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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?      Home login  
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 sexiikitten81
Joined: 8/14/2014
Msg: 26
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Thank you all for your replies they're all good points. Like I said I've never been the kind of person that would feel the need to inquire further. Unfortunately, because of recent experiences with some men I've met and an experience a friend of mine had (which was HORRIBLE) I've become overly cautious with the online dating thing.

PS: I don't use this screen name to meet anyone just for forum access. So the "sex" doesn't apply.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 27
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/11/2014 5:50:14 PM
Hmm. So you use "sexi" in you forum posting name only? To show intelligence? Or what exactly?

I think many people, both genders, have the odd horror story regarding online dating. But you can pick losers, cheaters, etc. just as easily in real life. Caution is fine, we should all be cautious. But I'm not doing background checks either.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 28
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/11/2014 10:19:48 PM
Background checks require a full name and the right one. I wouldn't bother with that until I felt I was going to keep seeing a guy. I actually wouldn't know how to go about it. Facebook perhaps..... My online dating was restricted to meeting only about 7 guys a few years ago and none of them I wanted to see more than twice. So didn't bother.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 29
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/12/2014 7:15:28 AM

He wasn't surprised or bothered that I needed to check. He knows how crazy he sounds.


That's the ticker. I have some things from my past that are pretty unbelievable. I would completely understand if someone needed to validate them.

To the OP: I actually used to check a person's name in Google. Not to see their background. To make sure they were real (not catfish). Most people my age have a Facebook account and that's all I ever needed. A name with a picture that resembled the one on the POF profile.

No way I was investing my time into a scam, but:


No background checks required, I focus on how they treat me, that's it.

I don't think I would ever conduct a background check either,


The past should be left in the past. I don't even care what someone's credit rating is. Though I hear I should.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 30
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/12/2014 3:20:28 PM
I focus on how they treat me, that's it.


Sociopaths treat you VERY well. Until they don't.

I've never checked anyone on the nets to see if they were legit. But I google my friends, neighbors, kids, etc, all the time, lol! One guy I was talking to was sending me poems. They were very good poems. I googled a line from one to see if it'd been published. It had. Just not by him. So I googled more, several more poets, not him. So I began googling names he'd used, and old girlfriends' names. Before it was done, a whole nasty snakeball. Loves the inner tubes!!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 31
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/12/2014 3:29:39 PM

One guy I was talking to was sending me poems. They were very good poems. I googled a line from one to see if it'd been published. It had. Just not by him. So I googled more, several more poets, not him.


Did he claim he made up the poems? It would be a pretty dumb thing to do if he made the claim, knowing it can be easily checked out. But if not, I don't see a problem with sending you poems (if you appreciated that type of thing).
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 32
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/13/2014 5:03:36 PM
Ya. Said they were his. Also claimed his wife had died in his arms. Google revealed that five years after that, she bought a house, lol!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 33
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/13/2014 9:20:47 PM
No. I don't know a person's full name, SSN, or other personal info needed to do a complete prior to a first date / meeting. Just for the sake of argument, suppose I knew their full name and did an internet search. There could be multiple people with the same name in the same general geographic area. Or that person could be a criminal that used an alias or simply didn't get caught.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 34
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/13/2014 10:43:23 PM
.
PS: I don't use this screen name to meet anyone just for forum access. So the "sex" doesn't apply..


- Just an FYI, if you have more than one profile here, they will most likely ban you/your IP from the site.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 35
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Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/13/2014 11:01:03 PM
Only when I felt there was a possible red flag and I wanted to check that out
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 36
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Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 2:28:14 AM
My room mate is a Sgt. Detective for the MUC ...
Usually I just ask the guy if he minds if I text a pic of his license plate to a friend,in case I turn up missing...(Ha,Ha)
But that's only if I get any kind of an off feeling...

His reaction to that usually says it ALL...
Willing to be transparent= No problem with that
Something to hide=At best a sulky attitude of "Not all men are rapists/creeps/perverts you know" and at worst, outrage

Either way it can tell me ALL that I need to know that is important to me, about a guy...

If you follow the basic "rules" of OLD...then there really shouldn't be a problem...BUT....

Stuff happens,too and HAS happened in broad daylight ,in public places, with someone that the person may have felt NO apprehension about meeting, etc.

My gut feeling is generally more reliable than a background check and in all the years I've been dating, it hasn't steered me wrong....
 Cognoscenti214
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 37
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 12:37:16 PM

Usually I just ask the guy if he minds if I text a pic of his license plate to a friend,in case I turn up missing...(Ha,Ha)
But that's only if I get any kind of an off feeling...


If a woman ever made that suggestion, I would walk away immediately - and it would have nothing to do with sulking or outrage. I like women that are confident in their ability to make good choices in relationships. If she isn't, then that tells me ALL I need to know about her (sarcasm). IME, people who lack that ability have issues that I'd rather not deal with at my age.

Trust yourself. Pay attention. Ask good questions. Be self-aware. Life is too short to be playing Joe Friday. If you get that "off feeling", go with it. Walk away. Doing otherwise indicates a lack of confidence and low self esteem IMO.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 38
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 12:48:58 PM
Cognoscenti214...the notion of "this person seems 'off' to me, so I will do a background check" while they are dating him or her similarly puzzles me. The sense of discomfort is ALL that is needed to conclude things. Let's say the so-called background check returns clean, does one continue to date the person whom they feel "off" about?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 39
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 12:54:14 PM
I don't agree with Eric often...but boy is he spot-on this time. If you're already getting a bad gut feeling...well, as the gambling house tells you, never gamble what you can't afford to lose. If you meet someone who's off, keep it public, don't ever let it get to a place where you're risking yourself. Or just call the whole thing off. whether you stay or go (to quote another song lyric), learn the lesson. Either your gut was right or wrong. learn to recognize when it is, and when it ain't.

Google my license plate, you'll find out a lot about my father...who's dead. Makes me want to keep putting off switching over the inherited vehicle :)

I've met some people who were nice to me, but it was easy to tell it was fake manipulation. just "greasy" somehow. I guess I don't get too many real sociopaths to cross my path, or they tend to avoid the confident to seek out those with a victim mentality. I've known "sex bombs" who were comfortable with the power they wielded, b/c they could put a moron in his place and were surrounded by people who would rush to their aid...so they got little trouble from morons as a result. I've also met sexy women who's power was as much a threat to them as a benefit, b/c they didn't have the confidence to shut down the idiots nor the support of people around them who liked them enough to stick a neck out.

Everyone's comfortable living life at their personal speed. And tend to seek out like-minded individuals.
 Cognoscenti214
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 40
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 12:56:50 PM
Exactly, Eric.

And while I do have sympathy for women wanting to avoid dangerous or violent men - which a background check could reveal - I would still find it unpalatable for a woman to question my character in that way. I can admit that I have a selfish motive - someone who has been the victim of previous violence from a man is not going to be that attractive to me. I just don't want to be walking on egg shells or wearing kit gloves trying to prove I'm not that guy. Again, I'm much more attracted to women with good instincts.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 41
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Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 2:07:29 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^

And you are entitled to your own opinions....

As for having been abused, having low self-esteem and/or making a man "walk on eggshells...."

Nope none of the above...and if you read what I wrote you would see that it's only at certain times when I may be not quite sure even after meeting him....A total of TWO in my entire adult Life.

At any rate, as I ALSO said in my post, there are MANY women out there who HAVE relied solely on their own ability and ended as victims....Even getting abducted in public places,middle of the day, etc.

Guess that was their fault, too, but they probably "deserved it" for not making better choices for themselves, right?

Again, that willingness or lack thereof tells me what I need to know, and someone who finds that offensive is not someone that I would be interested in, either...
For myself, part of being an adult is understanding and empathizing with the other side, so to speak and if man can't understand a woman wanting to protect herself in a situation with someone she barely knows and can;t NOT take that personally, again, someone that doesn't interest me...
Did I mention that I have offered for them to do the same?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 42
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 3:51:29 PM

Posted by Dee4166:
"My room mate is a Sgt. Detective for the MUC ...
Usually I just ask the guy if he minds if I text a pic of his license plate to a friend, in case I turn up missing...(Ha,Ha)
But that's only if I get any kind of an off feeling..."

Why even take a very mildly confrontational tone with a guy you already feel is "off" by your estimation?
It would be far easier to simply say, "Thank you for your time. We are not a good match. Goodbye."
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 43
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 5:37:45 PM
^^^So true, Eric-especially when she posted earlier:
"My gut feeling is generally more reliable than a background check and in all the years I've been dating, it hasn't steered me wrong."

So why bother doing a background check or any kind of check on someone who you're having a bad feeling about, who you know you won't date or know it won't work out because of your gut feeling? What's the point of taking it any further? If I start to get a bad feeling about a woman I'm talking to, I take the drastic step of not talking to her anymore. What a concept! Simple and easy. No drama involved.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 44
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 8:04:52 PM
Original Post:

I've recently had some bad experiences with men I've met on this site. Because of that I have resorted to doing background checks and online searches of them before I will even meet with them.


I would like to point out a lot of these "Gut Feelings" don't seem to happen UNTIL a meet has occurred. Since just getting people to open up and make contact is THE SINGLE BIGGEST HURDLE to online dating, I think keeping the discussions about the pre-meet phase of the relationship is a helluva lot more relevant.

Finding a Facebook or LinkedIn page can give you some significant insight beyond the selective information people choose to release in their profiles. I choose to look up that information fairly often - simply because a large portion of local female profiles tend to be extremely vague and generic and are assumed to NOT be read carefully, if at all.

Obviously you cannot email a stranger out of the blue with the information gained from those other sites - the "Creep" factor looms huge doing stuff like that -- but I think it's worth knowing, because in early dating situations when people try to 'sell' themselves - you'll know almost right away if they are full of baloney.

Part of surfing for that information is understanding the context of what you find. A Facebook page may have a LOT of photo albums containing their Ex - but if they haven't established any other long term relationships, why should it be considered weird or unusual? If they are old family photos with their kids, that's something worth saving, not hiding because you're uncomfortable with it. Photos with other dates/relationships/members of the opposite sex all have time codes on them so you know if it's anything recent or not, and many have captions explaining the content. If you just breeze through that stuff without reading the fine print and jump to your own conclusions, well, you may have avoided something bad - but you also may have missed something great.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 45
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 9:31:05 PM

Part of surfing for that information is understanding the context of what you find. A Facebook page may have a LOT of photo albums containing their Ex - but if they haven't established any other long term relationships, why should it be considered weird or unusual?


Which is why I never actually went through someone's Facebook. I usually verify that the face is the same, and the name, but that's it. Everything else I can learn on my own.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 46
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Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 9:55:56 PM

Why even take a very mildly confrontational tone with a guy you already feel is "off" by your estimation?
It would be far easier to simply say, "Thank you for your time. We are not a good match. Goodbye."


This^^^^^^^^^^^^

And this....

^^^So true, Eric-especially when she posted earlier:
"My gut feeling is generally more reliable than a background check and in all the years I've been dating, it hasn't steered me wrong."

So why bother doing a background check or any kind of check on someone who you're having a bad feeling about, who you know you won't date or know it won't work out because of your gut feeling? What's the point of taking it any further? If I start to get a bad feeling about a woman I'm talking to, I take the drastic step of not talking to her anymore. What a concept! Simple and easy. No drama involved.



K, first of all...NEVER said that I actually DID a background check at ALL....

And, I mentioned that it was an "off" feeling, NOT my gut telling me loud and clear that something was actually WRONG....

The point was to observe the reaction of the guy when I asked, as opposed to actually finding out anything about him....
And here's the INTERESTING part that I DIDN'T mention...

As we were sitting in the bar having a drink, the first guy decided to "confess" and told me that he was actually "still married" and had lied on his profile about being single....they were actually separated as it turns out but so newly, that he was in the process of moving out, turns out that was true, as, though we DIDN'T continue to date, we became and still are, friends....
He ALSO told me that he decided to confess because he started getting scared after I had asked about the plate...LOL(turns out the car belonged to his wife and he didn't want me to find that out!)

The second guy...it, again, wasn't an "oh my God! He's a serial killer" kind of "gut feeling",just a sense that SOMETHING wasn't quite right ....Even after two dates, I still couldn't quite put my finger on what it was, so I asked her to check for me, and discovered a record as long as my ARM for fraud....CONVICTIONS not accusations, and he had pending charges....

One of the things that I always tell guys up front is that I want to travel and along with that comes the fact that if they are a convicted criminal, they CAN'T GET A PASSPORT.....unless they can get a Pardon from the gov't, etc.

So while he was presenting himself as a "salesman" and telling me that HE wanted to travel, too, he WASN'T telling me that he actually COULDN'T get a passport....

So I'm guessing HIS "plan" was to get me into a relationship,make sure that he had me "hooked" and THEN "break the news" somewhere down the road, when I suggested going away somewhere....Or else he was TOTALLY misrepresenting himself and just wanted to fvck me....

NOT all that "serious" of an issue, but still something that turned out to be avoidable....

As for your comments, what I have to mention is that I think it's pretty funny that ANYONE has a problem with this....

We are out there and meeting complete strangers here, and sometimes, people, especially the REALLY sick, sociopath types, (ASPD), as well as others, are quite GOOD at "presenting" as perfectly normal people....

I am NOT and have never been SO arrogant as to assume that I am always right about my assessments of people, because one thing that I learned is that people are pretty complex and there CAN be myriad "reasons"for having an "off" feeling about someone, as I saw with these guys....

At any rate, I don't think there was any "drama"involved and again,just not sure what this "strong reaction"is all about....I'm taking care of my own best interests in whatever way I see fit and don't begrudge ANYONE if they are NOT "on board" with that....And I personally wouldn't have a problem with someone doing a background check on ME,because I guess,in my line of work I have them done on a regular basis, and it means NOTHING more than that my employer is being thorough and protecting themselves and their own interests as they SHOULD.
Also...just to be CLEAR... The way I look at it is, if I have NOTHING to hide then there's NO problem with someone "checking me out", my Life is an open book...
With BOTH of these men,everything looked good "on paper" and we all know how difficult that can be to find, so to throw the whole thing out because of a "niggling" feeling that wasn't strong enough to be my GUT "speaking to me",just seemed foolish....
Anyway...as I ALSO said that was TWO men out of HUNDREDS so, most of the time it really IS just about the "gut feeling" and I never have to go any further...these men were exceptional cases and once AGAIN, for ME it was simply a judgment call and I would do it again if I felt it necessary....without a second thought....

So why exactly that's ANY kind of problem for a couple of people on a forum that I will NEVER date, I'm really not sure about, but apparently it seems to denote SOMETHING more to you guys than what it actually IS....

So what IS that, exactly, I'm curious now?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 47
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 10:17:26 PM
Posted by Dee4166:
"As we were sitting in the bar having a drink, the first guy decided to "confess" and told me that he was actually "still married" and had lied on his profile about being single....they were actually separated as it turns out but so newly, that he was in the process of moving out, turns out that was true, as, though we DIDN'T continue to date, we became and still are, friends...He ALSO told me that he decided to confess because he started getting scared after I had asked about the plate...LOL(turns out the car belonged to his wife and he didn't want me to find that out!)

The second guy...it, again, wasn't an "oh my God! He's a serial killer" kind of "gut feeling",just a sense that SOMETHING wasn't quite right ....Even after two dates, I still couldn't quite put my finger on what it was, so I asked her to check for me, and discovered a record as long as my ARM for fraud....CONVICTIONS not accusations, and he had pending charges..."

As far as I can tell...the first guy is separated and you remained friends with him despite his deceptive behavior.

The second guy...your Montreal Sergeant Detective roommate very likely conducted an illegal search (using MUC law enforcement resources) as a personal favor to you for a guy that you continued to date twice despite having uneasy feelings about him from the very start. That is not very ethical behavior and this Sergeant Detective roommate likely would not wish to see this questionable revelation splashed across the internet.

Why continue "down the path" with guys that make you uncomfortable for ANY reason?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 48
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Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 10:46:17 PM
@Eric....

Actually no,I didn't continue to date EITHER guy, I suggest that you read my post again..

As for my friend doing an "illegal search" on him,no not at all...she checked if he had a criminal record, that's it,NO "search" illegal and/or otherwise....

As for that being done using "using law enforcement resources",yes I'm SURE that computer search that took approx.10-15 SECONDS was a REAL burden on the taxpayer,unlike the politicians who have stolen MILLIONS of dollars from the public...
LOL

Although cops do random searches by the hundreds everyday most of which may or may NOT have anything to do with ANYTHING, THAT is actually ONE of the reasons that I have only had her ACTUALLY check for me ONCE....And that was YEARS ago...


As for continuing to be friends with the guy who had been "deceptive",well...I'm guessing that you've never told a lie to anyone in your Life....??

He "fessed up and came out and told me and I happen to think that actually demonstrates that though he may have INTENDED to lie, he actually DID tell me, and could have just as easily walked away and just never contacted me again....avoiding the whole situation.
And we are NOT best buds or anything like that although he has since proved to be one of the most honest people that I know...who was NOT his "best self" while his head was spinning when his marriage of 15 years ended abruptly after he found his wife in bed with HIS brother!!!

As I also said about the FIRST guy, it was a niggling feeling NOT a gut-wrenching reaction and it was only after the second date, when that feeling DIDN'T go away that I asked her to check for me, after which I ended things by telling him that I had met someone else...which,I actually DID.

As for "splashing it across the internet",well,that would worry me except for the fact that nobody knows who I am, or who she is and she will be retiring in a few months so NOT really relevant....
But thanks for the chastisement...LOL
Not sure what the point here is, and you never actually answered the question that I asked....
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 49
Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 11:17:16 PM
I would not let someone take a pic of my Driver lic. That's too much information for someone that I don't know to have.
Then you much watch out what you say just in case they are scammers collecting information... Women keep saying how much they are worried about the guy they meet but what about the guy who might meet that nut case of a woman, Or a scammer .
Had a long time ago one woman ask me for my driver lic. My answer was no and that was the end of that date. We meet in a public place with lots of people around us. That should be good enough for both of us.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 50
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Do any of you do background checks on people you meet?
Posted: 11/16/2014 11:28:50 PM
NOT a driver's license...a LICENSE PLATE....

And that's FINE by me if you wouldn't want that done....AS I said,I am willing to EXCHANGE that info with the guy in question, as you do with a total stranger when you have a car accident....

I am ALSO not out there asking every guy that I meet for a pic of their license plate, as I mentioned, the majority of the time I rely on my own gut, but I am glad to have that option should I feel that I need it and if a guy isn't comfortable with that, that's FINE,then I guess we are NOT a match....
Simple really...
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