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 lynguistik
Joined: 5/10/2011
Msg: 76
The one thing you must havePage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

At my age, after multiple experiences, I think I pretty much know what works for me .


Maybe, but I'd be willing to bet that 20 years from now you'll be saying, "what did I know about love back then?" Lol. I could be wrong though :)
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 77
The one thing you must have
Posted: 11/9/2014 9:46:45 PM
I think the most important thing in a relationship is knowing the other person genuinely cares about you. And I believe that is the easiest way to know if you're in a good relationship, or a bad relationship.

And in my experience I've been in relationships that were annoying for that reason alone. People either do, or they don't, or they aren't capable. And the people that do are really the only acceptable breed of people that can handle long term relationships/marriage.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 78
The one thing you must have
Posted: 11/10/2014 7:28:21 AM
Being original, that's what's most important to me. I cannot picture myself with someone who follows what other people choose to do, just to fit in. I rather someone who have their inherent likes and dislikes.
 funchesf
Joined: 6/27/2014
Msg: 79
The one thing you must have
Posted: 11/10/2014 7:35:37 AM

FUNCHESF SAID

that she popped out of her Mother's womb as a female ....hey...call me old fashioned

-----

I SAID

Funchesf, that's what I think too! I had it on my profile one time LOL.


my request perhaps was a result of when I use to watch Jerry Springer
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 80
The one thing you must have
Posted: 11/10/2014 7:40:38 AM

A bikini worthy body?!?
Hahahaha!!!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 81
The one thing you must have
Posted: 11/10/2014 9:35:48 AM
speaking of bringing in prior posts...:)

The notion that what we looked for 20 yrs ago isn't what we seek now...I'll hazard a guess that for some, their body has changed over 20 years ,so they're less picky about what they seek in a partner's body. Oh, they may want a gym body, but they'll take someone who's "close enough", since they let their own self "go". For example, the odds of finding a woman who worked her abdomonal floor muscles before having kids and therefore has the flat belly of an 18 yr old, well, they aren't great (and that shouldn't be a problem, either--with children come "mommy boobs" :) ). Finding an Adonis who's knees haven't blown out by middle age from all the sports he played, and still can get an instant erection, is also rare in many parts of the country.

Two decades ago, we may not have known the difference between confidence and c0ckiness. We may have wanted a partner who was the "complete package", except we wouldn't have really known what that was, and likely didn't offer it in return--the best way to know what character is, is to see it in the mirror for comparison. So, 20 years later, we may seek more, and overlook more as a result, since we've matured. Or we have accepted that we've changed, we've gotten older, and what we need now isn't what we needed two decades ago, still living with Mom.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 82
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History
The one thing you must have
Posted: 11/10/2014 10:01:37 AM
I must be in an alternate universe. I don't doubt that many men really do believe what they are writing. But, from the age of 15 my sisters and I could turn off your brains and turn you into blabbering Jello.

I get all fuzzy when I think about when I first met my boyfriend. His confidence and warmth are what I craved as essential in a man. I know he loves me but I also am aware that when I ask him what he first felt when we met that he isn't just kidding when he says he wanted to ravish me. Men are visual. I certainly have a 'bikini worthy body' and will make damn sure I still do at 80 for my guy. Men lust after us and I want my guy to lust after me. Most of us know we have to turn that switch on in a man or he is just floating out there easily distracted by another woman.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 83
The one thing you must have
Posted: 11/10/2014 2:15:39 PM
InnerGorilla- Being mature doesn't mean that you are serious ALL of the time.
I think a LOT, but I also chill out and laugh, every day.
To me, maturity means that you understand when to be serious and that it's also ok not to be sometimes.
It's the best of both worlds :)
I look at some of these threads..........issues with cheating, jumping in and moving in and/or falling in love quickly, fights and misunderstanding due to lack of communication, the overriding common thing that isn't there in almost all of these things is maturity.
There is no reward without risk, so you are right, you can't stop living, that's where balance comes in.
There CAN be a happy medium, but I still stand by what I said, maturity is key.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 84
The one thing you must have
Posted: 11/10/2014 8:14:09 PM
My first thought was "kindness" but I changed my mind. The one thing that is non-negotiable is compassionate.

When I peel back all the layers of reasons for why I stayed hooked on the 'one who got away' it comes down to he was compassionate.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 85
The one thing you must have
Posted: 11/10/2014 8:43:46 PM
Openness...


to me this by default would include honesty, since a person who is open does not have secrets or misdirection, vulnerability; because a person with openness does not hide behind a mask even if a mask is convenient because they are strong enough to show what some people would perceive of as weakness (but don't understand that the best kind of strength is strength in the face of weakness), and love, because a person who is open to love is not afraid of giving OR receiving love.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 86
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History
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/3/2014 9:20:09 PM
She needs to be pretty and have a sexy body.
This isn't shallow. It's what a well adjusted male looks for as shaped by thousands of years of evolution. What is shallow are all the guys who pretend otherwise. Give Mother Theresa all he characteristics they claim as priorities. Wouldn't make an iota of difference. They would still be catering to the hot gal in the slit skirt and heels.
Bottom line...must be physically attractive.

And then,

I completely agree with what you are attempting to say, but I don't think you quote got there. Given that what every person finds physically attractive is different, I think there is a word missing there. Must appeal to me. I look at my guy and like what I see and some others don't.
The question asked by the OP then makes sense as in:
'After you are physically attracted to a woman, what is the most important variable she should have?'
Substitute man for woman, and in the above and it is completely true for me. Nothing shallow about it, if there is no physical attraction, nothing else matters. Yes gentlemen, for the vast majority of woman, that does include money.

I'm glad that at least two people were honest with this, here; the guy admits it's looks, the girl admits it's money. What people of the opposite sex really need to know here, is the deal breakers. For most guys, we consider all women potential mates EXCEPT if they have something about them that turns us off. Yes, that's right. As long as there's nothing about you that sexually turns us off, everything else becomes negotiable to a certain degree, which is why you see men with extremely hot women who in all other ways, really suck. And the same with women, if the guy has enough money (and enough does vary, for some, it's enough to take her to McDonalds, others want enough for a house, etc.), everything else becomes negotiable to a certain degree, but if he's dirt poor out of work, he's NEVER going to be a potential mate for 99% of females.
And we MUST accept that about each other. To do otherwise, is simply to ignore reality.
So the answer to the question, the ultimate deal breaker is pretty much always going to be reduced to these: For men, it's looks. For women, it's money.
And it's never been a secret. People just don't want to admit that those are the top items, all because they don't want to appear shallow. Wake up. It's in our genes. Those are the two things that got your dna to where it is today, in the result of successful couples who mated and kept their offspring alive long enough to reproduce in the next generation.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 87
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/3/2014 9:44:11 PM

And the same with women, if the guy has enough money (and enough does vary, for some, it's enough to take her to McDonalds, others want enough for a house, etc.), everything else becomes negotiable to a certain degree, but if he's dirt poor out of work, he's NEVER going to be a potential mate for 99% of females.

Except that you totally misunderstood the woman you were quoting. She wrote:

I completely agree with what you are attempting to say, but I don't think you quote got there. Given that what every person finds physically attractive is different, I think there is a word missing there. Must appeal to me. I look at my guy and like what I see and some others don't.
The question asked by the OP then makes sense as in:
'After you are physically attracted to a woman, what is the most important variable she should have?'
Substitute man for woman, and in the above and it is completely true for me. Nothing shallow about it, if there is no physical attraction, nothing else matters. Yes gentlemen, for the vast majority of woman, that does include money.

She said that if she's not physically attracted, then NOTHING else matters (which includes money - even money DOES NOT make up for lack of physical attraction).
She did NOT say that money trumps everything, including lack of physical attraction.

But nice try slamming all women as gold diggers.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 88
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/3/2014 9:49:51 PM
The one thing I must have?

At this point, a Taylormade Burner 2.0 S-Flex steel-shafted right-handed standard length sand wedge. They come up on eBay every so often.

Relationship wise? Nothing anymore.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 89
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/3/2014 10:38:47 PM

A bikini worthy body?!? ...at least that's what I read somewhere.


I've decided to switch my term to "bikini-friendly" body. Apparently some other women objected to the "worthy" part.

The one thing I must have? That his choice of username doesn't contain the word, "blue".
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 90
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/4/2014 12:04:15 AM

That his choice of username doesn't contain the word, "blue".


Oh...whiskey spray on my monitor is bad....

but lol @ the above.
 SambaDeUmaNotaSo
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 91
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/4/2014 12:22:55 AM
The ability to negotiate and compromise.

I want there to be "win-win" outcomes in the relationship, based on mutual decision-making as equal partners.

If the woman doesn't have that ability, there isn't anything that could possibly make up for that.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 92
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History
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/4/2014 4:01:12 AM
Msg.# 1 :

I would go for someone who is comfortable in life and he adores and cherish me.


Someone may choose "rich" but then they are taking a chance of not getting other things they like ,such as
athleticism or great personality.


No Comment, hehehehe.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 93
view profile
History
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/4/2014 6:43:11 AM
I need two things,one so I will be ineterested in seeing if the other is there.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 94
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/4/2014 9:39:39 AM

A man with all these great character traits but with stinking breath from black rotting front teeth would be instant turn off for every woman here. A 400lb bald female with Mother Theresa's personality would be a turn off for every male here.

Without the physical attraction, shaped by millions of years of evolution, there would not be anything to take things to the next non physical level. A human male is attracted to a human female...not a female crocodile or hamster. A female hamster is not attracted to a male chicken. In our genetic make up are hormones that are triggered by physical variables.

Wow, honest & smart!
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 95
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/4/2014 8:40:49 PM
Mine would be respect.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 96
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/4/2014 11:25:31 PM

'After physical attraction, what is the one thing you must have'?


I agree there has to be physical attraction, but I suspect unlike many if not most men, I find MOST women "physically attractive" in one way or another.

Therefore I can very easily "bypass" the physical, and focus on the "mental" connection I refered to in my original post on this thread.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 97
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/5/2014 12:28:07 AM

Without the physical attraction, shaped by millions of years of evolution ...

The only part of physical attraction that has evolved over eons is male humans are attracted to female humans and female humans are attracted to male humans. There are, of course exceptions to both of those criteria.

What physical characteristics any particular man finds attractive is based on culture, not evolution. What physical characteristics any particular female finds attractive is based on culture, not evolution. That's why some men find grossly obese women attractive (yes, it's true - a single google search will prove it), or women with big ears (insert: hands, feet, boobs, booty, etc), or only women of a certain skin color, or eye shape. You only need to read a few threads in the forums to learn that not all women find the same male characteristics attractive - some like broad shoulders and narrow waist/hips, some could care less about that ratio but swoon over big hands, or strong arms, or bald heads, whatever. I may not find black rotting teeth attractive but then I also don't find holes in a man's ears the size of plates attractive but that is the height of beauty and virility in other cultures - i.e. their 'Brad Pitt'.

While there's some scientific/statistical support for a male's subconscious attraction to a female's particular breast/waist/hips ratio as a sign of health and fertility, that is not the attraction we're talking about in these posts.

So, yes, the vast majority of folks (male and female) must find the other person physically attractive before considering any other trait. Let's just take that as a given and move on from there. Or at least cut the BS about evolution dictating what people find attractive.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 98
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History
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/5/2014 3:01:27 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yup..... THIS is actually correct....and there is, I believe a tribe that actually removes and reshapes their teeth as a sign of 'beauty' as well...NOT attractive!
But then again, I was brought up in Canada.... :-)
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 99
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/5/2014 3:54:10 AM
Just read your profile, eternity. Your list is very unrealistic. And it's unrealistic for the very reason I created this thread. Too much. But that's just my opinion. I'm no expert.


No, you're not an expert, not of what I (basically) seek, not about the realism and sensibility and simplicity (in its complexity) to which I apply to my profile, not generally about anything (nor do you have a right to make this determination for me and everybody else). The profile may not be agreeable to most, but it's honest and clear. (People are free to pass it along and ignore me. I don't complain about not getting attention -- because I do get my modest share of it. I don't complain when people just look and don't write. It's their right to decide what's best for themselves.)

What I do see, and it's realistically painful, is an original written and posted to undermine the sensibilities of people who know what they want, Too bad for the likes of you that I and other similar to me, have minds of our own. Once you accept this, you'll gain the maturity to understand that we are self-determining people, as are you, to decide responsibly what's best for our respective circumstances, even if you don't like that others are self-determined.

And, yes, I'll go on searching as I've been searching, my own fashion -- and I take responsibility for it, 100% -- your permission isn't required.

Cheers.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 100
The one thing you must have
Posted: 12/5/2014 4:01:32 AM
I have to agree with alot of the other women, if I can't trust someone, I can't have a relationship with them no matter what they are to me.


That's right; and it must be earned. There are reasons why boundaries and restrictions must be applied to ourselves, as so we don't irresponsibly agree to relations that are terrible for us.
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