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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?      Home login  
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 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 126
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?Page 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

As for Dan and his " reductionist theories" ....well, I suspect that may one day change for him, if he ever learns that 'attachment' is NOT a dirty word and that even Spock, ultimately WANTED to ' feel' because he realized that it was the "spicy in the salsa..." Lol


Spock is a TV carracter. He wanted whatever Americans wanted. If spock wanted anything else, the whole production would have been shut and replaced with a Solar Trek, where its carracters want what Americans want.


.and in the case of those who die younger than the average, the sadness is also tinged with feelings of loss of the potential unrealized....


You see, I knew it would come out sooner or later. The typical mother thinking of her son to have a nice familiy like hers and become a great whatever she's great at. What a missed opportunity for personal validation and sustenance of the false identity. I guess nobody is living in the present anymore, it's all about when I buy my new IKEA furniture or when my son gets married or when I have grandchildren. Everyone's life became a "when". Life is now, not when.

Of course if you live in the "when" and the when vanishes you have a problem but whose fault is that? Live in the now and it's all good. I'm not saying a loss isn't a loss and shouldn't be mourned, go ahead if that's your thing. I'm just saying, instead of the loss feeling like Heroin withdrawal, maybe it would feel like...codeine withdrawal. Milder.


With that big brain of yours, is there NO room for compassion?


I do have compassion because I don't like pain. I am the kind of guy that considers proper pain management to be 100% relief, and not over 50% like pain management doctors say. But I attack the source of the pain you see. Whenever I feel pain, wether it is physical or emotional, relieving it is not enough, I try to find the source, the culprit. Sure compassion...is like codeine, it relieves pain momentarly. I want to find the source. There is always a culprit.


If there's nothing after this Life, shouldn't we do ALL that we CAN to get as MUCH out of it as possible? AS a human being?


Nothing after life hmm...you mean life on pof forums? Life in USA? What life are you talking about? If you talk about Life with a big L, then I have a problem. No beginning and no end. Your life can end, but not Life. Life is a complex phenomenon, your "I" doesn't die you see? It's the Dee on pof forums that dies but not the "I". It's a result of the Universe trying to figure itself out.

So there is a lot in stock for you after this life yes. But not for the Dee on POF, for her there's nothing but you're not really that, that's not you. It takes no effort to realize this, because even your personality, someone is observing it from within, that's the "I". That's what's eternal.


As a scientist you must believe in SOMETHING of value in at least SOME emotions, such as curiosity, no? A desire for Truth?
So why SOME emotions and not others?


Because emotions come and go, they are unstable. Yet someone is observing those changes, something that's unchanging, the real "I". If everything cganged, you would have no reference to measure change. Think about it.


Aren't they ALL just about the human experience? And isn't that the point of being here, as a human, on Earth, for whatever time that we are allotted? If there's nothing after this Life, shouldn't we do ALL that we CAN to get as MUCH out of it as possible? AS a human being? We will never know how a flower feels, or another animal, but if we also ignore our own barometer of Life, ie. How we are perceiving our world, through our thoughts, feelings and physical perceptions isn't that just a COLOSSAL waste of a Life?


Mooji explained it by saying that the "I" is like light, it's colorless. But when it goes through a prism, it is split into colors yes. So the colors are your perception of reality but what observs from within is much bigger than anything you can perceve.


Emotion, whether right or wrong has been the driving force behind all of human history...and that's gotten us HERE....


It has lead to wars, murder, genocide etc. Everything gets you "here" no matter what you do. You can't do something and end up "there" you always end up "here". So if you're thankful for emotions for bringing you "here" they didn't do much because "here" comes on its own. It's the present moment irrespective of your behavior. It's the "I". The more you read what I type the better your understanding of it will become, trust me, you'll get it after a while lol.


Whether you be right or wrong in your views my friend, you are STILL a current resident of Planet Earth here....maybe it's a good idea to actually STUDY a culture before trying to change it, as ANY good anthropologist does, hmmmm....?


I don't try to change anyone, my problem is with those that try to change you. When I tell people "lose your ego", do I try to change them? No. If a thief takes your money, and I ask you to take it back, and you do that, did I change you no? I just brought you back to where you came from, to where you should be, to where you feel most comfortable and rejoiced.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 127
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 8:10:36 AM

I try to find the source, the culprit. Sure compassion...is like codeine, it relieves pain momentarly. I want to find the source. There is always a culprit.


Every kind of pain leads you through obstructions to freedom. Pain is the beacon from which you find transformation.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 128
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 8:29:47 AM
Every kind of pain leads you through obstructions to freedom. Pain is the beacon from which you find transformation.


Brother, when you touch a hot stove, do you instantly remove your hand from it or do you wait for the pain to transform you and turn you into a better person? You remove your hand right? Before you're left with no hand! You attack the source, which is, the stove burning your hand!

Why is it that with other type of pain you make a virtue about it? Look at the source and stop it! Same thing. You don't need to think about it also, it's a reflex.

The reflex however was altered...by people's conditioning, they told you oh, no pain no gain and things like this. Let them feel pain...and gain :)

Let them win the lottery.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 129
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 9:04:15 AM
@ Dan...
First of all I just want to clarify a little something here....

The concepts and philosophy that you speak of are NOTHING NEW, my friend....the ego and the Eternal 'I' are as old as, well, at least Freud who coined the term ego, but Socrates and Plato had a similar idea...so please, do me a favour and don't presume that I 'don't get ' what you're talking about, I DO, I just don't agree...
The exception is that 'observational I', which I agree that we all have...but to state categorically that the I goes on while your personality dies, is a BIG statement that has ZERO proof behind it....
Last I checked few have gone to the other side and come back to tell the tale, and even those who HAVE are often seen as having been through a simple chemical process that happens in a dying human brain that may produce all kinds of ' phenomenon' such as hallucinations and even sensations....

And just to be abundantly clear I, personally believe that a Life devoid of pain is nothing more than a child's vision that can not reasonably be expected by ANY conscious adult, who actually has experienced emotion....and it is an immature fallacy to have as a goal, whether you go about doing that through heroin or some new/old philosophy...
People have been trying to 'selectively' feel specific emotions for a LONG time time and NOBODY has yet been successful with that even with chemical help, as you well know...Dulling any one emotion leads to a general dullness holistically and there's no getting around that...or, ultimately a tolerance is built towards the chemical in question and it no longer has the desired effect.

I personally have NO problem feeling pain or any other emotion as the secret is that emotions ARE fleeting as you mentioned, as they are MEANT to be...The process is pretty simple, recognize, feel, let go....period.
No need to wallow in them, or make war on the feeling of them either.

As far as your definition of the potential of a young person that dies young...well not even sure where you got that from, about having a family etc. but that is a simplistic view of such an event...For myself, I don't even THINK of those kinds of things although they ARE important to many people, for ME, I think of what that person could have contributed to the world aside from their progeny, such as a cure for cancer, an inspirational figure, or even, a philosopher with views on the ego v the I....or maybe something as 'simple' as being a shining light in the lives of those around them....There IS value in that and I know personally from the friend of mine who died at 28 that the sheer impact that man had on those around him is RARE, extremely so, and I often wonder where that would have taken him and us, as a result...
You're familiar with the Butterfly Effect, I'm sure...all of that 'interconnectedness' means that the most minute change can have a huge impact....
While I respect your right to have these views, I won't agree with them for all of the reasons that I stated...If that means that I will live a Life of pain and anger, etc. at LEAST I will know that is because I ALSO had the chance to experience the flip side of that and have known the absolute JOY of really being alive...and that's good enough for me....
Good luck with your own journey there Dan....and may you live in interesting times....
 LittleLadyMaxine
Joined: 4/11/2014
Msg: 130
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 9:06:44 AM

dan said,

Haters will hate! Haha.


- This young man nailed it on page two. This is almost as hard as love levels for people to understand... people's personality and attitudes are separate from yours, everybody does not have the same attitude as you do. There are people with good attitudes, and people with bad attitudes. Ever hear the phrase "You Can't please all the people all the time"?! You can't change people's basic personality, and how they act is sometimes independent of you or what you do. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make a drill Sargent fart rainbows.

- Gary and Marie
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 131
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 9:18:55 AM

Brother, when you touch a hot stove, do you instantly remove your hand from it or do you wait for the pain to transform you and turn you into a better person? You remove your hand right? Before you're left with no hand! You attack the source, which is, the stove burning your hand!

Why is it that with other type of pain you make a virtue about it? Look at the source and stop it! Same thing. You don't need to think about it also, it's a reflex.

The reflex however was altered...by people's conditioning, they told you oh, no pain no gain and things like this. Let them feel pain...and gain :)


There are many different sensations all lumped under pain.

Emotional pain is different from the physical pain of a hot stove.

A lot of pleasurable stimuli eventually lead to pain. So it isn't obvious that one should avoid this type of pleasure. Even those things that have no pleasure or pain associated with then can lead to painful situation. Once you are in the painful situation, you can have an irrevocable condition that no matter what you do to eliminate the original source, the damage is done.

Living life will eventually cause pain, if nothing else old age will bring on various sources of pain. The only real way to avoid this is to die. I think this is where philosophy will eventually lead.


So there is a lot in stock for you after this life yes.


Basically a philosophical construct that can't be proven. It's quite posible there is nothing after death.

BUT the problem for you and the way you think, most other people don't think the same way. But you have to live with other people and you depend on them to be able to avoid pain. There are many examples, the easiest is your job. You need the job to earn money, but if you can't get along emotionally with your superiors or with your co-works, you become much more vulnerable to losing the job. Lose of the job will reduce your flow of money, and without money you will suffer the pain of hunger, no shelter, no money for medical care.

So the problem is you are part of human system that doesn't think the same way as you do. This will eventually cause pain for you.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 132
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 9:34:22 AM
Wowzers! I go away for a few hours and there's already 2 more pages on the Dee & Dan show!!! :D
Good reading though.
Not sure if water seeks it's own level here on the forums Clooney...more like whiskey seeks it's own level.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 133
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 9:46:02 AM
Note to Dan: There is NOT a 10,000 words per day minimum requirement in order to post in the forums.
 WALK4ESTWALK
Joined: 3/16/2014
Msg: 134
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 10:53:09 AM
This site has at least 2 varients (Dating and Forums). Forums is further broken down into topics. To post this topic in the "Recipes" section wouldn't be appropriate. Those sharing recipes would tell the OP to go to another section and stop ranting in their section. IMO, this topic is appropriately placed, therefore, any response is also appropriately placed. Therefore, both belong in this "forums" section.
The OP's rant implies she is having problems dating and wants men (and includes women) who don't want to date to get off the site. If they don't pick her, then they must hate women. Since she includes women then I guess she's saying to them "if you don't accept their date offer, then she must hate men." I've heard of women complain about men endlessly E-mailing, but never willing to meet. Maybe this is what the OP wants to remove. Next up might be one of the following:

If you're not going to move in, get off the site.
If you're not going to have children, get off the site.
If you're not going to marry, get off the site.
If you're not going to wine and dine, get off the site.
If you're not going to have sex, get off the site.

This is the forums, if you can't accept that people have different ways of relating to others, with differing views than your own, get off the site. Personally, I think the OPs a whiner, but she has every right to rant. Don't worry OP, someone will soon see your internal beauty, just as they see your external beauty, and select you. Or, you can get off the site and go out into the real world. Keep in mind though, you'll probably have the same problems there, as you do here. You just won't see them as easily.

Pour yourself a glass of wine, put on the stones, and listen to the song "You can't always get what you want."
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 135
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 11:16:52 AM
Good Argument and Bashing Dee4I66:

The reason is I am better of finding a mate here checking their profiles fake or real ,at least I have a lead, and when the dating did not lift up the ground ,I don't to have answers my friends of WHY ? Oh WHY ??? For they thought the person they are matching with me is a God gift for me. Duh. I don't really care very much people meddling and talking about my private life.

I learned and love this forums and befriend some of the regular forumites , for me it is a cheap way to go to a C octail party with out makeup and dress up, and expensive wine. ( hey panties and bra , cream sladderd on face plus coffee is okay you can't beat that ) I learned from some post asking advice ,and some giving their opinions, if you like, I would say different thoughts/insights inter actions.

I thought I am very learned and wise but I find out ,I don't know anything, and I don't want to be that fool Wolf who can not reach the grapes in the high vine and decided that the grapes is sour and rotten. Wolfie I respect your decision.
I am giving a hugs and air kisses to those people who doesn't favor your criteria dee4166, with out them I die of boredom. I love you people, muwaah. that is a kiss if you guys don't know.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 136
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 11:19:02 AM
@walks....
And you got THAT from my OP?
Interesting...considering I said NOTHING of the kind, nor implied it either...and only genuinely wanted to know what the 'payoff' was for people engaging in this behaviour....

But thanks EVER so MUCH for your totally unnecessary and incredibly insulting rant...

Gods know....we can NEVER get enough of those!!!
LMAO

Did you actually have anything to say on the TOPIC or did you just 'stop by' to spread a little hate, to round out your day!!!

Wow! Nice.....and YOU have a great day too.....coward hiding behind a fake profile for the SOLE purpose of trolling....y'all take care now....

@ forum...sorry, just can't seem to stop myself from a juicy intellectual discussion....LOL

@vanilli...thanks for the support...no worries, some people just can't help but act like douches, what can you do? LOL
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 137
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 11:29:03 AM
When I first seen the title, my immediate reaction was "Are you @#@$! kidding me?!"
Are you just doing this (creating threads) to further your involvement with the forums in an attention seeking matter simply because.... you're enjoying it? lol

Dee, you disappoint me. You know KNOW the answer to your title question yet you created a thread to rub it in the faces of the haters because...........they hate.
Seriously Dee... are you kidding me?

You do also know that this will only make them hate even more, don't you?



I thought I am very learned and wise but I find out ,I don't know anything, and I don't want to be that fool Wolf who can not reach the grapes in the high vine and decided that the grapes is sour and rotten. Wolfie I respect your decision.
I am giving a hugs and air kisses to those people who doesn't favor your criteria dee4166, with out them I die of boredom. I love you people, muwaah.

^^
Supporting the "haters"
Very kind of you Vannili
I say that humbly because in truth, no one is perfect.
Even the haters need understanding and love (k... that's as corny and mushy I'll get)
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 138
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 11:43:24 AM
You are welcome dee, MEH< in my way of thinking, it is useless to fight people here at the forums , insulting them for their opinions ,because they will not divorce me and I get nothing no Alimony or child support. Nooo I am not trying to be funny!


So I would rather go by the mottos of LIVE AND LET LIVE.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 139
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 11:44:31 AM
@Walks
Dee is not whining,we have a number of people that obviously are quite bitter, and sometimes it gets tedious listening to the continued negative energy.Usually the women hide it better and then they might lash out lol.
@Dan
So how do you attack the source of pain when the pain is the loss of a loved one?Flowers die when they are old yes,and when a person lives a long full life and passes away peacefully there is a certain kind of peace. Not so when you lose somebody young,nothing but the passage of time will lessen the pain.You might be a smart man but I think you're missing a few function calls there bud.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 140
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 11:59:49 AM
I had to go back and read the original post again. I dont know what Walks read but I saw not a damn thing in the OP's post regarding her dating life, lack of dates or bad dates. So, Walks, maybe go read it again yourself as you got it wrong. IMO.

I get what Dee is saying. Why come here and post on a dating site if you show such distain for the opposite sex? Two of the biggests whiners posted on this thread. Why are they here...maybe go find blogs, forums, etc. dealing with what really interests you. The constant posting about how you ex cheated on you and all women are femi-nazis gets a little tiring. The same applies to some of the women that constantly post about how this is a free site and only has subhuman, low class men on here. Why are you here?
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 141
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 12:02:54 PM

A lot of pleasurable stimuli eventually lead to pain. So it isn't obvious that one should avoid this type of pleasure. Even those things that have no pleasure or pain associated with then can lead to painful situation. Once you are in the painful situation, you can have an irrevocable condition that no matter what you do to eliminate the original source, the damage is done.


Great response my friend. There are different types of pain, as well as there are different types of fear. When we talk about fear, in the context of life and actions, it's a different fear than the one that tells you to run away from the lion coming your way. The other forms of pain and fear are much more complex.

Sometimes the pain we feel is not because of the wrongs that others have done to us, but the realization that We had something to do with causing that pain. That we participated in that process and have a degree of culpability for those deeds. Ninety percent of the problems that guys have saying that they can't get a relationship and have given up are derived from this camp. There are things hidden inside their own psyche that cause tremendous pain, to which they find a way to mask it, thus developing all kinds of physical illnesses and immune problems, or they start to address it. Only when you address that pain and bring it out with all it's force can you even be close to the healing process.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 142
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 12:04:12 PM
charmin ,I think you are okay, you are not corny and mushy and you are not Barbarian,
you'll do fine in this complicated world. just my humble opinion.


^^^ Supporting the haters"
very kind of you Vannili


Thank you, supporting the haters ? why not as long they are happy doing it . and as long as it doesn't affect me that is important.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 143
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 12:18:03 PM
@charmin...ah well, you found me OUT! Clever girl....

Actually I don't ASSUME anything about human behaviour unlike many people....and asked because I hoped that some of those people would come and actually talk about WHY they come to a dating site and b! Tch about the opposite sex and get BASHED for it....

Did you actually READ the OP, or just assume from the title what it was about?

Any way, There have been some enlightening responses, mixed in with LOTS of judgements, but then, I guess that you would know that....
And what IS that obvious answer in your opinion btw?

For those who HAVEN't actually attributed this thread to anything more or less than what was ACTUALLY written, I thank you...as for the rest, well you're all entitled to your own opinions, it would just be nice if you could confine those to the ACTUAL TOPIC as opposed to getting personal....
My apologies for the personal comment that I, myself made towards walk....although he acted like an a ss, I shouldn't have responded that way, but I AM human and getting a bit tired of the BS....oh, and cv, why don't you at LEAST post under your OWN profile, or is it just that you're trying to appear to take the high road in order to have people NOT think badly of you?
Even the Cowardly Lion eventually got SOME courage....lol
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 144
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 12:18:38 PM

There are different types of pain,


Yes there are.

In fact, I felt a little pain this morning when I found the whiskey bottle empty sitting on the counter.

All is not lost though. The store was open and the bottle is now full. Now, I gotta get out and play in the rain putting the last of the lights up. Hopefully the knee doesn't end up FEELING like it did after my decorating last week, in the ice and snow. Phucking eastern weather sneaking into the coast!!!!!
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 145
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 12:22:42 PM
Why come here and post on a dating site if you show such disdain for the opposite sex?

^^
I seriously think that for a lot of the posters, when in the forums, even though a huge portion the subjects is about love, relationships and dating, they forget that this essentially a dating site.
When in the forums, it truly, at times, feels completely separate from where your inbox and profiles are. Maybe... just maybe, alot of the so called haters avoid the inbox and profile and come straight to the forums. (I know I often do.)
Just sayin'


you are not Barbarian,
you'll do fine in this complicated world.

^^ Not barbarian? lol... well, that's a first *chuckles. And, thank you :)
And sweetie, I'd be dead by suicide or in the asylum if I weren't doing fine in this complicated world ;)


edit*
'I found the whiskey bottle empty sitting on the counter.'

Gasps!!!
I fawking hate it when that happens!! Reaching for that bottle and its ... empty.
Same thing with an empty coffeepot when out of coffee grounds/beans.
A horrible experience!
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 146
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 12:38:44 PM
Dee:


If you don't even LIKE women/men, then why come on to a dating site?"


Who says that the men and women who are BASHING OTHERS, SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER... don't like women/men. Maybe each person doesn't like certain TYPES of people and when they are exposed to them on the forum they get TRIGGERED and the worst part of them emerges.

For example, I find CAPS in the middle of sentences very ANNOYING. It makes me feel that someone is YELLING at me. So what do I do, YELL BACK, no, I note the aggravation and decide that the other person is entitled to their CAPS, that it really isn't important in the scheme of things and I learn something that I didn't know about my self....I'm AGGRAVATED by caps in the middle of sentence. Who knew!
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 147
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 12:52:33 PM
@ flaneur...see post #108
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 148
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 12:53:29 PM

^^ Not barbarian ? lol well, that's a first "chuckles. and thank you
And sweetie, I'd be dead by suicide or in the asylum if I weren't doing fine
in this complicated world.


Hey ! Now we are talking the TALK, good comment.. I am happy to lose on this game of argument > your Checkmate on me !!! I sure do expect that answers from you .Good job.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 149
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 1:05:55 PM
Dee
@ flaneur...see post #108


Thanks Dee, for the caps free response, very much appreciated!
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 150
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/6/2014 1:11:04 PM
Remember ladies..turn the other cheek! ( especially those of you with cute bums) ... giggity,giggity, goo!
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