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 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 151
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

or else we'd be out approaching women face to face.


Some of us were.
Then the venues geared towards an older demographic closed up and we finally figured out the women had gone online.


if you approach or talk to a woman you don't know you could end up in jail.


Or the hospital.

"Ow, my eyes are stinging so bad".

(note to self: if she reaches into her purse, it's not for a tube of lipstick)
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 153
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/9/2017 5:58:06 AM
ya, in life and society, guys are always expected to be the confident ones, which i hate a lot, but oh well, thats never gonna go away
 therainman2
Joined: 3/4/2017
Msg: 154
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/20/2017 7:05:09 AM
I think some women caan see that you are nervous, but some women are much more forgiving than others when it comes to being approached, especially if its in a slightly "creepy" way (which is how often it can be perceived)... I read about self-confidence here: [url]http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/logical-fallacy-self-help-books-programs-trap-spnsr/[/url]

These are experiences which are relatable to a lot of people. I have overcome them, and its something you can work on over time. Never get too down on yourself!
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 155
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/25/2017 2:30:48 AM
ya, women are just passive creatures which is something i resent about them
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 156
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/25/2017 8:03:27 AM
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^Soooooo good to know, otherwise we would never,........... have guessed.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 157
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/25/2017 11:08:10 AM
Women have just as much approach anxiety as men do. I have had women in their 30s send a friend to ask me on a date because they were afraid of being rejected. I laughed and said the worse thing I could do is say no how many times have you parents told you no. They were astounded at my thought process and asked is that how you approach it. I go not really but same idea when I was young I learned pick-up lines are rather cheesy and totally unnecessary so I just walk up say hello give my name and have a pleasant conversation.

Now with that said a woman didn't smoke asked me if I had a smoke. I had never thought of it to be used as a conversation piece to start off with. The weird thing is that happened to me 3 times this week women asking for a cigarette me saying I dont smoke and them reply me either. So we had discussions ranging from smoking to why they dont approach guys now I have approached women in different places in my lifetime laundry mat, grocery store, college, work, dances. I never actually thought of picking a woman up at a bus stop and you can do it naturally waiting for a bus just being yourself making idle chit chat. I think my vehicle breaking down was the best thing ever I mean it's a bus stop who gets picked up in a bus stop.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 158
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/25/2017 4:05:35 PM
The funny thing about AA is sometimes it shows up where you never would suspect. I remember reading a bio about Led Zeppelin where Jimmy Page was so shy he'd have roadies go out and approach women he was interested in. Imagine the guitarist from the hottest rock band of the '70s, the coolest of cool, otherworldly talents, $$$ and drugs to burn...still couldn't approach women. But then again, to be that good, he probably had no time for women when he was growing up.

The other side of the coin was in the Stones...I think it was Bill Wyman...who had multiple women every stop, every year...never let up. Obviously a sex addict. When you think of that, in the Stones, you don't think of Bill Wyman!
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 159
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/25/2017 7:20:46 PM
Assumptions are made by women about men who can't screw the courage up to talk to them.

I'm sure, many think weak, insecure, pretty basically, a beta male that can be led around. Many times, I can't bring myself to talking with an unfamiliar woman. Does that make me weak in other areas because I can't?

Well, lets see, I'm self employed. Meaning I must approach customers. I must sell myself. I have to handle problems, be aggressive as needed. I must be pretty successful at it. I've been at it for 42 years. Obviously, I must be an alpha male to survive, and be a success. So, why can't I just apply that to obtaining a mate?

To me, The two are about as far apart as anything can be. You don't have to like me, just my skills and work. My looks mean zero, in comparison to my work. My skills are easy to sell. I know what I'm talking about, about your work.

If I approach you, already you know that I'm interested. I like what I see. What I don't know is what stops me. Am I offensive looking to you? I can count on one hand, how many women in my life have ever said that I was nice looking. (Four, if you toss out what my mother thought about me) Will I bore you? Would I do something that would offend you? Do I measure up to your expectations? Can I hold your interests?

This is just a couple things that I think of, that stops me. I'm sure there's more. My skills I can sell in a heartbeat. Selling me isn't my long suit. Since most women won't approach men for the obvious reasons, and almost none have ever approached me, then I can only guess and assume the worst. If you play that game called hard to get with me, that tells me to go away. And I will.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 160
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/27/2017 9:21:38 PM
It's a bit of a paradox. You can avoid the approach anxiety by doing the online dating thing, but then you're just a voice in the wind. Some women even write in their profiles that they only answer 1% of the messages they get. You have better chances in person where a lot of men don't bother approaching out of fear. No wonder there's a million dollar industry built upon this.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 161
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/28/2017 8:16:52 AM

gtomustang
>>>for some men, they see what they want to obtain, and they just would like to be able to walk right up to its owner and say, "hey, I like that. Is it for purchase? What do I have to do in order to obtain that thing I want?" That simple and direct an approach isn't going to work well for the majority of men, in a situation like this.

I have actually tried that, here online. In the initial message, after the usual polite opening, and mentioning something in their profile, just come right out and say:


So… What would I have to do to meet you? What would it take?


Now I’m not going to lie and tell you that I have had noticeable success with that line, but I have used it. And I have gotten at least some responses, I don’t think it’s any better or worse than most openings.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 162
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/28/2017 9:18:18 AM
"assumptions are made by women about men who don't approach"

>>>I don't know about other guys, but the only ladies i'm approaching are the amazing ones. After the age of let's say 18, these women tend to be used to guys making an approach of some type or another. on a subconscious level, I don't think they worry much about the guy not approaching her...except for the cases where he seems to be a good partner and she wonders WTF. I've listened to female acquaintences who had no interest in me, complain they weren't approached by decent men, and I thought, well, I approached you, but i'm so far off your radar you didn't even bother to notice. But a guy who has something she wants, well, if he doesn't offer it to her, he's doing exactly what the dating coaches advise--he's playing hard to get. Or he's not playing, he may not be interested in her. But playing hard to get works FOR women as well as ON women.

Still, obtaining a mate is different from putting food on the table. Someone can be my best friend yet refuse to pay me to do their taxes. That's not a slam on my sense of identity. But we are all animals designed to procreate, so a woman saying in essence, "I don't care how pleasurable the sex would be, your genes aren't good enough to take a risk--but oh, look at that bad boy over there *sigh*" is a blow. A pretty woman who is bad at sex is like the concept of lousy beer--plenty of people who haven't had enough of either, figure it beats sitting around the couch watching re-runs on TV. And those who claim to have experienced enough of either? Funny how they'll still "Settle" for it at times. No one says while they're eating pizza, "boy, I sure hate how i'm going to feel on the scale tomorrow".

Approaching 100 women to get one to say yes, is like asking 100 people for free beer and pizza in the hope of getting one to say yes and offer good stuff. I figure I can go find a substitute and spend my time better.

Henry, I believe I've used that approach, but not directly. for example, if she said she wasn't free Friday, I might ask about Saturday. i'm not saying the words "i'm looking to make this happen", but if she's worth my time, she's smart enough to realize...i'm looking to make this happen, or get a definite answer that its never going to happen. I suspect that any woman who is wearing clothing that shows off her best body parts, is hip to the idea that she's attractive and guys will have an agenda she can agree to or not agree to. as you know, there are women out there not adverse to an attractive man wanting to share something pleasurable with them, whether that's an evening at a restaurant or an evening getting horizontal. we can all be adults about the fact we want something, and it may be the same thing.

without going to the level of, "hey babe, what's this going to cost me?" :) its nice to be romantic, but its also great to meet a woman who can be an adult and realize that, yeah, we want something similar to happen, let's forget the games. there should be a respectful way to court someone that doesn't take 5 years to reach a place both wanted to be in the first place.
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 163
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/28/2017 1:07:05 PM

I've listened to female acquaintences who had no interest in me, complain they weren't approached by decent men, and I thought, well, I approached you, but i'm so far off your radar you didn't even bother to notice.


Have you considered that your approach was so subtle that they really didn't notice and that perhaps you ended up in the dreaded "friendzone" with them thinking you are not interested?

Perhaps you should ask these same women what it is that you are doing "wrong" and how you can up your dating game. Then you can get some constructive help from people who have seen you in action so to speak.

I know what my problem is. My male friends have told me... When I actually do go out and meet new people while out with my friends I am so used to being pals with guys that I have absolutely NO clue if a new guy I meet is trying to chat me up. My male friends have started giving me some (unsubtle) hints so I actually notice these days. Its helped a bit. I still have no clue but at least its a start. My guy friends are also on the prowl for a decent guy for me to date. Sadly I am at an age and in the sort of environment where they are pretty much all happily married to wonderful women! But you never know...

Get those women on your side. Women love making introductions. Challenge them to find someone for you and they will give it a bloody good shot!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 164
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/28/2017 2:00:12 PM

I know what my problem is.


Me too.

Other people.

"It's not me, it's you".
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 165
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/28/2017 2:57:26 PM
6JB, sometimes my approach was the same as their past bfs had used, or men they were chasing at the time. I know for some of those women, I simply wasn't what they wanted in a date. I wasn't a bad boy, I wasn't a mystery or a game to solve, I didn't blow money as foolishly as them, et cetera. For most, tho, I was shooting outside my league. They were hot enough to get a hot guy, and i'm not that (I had a few guys express amazement at some of the women I dared to ask out). I aim high, what can I say? :)

I ended up in the friendzone with those who still liked my personality and are used to guys hitting on them constantly thru their lives, whether old or young or after weight gain or ready for summer bikini weather. the others didn't bother with being friends. but being friends, I got to learn a lot about what those particular women did to get a men, and what men did to get them. so, I got to learn where I fell short. I should have "Stuck" to women in my league, but after 4 of them, I found out that (to be blunt) getting her off with techniques I read about in books while she couldn't get a natural response from me to "pop up" wasn't helping either of us.

I am in the same boat, good people tend to be taken (whatever reason would there be to break up with them?). My female friends have practically never hooked me up with someone they know, the one time it was a guy I worked with, introducing me to his exgf. My two latest female friends tell me the only single girls they know, are nuts. My new dental hygienist snuck a photo of me, I think she may try to set me up. Which is interesting, b/c she's likely going to go with someone she thinks there's a chance with, after only a few minutes of getting to know me. I suspect i'll see what "league" a stranger puts me in.

I've heard women love to play matchmaker, and like i said my friends were hotties who turned me down and probably had attractive female friends, so at the risk of sounding bitter....I suspect some young friends, when we were all young and looks were everything, avoided setting friends up with someone who would create a "are you serious?" response. We want to hear of a romantic success at first sight, not hope that someone would overlook appearance for personality. just like when we recommend a restaurant, we don't want to say, "eat there a few times, and then you'll learn to like it."
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 166
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/31/2017 9:03:50 AM

Now I’m not going to lie and tell you that I have had noticeable success with that line, but I have used it.


I don't think first messages matter all the much - whether three lines or three carefully crafted paragraphs. 3 lines might be better, each woman either wants to meet you or not, reams of advertising copy doesn't help.

Just send the d*mn message.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 167
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/31/2017 12:19:02 PM

I don't think first messages matter all the much - whether three lines or three carefully crafted paragraphs. 3 lines might be better, each woman either wants to meet you or not, reams of advertising copy doesn't help.


The first message matters a lot. If it's boring and "Hey, how are you" like all the other messages she's getting, it won't stand out and will probably be ignored.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 168
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Women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 3/31/2017 1:46:21 PM
quote] If it's boring and "Hey, how are you" like all the other messages she's getting...


I understand that it has to clear that bar but not by much in my experience. Of course, I'm older and messaging older women. They have all heard all our cr*p before. I do think it comes down pretty quickly to "Am I willing to take chance on this one or not?"

With younger women, it might be different.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 169
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 4/2/2017 8:49:03 AM
gtomustang
for some men, they see what they want to obtain, and they just would like to be able to walk right up to its owner and say, "hey, I like that. Is it for purchase? What do I have to do in order to obtain that thing I want?" That simple and direct an approach isn't going to work well for the majority of men, in a situation like this.


I once contacted a much younger lady on POF who liked to travel, I got the most amusing direct response ever, I still remember it.

She asked:

Are you rich?

I responded, "not rich enough by far".
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 170
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Women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 4/4/2017 1:20:08 PM

I understand that it has to clear that bar but not by much in my experience. Of course, I'm older and messaging older women. They have all heard all our cr*p before. I do think it comes down pretty quickly to "Am I willing to take chance on this one or not?"

I think it's for all women -- all people, that just a general "Hey, how are you" -- when they get a lot of messages, is basically saying "Write me back if you're attracted to me in my profile," and doesn't work if your profile doesn't stick out. It's a marketing thing. I think for women moreso than guys ("is she hot? and number 2... is she hot?"), they're going to more apt to give something a go where they normally wouldn't unless bored, if you just ask them a not-so-common but not weird question.

If one's batting average goes from .150 to .220 in getting at least some message exchange, then their batting average for having some conversation actually rolling increases, too, thus meet-ups. It's not a World Changer, but for some there is a significant difference. Not so much what they throw out there is super unique or "crap", but just Not doing the bland "Hi, how are you?"... which is fine, but, you're just another mugshot on the wall with it. Food for thought.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 171
Women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 4/4/2017 1:28:55 PM
1) I had a female stranger email me asking if I was a doctor, b/c I was so confident in posting. I think "doctor" was Latin for "rich"

2) If a lady living out in the sticks hasn't had many responses, and a halfway-decent looking fellow sends a generic message, then according to posts here (complaining about this very thing), she'll give it a shot. But if she has some men to choose from, a generic response may be what she needs for a "no" vote.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 172
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 4/4/2017 1:36:13 PM

She asked:

Are you rich?



I responded, "not rich enough by far".


I WOULD HAVE responded:

"Yes, and I intend to stay that way".
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 173
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 4/4/2017 3:33:14 PM

I responded, "not rich enough by far".

I WOULD HAVE responded:

"Yes, and I intend to stay that way".


What I would've said is "My wealth is in my personality".
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 174
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 4/24/2017 1:57:34 AM
ya but in life and society, guys, men are expected, supposed to be the confident ones, in life and society, nobody cares about a womans confidence, not just in dating but even in business and career.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 175
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 4/24/2017 2:57:52 AM
popculturegeek

that is a ridiculous statement to make about women and confidence in career etc.
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