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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?      Home login  
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 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 126
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl Page 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
ya, oh well, guys are supposed to embrace masculinity, masculinity sounds like a social construct to me
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 127
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/2/2017 12:07:06 AM

ya, oh well, guys are supposed to embrace masculinity, masculinity sounds like a social construct to me


It doesn't matter if it's a social construct or not. What matters is what works. Being a wallflower doesn't really work as well as taking the lead.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 128
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 2/2/2017 12:39:38 AM
Yes because being rejected by attractive women is more devastating than just a plain average one turning a man down. Such is the value that is put upon beauty.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 129
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 2/2/2017 6:53:40 AM
I do get what you're saying, but sometimes I felt that an attractive woman shooting me down was just a sign of normalcy. I mean, why wouldn't she? She could get a better looking man (whether or not she could get one with better personality depends upon her personality). While a plain Jane would reject me, and i'd think, "you're in the same boat as I am, as far as looks are concerned. Why the hate?" I'd actually prefer asking out the attractive woman, and get the answer I expected, and think, "well, I tried, she's looking for someone in her league".

I did ask out a lass in my league, and she shot me down. And then I found out the guy she was pining for--a drinker like her, living at home with parents like her, etc. She did end up with a hot narcissist, tho, so good for her. She held out, and got what she wanted, the boy some other girls wanted but who's personality turned off others.

I might even go so far as to say, an attractive woman might be more used to getting approached, and may handle it more gracefully than the person who has no practice. Just b/c in life, sometimes having practice at something makes one better at it. But not always, of course.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 130
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 2/2/2017 9:36:21 AM
I flip the script and make them anxious.

Works every time...
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 131
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/2/2017 12:22:04 PM
Ya just speaking my strong resentment towards the gender role that guys have to be the initiators in terms of starting a relationship, planning and setting up all the dates, calling or texting first
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 132
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/2/2017 1:54:15 PM

Ya just speaking my strong resentment towards the gender role that guys have to be the initiators in terms of starting a relationship, planning and setting up all the dates, calling or texting first


You left out paying.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 133
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/2/2017 2:20:09 PM

...............guys have to be the initiators in terms of starting a relationship, planning and setting up all the dates, calling or texting first.


No actually ................guys don't have to do shyt.....except piss and moan. Boo hoo.
Works every time. Women flock to pissers and moaners. Yep, we lov'em.

IMO, if a man feels he needs, to not lead, he needs to be a follower, then he should find himself a mamma, grab mamma's hand, and let her drag him where ever she leads. Then he can blame her, if they get lost.

(Oooops, My bad, I think I typed this outloud? )

I choose to be a willing participant. I'm not leading and I'm not followin'.
Unless we're on the bike in new territory, then I point.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 134
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/2/2017 3:26:42 PM

Ya just speaking my strong resentment towards the gender role that guys have to be the initiators in terms of starting a relationship, planning and setting up all the dates, calling or texting first


See I like reading and hearing this, more the merrier to your way of thinking is my thought.

Means it is much easier for the men who have no issue with doing this or paying for coffee and a meal to get a date.
My experience has been if I initiate, make the plans, keep in touch, thinking of myself as somewhat of a gentleman insisting on paying for the first date or two by date 2 or 3 the lady is paying her own way and at the end of the evening leading me by the hand to a bedroom.

Attitude is everything.
 superchillie
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 135
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/4/2017 2:50:12 PM
l fully agree that if you aren't sweating it a bit then you don't care enough and non of it matters anyway.

And personally l think she'd have to be a bit of a cold shallow fish that l wouldn't be interested in anyway, if she didn't appreciate any decent fella being a bit nervous.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 136
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/10/2017 6:06:31 PM
It`d be funny if women could spend one month living as a man and trying to get dates with women.
The rules of this game would be that she gets to remember her status and everything about being a woman, but she has to approach and ask women out based on what boys and young men are taught/programmed to believe about what women are (sugar and spice and everything nice, just treat them real good and show respect and women will love you, etc)

Inject testosterone so that all they can think about is getting laid, along with the feeling of acceptance~ which is the number ONE thing men want from women.
Now lets watch the fireworks, because heres my prediction of what would happen if women had to live as men trying to get a date with women~
The suicide rate would go to 99 trillion percent.

Women (now living as men trying to get a date with women ) could not, ever in a billion centuries, handle all the rejection from women that they`d have to take.

Sorry girls.
You would not only fail miserably as a man trying to get a date, you would literally throw yourself off a bridge if you had to try and live as a man trying to get a date with women.

Approach anxiety?
Us guys stand right at the edge of that bridge everytime we approach you, knowing that theres a good chance you`ll push us off it.
So now, just think of all the times you`ve rejected a guy. Thats what he went through.
Now, think about the times you were an azz about it.
Be honest, because you KNOW that there have been times that you were an azz just for your own entertainment and amusement.

Like I said at the start......It`d be funny if women could spend one month living as a man and trying to get dates with women. ........good luck.....
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 137
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/10/2017 6:12:01 PM
here is a towel, dry those eyes
No one I noticed is telling you to approach women, that is on you
I can get a date in 11 secs
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 138
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/10/2017 8:44:52 PM

It`d be funny if women could spend one month living as a man and trying to get dates with women.

You're reasonably close to the mark on this. Then you get cracks like ouija laid out. What she fails to realize is that she couldn't come acrossed as very masculine. That wouldn't fly for very long.

It would be better if they became men for a month, and couldn't remember how it was to be a woman. Then they could experience the joy of not knowing if they've made any impression on the prospective date. Any man that lived through that, knows how intense that time is. Which makes some wonder if it's really worth it.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 139
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/11/2017 6:29:31 AM
Yup, that smug little attitude of hers would be cut right down to size on day one by the women she'd be trying to date.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 140
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/11/2017 6:48:21 AM
There are many reasons some men can't get dates... it isn't a science.
Not smug at all if I was to ask a man out it wouldn't be to get my beans ground, whine about my lot in Life, fret about having to spring for the coffee, hoping he was my soul mate, fibbing about what I had to offer.. it is a long list.

Damn right I am a material " girl" I work hard for my money :)
And to quote a Lady M's song
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 141
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/11/2017 1:10:39 PM

There are many reasons some men can't get dates... it isn't a science.
Not smug at all if I was to ask a man out it wouldn't be to get my beans ground, whine about my lot in Life, fret about having to spring for the coffee, hoping he was my soul mate, fibbing about what I had to offer.. it is a long list.


I would actually argue that it is a science. The problem is that people aren't aware of the mistakes they make and don't know what to work on. One big problem is congruence. You get guys that try to act confident by using some kind of canned line but they don't have the body language and eye contact that's congruent with being confident so it makes people not trust them. It's better just to be congruent with how you feel and people will respond to you better. So there's one example of how it is a science. Another example would be relying on others for good emotions instead of being self amused and non-needy.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 142
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/11/2017 2:10:03 PM
k, social science perhaps, but not get to the Lab and solve this!
And even Watson had a swear filter installed. I guess we could install programs for those who need them? We could build the " 30 buck Man" or something.
But I disagree - often ppl are quite aware of the mistakes they make they just want others to overlook them
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 143
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/11/2017 7:46:06 PM

k, social science perhaps, but not get to the Lab and solve this!
And even Watson had a swear filter installed. I guess we could install programs for those who need them? We could build the " 30 buck Man" or something.
But I disagree - often ppl are quite aware of the mistakes they make they just want others to overlook them


No, if people were aware of what the mistakes are, they wouldn't be making them in the first place. I think you're overlooking how out of touch a lot of men, including myself are or were. That's why there's a multi-million dollar industry to help men get dates.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 144
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/11/2017 8:42:02 PM
oh yeah, Jon Sinn was talking last month about congruence. Youngster want to be accepted by everyone, but its better to just be yourself, cut down on the number of fish in the net and the wasted dates as a result. I will agree, not everyone knows their mistakes, b/c then they have to admit they are idiots. Stupid people don't intend to do stupid things, they do what they think are smart things. And too many people are just too focused on what's going inside their head to get outside of it.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 145
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/11/2017 9:37:32 PM
Men are quite aware of the stuff they do they know appropriate, from inappropriate. They were taught difference between right and wrong, I would imagine they were taught some sort of manners growing up. They choose to ignore that which they were taught simply because they think they are superior, have a sense of self entitlement and dont think they should conform to society rules. If you are going to play the game you need to follow the rules or sit on the sidelines.

Anxiety approach is just another way to not take responsibility and accountability for ones actions. Grow up be man own up to things in your life and quit blaming everyone else for your problems. The only person responsible is you either accept that and change it or continue to whine and moan about your poor life.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 146
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 2/11/2017 9:52:36 PM
We are only human...
I worked years in the bar and see many can't, won't approch women without liquid courage.
I can only guess it's easier now that one can hide behind a computer.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 147
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 2/12/2017 2:17:36 AM

We are only human...
I worked years in the bar and see many can't, won't approch women without liquid courage.
I can only guess it's easier now that one can hide behind a computer.


The reason why many guys don't approach women is that part of being man (or woman) is being able to talk to the opposite sex and attract a mate. Many guys feel they can't do it so instead of confirming their fears by trying and failing, they just don't try at all and make excuses.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 148
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 2/12/2017 8:58:09 AM
"Men are quite aware of the stuff they do. They know appropriate, from inappropriate. They were taught the difference between right and wrong, I would imagine they were taught some sort of manners growing up."

>>>if a person waits for everyone to leave the room before pulling something sleazy, I agree, they just showed they knew what they were doing wasn't going to stand up in public. On the flip side, I had an ex test me by introducing me to her father and not saying that he had a stutter. Some probably don't know its etiquette to not finish sentences for stutterers. I've witnessed plenty of "older" generation say/do something unPC b/c they grew up under a different set of rules. And of course there are cultural differences.

all I'm saying is, not all jerk behavior is done by jerks or drunks. some do make an explainable faux pas. But if a gutless dude is doing something shady on the sly, then yes, he knows what he's doing...and it can get used against him. The former coworker of mine who made the comment about dumb people trying to do what they thought was smart, used to be married to someone getting harassed at work (and as the joke goes, he clearly knew that harass could be one word and not two :) ). So my coworker showed up at his wife's place of work unanounced, spotted the creeper, and said in a loud enough voice,

"oh, is THAT the guy?"

problem solved. Creeps and bullies don't like audiences. the ones who do are a different type of animal, with a different type of solution.

"The reason why many guys don't approach women is that part of being man (or woman) is being able to talk to the opposite sex."

>>>for some men, they see what they want to obtain, and they just would like to be able to walk right up to its owner and say, "hey, I like that. Is it for purchase? What do I have to do in order to obtain that thing I want?" That simple and direct an approach isn't going to work well for the majority of men, in a situation like this. Now, a guy like a Vin Diesel or a Brad Pitt, may very well get a similar "caveman" blunt offer from women. so he can, as it were, "cut to the chase" with someone he spots at a party. Both him and them may already be on the same level.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 149
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 2/16/2017 2:34:33 PM
I think most people on POF have approach anxiety or else we'd be out approaching women face to face. I've never asked out a woman in my life. I just can't approach someone I don't know and possibly make an idiot out of myself. They've always asked me out or made it really obvious they liked me, so I guess I've been lucky (but obviously this doesn't happen all the time). To be honest, with everything being the way it is today, if you approach or talk to a woman you don't know you could end up in jail. Even looking at a woman who doesn't want to be looked at can be reported as an assault. I still have anxiety meeting a woman for the first time after talking online as well, but the second I meet them I'm fine even if they're rude or insulting right away. (it happens more often than you'd think).
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 150
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 2/16/2017 6:21:22 PM

or else we'd be out approaching women face to face.


Some of us were.
Then the venues geared towards an older demographic closed up and we finally figured out the women had gone online.


if you approach or talk to a woman you don't know you could end up in jail.


Or the hospital.

"Ow, my eyes are stinging so bad".

(note to self: if she reaches into her purse, it's not for a tube of lipstick)
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