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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Women in their 30's not having time for men      Home login  
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 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 76
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Women in their 30's not having time for menPage 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

This is certainly a gender-neutral topic. It impacts men and women equally.
The good news is if one feels he or she is getting insufficient time and attention from a new partner, it is easy to move on.

No need for an exhausting explanation, just try to find assorted ways to spend more time together doing fun activities.
If finding that time is as difficult as pulling teeth, simply wish him or her good luck and seek someone on the same page.


That kind sir depends on where you live. in my area the male / female ratio is a bit guy heavy, so finding another female who you are into is a bit more tricky.
issues like that are only gender neutral in areas where the ratio is more in balance.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 77
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/22/2014 10:49:52 AM
The area I am in it seems that a lot of the single women are ones with kids. I have no problem with single mothers, I just know it will never work for me. A lot of that has to do with the fact when you have kids you don't have a lot of free time.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 78
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/22/2014 11:29:26 AM

Sounds like said women have no place in their lives for a relationship, at best they will end up with a playa who allows them the time to focus on all those other things while he is busy with other women, at worst they will end up with a guy that really loves them who she will neglect because he is the least important part of her life.

This is another over dramatic statement. A man may not be the most important thing in her life because she has more than one thing happening. However because she doesn't drop everything for him he won't necessarily be the least important. There is a LOT of middle ground there.

The beginning of the above quote makes me wonder - do these men have anything going on? When I was younger men were always making sure we knew they had stuff to do so we weren't going to always be able to spend time with them. At some point we realized that was a better way to go. Now men aren't getting enough attention? Oh, FFS.

Here's the bottom line IME - men who have things going on (work, family, friends, hobbies, downtime, overtime, an ex wife and kids) won't be complaining about what little time I have. Any time I get this from someone it's because they don't have much going on (or they expect an SO to go with them/take them everywhere). It's pretty logical.

Also, it's not about lack of interest so much as schedules and lifestyles...and priorities with someone new. Things that have been going on way before you meet that person are going to take precedence over someone coming into the picture. You have to expect that.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 79
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/22/2014 11:56:31 AM

I have no problem with single mothers, I just know it will never work for me. A lot of that has to do with the fact when you have kids you don't have a lot of free time.
And at least you know that now, that it won't work for you. You can be up front about things and go in forearmed so to speak.

I know that some single moms get hugely offended that many guys don't want to date them, I never once felt that way. I can completely understand why a guy wouldn't want to date a single mom. Sure there are the types who devote more to themselves and spending time with random dudes, but I was never that way. My kids always came first and I made no pretences about that. Same with going back to school and getting my career going. Yeah, a guy was going to be last. Which I knew wasn't fair, so I never put them in that position. Even when they asked to be.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 80
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/22/2014 12:42:59 PM

This is another over dramatic statement. A man may not be the most important thing in her life because she has more than one thing happening. However because she doesn't drop everything for him he won't necessarily be the least important. There is a LOT of middle ground there.


No there is not, either you are into someone or you are not. simple as that. I am not going to drop or reschedule anything for someone I am not attracted to. and I know within moments of meeting them whether I'm into them or not.


The beginning of the above quote makes me wonder - do these men have anything going on?


Yep I do, but none of it is etched in stone. all things that can be shuffled around or snipped at the edges to make time for the possibility of a lasting companionship.


When I was younger men were always making sure we knew they had stuff to do so we weren't going to always be able to spend time with them. At some point we realized that was a better way to go. Now men aren't getting enough attention?


I was never one of those men. might be why I had the same 2 girlfriends most of the way through high school ( with much dating in between) and was married from age 21 until almost 30.


Here's the bottom line IME - men who have things going on (work, family, friends, hobbies, downtime, overtime, an ex wife and kids) won't be complaining about what little time I have. Any time I get this from someone it's because they don't have much going on (or they expect an SO to go with them/take them everywhere). It's pretty logical.


That's why I tend to pick people who enjoy most of the same things I do. my ex wife is not going to take away time from a present SO, neither are family and friends(they're on a different level) and in my peer group people bring their SO's around all the time.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 81
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/22/2014 6:41:23 PM

No there is not, either you are into someone or you are not. simple as that. I am not going to drop or reschedule anything for someone I am not attracted to. and I know within moments of meeting them whether I'm into them or not.

No matter how into someone I have ever been, I don't drop or reschedule anything for someone I am dating - same as I won't drop or reschedule plans with them for someone else. I'm not a flake about plans. When I make them, I keep them. How often you blow everyone else off for someone you're dating isn't an indication that you're really into them - it's an indication that you're flaky and unreliable to make plans with. I know in minutes as well, but that has nothing to do with my ability to be where I said I was going to be. I would expect someone I am dating to respect plans I make elsewhere just as I respect theirs. I don't see the connection between the two.

Yep I do, but none of it is etched in stone. all things that can be shuffled around or snipped at the edges to make time for the possibility of a lasting companionship.

AS YOU GET INVOLVED naturally you start making room for someone - no one's arguing that. Expecting someone to drop previous plans because you've arrived on the scene is a bit self centered - I would never expect that from someone I just met and would hope it wasn't expected of me either.

I was never one of those men. might be why I had the same 2 girlfriends most of the way through high school ( with much dating in between) and was married from age 21 until almost 30.

Yep, I guess so.

That's why I tend to pick people who enjoy most of the same things I do. my ex wife is not going to take away time from a present SO, neither are family and friends(they're on a different level) and in my peer group people bring their SO's around all the time.

In my relationships my friends get time with me separate from an SO - so does family. I have no ex husband or kids so that's not an issue - but I while I will make time for someone when things get serious I won't put my life aside or date someone who has the mentality that has to compete with stuff for attention. It's not the way I think - it's kind of immature so I can't really deal with it coming from someone else.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 82
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/23/2014 8:25:04 AM
I don't expect any woman I just met to cancel her plans to go out with me. My thing is that a lot of men and women want to date but don't really want to change their lifestyle. The dating world has completely changed and for me I think its for the worst. Both genders seem to have become me first.
I dated a girl a couple of years ago that was like that. At first we only went out once a week which I am fine with cause until you get to know the person once a week works for me. After a couple of months it never changed. It was always once a week we would go out. She is like a lot of women and men are these days. They want a relationship but they want to keep their lifestyle too. I think that is a big reason a lot of relationships don't last anymore. People are so used to looking out for themselves first and don't want to change that.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 83
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/23/2014 12:33:00 PM

Wow that kinda sucks the passion out of the room...... wake me up when we get to the good part.

That's usually want happens when you wear blinders and your focus is the good part with no regard to anything else.


Attraction is all you need, but that is not the same as being hung up on her looks, at least not for me.

Attraction is not all I need. Someone needs to make sense in my mind, in my life, before the message goes to my heart. My heart is not tied to my vagina, so just sleeping with someone will not make me like them more.

If attraction is all you need, you are in essence saying that you are hung up on her looks.


its a question of, do I enjoy my time with her, do we like the same things or at least a good number of the same things, does her personality complement mine, can we hold a conversation about a wide range of topics?

If these things are coming as an afterthought and not the initial thought, you are prioritizing attraction over it all. Attraction has a way of skewing things to illogical measures, all of a sudden you're letting go things that are important to you, for the sake of attraction.


can I live with her annoying habits (we all have them) can she live with mine? These are all things you only learn through immersing yourself into the situation and having plenty of one on one time.

Quality has a way of trumping quantity. I spend hours on my dates, I would rather be able to spend a number of hours on one day, than 1-2 hours a couple times a week. The more time is spent (not the frequency in which you can meet someone), the more you get to know someone. In the end, in a relationship, you are likely going to have times in which you will spend all day together. So if your argument is that it needs to mimic a relationship from a very beginning, into actually becoming one................I'll tell you a story

The person I'm dating at this time, I've gone on 2 dates and I've gotten to know him in enough depth, that I know it has no future. Yes, I am attracted to him, yes I would sleep with him, but I wouldn't have a relationship with him now or in the future. He is not a good fit for me in the area of life in which I focus the most (resilience and outlook in life). I spent 4 hours on the first date, and 8 hours on the second date. We were supposed to have met last weekend, but for whatever reason (and I didn't ask), he communicated he was not able to see me Saturday or Sunday. That's fine, but I'm secretly hoping my lack of concern over it somehow lessens his interest, lol. If we end up making plans to see each other again, I'll communicate my disinterest in pursuing it any further.

I could allow for the attractiveness factor to drive me to sleep with him, but knowing that I'm already not interested in a future with him, would mean that I'd be selfish and just getting what I want, with no regard for his feelings. I rather he find someone who is a better fit for him, and who will take into account all he is, not just how attractive he may be.


I guess we all learn in different ways, for me the only way to understand something is to go balls deep into it, I have much knowledge in many things because if I get an interest in something I analyze is every way I possibly can, on the other hand if I dont really have an interest in something I just learn the cliff notes version of it.

My reading comprehension is failing me, because all I read were conflicting statements. If you're gonna do an all or nothing approach, that intensity has the same power to end things just as soon as they begin. You can go into a scenario with your best foot forward and believing it will turn out for the best, but in doing so, you're not to take it for granted that it will.

I've met a few individuals who operated as if we were already in a relationship from the onset of a first date. I refused to see them again, their intensity seems desperate and out of not wanting to look for a better match, so they'll just go "balls deep" with anyone they like. It burns out just as quickly and they appear as clingy and even stalkish. We hear about those types of stories in the forums a lot, people who have sex right away, move in right away, start having children right away, marry right away, and so forth. The common thread between all of the stories is the fact that they did not get to know each other very well, prior to making life changing decisions.

Running your life based purely on emotion has a way of making critical thinking skills nonexistent.


Sounds like said women have no place in their lives for a relationship, at best they will end up with a playa who allows them the time to focus on all those other things while he is busy with other women, at worst they will end up with a guy that really loves them who she will neglect because he is the least important part of her life.


huh? playa= beach in Spanish, I'm sure that's not what you meant. I don't think anyone would be upset to end up with a beach.

I'm not a fan of absolutes, this whole ending up with someone undesirable because a woman dared to have a life she's satisfied with is simply moronic. Life is not about finding someone, it's about finding yourself, to some extent in harmony with the universe. If you need anything other than yourself to be at harmony, you've arrived at the problem, yourself. Being with someone who understands you, appreciates you, respects your boundaries, accepts you as you are, is a bonus, not the purpose of life. If two people cannot fit into each other as it is, they are not compatible, case closed.

No one should be the most important person in anyone's life other than themselves. That's just a demonstration of how irresponsible we have become in willing to make other people more important than ourselves. The person you are with is equally important, or you wouldn't continue to keep them around.


Sex is a beautiful thing, I love it, I feel at peace during and after, and an ideal relationship would have plenty of it. That being said sex alone can not and should not be the sole motivation in pursuing a relationship


Again, quality trumps quantity. Women can get laid at any time if she so desires, so a woman's desire for a relationship is not sex motivated.

We are just different, we look for other things in each other, that's why it's not easy peasy.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 84
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/23/2014 4:24:43 PM

I don't expect any woman I just met to cancel her plans to go out with me. My thing is that a lot of men and women want to date but don't really want to change their lifestyle. The dating world has completely changed and for me I think its for the worst. Both genders seem to have become me first.

Expecting them to put their lifestyle aside for you would be an equal example of "me first" - so who's right? Them for wanting their life the way they want it - or you for wanting their life the way you want it? Hmm.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 85
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/23/2014 9:16:13 PM
I don't expect them to change their lifestyle but what do expect is to be included in part of their life. I used to know this couple that lived together for years but you would never know they were a couple. Other than the time they hung out together at home, they rarely did things together. They did their own thing and the odd time they would go out together. That is a good example of a lot of relationships these days.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 86
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/24/2014 9:43:39 AM
^^ And see, there's nothing wrong with that to me. They have separate interests, something to share when they come back together.

And expecting to be included in someone's life when things have not naturally progressed to that level or isn't something the other party wants? Is just going to lead to a world of hurt for you. The trick is in learning to recognize the signs before it becomes an issue, without being overly negative or paranoid and cutting someone off too soon.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 87
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/24/2014 10:14:31 AM

I don't expect them to change their lifestyle but what do expect is to be included in part of their life. I used to know this couple that lived together for years but you would never know they were a couple. Other than the time they hung out together at home, they rarely did things together.

Living together increases the amount of time you spend with each other by default. Why do you have to do everything together outside the house too? Overkill - they hung out at home together, and lived in the same house - isn't that plenty? That's seeing each other way more than twice a week.
 9998jeremy
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 88
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/24/2014 1:06:48 PM
If you have that much free time date more than one woman and you'd be surprised how when a women get's free if she's interested and knows you have other options. I'm not saying sleep with all them or be a pig but girls will date more than one guy and not put all her eggs in one basket. On POF girls will string along multiple back up guys for whenever they feel like getting out or whatever so you shouldn't feel like you're doing anything wrong unless you've made a commitment to date only each other.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 89
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/24/2014 1:21:12 PM
Like I said I am fine with having separate lives. I don't expect to be included right away but if you have been dating for a few months it should progress to that level. If it doesn't then I move on. What I want in a relationship is to have some one to share experiences with, vacation with. I don't expect to spend every day with them but I would expect to spend a few times a week if it progresses that far. If they can't give me that. then I move on. Maybe I haven't met the right one yet but it seems a lot of the ones I met didn't want that kind of relationship.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 90
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/24/2014 11:38:04 PM
Not having time can be the cause of normal attributing factors. But I don't see how there is a deficit of time at this age range. Time available has to obligations where time is demanded. Not the age demographic, but the individual analyzed.
 Aviator1
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 91
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/25/2014 12:57:28 AM
I agree with you jrb. I'm of the same opinions as you. Women, particularly city women/career women have become obsessed with their lifestyles and have little or no time for relationships. As a result and for many other reasons, including demographics of European countries, I'm emigrating as soon as I can to a part of the world that puts far more importance on relationships - South America.
The fact is Europeans are a diminishing race/culture, to keep a culture sustained and in growth you need a birth rate of 2.3 per couple. In Britain the Judeo/Christian culture has a birth rate of just 1.8, in Spain, it's declined to a mere 1.3. These figures are shocking and will result in many European countries becoming islamic states, as the demographics for muslims is 4 births per family unit. It's estimated by 2050 the UK will be an islamic state, purely from demographics - not war or violence, although that will play a part. The Netherlands is expected to fall in 2025.
It is plain to see that unless British judeo/Christian women change their thinking very fast, the birth rate will fall further. In fact, to repair the existing damage would take 100 years! I'm not going to convert to islam, but I would accept converting to Catholicism to fit in in South America. The damage is done and is now difficult to undo. Western values are to blame. We need to re appraise our morals, ethics and ideologies.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 92
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/25/2014 7:09:40 AM

Expecting them to put their lifestyle aside for you would be an equal example of "me first" - so who's right? Them for wanting their life the way they want it - or you for wanting their life the way you want it? Hmm.


To quote my mother, grandmother, great grandmother and aunt.
"If you want to act like your single then stay single"
You see every situation has acceptable behaviors. out of respect there are certain things I dont do when I am dating someone.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 93
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/25/2014 7:33:02 AM
I think it comes down to differing definitions of what LTR and FWB means.
because many seem to have no grasp of what LTR is and seem to confuse it with FWB the definitions have been listed below.

A. bootie call = nothing but sex, the one you call at 2AM to get a hook up.

B. FWB(Friends with benefits) = actual friends who you have sex with from time to time, you maybe even do other things together hang out from time to time, maybe talk on the phone once a week to every other day but you both do your own thing most of the time.

c. LTR(Longterm relationship) = talk every day, see each other when ever possible, enjoy each others company and look forward to seeing each other when apart ETC ETC.......

Funny how almost every other womans profile says they are looking for LTR, and that they arent looking for FWB, but when you ask them describe their ideal LTR it sounds suspiciously like FWB.

Its no wonder that in the past when I have knowingly and explicitly entered into an FWB relationship the woman eventually ended up wanting to be exclusively LTR at some point. But I cant do that.

I can go from LTR to FWB or I can even start out FWB, but I cant go from FWB to LTR no matter how hard I try because it feels like I cheated on her or she cheated on me if either of us slept with someone else during the time as FWB even though technically nobody did anything wrong it would still feel like it.

But I guess the reason is because by modern standards under the rules of what women seem to want under my rules of FWB I make the perfect boyfriend.... kinda sad when I think about it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 94
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/25/2014 4:37:31 PM

To quote my mother, grandmother, great grandmother and aunt.
"If you want to act like your single then stay single"
You see every situation has acceptable behaviors. out of respect there are certain things I dont do when I am dating someone.

Do you work? Do you sleep? Do you have friends? Errands you have to run? Family you spend time with? Any time to yourself when you're awake? Keep a gym schedule? These are the things I'm talking about. Those things are things that can take that constant 24/7/365 time away from an SO who believes that's how much you should be around each other.

What things were you referring to?
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 95
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/25/2014 5:01:46 PM

Do you work? Do you sleep? Do you have friends? Errands you have to run? Family you spend time with? Any time to yourself when you're awake? Keep a gym schedule? These are the things I'm talking about. Those things are things that can take that constant 24/7/365 time away from an SO who believes that's how much you should be around each other.

What things were you referring to?


yep I work from home. make my own hours.

I have friends all of which I have had for 20+ years.

I was an only child and my extended family is scattered around the world, just me my daughter, mother and two cousins still live in town.

I have a weight set in my house that I use every morning when I get up and every night before sleep.

And all those things can be attended to leaving plenty of time to devote to a potential or actual relationship.

But spending all night hanging out with my friends for nights on end is reserved for times when I have no SO in my life. So is going on road trips, going out dancing etc etc.....
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 96
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/26/2014 9:09:05 AM
Actually I'm pretty sure most women here in the past have been too accommodating to men and got burned and realized that romantic relationships are temporary and fleeing so they focus on people (family and friends) and events they have that will be around for decades. Great trade off vs being deeply disappointed in the opposite gender.
 Aviator1
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 97
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/26/2014 9:37:00 AM
Point is, the white indigenous European is on the way out, if relationships and, ultimately, marriage don't flourish. Without a sustained birth rate of 2.11 (I stand corrected from my previous post) any remaining children will be subject to Islam. Once those children have gone, Europe, including Britain will have disappeared as you know it now. May be you don't care about this extremely important issue. Fine, if you don't, but then please don't harp about the UK's islamification and it's future oppression of women. As I mentioned in my previous post, I'm off to an area of the world that puts greater emphasis on relationships. I've really had it with English women (Scottish excepted). I'm off for a life in the land of Latinas. Incidentally, I'm not into short term sexual flings, nor do I play games. I'm extremely reliable and have experienced absolutely no reliability from London women.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 98
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/26/2014 10:14:25 AM
You make a good point Hotdogshop. I think now it has gone too far the other way. I hope eventually it meets in the middle a some point but I get the feeling it won't. I am at the point where I am really meh towards being with some one. I kind of enjoy the single life. Yeah I would love to have some one to share things with and travel with but I am not desperate for it. What I want out of a relationship is very difficult to find these days. I want some one who will be around more than once a week. It seems like you said Hotdogshop, a lot of women would rather spend their time with their family and friends over making a relationship with the opposite gender.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 99
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/26/2014 10:42:49 AM

I am at the point where I am really meh towards being with some one. I kind of enjoy the single life.

Congratulations - you can now be content without having to define your worth and happiness in connection with your relationship status. It's an awesome place to be. Some never get to it.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 100
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/26/2014 10:55:32 AM
I agree it is an awesome place to be. I love being able to do what I want and when I wa
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