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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Women in their 30's not having time for men      Home login  
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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 26
Women in their 30's not having time for menPage 2 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I don't know. I think this is a matter of who you're picking - not ALL women are so busy they can't spend time with you once a week unless you're attracted to or picking women with hectic lifestyles - do you pick corporate women? Women who have crazy fitness hobbies? I say something you are drawn to in women has you choosing women who not only have no time, but refuse to make any.

I have known plenty of stage 3, 4, and 5 clingers over the years that would love to be up underneath some guy constantly and complain he's too busy. I doubt they all disappeared (PS - I give them the same advice: find something to do with all your free time).
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 27
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/7/2014 5:07:22 AM
They aren't corporate women at all. The last few women I have dated have been single for awhile. The one was single for 7 years. I honestly think that cause they were single for so long they aren't use to having some one in their life and don't know how to go about it.

I don't think those type of women have disappeared they are just few and far between. I don't want a woman to be around 24/7. What I want is a women to go out with once or twice a week and that know how to balance their life between the guy and their regular schedule.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 28
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/7/2014 5:15:07 AM
I do keep my options open. If I ask a woman out and she can't give me a time to see her then I move on. Its hard to find that girl that is right for me. If a woman is involved in something every day of the week I know it will never work. I refuse to be with some one that I feel I have to make an appointment with to see.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 29
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/7/2014 7:25:29 AM

Then there is no solution to your problem other than to accept reality as you've defined it.

Haha. Yep... /end thread.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 30
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/7/2014 8:14:19 AM
OP - what have YOU done to adjust your schedule to make it fit a woman's? If you mentioned that, I missed it, my apologies.... Do you just see the woman (if she is interested in the guy) as the one that needs to compromise?

I feel like if there is a constant negotiation in terms of 'effort expended/availability' the whole thing can become a slippery slope.

A story from my life:

I met and started dating a guy in June who at first seemed like he might be a great fit for me based on us having a number of things in common.... However, as we got to know each other more, it became clear to me that I simply was NEVER going to be enough for him because I had established friends and interests that I didn't want to let go of. I made an effort, I really did: I actually did the majority of the 'travel' (we lived about 45 minutes away from each other with no traffic and because we lived in a big metro area, most of our time together was during the weekend). We did see each other every weekend and usually for a fairly big chunk of the weekend.

Our last conversation (before I ended things after 2 or so months (and I felt bad about it, because I actually did like many things about him)) consisted of him telling me that if I cared about him, then I would do what he wanted to do, even if I didn't want to do that activity at that point of time because 1) his happiness should be the most important to thing to me and 2) being with him should be more important than anything else I might want to do.

This conversation took place because, after spending Friday evening - Sunday morning with him at his place (including being his assistant/sous chef as he hosted a party Sat night for his friends), I wanted to go home in the mid-afternoon so I could get a training run in before it got dark. (I'm a runner, I do try to get a long run in each weekend). He felt like that was 'selfish' of me.

I realized that our situation had become 'square peg/round hole' and instead of us having to constantly negotiate things, it made sense for us to find someone whose idea of a balance between together/independent time was similar. I am not sharing this to bash the guy. He was fun to be around and very interesting, but he wasn't the guy for me (and I wasn't the woman for him).

Instead of complaining about women in their 30's, maybe you simply need to keep looking for someone who has the same wants/needs as you do?
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 31
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/7/2014 8:23:43 AM
I see the problem now - you are only available Friday and Saturday nights, when most women who have a life already have plans. You are the one who is unavailable.

Well, you'll meet less women, but the few you do meet will tend to be more serious about you (and some will just be lonely women).
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 32
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/7/2014 9:02:30 AM
So you work afternoons, meet them for breakfast or lunch then...plus you still have Friday and Saturday off too, that's plenty of time too plan an activity. OLD is not a quick fix solution, you just have to weed through those who are not compatible ...good luck in your search
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 33
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/7/2014 9:11:33 AM
Yes I know my schedule is very difficult to work around. I am free during the day to meet for lunch and I have all day friday and saturday. That is part of the problem meeting women but I still say if people are interested in each other they make time to meet.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 34
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/7/2014 3:21:37 PM

Its hard to find that girl that is right for me.


I hear ya.

I've been saying the same thing for 40 years.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 35
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/7/2014 5:53:25 PM
Most of the women that I've ever spoke to about their relationships seem to me to put too much effort in spending time with their boyfriends, the complete opposite of your problem with women. Women tend to put too much effort into making men happy when they shouldn't have to turn their lives around for them.
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 36
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/8/2014 11:11:44 AM
Your problem isn't that women (of any age) don't have time for men.

As I see it, it's you that doesn't have time for women.
You are not available afternoons or evenings 5 days a week. Ever.
Because of that, you demand she adjust her Fri/Sat to conform to your life and work schedule.
Who is being inflexible?
You want her to take her 30-60 minute lunch break to meet you; do you offer up your dinner break to meet her?
Who has time to meet for a leisurely breakfast before work?
What if she has weekly standing "dates" with friends/family on her nights off (Fri/Sat) but has flexible weeknights?

You are asking for a woman to conform to your life and your schedule, but are doing nothing to adjust to hers.
Your work schedule is going to be incompatible with the vast majority of women.
Does she see a future in being with someone who is never available Sun-Thurs?
Most people work during the day...so essentially you would never see each other except for sleep time and part of the weekend?

Best for you to seek women who work similar shifts or are willing to turn their lives upside down to date you b/c you are just that amazing.
 ascasualasitgets
Joined: 9/23/2014
Msg: 37
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/8/2014 5:50:08 PM
When you like someone or something, you make time for it. it's just the "over inflated sense of entitlement" and narcissistic mental illnesses that are spreading like wildfire.

Everyone seems to think the world should revolve around them, they think they are being true to themselves but what they are actually doing is digging their heels in like spoilt brats and forcing everyone around them to do as they wish, how they want it, when they want it.
I've had plenty like it.

They don't really want a relationship if that's the case- they just want and expect the world and don't like the feeling of missing out on something (fomo) it's a pathetic child like mentality and trust me: you don't want these types of deluded fools in your life OP.

They have been and always will be alone because they don't understand the basic fundamentals of forging a meaningful lasting relationship. Everything worth doing takes time and effort- even finding love.
 VoxClamantis
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 38
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/9/2014 6:00:19 AM
-------------------------------------------------------------------------



If you have more free time, date more women.
Your schedule will fill up and all of the women will still have plenty of free time.





---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 39
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/9/2014 6:17:06 AM
She needs to slow down? Really? This is utterly absurd (believe me, I had a few choice vitriolic labels I wanted to attach to you in mind, after I read that bullshit.)

She doesn't owe you a damned thing. If she has the time to spare for somebody she doesn't know, she'll make it for them. She has other activities, work, her education if she is an adult learner, raising children, traveling, managing her home. Why should you become her priority? What is it so special and pertinent that she has to forfeit her priorities to appease your morbidly obese ego and sense of entitlement, just because you exist? For shit's sake, you already made it very clear that you won't adjust any of your precious time to make dating successful. How dare you.

Stuff off.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 40
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/9/2014 10:03:45 AM
I never said I won't adjust my schedule. I can't change my work hours but I don't fill all my free time. Most of the time I plan things last minute. Unless its a vacation or something special where I plan ahead. If she can't set a side an hour or 2 to meet then there is nothing I can do.

I don't expect her to give up all her spare time. All I am saying is that men and women that want to date need to learn to make time for it. Both sexes seem to have become so busy anymore that they really don't have time to date. The one girl I dated for awhile really wanted a relationship but would never change her lifestyle. I don't expect people to completely change their schedule but once it becomes serious like it was for me with that girl you kind of need to make a bit more time for your SO. I am not saying every day but maybe twice a week or a weekend. I have talked to this girl since we broke up and she is still the same. She tells me she is lonely and wants some one around but she has never been willing to make time for anyone.

I see that a lot with many women. A lot of profiles on POF have said "I am very busy but would like some one around in the free time I do have." I tend to avoid those ones cause I don't see a relationship with a woman like that. I have had a few experiences with women like that and it never seems to work. Even when you do become serious with each other it never changes to any more than hanging out once a week. If I am going to be with some one I want to see the person atleast twice a week and maybe spend a weekend away once in awhile.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 41
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/9/2014 10:25:52 AM

I never said I won't adjust my schedule. I can't change my work hours but I don't fill all my free time.

You have all day Friday and Saturday off - most women work all day Friday. That leaves one day a weekend.

Most of the time I plan things last minute. Unless its a vacation or something special where I plan ahead.

You need to change this. If you want someone to spend time with you that has a lot going on you need to at least give the courtesy of giving her time to plan.

If she can't set a side an hour or 2 to meet then there is nothing I can do.

Even in my busiest I was able to set time aside for someone to do something if I was given some notice about it. If you are trying to get someone to drop stuff last minute that further explains why it's not going well.

I had an ex that didn't want to make plans ahead of time because he had a couple of kids and two jobs - so he was sometimes called last minute and he didn't want to have to cancel them. He'd get frustrated because when he was free to do something on a Friday or Saturday night he'd call me to do something two or three hours in advance and by then I'd already made other plans with friends who called me sooner or decided I didn't want to do anything cause I was looking forward to the downtime. When I would try to set something up for two days later I'd get a non-committal answer. So we spent a lot less time together than we should have.

Just a thought.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 42
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/9/2014 7:26:29 PM
If I want to go on a date with some one I usually ask the girl at the beginning of the week if she is available. I give the girl lots of notice if I want to do something. Most of my weekends I don't usually plan anything ahead of time.

I had an ex like you did and it was hard to make plans ahead of time with her cause she would never give you a definite answer until a few days from the day you wanted to go out. Her reasoning was she didn't want to disappoint me in case something else came up. Women like her are the ones I am taking about when I say they don't have time for me. Which is why when I see some ones profile that says they live a busy life its a huge red flag for me. I am fine with going for coffee or a drink once a week to start but if if becomes serious she better be willing to let go of atleast one evening on the weekend for me.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 43
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/10/2014 12:41:24 AM

I see a lot of profiles that one of the first lines is I have a busy lifestyle but would love some one in my life.

you're reading this too literally. being 'busy' is the number one cover story of the uninterested.

here's the actual translation: 'i feel vaguely guilty about those of you i silently reject, so i'm manufacturing this preemptive excuse.'
 ChaChucky
Joined: 10/23/2014
Msg: 44
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/10/2014 3:04:53 AM
What happened to the days of women wanting to spend as much time with a guy as they possibly can.


As usual, Sly Stone has the concise, and kinetically funky answer:


"If You Want Me To Stay"


If you want me to stay,
I'll be around today,
to be available for you to see.
But I am about to go,
And then you'll know,
For me to stay here I got to be me.

You'll never be in doubt,
That's what it's all about,
You can't take me for granted and smile.
Count the days I'm gone
Forget reachin' me by phone
Because I promise I'll be gone for a while.


Well, Sly certainly was gone...for approximately
forty years now, and counting, doing heroic amounts of blow.

Furthermore, dig that karate-kick with an afro and leather
male catsuit cover on Fresh!
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 45
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/10/2014 5:28:08 AM

I don't expect people to completely change their schedule but once it becomes serious like it was for me with that girl you kind of need to make a bit more time for your SO.
Perhaps it wasn't quite as serious on her end? I mean, if she wasn't willing to make the time....

I am fine with going for coffee or a drink once a week to start but if if becomes serious she better be willing to let go of atleast one evening on the weekend for me.
If someone gave me that attitude? That is the last thing on the planet he'd be getting.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 46
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/10/2014 7:14:37 AM
I don't come out and tell the girl that you have to give up your weekend time for me. I don't demand it either. If she doesn't want to go out on a weekend then I just do my own thing. I don't see the big deal, if you are serious about a person, why should it be a big deal to have to give up a weekend night for a person.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 47
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/10/2014 7:22:18 AM
If you weren't getting the time you needed, then you two weren't right for each other. It doesn't mean that 'women in their 30's don't have time for men', just because that's something you've repeatedly experienced.

Remember, you are the one constant in all of this.. not all men experience such things. Some get the women who want to be married after the first date..
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 48
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/10/2014 6:21:45 PM
"Call me when you have no class"
Thornton Mellon
Back to School
 QuirkyTeacher
Joined: 12/24/2013
Msg: 49
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/26/2014 1:09:09 PM
My schedule is steady afternoons with friday and saturdays off. It makes it hard to ask some one out during the week. I thought weekends we made for dating. No wonder dating is so hard anymore.


You're not moving your schedule around to date, so why are you expecting a woman to do this?

Yes, people are very busy. I don't have children, and I don't consider myself to be a socialite. However, I work every day until around 6:30. I try to be in bed by 10:30. My weekends are usually reserved for friends and family.

If a new guy comes into my life, we can go out after work, or we can shoot for a weekend that's not reserved for family. If a guy asks a few days before he wants to hang out, then I can arrange my schedule to accommodate it most of the time. Last minute plans don't work too well.

I am fine with going for coffee or a drink once a week to start but if if becomes serious she better be willing to let go of atleast one evening on the weekend for me.


If a man said this to me, it'd scare me off. It sounds very possessive, and if a man is like that and we're still just in the dating stage, I wouldn't want to stick around to find out how he'd be later.
 usernonymous
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 50
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/30/2014 5:22:01 AM
Its because, with the great recession, more and more women are the breadwinners in the family(even though there is STILL a wage gap).

What I noticed (in my life and in media) is that women are becoming more like men and men more like women, as more women become more powerful in the workplace. Men are becoming portrayed more as the sensitive one (in touch with their feelings), saying "I love u" first, doing much more domestically around the house (Though not nearly as much) and taking care of the kids as more moms are out there taking care of the family financially.
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