were better in their eyes if than not liking either concepts.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 56
Used for my body
Posted: 2/21/2015 1:57:20 AM

My previous point was that when one wants something non-platonic from someone else -- they're at least getting something out of it in the physical realm. Where on the "shoulder to lean on" only -- none at all.


This just supports my point that men are emotionally shallow lol.
I would classify it as a loss to be having sex only, and a win to be friends only.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 57
Used for my body
Posted: 2/21/2015 1:35:06 PM

This just supports my point that men are emotionally shallow lol.

And just friend-zoning someone and just wanting a shoulder to lean on is pretty shallow too. Granted, it's not the only form of rejection but still keeping in touch and being "friends" in the broad-term -- but that's using someone as well. People can have emotional needs and be just as shallow -- and in fact, it's more dangerous to hurt others.

Going out on Spring Break and boinking with someone is shallow -- but so is every activity of Spring Break. It's only one's individual personal Taste and personal opinion that a roll in the hay is "bad". It can be -- but it in no way requires tricking or deceiving to do so, so it'd be a huge butt-hurt blunder to assume that almost always happens when it does.

I would classify it as a loss to be having sex only, and a win to be friends only.

A win in what, tho? LOL. "Friends" is vague and can mean everything from emotionally used as a shoulder to lean on because they're not over their ex, or it can mean wanting to be actual friends. It'd only be a win if the other person was truly satisfied in being just friends with the person they were chasing and were rejected by -- even if they weren't looking to use them for emotional support but were even genuine. It also raises a red flag -- why would someone Want to Become real 1-on-1 friends with someone who they only knew because they liked them and were initially chasing them? I can understand a vague "lets just be friends" in the sense of "we're going to be on platonic terms, sorry Charlie", but that's not (necessarily) being actual friends. Wanting to be friends with someone who wanted you as the reason you knew them -- that only cries out that that person likely has some emotional baggage.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 58
Used for my body
Posted: 2/21/2015 11:54:01 PM
I'd want to be platonic if I don't find them attractive or a relationship won't work (for various reasons). I know men don't want that which is why I don't even bother AT ALL with men who I find unattractive in any way at all now.

I used to think, okay I'll get to know them a bit and if I don't like them or if dating or a relationship doesn't work we can be friends... the reality is men don't want and aren't interested AT ALL if they aren't getting sex (if they were initially wanting to date).

To them, if there is no prospect of sex it simply is not worth it in most cases.

A win in what, tho? LOL. "Friends" is vague and can mean everything from emotionally used as a shoulder to lean on because they're not over their ex

Have you for even a moment considered that I may not be attracted to the man or a relationship/dating didn't work out due to incompatibilities?
I mean friends as in actual friends, I have no interest in using someone emotionally. It shows your mentality on the issue that you keep bringing up emotional using.


It'd only be a win if the other person was truly satisfied in being just friends with the person they were chasing and were rejected by

Yes and they are NEVER, that is why I don't reply to a majority of men, because I know when sh*t fails, they will ditch me.
They make themselves disposable in that way.
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