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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Women in their 30's not having time for men      Home login  
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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 176
Women in their 30's not having time for menPage 8 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

I never said all women in their 30's don't have time for men.

The title of this thread is "Women in their 30's not having time for men". Looks exactly the same to me. Anyone else?

I have noticed a lot of women own their own home and have become so independent that they don't need a relationship.

They're not supposed to need a relationship, and neither are you. A relationship is supposed to be in addition to your life, not the focus of your life. Perhaps the angle you're looking at it from is basically your projection?

My question is why did we get to the point in this world where a lot of women have become so independent that they feel they need to prove they can do everything on their own.

Well, let's see...

I don't expect any body to do my house work. I am capable to do it on my own.

I have no idea where "I'm capable of doing this by myself" comes from.

There's an episode of a favorite series I used to watch where a woman wanted to buy a house. She kept getting asked by the realtor, a guy she was dating, and eventually the person she bought the house from where her boyfriend or husband or father was during the process, which basically insinuated she couldn't possibly be affording to buy a house without some man in her life helping her pay for it. If you can afford your own home, that's pretty insulting - imagine men being asked how they can afford their own houses without a woman chipping in? I bet no one can picture that. Ha.

OT, the bottom line isn't how much time each person wants to spend with a new prospect (and this thread is about someone you just met, not someone you've been dating for months) it's about your attitude going into a possible relationship. If your mentality is "I better get what I want or I'm walking away" then expect the new person to dig their heels in and be defiant to that mentality...which by the way assumes that person is going to be real upset if you walk - perhaps they'll step aside and wave goodbye to you, and you'll have to reconsider how big a deal you are.

If both people are wondering what's in it for them and/or how much someone is going to make time and prioritize them over their current life - that will cause a problematic dynamic for a relationship (and if you think that's not a vibe you give off even if you don't say that, you should think again). If both people are open to allowing the other the time and space to do what they want to do as well as gradually building a bond and prioritizing that person as things get more serious, then both won't feel smothered, pushed, or coerced into spending time with the other person. One should want to on their own, not be told they should if they care.

Respecting that the person had a life already before you got there and making sure they feel like they don't have to give up anything is what will make them actually want to move things around to spend time with you.

Anyway, you've never come across as particularly enlightened in any of the posts you've left on this forum...very rigid, sort of mentally locked in a box. That's my impression. You've also crabbed about women "not having enough time to date."

I agree - that mixed with a bit of repetitious theory even though it's already been addressed 15 times with good responses.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 177
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History
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 12:26:27 PM
Yes I do have a bit of anger towards women. I have tried to "check it at the door" but it has been increasingly difficult. I know part of it is I keep chasing after the wrong type of women for what I am looking for. Part of it has to do with a lot of the women that live in the region I am in. I would love to find a woman who works the same type of hours I do or is a night owl but it doesn't seem like there is many of them in this area. A few I have dated decide it won't work after they find out I work afternoons. I do my best to work around my schedule to date some one but some of the woman I have dated seemed interested but weren't willing to compromise on their schedule to see if we could work.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 178
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 1:14:11 PM

My question is why did we get to the point in this world where a lot of women have become so independent that they feel they need to prove they can do everything on their own.


My rebuttal would be, why do you think it is common for most Arabic cultures - In their quest for masculine domination - to come to similar conclusions as you've stated and I've quoted?

Why do you think they apply statutes or morally reprehensible action in regard to women and individuality? Because they are secure with themselves and well adjusted? Or repressed, living in fear of giving women individual right, for simple fact that they're pathetic and would rather be pathetic, then earn the respect and adoration of any relationship worthy of pursuit?

Got a little carried away, stupidity is typically self-evident. Or in this case, can be easily argued to the absurd stupidity it champions as anything other than blatant ignorance. Progressive, not regressive, earn your confidence. Or be butt hurt about women, as if the concept applied to accommodate your irrational baggage....

Irrational baggage does lead to women/man hating though. Good job on acquiring that, the better option is coming to a resolve through acceptance and understanding vis a vis logical processing of factors... but ya know baggage works too.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 179
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 3:39:24 PM
" some of the woman I have dated seemed interested but weren't willing to compromise on their schedule to see if we could work."

If these women were TRULY interested in being with you, they would have made the effort. They weren't interested enough.

You're also admitting you go after the wrong sort of women.

So, you go after the wrong sort of women, it doesn't work out and you harbor a slowing grudge against women.

Nice.

"My question is why did we get to the point in this world where a lot of women have become so independent that they feel they need to prove they can do everything on their own."

Um..maybe because in some parts of the world, beating, raping, physically mangling women and murdering them is still going on in an effort to keep women dependent and subservient?

Maybe because there's a nice chunk of men out there who are angry and hateful towards women (at the same time pursing them, as well) and women are trying to build and maintain independent lives so they can live hate and violence free?

Men have made this world, and with that comes much destruction and violence, along with the great things. Women are sick of male destruction. Thank God some of us today can live in complete autonomy and not have to face male hatred and violence in our own lives.

Tired of women being so independent and indifferent to men? Stop dragging them down, beating on them and trying to control them.

And there's more than that...we live in a completely different era now, where we are all expected to be financially self sufficient, marriage isn't such a priority...and as far as women having to PROVE to you they don't have time for you....any examples of this?
 blueguy99881
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 180
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 3:57:59 PM
Lmao!! What a load of crap, volcano. Ur so out spoken. You are so false.

Womem have it made in this world. They are allowed to be shallow and no one criticizes them. But if men are, it's wrong.
Women also get away with or given breaks on serious offenses. Judges and juries and are to whimpy to punish females these days.
Women get Paternity leave. We don't. That's not fair.

Yea so I don't wanna hear any whining of how men have it made cause it's false.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 181
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 3:59:09 PM
Its a new year and I am going to try to change the way I am. I have said in other threads part of my problem is I am a quiet guy and it does bother me that so far the women I have met don't want to give me a chance. I don't drag women down or try to control them. I have never demanded anything from anyone I have been in a relationship with. When I am in a relationship with some one I like to see them a few times a week. Obviously it won't always be the case. If there can't be a compromise I will tell them so. I don't come out and set any rules for dating some one. I have what I would like in a relationship and if I meet some one and its not what I want I let them know.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 182
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 7:32:06 PM
Women get Paternity leave. We don't. That's not fair.

In the military, it is eventually understood that getting upset over perceived equality issues, is a moot concept to contend with, as it ultimately doesn't matter.

I suggest suffering in silence, if you're dead set on indirectly insulting women because you're addled by insecurity. Same applies to women like hotdog who would call you a man, and per her perspective, makes you a bottom feeder as you're associated with x number of ex's.

But is it fair to be blamed for the mistakes that hotdog associated you with, because you're a man, and simple gender relevance makes you a valid target to unload baggage on.

Ironic you talk of whining, after whining about paternity leave and the purpose men have with emasculating themselves for the trivial purpose of getting a few days off. The rest of your observations are neurotic and nonsensical, that it makes sense you're the type of person you are.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 183
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 8:16:39 PM
Gosh it's simple
If they don't have time for you but are able to make time for others (friends) then they are not into you. You are around so they don't watch reruns of Seinfeld alone. Some folks think their social calendar must be filled every available hour and to be alone for a night is not permitted....so those types keep a few doormats lying around to fill in those Seinfeld gaps.

Oh and rest assured, I'll never be in a Yoga class, everyone is safe.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 184
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 8:55:19 PM
For people who want marriage and family, I think they do need to be proactive vs too easy going because frankly, some people just aren't going to be more marketable the older they get, but not shoot themselves in the foot by being unreasonably demanding.

Op, the 2 times a week or bust attitude isn't helping you develop a ltr...You say you're a loner introvert, so what is the problem if she wants to see you once a week in the beginning...it is 1 x more than you are getting.

The upfront demands are silly. And, nothing is more repulsive than just hanging out with a guy at his house when you barely know him. You say you refuse to change or develop interests or hobbies to look interesting. Nobody is suggesting you develop a false self, but face facts...no one wants to hang around a couch potato or be bored silly. They expect some courting which means being a heightened version of yourself, but still true to your values and likes.

If you are serious about a ltr, you can leave the house and do things in the city..doesn't have to cost anything or much. There are guys who had said to me they love just sitting in the same room saying nothing, but knowing another human is breathing in and out next to them. I hardly need say, that was a no for me. I picked men who were more articulate, emotionally engaged, curious and sharing than these strange guys who seemed inexplicably to want a live blow up doll.

Or, the other thing, guys who want to take long ass walks for miles, as a way to get to know a person, and never actually use words. I think they were afraid they'd have to speak or admit some nutty opinions and that usually got them in trouble. In any case, better to be upfront about yourself.

I don't know why I pity those who seem perturbed by solitude. Maybe it just seems a waste of human potential and I see broken lives ahead, maybe booze and dead ends for people, when some reasonable measures could be taken. Don't be a late bloomer, op. Your attitude is rather rigid for a guy your age. You are acting more like a guy who is old, refusing to do new things, be flexible, be pleased by seeing someone new once a week, and is patient about developing something.

Instead there are teen aged tantrums and drama...very unattractive to me when a guy acts 17 to 25. I think somebody said being childlike was attractive but I never saw it. I was 19 and tried to date 30 yr olds because the immaturity of my peers made my skin crawl. Now we have boomers acting 17, ugh. God forbid people act like a youthful version of their age, with sophistication and elegance, than trying to be an age they aren't.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 185
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 9:41:44 PM
I am fine with seeing some one new once a week at the beginning. I don't go out and demand a woman see me more than once a week. I don't get all upset and pout about it. When I meet some one new I have never came out and said "If you don't have everything that I want then get lost". I take time to get to know the person and see where it goes. If after a few months and nothing changes then I move on. If the woman really is interested in me she would eventually want to see me more than once a week.

I don't know where everyone keeps saying I am a couch potato. No I don't have any hobbies but I do go out. A few times a month I play poker with my friends. I go to a few Sabres game a season. I am not a homebody all the time. Yeah there is weekends where I am not in the mood to go out but I don't sit at home every day.

I am a bit rigid and I know some of that is me cause I am a quiet person. I get frustrated cause other than my close friends and family, a lot of people don't know how to deal with it. The last woman I dated thought I was a great guy and very sweet but couldn't deal with how quiet I was. It is really hard to find a woman that understands it takes me a little while to get comfortable around new people.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 186
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 9:53:48 PM
Everyone? It could have to do with the information provided in profile, depicts homebody and non active lifestyle. What inference people make as a result is typically in line with what I would probably assume.

Rigid in terms of silence inducing moments of awkward attempts to achieve a balance of chemistry?

Quiet is a bad sign, like your profile it invokes thoughts of insecurity and passive aggressive nature. A lack of confidence requires that you either shore up confidence through means of affirming it. Which is difficult because it requires you to step outside comfort zone. Or you can simply focus on confidence with respect to quelling the initial problem with being quiet. So if you cant be confident publically, then try to avoid public situations and invoke confidence in a 1 on 1 situation.

Either way you're going to have to get uncomfortable and build yourself up. Or get creative and work your way around.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 187
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/1/2015 10:52:59 PM
Jrb, the way you describe yourself sounds like the last guy I had been involved with. Very quiet, getting him to talk was like pulling teeth. He is very much a loner, and is very rigid about his routine and has certain demands that he is unwilling to adjust. Didn't work for me. He was incredibly handsome, one of the most handsome guys I have ever been with, but I had to step back because there was not much initiative coming from his side. Even setting up a first meet back in August/September was incredibly complicated and took forever to set up. I really thought he was not interested in me and was just stringing me along, but then he keeps texting me that he misses me and thinks about me, etc. Plus I cant imagine that any other woman would put up with as much as I have. He gets very defensive when I tell him that he needs to show me with actions that he even cares about me. I feel bad for him because he has had a very and traumatic childhood, and I guess that's why he is so stunted emotionally, but I just didn't know how to deal with it anymore.
 1OdDmAnOuT2
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 188
People expecting others to change for them
Posted: 1/1/2015 11:03:56 PM

Its the ones that refuse to change their life after dating some one for months that are the problem.


Houston we have a problem.
If you don't match their trajectory then it was never meant to be,
as their course had been plotted and you simply were not going in their direction.

I've dated more than enough women that suddenly expected me to change
when we moved from dating to committed relationship.
Had to abort those missions because I would have never reached "happily ever after" with someone who couldn't accept the real me that I presented all along.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 189
People expecting others to change for them
Posted: 1/1/2015 11:11:39 PM
"If the woman really is interested in me she would eventually want to see me more than once a week."

How do you know? How do you know what an adult's schedule might be like? I was able to see my bf on weekends and we did this for 9 years. You better believe I was into him. As I said, we called every night and did a check in/how was your day thing for about an hour, and we went on trips when we had the time. We were both very hard working professionals in the same field. He worked long hours and so did I.

You have NO IDEA who will step into your life and how you might have to tweak your thinking.

Anyway, I feel like any sort of advice I give here just hits a wall and slips to the floor.

I'm signing off!
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 190
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/2/2015 12:07:13 AM
Why do you just keep repeating the same stuff Op? Every now and then it seems like there's a breakthrough in your thinking, but then you revert back to how women don't have enough time for you. I mean, how can that be the whole story when you yourself have admitted that your being so quiet and working all afternoons is an issue ?

Did you start the thread in the hopes of getting validation for it being all the women's fault that you haven't found a relationship? If so, how sad. Wouldn't you rather focus on the things you do have some control over? Or is the comfort of blame too heady for you to let go of?
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 191
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/2/2015 1:58:42 AM
Op, like the others trying to tell you the obvious, I am about to call it a day on your thick headness. Relationships are a negotiation, as much as you think otherwise. You have to do things for her sake, and vice versa.

You are not entitled or insured a ltr. If you want to be alone, keep wanting your way, but nobody is going to change for you either. I see no hook, why anybody would bother.

Your interests are stuff most women don't participate in, yet you expect them to be available...why, possessiveness, to watch you move around in your house or watch the tube...You seem unwilling to try new things, so maybe you just want a warm body.




I am fine with seeing some one new once a week at the beginning. I don't go out and demand a woman see me more than once a week. I don't get all upset and pout about it. When I meet some one new I have never came out and said "If you don't have everything that I want then get lost". I take time to get to know the person and see where it goes. If after a few months and nothing changes then I move on. If the woman really is interested in me she would eventually want to see me more than once a week.

The reason she doesn't is you are dull because you are complacent, and exasperating. Do you have a discussion, using "I" statements, saying you'd like to see her more...

I don't know where everyone keeps saying I am a couch potato. No I don't have any hobbies but I do go out. A few times a month I play poker with my friends. I go to a few Sabres game a season. I am not a homebody all the time. Yeah there is weekends where I am not in the mood to go out but I don't sit at home every day.

And what if she wants to do something? Will you go? I'm surprised you got dates..did you try in the beginning?


I am a bit rigid and I know some of that is me cause I am a quiet person. I get frustrated cause other than my close friends and family, a lot of people don't know how to deal with it. The last woman I dated thought I was a great guy and very sweet but couldn't deal with how quiet I was. It is really hard to find a woman that understands it takes me a little while to get comfortable around new people.

No, people don't have to deal with it. Like you, they walk. If you want a different result, You can be the adult and communicate at a level expected of adults. Or don't, but you cannot complain about poor results. Garbage in, garbage out.

1pout

: to refuse to talk to people because you are angry or annoyed about something<<<
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 192
People expecting others to change for them
Posted: 1/2/2015 3:57:43 AM

I've dated more than enough women that suddenly expected me to change
when we moved from dating to committed relationship.
Had to abort those missions because I would have never reached "happily ever after" with someone who couldn't accept the real me that I presented all along.


You claim to know happily ever after? You don't even have privilege to claim to know what a happy ending is.

Do you have any idea the level of arrogance required to assert that - at the age of 19 you've been associated with anything more than simple observation. You state the most mundain and moronic garbage, and attempt to pass it as wisdom. Like a little kid pretending to enjoy coffee without acquiring a taste for it.

Wow how thought provoking - you've identified the conflict of acceptable compromise verse stipulation disguised as acceptable.

Can you tell me why change can be good? Or are you only vetted in commonalities? You can't copyclip intelligence or experience.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 193
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/2/2015 9:32:55 AM

I don't know where everyone keeps saying I am a couch potato. No I don't have any hobbies but I do go out. A few times a month I play poker with my friends. I go to a few Sabres game a season. I am not a homebody all the time. Yeah there is weekends where I am not in the mood to go out but I don't sit at home every day.

What do you participate in that requires really moving around? Staying in shape? You may be getting couch potato a lot because you don't do anything active.

I am a bit rigid and I know some of that is me cause I am a quiet person. I get frustrated cause other than my close friends and family, a lot of people don't know how to deal with it. The last woman I dated thought I was a great guy and very sweet but couldn't deal with how quiet I was. It is really hard to find a woman that understands it takes me a little while to get comfortable around new people.

It does sound like you're a person who keeps to yourself and for some reason you want someone in the room to witness it. If you aren't active and you aren't interactive - women are either hanging around doing the once a week thing longer to see if it changes, or they are unwilling to give you more than once a week because they can't possibly see what the point of spending more time than that is. Are you really stepping up to the plate and trying to make plans for more time? Something tells me you're not. If it takes you more than a couple weeks to get comfortable around someone that's a problem.

I'm with Karma in that your vibe must be closed off and appear uninterested. And even if it's not accurate and they know it - they are only going to put effort in on their end so long before they just go find a guy that's more forthcoming about interest and is out there socializing and doing things.

Why do you just keep repeating the same stuff Op? Every now and then it seems like there's a breakthrough in your thinking, but then you revert back to how women don't have enough time for you. I mean, how can that be the whole story when you yourself have admitted that your being so quiet and working all afternoons is an issue ?

I second this line of questioning.

Did you start the thread in the hopes of getting validation for it being all the women's fault that you haven't found a relationship? If so, how sad. Wouldn't you rather focus on the things you do have some control over? Or is the comfort of blame too heady for you to let go of?

Good observation.

No, people don't have to deal with it. Like you, they walk. If you want a different result, You can be the adult and communicate at a level expected of adults. Or don't, but you cannot complain about poor results. Garbage in, garbage out.

loveisatemple is getting the same feel from this thread as I am. You aren't real exciting to women or you don't give them any reason to want to be around you including your schedule, but when they don't have any interest in increasing their end of the deal you say it's because they don't have time. If they make an effort to free up time, what exactly is it they will be getting out of it? I have a feeling they know it won't be worth the time they make available.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 194
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/2/2015 9:58:12 AM

Oh and rest assured, I'll never be in a Yoga class, everyone is safe.


I'm right there with you.

Well, that is until I can keep my swearing out loud when I start trying to do something to my body that it really wasn't made to do. Tried it twice and both times I was asked to leave because the rest of the "class" found the old man and his cursing a little too amusing.

When it hurts, I swear, and never under my breath. Supposedly that is "not the way" when trying to do yoga??????
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 195
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/3/2015 2:20:19 AM
^^ There's a man in my class who is almost 90. He's loud as can be and absolutely adorable. He doesn't swear, but when he's having trouble keeping up, we sure all hear about it! "When are you going to stop torturing us?!" and the like, lol. He kind of heckles the teacher sometimes too, he's known for it at the studio.

And hey, flatulence is expelled with nary a raised eyebrow, so why not mumbled profanity? lol. I think much depends on the teacher and/or type of yoga. Don't give up, it's worth it :)
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 196
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/3/2015 8:15:49 AM
^^^
Flatulence...all the more reason for me to admire the Yogaites from afar, keeps my ladies of mystery thoughts alive and well (sounds like a yoga class could of been a Seinfeld episode.) Oh ya my personal exclusion goes for "SAMBA" as well (is that still popular?)
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 197
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/3/2015 6:31:42 PM
When I first started yoga I was shocked at that aspect, lol. It's usually the older ones who let 'er rip. But then, there are fixes built in for that too.. mula bandha, lol.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 198
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History
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/3/2015 10:10:55 PM
Well that much pressure being exerted on the guts reminds me of bagpipes for some reason. Same principle most likely. I am really glad my friend didn't take me with her to a yoga class. I would have died of suffocation or laughter, one of the two.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 199
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/5/2015 11:54:14 PM
Well, when they have kids and/or work a ton of hours or fulltime in off-hours -- yeah, they're many times not going to have a lot of time to spend. But they WILL play that card to limit their time when they're not that into you, just want some dating experience, etc.

The last few women I have been with seemed to have something going on almost every day of the week and was lucky to have a friday or saturday free to do something.

If you're seeing a gal for many many weeks, and it's rare to get a Fri or Sat free -- whether it be afternoon or evening -- then yeah, they're not that into ya on the non-platonic level... unless they are always free to see ya a couple times during the week.

I know a lot of you are going to say that she wasn't that interested in you. That is not the case as she texted almost all day every day.

Texting all the time, maybe she wasn't THAT into you. Maybe she's a gal who Loves texting all the time (no way!) -- and you were someone who responded and dealt with it ideally -- and she wanted a "relationship" more on That level. Not to say she was purely platonic about ya -- but more like a guy to lean on, but not interested sufficiently to want a real Relationship with.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 200
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 1/28/2015 6:20:34 PM
jrb1979- Soooooo, you can't meet during the week, but it's ok?
People can have legitimate reasons for not meeting on any given day.
Some people work nights, some days, some work too much and can only meet one day a week (similar to yourself, no?)
A part of successful dating is patience and understanding.
It really isn't fair to say you can't meet during the week and then turn around and complain if a woman can't meet you because she's busy too.
I'm not trying to beat you up, I'm just trying to get you to see that this double standard isn't going to serve you well.
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