Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 76
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectationsPage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Then stop posting stupid comments
and it's CHARMIN
not Cha
 yamen987
Joined: 11/10/2014
Msg: 77
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/30/2014 5:49:05 AM
blueguy99881 looks like the guy from the movie powder. I expect him to turn into a lightning bolt when he b!tches out and runs through a field with his hands in the air.
 yamen987
Joined: 11/10/2014
Msg: 78
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/30/2014 6:58:59 AM
Oh come on Yamen...This type of woman is way out of your leaque....lol.
She has a mind and knows how to use it.
Isn't she what you...usually call a Feminazi?



Following me around? Getting jealous? I see I have a fan. Well I can't say the same because I haven't really looked yet. I'll look at your stuff, so the jury is out. The thing I like about her and let's say woman in progress is they have a more modern approach to feminism. CharminC seems like not such a bad chic either. Major flaw let's say to your generation of feminism is they still used sex and sexuality to give themselves self worth on so many levels. At least this is my opinion. To me I can find nothing but good things about how these two or three particular women think. Some women in here insist I hate women or feminazis as I call them with the old style feminism. Not the case. It's not that I hate all of anything it just might be that I hate those individuals. Imagine that! For some reason their egos can't handle that. Hell these two women may hate and detest me and you might be right they may be out of my league but either way it doesn't change my view of them. I hold them in the highest regard believe it or not. :)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 79
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/30/2014 7:06:45 AM
I thought Blueguy was the Op - new handle.
Pls don't use Godwin's Law.. unless you really do not know what a Nazi is.
 blueguy99881
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 80
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/30/2014 7:16:36 AM
Lol. And yamen is a 40 year old nerd who is a virgin from this day on. I can see I have haters here. Why don't u people just get a life already? It's sad ur older than me and trolling on here. Also ganging up and stalking me on here. Oujia, Yeman and a couple others here are obsessed with me. You all need help.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 81
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/30/2014 8:09:54 AM
SO ANYWAY....back to the discussion...

Yeah, I have learned the folly of being too guarded. I used to hide a lot of things about myself in fear that I might scare a date away. But then I realized, if it's going to scare her away, then I might as well come out with it sooner than later so neithe of us wastes the other's time.

Absolutely! I try to let them have the lowdown on myself to either scare them off immediately or let them know what to expect. Life is too short to wonder if someday they'll walk away if they know the real me - and I'm not good at hiding who I am in an effort to keep people around. It's too much work, and I'm not exactly sure what the payoff is.

When I met my wife, on our first date I mentioned all of the things that had scared other women away - I am atheist, I go to nudist resorts, I didn't have a relationship until I was 34. She did the same - she was bipolar, she was still married and hadn't filed for divorce yet, she had an abusive father. And not only did we have a second date, but two years later we were married.

See? Someone who wants to know you will either wait around to get to know you better or see what you call bad points as a challenge or interesting. The rest will save you a lot of time by going bye bye.

So might as well come out with it all. The one who isn't scared off is the one you really want, anyway.

Yes.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 82
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/30/2014 11:07:53 AM

I had the real deal, unfortunately we don't get to grow old together. A heart attack claimed him.

Aww, geez, I'm so sorry. In one sense, I suppose I am lucky. As quickly as my wife's cancer took her, at least we had some chance to face what was coming. If she had died that suddenly, without any chance to begin coming to terms with the possibility of losing her, I have no idea how I would have coped.

Some of her last words to me, days before she passed, were that she didn't know if I would remarry, but that I needed to be open to loving again because I had too much love in me never to share it. Of all the words she said to me in her final month, these were the most precious to me. I am tearing up as I write this, remembering her voice saying them.


I am really sorry for your loss... there is no good way.. She sounds like an amazing person, I am glad you understand how lucky you were to have had her...
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 83
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/30/2014 6:23:04 PM

I thought Blueguy was the Op - new handle


....................................................................


You know........................................


.....................I think you're right.


..............................holy crap.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 84
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/4/2014 8:46:03 PM
Aren't qualified to date? LOL. I should visit these forums more often.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 85
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/5/2014 9:14:59 AM
I'm with Cindy on this one- I had the real deal too, and I know how good it can be (and how much work it can be also).

I wouldn't mind some company, and to be honest good sex, but I don't expect to ever have the kind of relationship I had before. I'm open to it, but I think maybe it's rare.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 86
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/5/2014 6:51:55 PM
"I wouldn't mind some company, and to be honest good sex, but I don't expect to ever have the kind of relationship I had before. I'm open to it, but I think maybe it's rare."



It is extremely rare! And while I always hope to get lucky a second time......I will settle for a Grand Passion or two...maybe three before I toddle off to the nursing home! :)


Oh heck....who am I fooling.....I'll still be flirting with the male residents in the nursing home!



No unrealistic expectations here......just going to enjoy the moments and the people I meet on the way.....
 blueguy99881
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 87
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:16:23 PM
It's a dating site. Anyone can have unrealistic expectations. And nothing you can do about it. I think certain need to quit obsessing the whole looks thing. There really are great people out in this world. Why stay in the dugout when you can get in the game ladies? Some need mind expanding.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 88
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/10/2014 8:00:22 AM

Oh heck....who am I fooling.....I'll still be flirting with the male residents in the nursing home!



Hmmmm. That's the spirit.
 dinno76
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 89
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/12/2014 5:19:39 PM
Nobody should have to settle for anyone that not for them . It is better to stay single.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/23/2014
Msg: 90
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/25/2014 7:33:14 AM
[QUOTE]reaching beyond your reality is hampering your success on this place.[/QUOTE]

You're almost telling people to settle.

Its pretty simple to me, at least.

I go for how a woman makes me feel. Plain and simple.

I shouldn't have to settle for less, and same could be said for any others.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 91
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/25/2014 8:27:02 AM
I agree that some people from both genders have unrealistic expectations. I tend to avoid people that have a long list of rigid requirements even when I match their requirements. In my experience, they are often very demanding and hard to please in general. Btw, I don't think dating a person that is somewhat different than your usual type is necessarily settling. For example, a person that is a couple of inches shorter / taller than a certain height or a person that literally has a few extra pounds.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 92
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/25/2014 11:44:28 AM
Unrealistic expectations? Well, why could that be?

I wonder if it has anything to do with the demands that are made on male/female genders, with regard to meeting socially acceptable (outrageous) standards of..... whatever is as close as you can get to the male/female on the cover of a health magazine.

What are these demands? Well, its pretty simple - all you have to do is look to as close to perfect as possible. And you are anyones dream date. Only you're going to want to hire a professional photo editor so they can sexify it with image voodoo.

Lets see what have I done, well,............ if I am honest. The only way I can approach a women is if I am in the gym on a regular basis. On top of that I joined the Army in a combat MOS because, you know, it was the same signature for every MOS.

What else, I don't dance, hell no, I know I have rhythm. Its just I freeze up, I have no problem getting loose in a combatives or boxing mat. Yet I freeze up in a club, wallflowering it for the comfort zone it provides. But guys who employ the craft, have to hand it to you, because that's a good way to get on level with women.

Masculinity, you have cost me so... expectations... fairly happy with the way I lived up to them though. Still caught up in some insecurities, but mostly pleased. Still though, its a tough battle. Now I am insecure about being overly nice, imagine that, imagine that I have to fix something that's working. Because its not becoming of masculinity.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 93
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/25/2014 6:03:25 PM

Because its not becoming of masculinity.


I think this plays deeply into the expectations. In fact +1 to your whole post.

I've been there. I joined the Infantry when I was 17 because, well, it was the "toughest" job according to my recruiter. (I did like it though).
Why? I wanted to serve, but I also didn't want to come back from it and say "I was an accountant" for the war in Iraq. If I could go back and do it over...well I'd do the same thing...

I dance. If I go to a bar/club by myself. If I go with friends, however, you will not catch me anywhere near the dance floor. As far as they know, I can't. Not because I told them I can't, but because none of us will ever openly admit to the capability. (some kind of unwritten man-rule).

I guess my point is that SOME of that has to do with masculinity and some of it has to do with expectations of the opposite sex. Being able to dance increased my success in bars and clubs. By success I mean the quality of women I attracted, not quantity.

Before someone replies that bars and clubs are not the place to go to find dates, I will say: first provide a solid alternative where there is guaranteed singles.

In rural areas, even the bars are slim pickens (I live in one, so I know).

IMO, it is not masculine to be mean or guarded or reserved. Those are just popular things women are attracted to.

It's almost as if, when one is still nice and happy, you're seen as inexperienced. The good women won't really give you a second glance, but the sharks are more than willing to see how far you'll go before the nice goes away.

Sorry for the big post...needed to escape. Hate Christmas.

Can't wait for socially acceptable to get black-out-drunk day.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 94
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/25/2014 9:37:26 PM

I notice it from reading a lot of the messages, seeing a lot of profiles on both sides of the scale that both men and women on here, many of them have very high and unrealistic expectations for their Ideal Partner.

Yes, generally speaking -- for both genders, that's the case. Most people are put into more stringent positions in judgement.

(a) It's someone they don't know. At all. Nor know anybody they know. It's "from scratch". Any of those situations are going to be more stringent if it's more than just super-lite-dating they're looking for.

(b) It's online. It's a stat-sheet. They're going to be in analytical mode because of it. It's a different experience of measurement because it's all about that -- hence, more stringent.

With women, there's an added "bonus": In most places, in the more populous age-group -- there's significantly more men than women. That ups their "taste". Know an average Jane in real life who feels a bit down when it comes to men? Not wanted enough? Have her go on POF. She may not meet a great compatible guy, but her ego will get a nice stroking. :)

IRL, thru people we know & social groups -- we're less picky.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 95
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 12/27/2014 9:23:31 AM

I agree that some people from both genders have unrealistic expectations. I tend to avoid people that have a long list of rigid requirements even when I match their requirements. In my experience, they are often very demanding and hard to please in general.


I wanted to add something to my previous statement. I think some people will raise their expectation level when there are more potential available options or when they get more attention. Both of these things can apply to internet dating.
 ZoopCoop
Joined: 2/5/2014
Msg: 96
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 1/29/2015 10:58:35 PM
The OP is taking a beating in here and I am not sure why because studies done on online dating support what he is saying. People do have unrealistic expectations.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 97
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 1/30/2015 4:41:57 AM

She did the same - she was bipolar, she was still married and hadn't filed for divorce yet, she had an abusive father. And not only did we have a second date, but two years later we were married.


And yet, earlier you said: "I would much rather spend the rest of my life single than spend the rest of my life staring across the kitchen table and thinking, "I can do much better."

So you're after a separated, bipolar woman with a history of being abused? That's a mighty high bar you have raised there, chief.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 98
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 1/30/2015 5:01:35 AM

I'm with Cindy on this one- I had the real deal too, and I know how good it can be (and how much work it can be also).

I wouldn't mind some company, and to be honest good sex, but I don't expect to ever have the kind of relationship I had before. I'm open to it, but I think maybe it's rare.


Alright, I've this (or something like this) in this thread and others. The old, "I had such an amazing relationship in my past and I want that again., so I'm unwilling to settle, dammit!!!". So my question to those who think that way is this:

When you met this person, did you know he/she was going to be your gold standard of relationships the second you laid your eyes on her/him? I'm guessing no.

And that's the thing, isn't it? You go through the on line catalogue, all the while saying "next.....next....next...." because of things like she likes cats instead of dogs or he happens to be holding a fish instead of the collected works of Keats. And all the while you're missing the point.

Most people aren't "the one" when we first meet them. They become the one as we get to know them.
 Me_Me_Me_Pick_Me
Joined: 2/3/2015
Msg: 99
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 2/13/2015 1:34:53 AM
You could meet someone with all of these pipe dream traits and there is still no chemistry, bad chemistry or the timing is all wrong.

I find that people have tried to search for someone in terms of what amounts to a grocery list. If you have all those qualities, realistic or often otherwise, you fill the cart. If you're missing some traits, you stay in the Land of Misfit Toys or are headed to the reduced rack -which is what this site really is, lol - hoping to be taken before you spoil.

The more elaborate the list, the more I try to avoid communicating and certainly meeting that sort of female. I try to keep things somewhat basic. I realize I'm not perfect and have areas in my life to improve on. Read between the lines of profiles and really look at the pictures and you'll see the same thing in others. That's part of being human.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 100
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 2/13/2015 5:49:37 AM

When you met this person, did you know he/she was going to be your gold standard of relationships the second you laid your eyes on her/him? I'm guessing no.

There was a physical attraction and pretty quick chemistry that happened thereafter in those situations.

And that's the thing, isn't it? You go through the on line catalogue, all the while saying "next.....next....next...." because of things like she likes cats instead of dogs or he happens to be holding a fish instead of the collected works of Keats. And all the while you're missing the point.

Not really.

Most people aren't "the one" when we first meet them. They become the one as we get to know them.

There's a pretty strong indicator of it early on even if we don't know for sure. There's "something" about that person. If you've never had it happen I can understand the confusion.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations