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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 168
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Women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?Page 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

I understand that it has to clear that bar but not by much in my experience. Of course, I'm older and messaging older women. They have all heard all our cr*p before. I do think it comes down pretty quickly to "Am I willing to take chance on this one or not?"

I think it's for all women -- all people, that just a general "Hey, how are you" -- when they get a lot of messages, is basically saying "Write me back if you're attracted to me in my profile," and doesn't work if your profile doesn't stick out. It's a marketing thing. I think for women moreso than guys ("is she hot? and number 2... is she hot?"), they're going to more apt to give something a go where they normally wouldn't unless bored, if you just ask them a not-so-common but not weird question.

If one's batting average goes from .150 to .220 in getting at least some message exchange, then their batting average for having some conversation actually rolling increases, too, thus meet-ups. It's not a World Changer, but for some there is a significant difference. Not so much what they throw out there is super unique or "crap", but just Not doing the bland "Hi, how are you?"... which is fine, but, you're just another mugshot on the wall with it. Food for thought.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 169
Women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 4/4/2017 1:28:55 PM
1) I had a female stranger email me asking if I was a doctor, b/c I was so confident in posting. I think "doctor" was Latin for "rich"

2) If a lady living out in the sticks hasn't had many responses, and a halfway-decent looking fellow sends a generic message, then according to posts here (complaining about this very thing), she'll give it a shot. But if she has some men to choose from, a generic response may be what she needs for a "no" vote.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 170
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 4/4/2017 1:36:13 PM

She asked:

Are you rich?



I responded, "not rich enough by far".


I WOULD HAVE responded:

"Yes, and I intend to stay that way".
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 171
To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 4/4/2017 3:33:14 PM

I responded, "not rich enough by far".

I WOULD HAVE responded:

"Yes, and I intend to stay that way".


What I would've said is "My wealth is in my personality".
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 172
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 4/24/2017 1:57:34 AM
ya but in life and society, guys, men are expected, supposed to be the confident ones, in life and society, nobody cares about a womans confidence, not just in dating but even in business and career.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 173
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 4/24/2017 2:57:52 AM
popculturegeek

that is a ridiculous statement to make about women and confidence in career etc.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 174
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 4/24/2017 5:26:34 AM

...nobody cares about a woman's confidence, not just in dating but even in business and career.


That is a ridiculous statement to make about women and confidence in career etc.

It may be ridiculous, but it's stereotypical 'negging' that baits women into conversations ALL the time. People that are too polite online lose their interest quickly because appealing to the 'nice' side of people is dismissed as in-authentic pandering a lot of the time.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 175
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Women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 4/24/2017 2:22:26 PM
It goes both ways actually. I appreciate the women who keep it short, sweet, and interesting. The ones that put a wall of text are ok if they keep it well written. Then there are the, "just ask" people. What the hell is up with that? That has to be the laziest piece of crap to ever post. It is an automatic NO, if not a HELLZ NO in my book. I am forgiving of many things when it comes to profile writing, but minimum effort not one of them.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 176
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 4/24/2017 2:55:59 PM

I have no problem approaching men, neither do a lot of women I know, I have gotten knock back.... No big deal move on, more important things in life to stress about.


Just today, I got tossed an opening line -from, of all places, A bank teller. She was young, too young for me, but for an example, perfect. Instead the the same 'ol line of where do you want it, She told me I needed a rubber stamp to endorse my check. (I was putting the business name on it, plus my own) They weren't busy, she was very open, and I could have chatted her up pretty easily.

A little simple thing like that, could have started up most anything. If more women would do that, dating would be more possible for all.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 177
Women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 4/24/2017 6:45:38 PM

Obviously its all the women's fault


THANK YOU !

Finally, someone understands.
 Kodanshi
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 178
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To paraphrase Madonna, living in a grey area world, b/c i'm a grey area girl
Posted: 4/25/2017 1:41:05 PM

She told me I needed a rubber stamp to endorse my check.


I ... guess you had to be there?
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 179
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 6/1/2017 8:05:33 PM

I once knew a man IRL who was very outgoing, popular etc. in general, but when it came to approaching me, he would come up to me & start messing up & then run away. At the time I didn't realize what was going on cuz he was sooo outgoing in general.

I think there is a term in psychology, called "love shy" for people who have no shyness issues, except when it comes to the opposite sex & romance. How sad.

With the internet these days, it should be much easier.

I think a shy guy is sweet- the antithesis of a player.


Dear Lord, that sounds so much like me. I've got outgoing down to a T, talking to people is no issue at all, either. But when it comes down to asking someone out, asking for a phone number, heck even offering mine, forget it. "All systems shut down! Brain lockdown mode initiated! System restarting in T minus 59 seconds and counting!"

Funny part is, so far, in my life, I have ran into a locomotive that was on fire to shut down the electrical panel (Electrical fire in an old streamlined locomotive, a museum piece locomotive, the smoke from said electrical system was likely cancerous, but so far so good) confronted armed thugs and wrestled their weapons away and pinned them to the ground (Granted this is in the job description of transit security, but still, run towards something everyone else runs away from), all sorts of things like that, stuff most people would mentally lock up over, yet for all this stuff with real danger, somehow approaching a woman is much more nerve wracking.

And it isn't sweet at all. It's a terrible thing to have, knowing that this backwards state of thinking means you are single, the people who would run away from a burning locomotive or an armed crack addict or gang banger, but approach the woman, have someone. And no, this is not going to be like the movies. The woman does not suddenly switch to the guy who shut off the power in the locomotive, who pinned the thug until the cops arrived and cuff-n-stuffed him. Of course, some of us, such as me, we've accepted this as a way of life. It sucks, but it becomes a fact of life.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 180
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 6/2/2017 10:01:08 AM
GTO wrote:

I get that many women want to feel comfortable with a potential lover.
Sure. Much more than men, who's focus is more physical, women want to have a guy who they can connect with emotionally and intellectually. That's why conversation and interpersonal skills are more important to men. IMO.


If a lad approaches a woman nervously and uses a canned line that suggests he's confident....which message will she accept, the spoken or unspoken one? She's going to feel uncomfortable with a bullshitter.
Depends on whether you're a creative bullsh*tter or not. And how you deliver the lines. I think many women appreciate the effort put behind a creative bullsh*t...or if it's something they haven't heard before. Case in point....

I was out at a bar a few weekends ago, buddies were late...got stuck by myself for a couple hours....didn't know anybody.....small place, hole in the wall, crowded, band playing......just like I like it. I sat at the bar and talked with an old geezer at the bar for a half hour....turns out he was 77 years old, but he could hold his beer and gab over loud music as well as a man 30 years younger.

He left, and a very pretty young blonde, 30-something woman immediately plopped down in his place. It was surreal, one second I was looking at an old geezer, next second, a 30 something blond beauty. Kinda like something out of a beer commercial. I told her, while looking at my beer, that whatever they were putting in the beer was pretty d*mn good, 'cause it just turned a 77 year old man to a beautiful blond woman. Hahahha....she just looked at me like...."I can't believe you just laid that line on me!".....and I could see in her eyes that she was a bit disarmed.. ......and we had an engaging conversation for well over an hour...she was there playing wingwoman for her sis....she was "taken," of course....alas...but at my stage of the game, I'll claim a victory anyways, lol...'cause at my age, sometimes proving "I still got it" is just as good as anything.

Guys...ya gotta go for it...trip and fall...and go back again....practice lines....be creative....you'll have success, as long as you stay in your league.
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 181
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 8/14/2017 11:27:49 AM
ya, men either rise or descend, that's what life, reality seems like for human males.
 2ufo2
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 182
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 8/14/2017 1:36:15 PM
I'm sorry to be the one to point this out, PCG... but you are just one long whine.
And not a very good one.

EVERYONE has what you call approach anxiety.
It's scary, like public speaking, which is one of the top fears of everyone.

I was never very pretty or sociable and every man (except 1) I ever dated was because I ASKED.
Sweaty palms? Hellya!
Stuttering and red-faced? A bit.
Breathless and wondering if he'd say 'no'? Yep.
But I asked.
I initiated the date, invited them, and paid for the date (because I was the one to ask, though sometimes the guy paid).

Did every guy say yes?
No.
I had some stunningly good 'yeses' and some horribly embarrassing 'no, thanks'.

Then you (and a few others) say only men really need confidence and only men can really appreciate the anxiety of approaching a new person. That is not the silliest thing I've ever seen here on the POF forums. But it comes close.
Perhaps growing a more mature outlook and accepting responsibility for yourself might improve your opportunities for dating.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 183
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 8/14/2017 4:49:04 PM
My father was a marine in the Pacific and then a deputy for a couple of decades and eventually county sheriff. He would was scared a lot of times but had to fortitude to ofercome this up and get the job done. We all have anxiety but I expect a man to do his fretting on his own and then present a confidence. I know that many nights my father dreaded it when the phone rang in the middle of the night but he got his act together, made sure his uniform was sharp and went out to face whatever challenge there was.

Sure we understand that it isnt easy for a man to approach us. However, what else isnt easy in life? Its how a man acts in a stressful situation or crisis that is his true test. When the tire goes flat and he's late, does he get angry or does he keep things in perspective, stays calm and just changes the tire?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 184
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 8/15/2017 6:20:04 AM
for the sake of debate...when I come back to my car and there's a puddle of coolant underneath, I sorta don't have an option in my reaction--I gotta fix it. But walking up to someone I want to have a romantic relationship with, and take a chance on being told i'm not good enough...i'm willingly putting myself into a position I don't want to be in. like taking a hammer to my hand...it may hurt, it may not, but i'm doing it to myself, not having it done to me and having no control in the matter.

then again, i'm not a betting type, I prefer the sure thing. I used to ask out a lot of hotties back in the day, for a variety of reasons. maybe she was so attractive, I just had to get an answer b/c I didn't want to walk away not knowing. maybe there was a friend around and I figured hey, let's show off how easy it is. or maybe she was a stranger i'd never see again, so its only a few minutes of pain and then it goes away. I asked b/c my mother (former cheerleader/softball player in school) told me never to be afraid to ask out the pretty ladies, so few ever get asked out. But the more I tried it, the more I got rejected...and some became my friends, and I found out that my mom wasn't exactly correct. Pretty women get hit on by attractive men, who don't know rejection so they don't know they can be easily rejected, since they rarely get rejected. its nice to say, "fake it 'til you make it", but there's also knowing when you're playing in a field where you don't have the ability.

I get that women want to judge a man's character, and him having the cojones to ask her out can say something. of course, it might say he's a pushy jerk :) I respect a fellow who can ask out a woman, but then i'm biased, I used to be one.
 Mister0Independent
Joined: 7/2/2017
Msg: 185
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 8/15/2017 9:22:42 AM
It's mostly the extremely beautiful women who don't appreciate approach anxiety. They're used to getting a lot of attention from men so they can become very stuck up.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 186
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 8/15/2017 1:07:04 PM

EVERYONE has what you call approach anxiety.
It's scary, like public speaking, which is one of the top fears of everyone.

Exactly. Everyone has it. I'm known as an outgoing guy (nooooo!) -- but I'll get it. I've stumbled with it, when rusty in my game after dating for a while + being off the market for a while after. That's why one method to clear it -- is to act like you Are dating someone and just be wing-man -- and mingle, with no intent on actually picking anyone up, but socializing. It greases the wheels, doing that several times. You also set up your peers to get a #, etc. -- and it psychologically motivates you to do the same, and minimizes the anxiety.

Sure we understand that it isnt easy for a man to approach us. However, what else isnt easy in life?

Yeah, but you have to understand tho too -- Gals aren't going to randomly talk about how this one time 3 Saturdays ago that she talked with a guy for a 20+ minutes and they exchanged #s, when nothing big came of it. A guy Wishes that would be the "worst". :) Instead, one will randomly hear about 3 Saturdays ago some guy she was not interested in kept talking with her and how it was hard to shake him. Aside from a boy they're ga-ga about -- most everything else is going to be about them Shooting down guys and their complaints of being "macked on". :) It's not merely about not getting a # at the end, or reading a vibe that "Ehhh, okay, I don't pick up on enough interest" -- it's being one of Those guys, when you're not. Which is very possible. Like a star athlete, you have to be willing to take undeserved "negative press" when you're approaching gals you don't know.

when I come back to my car and there's a puddle of coolant underneath, I sorta don't have an option in my reaction--I gotta fix it. But walking up to someone I want to have a romantic relationship with, and take a chance on being told i'm not good enough...i'm willingly putting myself into a position I don't want to be in.

No, true. That Is the mentality. I don't Have to do it. That's why playing wing-man helps. Especially with/for an outgoing friend. Not only do you get your feet wet in interacting with gals you don't know (but not coming on to them; just mingling; or "blocking" for your friend, the true running-back) -- but you get to see Successes happen in front of you, if your friend has any game. When you see that happen a number of times -- it feels more like you're a car that needs it's radiator flushed. Your mindset changes some. But the best way to start things out is to only make the moves on gals in your league at the most -- or even a bit below, to get the ball rolling.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 187
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 8/15/2017 6:01:05 PM
yeah, a "mentor" relationship works well. If you learn to ride a motorcycle, for example, ride with riders who are better than you, but won't push you into something over your head.

Nothing succeeds like success :)
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 188
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 9/8/2017 5:51:30 PM
ya I've always hated how men are expected to "Man Up" with a huge passion, hate being told that, makes me filled with some dark thoughts.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 189
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women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 9/9/2017 10:31:31 AM

norwegianguy456
But the best way to start things out is to only make the moves on gals in your league at the most -- or even a bit below, to get the ball rolling.


Now this (above) brings back some bad memories! Two or three years ago (maybe more), here in these very forums, several men (including yours truly) made some comments about how men should “date down” in order to improve their self confidence. A number of women tore into us for those comments, the attacks were (in some cases) vicious enough to make me happy they were a long way off!

Come to think of it, weren’t you (norwegianguy) one of those who got caught in that attack?
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 190
women don't appreciate Approach Anxiety?
Posted: 9/9/2017 2:23:49 PM
GRRRRRRR, Oh yah, I was one of the ladies who took offense to the "league" / scale 1-10, and what was the other thing? Being a Friday date / a Saturday date or only good enough for Mon-Thurs?

BS at it's best.
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