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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?      Home login  
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 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 176
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?Page 8 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
My goodness. I didn't even notice this thread at first, and now it's seven pages long in less than forty-eight hours. Intense.

Back to the original question posted by the OP, I will toss in my own viewpoints, just in case it helps.

There are lots of different reasons why people could end up sounding the same as each other, while having entirely different reasons why they complain. Lots of different motivations for saying the same negative things. That can make it confusing, because an observer can correctly recognize the reason for one person to say something nasty, and then realize that that reason isn't correct for the next person who says the same thing, and thereby come to doubt that they were right about the first one.

Shakti was right about hope. Someone else mentioned resentment. Then there's the child-like reverse psychology "I'm going to scream until I get a cookie" thing.

Lots of people say things out loud, and write things down, without reading or listening back to themselves. Some times they do so for a very long period. I've done it myself, especially in subject areas I am most sensitive or in pain about. I think that some people who appear to be misandrists or misogynists, actually think they are in the midst of genuinely solving a painful problem for themselves. It can feel like a real "solution" to declare that you don't like or want anything to do with that which you yearn deeply for, and fear you can't reach. From outside, it may seem to be an obvious example of "sour grapes," but from the pain side, it seems to be a salve of logical analysis. The seeming only alternative to the self-destruction of declaring oneself unfit, is to declare the desired goal to be unworthy or impossible.

And the real simple answer at the base of it all, to why such people stay, is this: people do what they want. They say what they think they should, or what they heard other people say, but what they actually do, shows their real goals and meanings. The misandrists and misogynists stay on dating sites, because they are here for exactly the reason you want them to be here:

They want mates.


Really.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 177
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 8:28:57 AM
Maybe it makes me a horrible person, but I understand the OP's question. Regardless of what she has posted before it's a question that makes for interesting discussion - and I didn't see the question being posed as a whine.

There are posters here who dislike the gender they claim to be trying to date. I'm not one for games or charades - so when someone says they hate everyone in a group, or that all in that group are horrible people - I take them at face value. It's not my job to decipher what they're really saying if they don't have the fortitude or self awareness to know what that is.

Some posters have decided dating isn't for them, and I take them at face value too. I don't have a problem with it - I think it's a viable solution and as adults I respect that decision (it's no secret that I don't see dating as the huge priority others do, especially here, so I won't judge someone who decides to put it on a shelf, I see no problem with it).

Those who are bashing the gender they wish to date as a whole in one thread, while keeping an active profile they expect to get responses from or while posting in another thread that they can't figure out why that same gender doesn't give them any attention is something as a person with some common sense, I have to wonder about. It's as silly a question as "when I bang my head on a wall, why does it hurt?"

You have to wonder how they don't know the answer to that question - and since they likely do you have to wonder if the question is just a way to get someone to answer because that's some form of interaction.

I'd just rather they say they are disillusioned by something that's happened to them and because of it they aren't in a real good place. At least that way they can get some sort of decent advice on what to do. Telling a bunch of people that they are all idiots isn't the best way to get anyone to want to talk to you. The shock when they get an unfavorable response is kind of interesting.

At the end of the day if people must do this - fine but it's not surprising there are people who see it as pointless and don't want to participate.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 178
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 8:51:11 AM
Yes it makes you wonder how many times some negative posters may have had someone interested in them, and they googled their POF username only to bring up their forum posting history. I know I'd run from a few!
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 179
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 9:09:09 AM
To get back to the original question, I like men, I have a man, I have had men before, but I enjoy the forums.

I am an equal opportunity "not-liker"-- I may "not like" a man or a woman, based on their behavior, rather than their gender.

The same goes for liking- I base that on behavior as well.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 180
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 9:32:10 AM
I think it often boils down to unrealistic expectations, and frustration when those expectations aren't met. People think that because there are thousands of "singles" (may or may not be) here, their perfect partner must be here, and all they have to do is go for a short swim among the school of fish, and their perfect partner will magically appear, and it must happen quickly/immediately. Who has time to waste looking for a perfect partner? (lol) When the fishies don't align with the stars and their perfect partner doesn't land in front of them,they head over to the whine bar. But they will hang around, in case Mr./Miss Perfect comes out of the coral reef and shows up.

What I don't get are people who have had dates from here, or any other dating site, but come on the forums and complain when it doesn't turn out like a Hollywood fairy tale romance. Do they think it woulds be better to get married right away to anybody to fulfill their fantasy and take a chance of the forever part?
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 181
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 9:44:48 AM
I think it often boils down to unrealistic expectations, and frustration when those expectations aren't met.
^^
I wholeheartedly agree.
People respond to this in different ways.
Some come across as haters..........in a pof forum. *smiles
 Mentisnow
Joined: 6/29/2014
Msg: 182
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 12:19:26 PM
Very easy OP, because they can. I don't take anything personal, nor do I feel anything about anyone's negative post's, vents etc.
Most importantly, why does it bother you? How is other's views, or perceptions affect you? I do ask with respect.
I read, I observe and on the rare occasion I will give my 0.2 cents.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 183
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 6:32:28 PM
Dan

I wasn't hurt. He was little more than a stranger but it gave me an indication of who he was and that I would not be interested in getting involved with him further. That and a few other things he did and said, drove me to that conclusion. I want a man who has a warm heart, would be supportive. I am a mature independent woman that doesn't need to be coddled or rescued. But a cool one, like that?? No way. He was tall, attractive, successful and intelligent. Not enough.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 184
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 8:23:09 PM
Dee, my comment about illogical things getting in the way and annoying me is about dating and just life in general. Taking care of my parents, problems would arise and then solve themselves and I'd think, "why did that even have to come up in the first place, if it was just going to work out anyway? I have enough on my plate, doing the work of angels." As for dating, yeah, we all have times when someone who could be a good partner, lets something like looks get in the way (which, OK, I can understand) or they let some silly little thing get in the way, or their ego gets in the way of the bigger picture. The illogical gets in the way of a logical outcome--its irritating. Life's too short to waste.

"No idea who Oracle at Delphi is - did she own nice sandals?"

>>>the only oracle at Delphi I knew of, was the one in Greek Mythology. for those who don't know the story...well, google it. Its a common reference.

"why do we say total strangers as opposed to strangers. I mean are total strangers hmm, strange? "

>>>personally, I use it b/c a stranger may be a repeat customer where I used to work. they aren't a total stranger to me (I know what they order, if they brought their kid in, I know what their kid looks like), but I wouldn't say I know them very well. But if I fly to California, then everyone at the airport is....a total stranger. I only know what they look like, on that particular day. now, I might read their body language and make some guesses, but....:)

y'know the nice thing about "old man syndrome"? Its like being the court jester, in that it allows one to be the truth-sayer, but blame the role being played.

holy cow, is it possible NDTfan hasn't had something to post in this thread yet? I looked, yet I did not see. I can guess she'd make her usual point, and frankly...she'd be right about some fellows, I think. They didn't get from OLD what they came for, so they get angry and hateful. Had they gotten what they wanted, its hopeful they wouldn't be so grumpy (but, then again, maybe they started off misogynistic). not that it means some hottie needs to "take one for the team".

some guys will see women as a recepticle for their, um, dreams. Others, tho, I'd like to think they started off hopeful, and got bitter from expecting too much. for both types of men, however, the solution is in their hands, and I actually don't mean masturbation this time. Its their problem, so its their solution--they made up their minds to be a certain way, so they have to re-make or un-make their minds. no partner will be the thing they need--they have to be that thing, for themself.

If they don't love themself, or appreciate themself, or accept themself, then even if they find someone to do that for them...it won't fill the hole. they'll have to find another, then another, then another again.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 185
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 8:30:07 PM
I don't know that Dee was taking it personally, well until the few attacks that were quite personal for her, but that she was just interested why there are a few regulars who bash women right & left, over the same story about what an ex did to them and yet think with that kind of attitude toward the gender they are trying to date, how that would not run people off.

For me, any man who would allow me to point my finger in his face, rattle off all the bad things men have done to me, then demand that he respects me and treats me well, while I'm going to be taking notes and giving out demerits if he doesn't do as I want, and he better read my mind too, and damn it if he does one single thing like an ex.....good gawd, who would stay around for that, other than someone just as angry? It does make you wonder what they think that gets them when someone is hoping to find a person to be with.

I don't have a list of he-done-me-wrongs, but in the course of getting to know someone, I may pick up on something that's happened before and evaluate it, but I won't be spitting out about an ex doing that and huffpuffpuff. My theory, for what it's worth, is that if I was with someone awful, and stayed for however long, then I'm 100% responsible in my part of being there. If I do not like it, there's no reason to be in it. But sometimes, yes, someone fools you, it hurts, it's humiliating, and sometimes you just don't want to have to go through it all. But to then lead your life with she/he did this to me, she/he is a horrible person I must painfully live the rest of my life telling others about it and how she/he are like all she/hes and they are just out to get me and by the way, all men want a model and all women want a rich tall guy. It's exhausting to live like that, can you imagine what that does your health? Treating yourself so badly thinking you are getting back at the person who hurt you, is doing a lot more harm to yourself, the person that hurt you most likely doesn't care. You can lash out at innocent people but you can never achieve your goal of teaching men/women a lesson, you are just ruining your own life.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 186
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 9:10:34 PM

ouija2025 wrote:

No idea who Oracle at Delphi is - did she own nice sandals?


Most likely. They would have been a gift from one of her many admirers.........
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 187
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/7/2014 10:44:16 PM
Dee

You do know that typing in caps is tantamount to shouting?? So if you are not wanting to shout out, then use lower case but if you want to shout, then go ahead but it is not good cyber manners. lol!!
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 188
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/8/2014 4:47:20 AM
Typing in ALL caps is equivalent to shouting.

Typing SOME words in caps is emphasizing those particular words, and is NOT the same as shouting.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 189
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/8/2014 5:12:45 AM

I think it often boils down to unrealistic expectations, and frustration when those expectations aren't met.


I agree with Maleman on this. Many people probably signed up here with optimism and probably became pessimistic after bad experiences. Some may have come here already pessimistic due to prior bad experiences. They brought along a lot of carry on baggage.


Sorry I came fashionably late to this party.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 190
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/8/2014 8:40:00 AM
Dan

I wasn't hurt. He was little more than a stranger but it gave me an indication of who he was and that I would not be interested in getting involved with him further. That and a few other things he did and said, drove me to that conclusion. I want a man who has a warm heart, would be supportive. I am a mature independent woman that doesn't need to be coddled or rescued. But a cool one, like that?? No way. He was tall, attractive, successful and intelligent. Not enough.


If you say "not enough for me" I agree with your statement. It is entirely defendable, if you have high requirements, it's up to you. I don't agree however when you say "not enough". You see, everybody is enough. If you are, you are enough. I know your parents, teachers, bosses, they all conditioned you with this expression your entire life.

When you got a 45% in an exam the teacher told you it's not enough. What he meant is "It's not enough to pass my class". See? Because your personality and perception that too can change. What's not enough for you today may be enough tomorrow. You may realize that what was important for you 10 years ago won't matter 10 years from now.

You don't have to be anything, you just have to be, so by default, you are enough.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 191
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/8/2014 2:25:38 PM

Then there's the child-like reverse psychology "I'm going to scream until I get a cookie" thing.

this gets my vote.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 192
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/8/2014 2:26:13 PM
double post
Cindy O
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 193
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/8/2014 8:42:41 PM

Shakti was right about hope. Someone else mentioned resentment. Then there's the child-like reverse psychology "I'm going to scream until I get a cookie" thing.

Lots of people say things out loud, and write things down, without reading or listening back to themselves. Some times they do so for a very long period. I've done it myself, especially in subject areas I am most sensitive or in pain about. I think that some people who appear to be misandrists or misogynists, actually think they are in the midst of genuinely solving a painful problem for themselves. It can feel like a real "solution" to declare that you don't like or want anything to do with that which you yearn deeply for, and fear you can't reach. From outside, it may seem to be an obvious example of "sour grapes," but from the pain side, it seems to be a salve of logical analysis. The seeming only alternative to the self-destruction of declaring oneself unfit, is to declare the desired goal to be unworthy or impossible.

And the real simple answer at the base of it all, to why such people stay, is this: people do what they want. They say what they think they should, or what they heard other people say, but what they actually do, shows their real goals and meanings.


^^^^
This


To condense it all down to one simple answer complicated by hidden reasons to the title question of why those who dislike women/men come to a dating site....

....it's because they can.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 194
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/8/2014 8:57:35 PM
dayna, at #69--*superb* post! Don't tell you near often enough how good you are, and how much you add to this place!!

As for the OPost, I think most peeps have NO idea how broken they *are.* And don't come from environments that expect or teach self examination. So they get butt-hurt, and have absolutely no way to fix it. Since *they* have no issues, it must then be that wretched *other*!!!! So they come to the place where that wretched other hangs out. and gives them some golden words. When the gold words are not heeded, it reinforces the original contention: it's YOU, not ME. . . . And there you have it: the perpetual motion opposite sex whacking machine.

 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 195
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/8/2014 9:01:13 PM
I think if you don't like a group, you want to tell them how pissed you are about them.

What better place to complain to the opposite gender than a dating forum?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 196
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If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/9/2014 8:02:34 PM

If you don't Like women/men, then why come on to a dating site ?



That's right , I don't like men/women including myself, why I am here on the dating site ?

So I can antagonize these people who can't have a date , that they turn into POF Forums Police Wannabe

Get it ?

Vannili
 8inscrew
Joined: 11/17/2014
Msg: 197
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/9/2014 8:56:19 PM
Ďeaf= SHOUT
ouch= sordos
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 198
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/10/2014 9:17:51 PM
I came to this website not too long ago open to possibilities of meeting men. Found out a vast majority are window shopping and can't even email more than three times before moving on. Why in the h$ll bother then? Keeping to the real world from now on. This site actually makes you dislike the opposite gender more than when you avoided it. Maybe it's a reflection of our self absorbed society.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 199
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/11/2014 5:24:02 AM

I think if you don't like a group, you want to tell them how pissed you are about them.


That's been occurring since the dawn of the Internet.

Usenet had a newsgroup soc.men with discussions similar to some of these long forum threads. Women invaded the men's group, hiding behind screens while trying to bully the men. Someone posted that the attacks were the equivalent of posting rape jokes to soc.women. I didn't read the men's group, but saw some of the threads through crossposts, and topics were like here but unfiltered.

Other Usenet groups got attacked, for example racists often posted on soc.culture.african.american, and breeders often invaded the childfree group.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 200
If you don't even LIKE women/ men, then why come on to a dating site?
Posted: 12/11/2014 7:01:24 AM

Other Usenet groups got attacked, for example racists often posted on soc.culture.african.american, and breeders often invaded the childfree group.


Damn those breeders!!!!
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