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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?      Home login  
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 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 26
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Ok vector...are you quite done with trying to "educate" me in what I , MYSELF was saying?? because frankly, my dear...I don't give a damn...and I've been going to school and reading and writing for longer than you've been ALIVE and find this game more than a little tedious....

if you have nothing to add to the ACTUAL topic, then why post? Because, frankly, what that is, is called trolling....
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 27
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 6:51:16 AM
Gender bashing not only happens on the forums. It happens in some people's profiles. They have very negative profiles and feel it's more important to list what they don't want instead of what they want and what they can offer to a partner. Seriously, how many people are after a liar, player cheater, and abuser? Any time I see that, I wonder why they bothered putting up a profile. POF can be baggage central. The only thing missing from their profiles is the skull and crossbones warning label.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 28
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 6:56:48 AM
@ maleman ....LMAO

Yes, I've seen some like that, too...you can almost TELL what the person has been through just by reading the profile....

NOT attractive...that's for sure!....

Yup, someone, sorry forgot who, mentioned about how that's probably a lame attempt to " challenge" people to " prove them wrong" and that comes through loud and clear....
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 29
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:07:28 AM

if you have nothing to add to the ACTUAL topic


What is the topic about anyway? You complaining about the type of people who complain about the opposite sex?

I answered your question, you just decided not to pay attention. You chose to get defensive when I said that I thought you were insinuating that the people in question have ulterior motives.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 30
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:24:11 AM
I'm REALLY curious to know the answer to this question....

I see so MANY people that are here and very obviously they DISLIKE men and/ or women, yet they KEEP coming back and spreading their particular brand of " wisdom" throughout the forums....


I don't dislike anyone. People have made bad posts, evil posts and I defended them saying they are "citizens of planet Earth". So I don't dislike even what YOU dislike. It's just that I have nothing "better" to do with my time. If you read some of my posts you understand what I mean by that :)


What, exactlly, do you " get" out of it?

Is it validation from other people that it's not just you, that has a problem with this?

Is it that you just want to reassure yourself that there is REALLY nothing " wrong" with YOU?

Do you feel like you're "warning" others who may come on here?


Nobody can validate you because nobody is like you except you. They may validate certain parts but never everything. The true validator is yourself because you validate everything about yourself.


I ask because there seems to be NO purpose that I can see to come on a DATING SITE and constantly " bash" the opposite sex....I mean, especially in the forums ABOUT dating...Not to mention all of those who have " sworn off" of the opposite gender yet are still here on a DATING SITE talking about how truly AWFUL the " others" are....


Haters will hate! Haha.


This is a genuine question and is NOT directed towards either gender exclusively, as I' ve seen both men AND women do this and really can't understand what the " payoff" IS....
I'm also not looking to change anybody's mind here, or 'bash' you for " whining" etc.
I DO pay attention to what's actually said and what I, personally hear, is aLOT of frustration and disappointment and am a BIG believer in NOT trying to change people's feelings about their own experiences...that IS something that you are " entitled" to, and no amount of criticism or bashing is going to change THAT, until/ unless you, yourself are ready, and more importAntly, WANT to...


Among black sheep, a white sheep will seem weird. The black sheep say, unless you change, you will not be accepted, because we are black and you are white. Unless YOU have the will to change. Unless YOU have the strength to change, no one can change you. So the white sheep, thinking about what others say, decides to go near a leaking oil pump. Jumps into the black oil and returns to its comrades black.

But, although the sheep is now accepted among the other sheep, there is a stickyness about it. By becoming what you are not you cover yourself in that sticky oil, that is overwhelming. You begin to die slowly...and you realize that having other people's acceptance does not feel that good afterall. The oil on you though, is driving the life out of you without joy nor reward. The truth is you will never be joyful until you are yourself. Sure you can change but why?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 31
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:27:25 AM


@ cv
NOT complaining so I guess you, yourself have paid as much attention to my Original post....too busy trying to tell me what's I'm saying...and not defensive, cause I actually thought that you wanted some kind of clarity rather than to just try and play word games with me..
I asked a question and you responded with an inaccurate comment on why I believe that these people have ulterior motives which does NOT make sense, as the POINT of the question was to clarify why they do it in the first place, so their motives are NOT " apparent" to me....Never mind give them any advantage as is the definition of an ulterior motive, whether or not you agree with that definition...
I mean, seriously, go argue with the dictionary, if it doesn't t suit you...

You seem like a relatively smart guy, and I have seen many things in your posts that I agree with and find quite insightful...However, if you have some kind of problem with ME personally, as I've noticed that you have also spoken disparagingly ABOUT me on other threads in commenting on NOT my posts, but ME in particular, that's terrific...let's just be adults here and keep it out of the forums, ok?

OT
Seems like most of those vocal folks have decided to NOT respond....guess you were right mountain....

@ Dan....
I'm not saying that they have to or even should " change" ...I just don't get why coming here is something they do...MAYBE IT's projection, because when I have been " burned" by a relationship in the past, the LAST thing I would want to do is go on a dating forum and TALK about it, or even try to convince others of the " validity" of my opinions about the entire gender....
Not everyone has the same experiences after all....
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 32
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:39:37 AM
This seems pretty obvious to me.
POF is a place you can come and post anonymously, vent,
and do so without any consequences really.

I think when people post complaints about men and women
in general or when they post about hating men and women in
particular in here...they are really aiming it at forum members.

There are a lot of disagreeable people here. Most of us wouldn't
hang around people that were constantly down or never had anything
good to say in real life, but here you can't get away from them.

People give POF too much credit and let it involve
too much of their lives, take it seriously and spend way too much time on
here.

I spend time on here as well.
But I can step away.

I play here when it's fun because I like some of the people in here and
I've got crushes on a few. The rest of them could disappear from the forums
tomorrow and I'd be okei with that.

Harsh? Probably.
But true story.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 33
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:43:25 AM

I'm not saying that they have to or even should " change" ...I just don't get why coming here is something they do...MAYBE IT's projection, because when I have been " burned" by a relationship in the past, the LAST thing I would want to do is go on a dating forum and TALK about it, or even try to convince others of the " validity" of my opinions about the entire gender....


I went as far as saying that nothing is true even about a certain person. Like, even kindness or compassion comes and goes, the person can become mean. Anger can come and go, frustration also, desire also. So if nothing can be true about a person, how can something be true about a WHOLE gender? Seems untinkable huh? It is. It simply cannot be.

So it is an extreme form of generalization to say that women are like this, men are like that except when you talk about physical things. Like, men have more testosterone then women. Good. That's true. Men's amygdala is different from women's amigdala, yes. Women, don't have balls that hang. Yes, true also.

They come here because they can I guess, if I had to pay to have this conversation there would be no Dan on pof forums. Maybe you're overthinking it.


This seems pretty obvious to me.
POF is a place you can come and post anonymously, vent,
and do so without any consequences really.


I have my real life picture up, how on Earth is that anonymous? LOL


I think when people post complaints about men and women
in general or when they post about hating men and women in
particular in here...they are really aiming it at forum members.


Sister, you have way too much dopamine. That can result in great sex but not a great evaluation of reality: It is too paranoid. It may not exist what you speak of. Hmm? Yes there are people like that, but now that you said it, I would tend to believe it is you rather than others. Before you mentioned this, it never even crossed my mind once in the last 10 years.


I play here when it's fun because I like some of the people in here and
I've got crushes on a few. The rest of them could disappear from the forums
tomorrow and I'd be okei with that.

Harsh? Probably.
But true story.


So if I die tomorrow you would not care? You're kind of getting there but not quite.
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 34
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:49:59 AM
Well...Did you really think anyone of the people you think...actually hates or dislikes the opposite gender would respond? Oh wait....a few haven't probably got up yet.
I don't think a few recognize just how bad they sound...tbh.
Some I think just are here to stir the pot...those ones with no picture and ever evolving new profiles..you know the ones.

I am sure a lot of it is "attention" seeking and the ones that tend to keep arguing over a "word" or "phrase"...want to show everyone how smart they are....or are right fighters.
as in the "mandatory DNA" thread....long lost in the stupidy now...
A few are just chronic complainers and whom better to blame than the ex....even if they have been single for years.

I don't hate men and some of what these "forum" men/women show about themselves on a forum...is very telling to me. I am not ashamed or embarrassed of anything I have ever written...in fact, I have sent men here to read.
I am exactly the person...irl as I am online. I have been called constantly a femanazi by a few forum guys....which makes me smile.
As one great lady said....You(some) make it Entertaining!
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 35
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:50:09 AM
Great post idea Dee
Why are they here??? IMO I think certain people are here because this is as close as any of them have been or will ever be too making conversation with a wo/man, they have absolutely no social skills and this way they can sit in the safety and comfort of their home and try to interact with the opposite gender. It just baffles me how the same ones from a week/month/year ago state they have never dated, or haven't dated recently, yet you'll see them the following week trying to give advice on how to date. Wtf?? Perhaps I have too good of a memory, but that sh1t is annoying! Profile review is the worst, where you see the moms basement dwellers trying to enhance someone's dating life and you can tell just by looking at them and by reading how they interact online that they don't have the slightest idea how to start a relationship, let alone try too keep one going healthy and strong...yes I agree on the attention seeking aspect too.
 ScurvyLittleSpider
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 36
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:53:19 AM
Did you ever see the movie "the sixth sense"?
It's about the ghosts of dead people, who haven't realized yet, that they're dead.

Same thing, sometimes, with misandry/misogyny.
Same thing with being dumb.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 37
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:55:45 AM
Whether you are a hater of the opposite sex or not, or a basher, or a lover, or a teacher we ALL have something in common, and that is that whether we want to admit it or not, we are addicted to DRAMA. Many come here because of the intellectual debate, and why not. Many of you are formidable adversaries, and what a better forum to debate than people that are articulate, passionate and expressive about how they feel about whatever given subject.

I have wondered why I came here in the first place. I was getting out of a horrible relationship and it allowed me to find people that gave me great advice. But why did I continue to come here? Why do I and all of us listen and comment on the misery and problems of others? Perhaps it allows us to connect to something that is missing in our own humanity, and see how much better, or worse we have it in some areas.

I too was filled with hate, anger and resentment. I had to go to therapy to get better. I am still going to therapy, but now as a way to understand the path that I am taking and where my new relationship is going.

Perhaps, instead of pointing fingers at others and ask why are they here, simply realize that THEY ARE HERE, and we are sharing this experience with each other. Some people probably hate my guts because I come across as mister positive, so be it. We are all getting something from each other, so if anything, I'm grateful for all of you.

Happy holidays.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 38
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:57:54 AM
After reading this poem “Considerata” by Max Ehrmann (you can look it up on google), I learned to accept everybody has a story to tell. Before I used to ask so many questions to myself why this why that. Why does somebody like to talk so much? It's so annoying. Why is somebody so quiet? And some people perceive that person is anti-social. Why does somebody like to show off while s/he is not so great? Why is somebody so humble? Why is somebody so mean? Why is somebody so nice? Why do some people like to give, and why do some people just like to take ... etc., etc…

That’s life, I guess. Life has to have different kinds of people. That’s how it can be colorful.

If the world had only bad guys, then life would be hard to live. If the world had all the good people, no bad at all, then people would not know what good means.

I learned to accept people the way they are, and ignore what I don’t care to hear as long as it does not harmful to my life. You cannot control what people think or say. You can only control yourself how to take it.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 39
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 7:59:45 AM
Misandrist feminists typically try to recruit others to join their sick and dysfunctional mentality. They want everyone else to be as miserable as they are, and they don't want men to have any enjoyment. Some such posts are by male "gender traitors".


Ainen, I agree with you 100%. I actually LIKE men, (in general). That might be why I was able to attract one and keep him interested. These same women have accused me of being anti-feminist, read: "female gender traitor" because of a comment I made in another thread about the importance of being fit and trim to attract the opposite sex. Apparently the term I chose, "bikini-worthy" set them off.

I enjoy coming back to the forums and reading about other people's dating issues. It makes me appreciate the man I'm with even more.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 40
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 8:13:00 AM
And then there are the people that post babble too long to even
read...over analyzing every sentence by breaking it up and dissecting
it ad nauseam.

I rest my case.

And I agree with the person that says they read the forums and it makes
her appreciate the man she's with even more.

Yeah...I read the forums and I'm glad I'm me as well.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 43
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 8:38:58 AM
@ fire and ice...well for me I try to not assume what another person's motives are but ask instead...so, I'm " asking" because I truly want to understand what someone says to themselves before making one of those posts....the ones that always results in them being accused of whining and complaining, that is....
For SOME I agree that it IS simply to vent and for others it seems to be a case of something...more, is what I see, but maybe I really AM overthinking it....

You never know what really motivates people, I learned that long ago in school in studying Psych., and have since seen it in my Life....

For example, passive/aggressive comments and behaviour are more often than not just an indication of someone being too insecure to want to confront someone directly, and instead, going the " roundabout" way, to make some kind of point....without having to truly take responsibility for it IF you care to " decipher" what they' re saying, and that's a BIG if there, because for me, personally, I prefer the direct approach and appreciate that as it gets the problem out where you can deal with it....I don't have much patience for adults that can't say what they think/feel directly to each other....

MANY " long-term" relationships that I' ve seen owe their VERY existence to the fact that one or the other parties, keep their mouths shut for fear of being "abandoned" like children, as THAT is who they are, even though they have adult bodies....those are the ones who can't seem to be alone, EVER....and will go from relationship to relationship without even pausing for breath....

But I digress...LOL

As far as there being " room" for these people...it really doesn't bother me a whole lot, as in I stay awake at night thinking about this stuff...lol ...and for the most part, for ME, I feel sorry for these people...NOT because they can't / don't get dates, or even WANT to date...but more because I have to wonder how much pain is hiding behind that kind of anger....
And am not " pointing fingers" IG, just asking a question about something that puzzles me....
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 44
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 8:48:23 AM
I'm cynical, bitter, lonely, jaded, and my heart has turned ice cold.

And of course there is the gin. It really helps loosen the typing fingers.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 45
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 9:11:38 AM
MANY " long-term" relationships that I' ve seen owe their VERY existence to the fact that one or the other parties, keep their mouths shut for fear of being "abandoned" like children, as THAT is who they are, even though they have adult bodies....those are the ones who can't seem to be alone, EVER....and will go from relationship to relationship without even pausing for breath....


Knowing when to shut up and when to speak up is an interpersonal skill necessary for successful long-term relationships. Part of being an adult is being discerning enough to know when to pick one’s battles. It’s been my observation that people who possess that skill tend to stay in relationships much longer than those who don’t---thus, they do not go from relationship to relationship.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 46
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 9:34:24 AM
I agree that knowing when to shut up is a valuable skill...
I have learned that skill in many venues in my own Life aside from personal relationships, and, if my ONLY goal was to be in an LTR then that would be one use for that skill...fortunately for myself an LTR is not a primary goal in my Life....and, as I mentioned my own observations have been that passive/aggressive people DO have. " talent" for LTR's, they're just not necessarily the kind of LTR that I myself , am looking for....as in a decent one where there is open communication and honesty....
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 47
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 9:44:40 AM
They are the professional victims whose friends and families got sick and tired of hearing the rants about 'that b1tch of an ex wife that took my dog and my boat' or 'my terrible ex BF that called the cops on me because I called him 50 times about the Allman brothers tee shirt I left in his trailer'

They are the wackjobs, moonbat, asshats and losers we work with every day and avoid IRL. These folks keep this place interesting.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 48
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 9:46:18 AM

Knowing when to shut up and when to speak up is an interpersonal skill necessary for successful long-term relationships. Part of being an adult is being discerning enough to know when to pick one’s battles. It’s been my observation that people who possess that skill tend to stay in relationships much longer than those who don’t---thus, they do not go from relationship to relationship.


I totally agree with this statement by Halcyon (I know, don't fall off your chair or spill your coffee). :-) This attitude generally leads to a long and success relationship.... act like an adult.

The above quote is not anything close to being passive agressive and/or anything less than " a decent one where there is open communication and honesty". Where do folks get this stuff?
 SD2131
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 49
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 9:54:08 AM
I don`t care what others think. I have met some very nice women on this site and i feel POF has its benefits.. Those who complain about not meeting someone need to look deep inside themselves to realize its not others its them..
I`m busy all week with work, so POF really helps me go out on dates and enjoy myself.. I guess, its how you precieve things that makes this a great site....
BTW, if this were a pubically traded company, i would own stock in pof..LOL
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 50
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/5/2014 9:59:07 AM
@blue...
Never SAID it was...maybe you need to re-read what I said....
I SAID that my own observations have been that passive/aggressive people in GENERAL seem to have success in LTR's and that it's based on NOT speaking openly and honestly....which is not what I want in an LTR myself...

That's where I " got this stuff" from relationships that I, personally, have seen in my experience and don't want for myself....
And I actually DID agree with her that knowing when to talk and not IS a valuable skill...
Wish " some folks" would read what people actually write ...rather than respond to their own interpretations....

@ carol...yes, there are THOSE, too...LOL

@ spot4.....LOVE the name btw....
I can empathize, have been there before, myself....and yes, the gin DOES help, ask Walts....LOL
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?