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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations      Home login  
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 2015LadyLove
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 26
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectationsPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Op,

When both sexes come over to us on "Profile review" and ask why no one is replying to their messages or just viewing their profile that is something we address.

If they have a paragraph of requirements or expectations then we gentle suggest adjusting their wants to personal characteristic (smart, fun kind, romantic) rather than physical, skill sets or goal requirements.
Do the filtering in your inbox. If you are swamped with messages then woops that's a huge problem, lol.
Also so many people have their mail setting restricting messaging. No one should have age setting on their mail.
Once again filter through your in box.

Lastly stop ****ing about the site and why you aren't getting dates.
"Be the change you want to see" on here and look at your own expectations and profiles.
If you want help you know where we are.

Z
 blueguy99881
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 27
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/27/2014 3:17:00 PM
Ouija, you said it, not me.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 28
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/27/2014 4:21:01 PM
LOL
No, YOU say it wrong in your profile!!!! I'm helping you out, showing you that not all women are "wastes" or as you might say
"waists"
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 29
view profile
History
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/27/2014 4:29:39 PM
I know that I deserve an absolutely fantastic woman. How do I know? I already married one. I lost her too soon to cancer, but at least now, going off into the dating pool, I know for a fact that I deserve someone at least as awesome as she was. And if someone wants to point out that I am overweight, or not the right age, or not that great looking, I have no reason to listen to them. So if you think my expectations are unrealistic, I can only say you know nothing about me.
 blueguy99881
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 30
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/27/2014 4:43:46 PM
Eh, this site provides total proof that a man gas to looks a gq model and have lots of $. Even though women Denie it. So many men send messages to women on here and not get responses. So my scientific conclusion is that women will only respond to male models. Which makes them the more visual gender. I don't have thee looks
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 31
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/27/2014 4:44:11 PM
Limit, limit, limit, limit, filibuster, limit.

What's our point? That the online community isn't mature to your dating standards? lol
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 32
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/27/2014 10:13:23 PM


sure we can all try and find that perfect 10 of a man or woman but come on everyone, let's wake up and see the reality of this situation.

I *know*. A community of plain janes and average joes just tryin' to live the dream, man. When ugly people hear "never settle", they should recognize it for the cruel advice that it is and do exactly the opposite. Right? Because what else are they gonna do, I mean realllly. Telling an ugly person to "never settle" is like dooming them to a life of pathetic solitude, and I'm going to kick the next person who says it. A relationship MUST be gotten!!!! Otherwise, what's to live for? We should be settling as soon as possible.

Let me go over to Wal Mart and fall down and take the first man who shows up with a little mouth-to-mouth action.

On the internets, no one can year you cry.



LOL; I am sorry but that was epic.
 yamen987
Joined: 11/10/2014
Msg: 33
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 2:59:47 AM
Never settle everyone, never settle. :)
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 34
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History
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 6:46:39 AM
I would much rather spend the rest of my life single than spend the rest of my life staring across the kitchen table and thinking, "I can do much better."
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 35
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 7:58:53 AM

I would much rather spend the rest of my life single than spend the rest of my life staring across the kitchen table and thinking, "I can do much better."


I'd like to draw attention to the idea you're generally making that assumption NOW , in here, just reading online profiles. It's a common assumption made a million times a day, but it's making an assumption about a person you literally have NO IDEA who they are besides a few photos and a few sentences of text.

A lot of people post statements about how they decide a date is bad or not that are more about AFTER the online process has already happened. "Sitting across" from someone means you've already met them - that doesn't happen online. Something a person says on a first date that turns you off - STILL means you've already met them. Something a person says in a preliminary phone call that makes you think twice - STILL means you've already given them your phone number. Easily 90 percent of the most common problems with online dating is just simply starting a conversation and connecting to a person. Helping out people in here with online dating frustrations needs to start with the ONLINE part of it, not with what happens afterwards.
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You have no clue if anyone is over reaching.

THAT is more to the OP's point - he doesn't have any better clue what they are thinking behind their computer screens any better than he knows who these people are posting profiles.

We all make certain assumptions in here - some may be true, others are not. Most, if not all of them come from our own past experiences and opinions that determine how well we evaluate candidates in here. Sometimes our friends and relatives may affect those opinions, but for the most part people use their own 'horse sense' - and it CAN easily be a flawed way of thinking.

One of my key assumptions in here is that I wouldn't be happy dating someone who is 'bigger' than me. It's based on 12 years of marriage to an Ex who was definitely obese, but it was the slothful lifestyle that became the deal breaker. Having a social life that was ENTIRELY based on sitting around in circles talking or eating was killing my health. Now, when I look through these online profiles, I certainly don't know for sure whether or not any woman in here that weighs as much as I do or more is a lazy, slothful person - some are not - some go to the gym more than I do - but if they don't SHOW it in their profiles, I'm going to assume otherwise. From the way certain photo angles are taken, it's often not even clear whether of not they are a 'big' girl - but that's MY fear of matching up with THAT kind of person means I'm not going to pursue at least 30-40% of the candidates out there.

What online dating experience teaches you is how much THAT choice affects your chances. I'm willing to accept 30-40% from my sake. What people that are not experienced don't realize is how many other 'options' they check off reduces their chances even more. If you have restrictions based on Age, Smoking, Height, Income, Profession, Recreational Activities, whatever - every other little 'standard' you choose slices that remaining chunk of 'eligible' candidates in half and half again. You start out with a few thousand potential candidates and whittled them down to maybe a couple dozen.

Now the "Real life is a b1tch" moment happens. They still have Free Will - which means no matter how 'exact' your match may be - they can still say 'No' for whatever willy-nilly reason they want, and you have absolutely no control over that decision. None whatsoever. Go back to Start. Do not collect $200. That's when experience teaches you that it's YOUR OWN choices that are limiting yourself - not only what others may think. THAT is when people realize that exact matching isn't always exact - and THAT is when people realize that 'settling' for something less-than-perfect is perfectly fine.
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The rough part with modern society is that way too many people are stuck in this hopeless loop of blaming the rest of the world for problems and never taking the time to self-examine. They refuse to see what experience is trying to show them. People feel empowered and flawless from behind their computer screens, mainly because they never have to go out and prove it to anyone.

The other part of Free Will that people loathe to accept is that people DO choose to see other people. Some very attractive people that have no trouble getting dates DO go out on several dates a week. They choose not to settle down because it's their choice. Players will play the field, and we can never stop or control that in any way. I find it ridiculous how many people in here panic because the person they just met last night is still 'online'. Exclusive relationships are EARNED, not automatically entitled to whomever wants one. It's just not healthy for anyone to be instantly jealous of someone in a fledgling relationship. Learn to except that attention is still freely given like a gift, not locked in like a drill sergeant's command.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 36
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 9:45:54 AM
"Never settle everyone, never settle. "


"I would much rather spend the rest of my life single than spend the rest of my life staring across the kitchen table and thinking, "I can do much better." "






Ouch
I've always wondered if this is why there are so many singles nowadays.
Ever occurred to you PJ that maybe the person across the table from you is thinking the same thing?

As for the settling part, ya know, eons ago, alot of couples did settle................and made it work.
Ended up married for a lifetime and died loving each other with a bond that is unbreakable.
Something to think about.
 yamen987
Joined: 11/10/2014
Msg: 37
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 9:58:08 AM
My post was a joke due to this ---->
Telling an ugly person to "never settle" is like dooming them to a life of pathetic solitude, and I'm going to kick the next person who says it.


Just a joke. Relax. HAHAHA No need to get mad just a joke.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 38
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A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 10:50:37 AM

Ever occurred to you PJ that maybe the person across the table from you is thinking the same thing?

Of course I have. Why would I want to marry someone who believes she settled for me?
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 39
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 11:02:28 AM
"Of course I have. Why would I want to marry someone who believes she settled for me?"


Out of millions she could have chosen to settle with, she chose you.
Hmm*scratches head*.. must be something worthwhile there :)
Settling isn't always a bad word.
Not always
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 40
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 11:16:16 AM

Eh, this site provides total proof that a man gas to looks a gq model and have lots of $. Even though women Denie it. So many men send messages to women on here and not get responses. So my scientific conclusion is that women will only respond to male models. Which makes them the more visual gender. I don't have thee looks

If he's drop dead gorgeous, rich, and can't spell worth a damn despite having a degree he's still going to get a wave. You may want to ask for a refund for your associate's degree. Was there any kind of basic English requirement to pass in order to achieve it?
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 41
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 11:17:59 AM

Eh, this site provides total proof that a man gas to looks a gq model and have lots of $. Even though women Denie it.

Huh? Is that has gas ? I don't know about others but if I see any profile that looks like a GQ model...I report them because I have never seen anyone on here close to model status!
I will deny it. I am looking for someone that can "spell" and isn't a whiner...OH and some of us have our own money!


So my scientific conclusion is that women will only respond to male models.

OH NO....don't go there with the scientific stuff again??

Which makes them the more visual gender. I don't have thee looks

Trust me...It's not your looks.!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 42
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 11:26:02 AM

but when you get a message from a woman comenting how lovely i am and i think ok you look nice too lets meet and they make excuses dont return text and you think perhaps theve found someone else but no still here looking for mr right whats that about?


What it's all about:

Most people are long on talk, and short on action.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 43
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 12:33:57 PM
Oh, look, more gender bias.

Good thing I filled my glass this morning.

Just wanted to inform everyone that bashing the other gender for not contacting you is a good way to ensure your inbox stays empty.

This site has millions of users...imagine if a fraction of them only READS the forums. The love of your life might have just read how much of a douche you are and now you're on your own.

As to settling: We all settle in our own ways. OLD filters so proficiently that it allows us to be picky. There are many things that, face to face, women and men will overlook if you have any number of positive qualities. But the "cost of admission" to OLD is that, while you can filter by the tiniest little detail, so can they. They have the right to ignore, troll, toy with and play. (I'm not saying that's all any gender does, just saying that they CAN). Just the same as you do.

If you can get over that, get through it, then congratulations, you might actually find someone on here.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 44
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 1:00:48 PM
Mike, once upon a time the last three of a forum users' post used to appear at the bottom of their profile. Big fish then decided to remove this feature.
Boy! was it fun to read profiles then their posts. How they contradicted themselves.
But also, quality people were discovered this way as well. :)
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 45
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History
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 4:34:11 PM

Out of millions she could have chosen to settle with, she chose you.
Hmm*scratches head*.. must be something worthwhile there :)

It's happened once already, so I know it can happen.

In fact, my wife and I had this discussion a week before she died. I told her I would only consider remarrying if I found someone who can make me as happy as she did and vice versa. If that is too high a bar to set, well, that is my choice.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 46
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A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 6:31:11 PM
As to settling: We all settle in our own ways. ... There are many things that, face to face, women and men will overlook if you have any number of positive qualities.

exactly, thank you. of course none of us would ever 'settle'; we're way too strong and self-sufficient for that. we just call it 'accepting his/her all too human imperfections,' and then congratulate ourselves for our wisdom and magnanimity and relationship realism to boot.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 47
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 7:13:59 PM
I dont date guys from online but I still look at profiles and see how people word stuff, both men and women. Just today I read about three guy's profiles that were very controlling. I have frequently felt this "controlling vibe" come from men's profiles. They lay out a mandate, for exactly what they want, picking and picking away and getting more and more detailed about what sort of woman you will be, what sort of habits you have, how your body is going to be shaped, what your thoughts are going to be, and I really wish I could cut and paste one I read today...the guy went into fine detail about women who are on medication and his opinions on religion..on and on micromanaging every aspect of this woman he has in mind to the point of excluding practically everyone normal. It was like he was filling out an order form. Not a detail missed. Everything covered.

Some people will also tell you how laid back and easy going they are, but they have a "very emotional cat" they are dealing with and if you dont like cats then you better stop reading the profile. Plenty of people pull the "if you dont like dogs, or if you dont like this or dont like that then just stop reading now..." I hate that sh*t. It smacks of intolerance and control. Maybe in the end its alllll for the better but the LAST thing these people come across as is "easy going"..they sound like rigid control freaks that WANT you to leave them alone.

I've read women's profiles who are all into yoga (the equivalent of the male skydiving, I suppose) and you better stop reading now if you cant keep up with her amazing lifestyle. And you better stop reading if you dont like dogs, because my dog comes first!!!

Why even be ON a dating site? Just stay home with Rover.

I find these profiles creepy and depressing. Hard, cold, exacting...people firing off from some made up menu for this custom person somewhere out there. I dont see how they could ever find them. Very off putting.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 48
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A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/28/2014 9:15:43 PM
Short, sparse profiles that say next to nothing doesn't spark my curiosity. Nor do photoless profiles. Out of the few that I met online, two had very short profiles. Matched their conversation skills perfectly. Yes, I'm slightly particular about whom I choose. One is that she doesn't exceed the load limit on my bike, and doesn't force me to sit on the gas tank. And that three hours one way is a little ridiculous in the commuting department. A few other things that's a no go, is country music, alcoholics, and worldwide traveling. Oh, and since I'm 6'3", five footers don't cut it. Dancing bent over doesn't do it for me. I reserve the right to be slightly choosy, and I can handle going it solo.
 blueguy99881
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 49
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/29/2014 12:30:02 AM
i still think women just need to be less shallow. But I have a associates in women's studies so that's how I learned they are shallow. And I was once a stripper.
 NeilMendeza
Joined: 9/7/2014
Msg: 50
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/29/2014 2:13:04 AM
People are usually cold because they've been hurt. I have a cat whos older than I am but its not right to have pets. It saves the life of your own but it puts so many more in danger.
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