Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Women in their 30's not having time for men      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 126
view profile
History
Women in their 30's not having time for menPage 6 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I've adapted and changed a number of things I do/did for every woman I ever dated. To have a sucessful partnership you will have to continue to do the things you like to do (and maybe she will be able to join you in some,) as well as partaking in some of the things she enjoys doing otherwise the relationship is destined to fail, that is unless you find the exact female clone of yourself, but a s for me I KNOW that will never happen so I better learn to adapt some. I mean if you despise cooking and head out on a bike ride EVERYTIME while she is cooking I would have to think the relationship would fail...but if every once in a while you peeled the carrots, chopped the celery/bok choy (ok we're cooking Chinese) I would think you would have a greater chance of success.
 dinno76
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 127
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/29/2014 12:37:57 AM
The older you get the less free time you have to date. Your life more busier with all the things you have to do. That is just the way life is.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 128
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/29/2014 1:41:45 AM
Busy is 7 days out of the week, its a PhD, its military service, its contract work, its traveling. But not even those extremes are without free time.

And what is "time for men"

What it sounds like is a women didn't have time a man. She may have been busy, but that's not why she didn't have enough time.

"enough time" in this context satisfies a personal quota.

Which is nice when it sates an insecurity.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 129
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/29/2014 10:00:26 PM
I just had a huge argument on Saturday with a guy I had been involved with for a while over that issue. He works odd hours and I have always been very understanding and patient when he wasn't able to see me. Then last Saturday he contacts me late afternoon to let me know he would like to see me. Told him I had already made other plans, and that I wish he had told me earlier because I would really like to see him too. He had a MAJOR meltdown about me not being available when it was good for HIM, and that it was ridiculous that I need advance notice to see him, etc. He told me that if I wanted to be part of his life I would have to make myself available to him when it was good for him. Needless to say, we are done. I did reach out to him trying to work things out but he is sulking and ignoring me. Oh well, unless he gets that this is not how a relationship works, we are not going to work out.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 130
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:05:20 AM
Good you left karma. Obviously a control freak who is used to getting its way. Yuck.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 131
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 7:35:04 AM
They will make time if interested. One girl and I had a great first meet on a Saturday so we arranged to meet the next day. She said she skipped her yoga class for the Sunday date. She also juggled spending time with a friend so we could go out after work on a weekday.

Many women have all the time in the world, yet won't meet. They're not interested. Last year two of the ones I dated weren't going to work because their government jobs were sequestered. One said she was taking care of her mom; the other did the fadeaway. Another was on a year of paid severance, not going to work. Another didn't work anymore, but didn't want to drive to my place (had plenty of time, but apparently it cost too much to drive to my place, too bad she didn't realize this before we tried to have a relationship). Another had two weeks off from her job. Our first two dates went well. She cancelled a planned third date, saying the doctor's appointment she had scheduled for earlier in the day got pushed later to conflict with our date. She didn't offer any alternative, then went out of town to visit her parents. Never heard from her again.

Many women in their 30s (and older) are still connected to their mother, never cutting the umbilical cord. They live with their mom as an adult child, or they say they're taking care of their invalid mom. You'd think their mom would eventually fall asleep or they'd be glad to get away from her for a change, but the ones who aren't interested play the mom card as an excuse for "not having time".

Some women say they're taking classes in addition to having one or more jobs.

And these are all women without kids! The mothers probably play the kid card. Perhaps if they're interested, they dump the kids off on a grandma or aunt?
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 132
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 7:48:38 AM
Some people don't hate there parents. I'd really not think highly of a man, if he was in the vicinity of his mom and dad and didn't want to see them on are regular basis. It shows a me myself and I selfishness and a non caring attitude that he would bring to the table in the dating world.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 133
view profile
History
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 8:18:02 AM
^^^ well, aren't we judgemental...
There are many reasons for people doing what they do, some are quite valid in this department.
My mother loved my grandfather, but never visited him till he was on his death bed. It was the one and only time I saw him. The reason she didn't see him was because of the abuse he inflicted on his family when she was a child. Even though, she still loved him.
You can't be so judgemental if you don't know the circumstances of a situation.
 Boshed
Joined: 12/12/2014
Msg: 134
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 8:41:39 AM
“ I see a lot of profiles that one of the first lines is I have a busy lifestyle but would love some one in my life.”

I translate this as “ looking for someone who also places a low priority on romance/sex “

Therefore, I won’t even bother with this type of profile , but I do appreciate the heads up !

I also avoid single moms and women with careers that take up too much of their time when I’m single.

If you meet someone you feel a connection with and decide to make a go of it, I recommend staying cool for a month or so to see how available she actually is.
For example, she may not have a busy career but you could end up realizing her BFF takes a higher priority than you most of the time.

Been there done that.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 135
view profile
History
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 8:52:00 AM
I am the same way. It is exactly what I was talking about. A lot of the profiles in my area I see that exact line. They have a busy lifestyle and want some one in their life. I don't even bother messaging them. I may not have a great work schedule but other than my job I don't fill all my free time. It seems like a lot of people, men and women, fill every second of the their free time with things. You wonder why relationships don't work these days
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 136
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 8:54:43 AM

They will make time if interested. One girl and I had a great first meet on a Saturday so we arranged to meet the next day. She said she skipped her yoga class for the Sunday date. She also juggled spending time with a friend so we could go out after work on a weekday.

In this case making time for you meant blowing off stuff she already had planned. And that was her personal choice - it doesn't indicate more interest if a woman drops everything for you, it just works better for you. Not all women would give up a class or blow off friends for a guy regardless of interest because they consider those things to be important. A guy who would gauge their value (or the other person's interest) on how much a woman cancels to be with them is looking at the situation wrong.

Some women say they're taking classes in addition to having one or more jobs.

I once was working three jobs, one of them was a 40+ hour weekday job, two of them took up my Friday and Saturday night, and was also in school for my Bachelor's 4 nights a week (Mon thru Thursday). To top it off my mom was terminally ill and dying and I was in and out of the hospital with my own medical issue. No matter how interested I was in someone at that time I was going to have a hard time "making time". It would be offensive to have someone tell me I'm just not interested enough.

You can like someone and yet be in a position where dating them or anyone else isn't feasible. This doesn't mean you have no interest in them - it means you're busy.

For example, she may not have a busy career but you could end up realizing her BFF takes a higher priority than you most of the time.

Been there done that.

This is the same mentality as a friend of mine's husband who would routinely complain that the family dog got more attention than he did. When the dog died, we all comforted her - he made it clear he was glad the dog was gone as he felt less important regardless of how hurtful it was to her - cause you know it was all about him. How needy can someone be? If you come along after someone's had a friend for years expecting them to ditch the friendship because you're now in the picture - it really makes you look like an infant.

I would NEVER expect a guy to put all his friends or family or anything important to them aside because he started dating me. In fact if he did I'd likely sit him down and have a talk with him about it. The people in your life before you meet someone should never become less important - and no one you start dating should expect them to be put on hold.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 137
view profile
History
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 9:30:27 AM
I would never give up my friends for someone I am dating but if it becomes a long term thing then I would. Maybe cause I am bit old school but I have always thought that once you are in a relationship it is expected that your SO becomes a top priority in your life. I have come to realize its not the case anymore. Nobody seems to want to put much effort into a relationship anymore. No wonder men break things off quick. I would too if I was never going to be as important to my SO as her BFF. I would never expect to be more important but if a relationship with a woman is going to work for me, I should be as important. If I never get to that level than I am out.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 138
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 9:34:41 AM
Excellent post Wip :)

What's with certain men making wide sweeping generalities based on their limited experience??

You do realize that PLENTY of guys out there have the opposite experience, right? That women can be clingy and want to spend every waking moment with them and they run for the hills because of it?

Why do you think soo many articles are written about men who pull back, fear commitment, etc??

When you meet a certain type over and OVER again, it might be time to look in the mirror to find out why the pattern keeps repeating, as opposed to acting like all mankind faces what you do, lol.
 Boshed
Joined: 12/12/2014
Msg: 139
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 9:35:35 AM
^^^^^ EXACTLY JRB !!!!

I would prefer a woman who UNDERSTANDS this , I don't know why it is so incomprehensible to some but oh well.

" If you come along after someone's had a friend for years expecting them to ditch the friendship "

Seriously ? Did I say ditch the friendship ? No. I didn't.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 140
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 10:16:31 AM
The bottom line here is that the mindset that you won't date someone who doesn't give you time and attention is not the best way to walk into something - and it basically sounds like you're making it all about you. What's the phrase? You get more with honey than vinegar?

You may not have said "ditch a friendship" but you did say "a BFF that's more important than me" which implies that you expect to some degree to be more important than a woman's best friend. Why can't everyone be important in their own way?

You can either respect the life someone has going on and realize that you have to become part of it gradually - and appreciate time spent with you by someone you're getting to know, or you can start off the relationship by announcing that you expect to take priority over certain things (or everything) and create a totally different dynamic.

I will want to make an effort to spend time with someone who doesn't demand/expect/push me about it. I will be resistant to someone who comes along saying they expect it. Basically, it's entitlement which is a turn off. There are people and things in my life that will continue to be there regardless of who I date.

Staying single ensures that no one can make you less important than you now are. You will always be the most important thing in your life - so maybe that's the best choice.

Men shouldn't be pushed to give things up for a woman who comes along either so I'm not busting guys up about this - after all if you don't go off sometimes to see your friends, family, kids or enjoy hobbies then where will she get her me time from? I once had a talk with a guy I knew from a local band back in the northeast about upcoming dates. He told me the next date was 6 months away - asking why, I found out in conversation that two of the guys wives that met them as fans of the band were now not allowing the band to play out like they used to. I thought that to be completely stupid, especially as the wives were followers of the band and that's how they met their husbands.

And Karma...I'd have ended it with that guy too. Sheesh.
 Boshed
Joined: 12/12/2014
Msg: 141
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 10:34:10 AM
“ The bottom line here is that the mindset that you won't date someone who doesn't give you time and attention is not the best way to walk into something - and it basically sounds like you're making it all about you. “

No , if someone is of the same mindset then it’s about BOTH of us

“You may not have said "ditch a friendship" but you did say "a BFF that's more important than me" which implies that you expect to some degree to be more important than a woman's best friend. Why can't everyone be important in their own way?”

No I said “ higher priority “ referring to TIME spent with me vs the BFF .
Look, when me and/or my guy friends meet someone new we shift our time priorities to the new potential love connection and we are ok with this. Why would I rather hang out with a buddy drinking beer vs meeting someone who could be a way deeper relationship in the long run ????Is it only men that do this ????

“You can either respect the life someone has going on and realize that you have to become part of it gradually - and appreciate time spent with you by someone you're getting to know, or you can start off the relationship by announcing that you expect to take priority over certain things (or everything) and create a totally different dynamic.”

I don’t announce shite, I see how by her actions whether or not we’re on the same page of how often we want to see eachother. If she’s not, I walk. Simple as that. I know enough by now that trying to change someone is a waste of time. You either accept someone from the get go how they are or you walk.

“ I will want to make an effort to spend time with someone who doesn't demand/expect/push me about it. I will be resistant to someone who comes along saying they expect it. Basically, it's entitlement which is a turn off.”

Everyone has a right to want what they want out of a relationship. I don’t call that entitlement, I call that being in touch with your needs. If both parties are on the same page it’s a win win situation.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 142
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 11:04:12 AM

Staying single ensures that no one can make you less important than you now are. You will always be the most important thing in your life - so maybe that's the best choice.

100%, you are the most important person in your world, and who needs be prioritized over anything and anyone else (except in the case of having children).

Karma, It is great that this happened sooner rather than later, imagine if you had been way more emotionally invested to then find out you were with a boy. Goodness gracious, I lose faith in human kind at every turn.

It all boils down to self-sufficiency. Sometimes, people fail to realize some things are to be had in small doses, in order for it to work.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 143
view profile
History
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/30/2014 2:45:06 PM
I think if you don't have kids there should be enough free time available. While its quite understandable if you don't have much choice in the matter with the job that you have, taking on a second or third job when you already have a 40+ hour a week role surely cant be healthy. There was a women who I met on here that I was hoping to meet but she rarely has time off. As for social activities, in most cases you shouldn't be obliged to turn up every single week if its something you do in your spare time.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 144
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/31/2014 6:39:33 AM

I think if you don't have kids there should be enough free time available.

Yes, not having kids gave me plenty of time to work 3 jobs and go to school full time.

While its quite understandable if you don't have much choice in the matter with the job that you have, taking on a second or third job when you already have a 40+ hour a week role surely cant be healthy.

Maybe not, what's your point? I should have made less money on weekends in case some guy crossed my path?

There was a women who I met on here that I was hoping to meet but she rarely has time off. As for social activities, in most cases you shouldn't be obliged to turn up every single week if its something you do in your spare time.

While you're not obligated to turn up, if you enjoy the activity you want to show up. In the case of yoga, that's actually beneficial to your fitness and health when showing up. When you skip it to meet someone you're dating you now have to figure out where else in the week to put it. Why not just spend time with someone when you don't already have plans?
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 145
view profile
History
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/31/2014 7:48:36 AM
Man in 50's not having the time to read about women in their 30's not having time for men. It's simple, if they don't have time don't date em.
 Boshed
Joined: 12/12/2014
Msg: 146
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/31/2014 8:00:52 AM
" It's simple, if they don't have time don't date em."

Exactly, if a woman prioritizes yoga higher than a romantic relationship, that's her choice and for me personally categorizes her as a NON MATCH and vice versa.

Live and let live.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 147
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/31/2014 8:24:30 AM
Hahaha so if I don't drop yoga classes to date, that means I don't want a relationship?

Man, is that priceless, lol.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 148
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/31/2014 8:40:31 AM
Anyone who has ever done a yoga session, would understand why it would be counterintuitive to prioritize a man over it.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 149
view profile
History
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/31/2014 8:47:05 AM
It is simple. If they can't make time for me I move on. If I have been dating a woman for a few months and it has become serious, I would hope spending time with me is equal to how much she spends with her friends. If its not, then won't work for me.
 Boshed
Joined: 12/12/2014
Msg: 150
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 12/31/2014 8:50:03 AM
"Hahaha so if I don't drop yoga classes to date, that means I don't want a relationship? "

I wish there was an IQ requirement on these forums.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Women in their 30's not having time for men