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 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 26
The Coffee DatePage 2 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
^^^

PurpleZebra12...the act of walking around boosts oxygen flow and generally imparts a nice sensation of well-being. It is the same reason salespeople making many telephone calls are encouraged to stand (and even walk with a headset) while speaking with clients and potential customers. :-)
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 27
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 10:53:41 PM
You can't expect "Genuine Interest,And Attraction" on a first date made from an Internet dating site.

If coffee dates aren't your thing... then maybe a date where you can get your spanking that you are into would suffice?

List "spanking" as your first date and you're set!
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 28
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 12:32:11 AM
Coffee dates are perfectly fine. Preferred actually. Back when I was dating, I found that dinners, walks, whatever it was..had absolutely nothing to do with how great the date would end up being. I've been to parties with people, watched fireworks, taken walks, had dinner, taken hikes, or just coffee..and if it aint gonna work, it aint gonna work over steak, a picnic spread or a cup o' coffee.

And its not really about looking for "instant chemistry" so much as it is evaluating whether you both dig each other enough to meet up again. That's really about it.

And the date does not have to end right after the coffee is gone. If you guys like one another, you can take off and do whatever the rest of the night. Coffee is just an excuse/reason to get together. The rest is up to the two of you.
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 29
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 3:44:56 AM
I would think its not kicking the tires but first looksee.....Ive met woman and always cordial knew or not weather I would meet again....always respectful and talkative but the first meeting should be simple....also met woman who sat ther like a little kid twitchin like they did wanna be there...made them look like fools ......but all in all Ive met many nice woman over dinner or lunch...gives a person more time to converse.....lol
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 30
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 4:23:07 AM
I once arranged to meet a guy and had bought my own coffee just before he arrived. When we met in the café he asked where his was!! I don't mind springing for my own, but his, on a first meet?? not going to happen. Was a total bore and gulped that coffee down and made my excuses real quick.
 SD2131
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 31
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 4:45:16 AM
I find coffee dates a waste of time and they feel like a job interview.. That being said, its next to impossible learning anything about a person on one of these dates.. Its really a total waste of time imho
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 32
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 5:37:33 AM

I find coffee dates a waste of time and they feel like a job interview.

You get out of the 'interview' what you put into it. If you go into an encounter with a chip on your shoulder or a negative attitude, it becomes and self-fulfilling prophecy. Like others have said, if you find chemistry, a lot of these short meets get extended into much longer conversations and/or activities.

I don't understand why the hell people need their first meet to be 'special' - why? Do you need to brag to your future grand kids that you met over a $300 bottle of wine and caviar? People meet at bus stations and food courts and commuting on the subway ALL the time.

My opinion is that people who insist on more right up front are probably very insecure and need the ego boost to make them feel they are 'worthy' of more. Obviously you can get sick of coffee or the same happy hour drinks and apps if that is indeed what you keep doing over and over again - but nobody is holding a gun to your head forcing you to meet at the same bar or cafe for first meets. Go for a walk around a mall, or people watch during lunch at a local business center. A first meet doesn't have to be 'worthy' of a newspaper headline to make the first meet 'worth' the effort. Suck it up and realize everybody's relationships start from VERY humble beginnings - and you're no different. Jesus was born in a barn, for crying out loud.
 thompson1919
Joined: 11/30/2014
Msg: 33
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 6:04:43 AM

I think coffee dates are good. Booze dates are even better, only because I'm not meeting someone first thing in the morning, and I never drink coffee after 10 am. If "genuine interest and attraction" is going to happen, then it starts sometime within the hour and probably within the first 20 minutes.


You chronic sh!t stirring alcoholic! Keep it classy little bar fly, this is the relationship forum, it's not the corner bar where you usually pick up your next homeless guy. Try to stay on topic! Can you at least segue your latest example of frothing at the mouth into the subject of this thread? I dare you. Or do you really think everything is alllll about you?
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 34
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 6:06:20 AM
Much of what goes on IMO depends on several variables, where you live, your age, which site you met off of, who contacts who etc.

HOWEVER, when YOU first meet someone from the net, it's not a date! It's a "meet"!

I stopped meeting men off the net about 3 years ago & before then it was not that frequent.

But for my age category/location etc. I allowed men to contact me & see what they suggested.

Since they contacted me & they made the suggestion, they paid. No one ever had an issue w/ that, bec. on meets, I did not order 4 gray goose c*ckails. (never did a 1st meet at a bar)***oops, I met one guy at a bar a few years ago, I had a diet soda, it also had a restaurant & a band, I just remembered that one!

If they insisted on a restaurant, (did that b/w 2000-2004 when the economy was better & I was not in a LTR) I ordered a diet soda or an ice tea & a salad or an appetizer, something SMALL/INEXPENSIVE.

It was a 1st meet, & I was not there to fleece them, but since they pursued me, they paid.

If they asked to see me again, then it was a date. Sometimes, if we clicked, they'd ask to extend it into a REAL date, like dinner & a movie, dancing, etc. I would only want to do that w/ a man who really likes me, because he wants to be w/ me, not just to get something out of him. A relationship doesn't develop out of a resentful beginning.

The few men I met from online AFTER a LTR ended around 2007, I preferred coffee. Or a soda or ice tea. Why?

Some men did not look like their pic, or I was not attracted, or their personality sucked, or they just wanted to vent about an ex.

I value my time & emotional energy WAAAY too much to waste on someone who is clearly not my match.


Over the last decade I did most of my dating/relationships from IRL. OLD did give me practice & experience, so if you are new to this, I'd accept as many coffee meets w/ men who ask as long as they are not obvious serial killers/pervs. etc.

I've known many women who used old pix, photoshopped pix, Myspace angles, false info to sucker some poor guy into buying them dinner & drinks etc. Needless to say all of those women never had a relationship develop.

One woman I used to know had one old photoshopped pic, came on POF & mass emailed men for years & never got a 2nd meet. Quite a few did the "drive-by" (stood her up when they saw what she really looked like), or did a quick exit if they stayed. Duh, you think someone would get a clue after the 3rd-4th time...From what she told me, she had no problem inviting them back to her place for sex. (The old pump & dump)

I so don't blame men for asking for the 1st meet to be just a meet, I don't blame them for asking to see more pics, etc after seeing what a couple of these women did. The men were duped & after that, they learned

One woman I knew from a meetup group actually had a mild facial deformity & used an old pic of her from over 20 years ago & it was from far away. She had newbies meet her at a restaurant & she'd order a dinner & several glasses of wine. She told me she'd offer to pay (I wonder) but they'd never accept it.

I wonder had she been more honest in how she portrayed herself, if she would have met less men but had a real relationship.
 SD2131
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 35
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 6:20:17 AM
Sweet_Danimal,
Mind me asking you a question? You`ve been on this site since 2012.. If you`re so perfect, how come you havenet met Ms. Right?
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 36
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 6:49:51 AM
You chronic sh!t stirring alcoholic! Keep it classy little bar fly, this is the relationship forum, it's not the corner bar where you usually pick up your next homeless guy. Try to stay on topic! Can you at least segue your latest example of frothing at the mouth into the subject of this thread? I dare you. Or do you really think everything is alllll about you?


Thompson follows this guide to the letter:

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/310349-GenericMind-s-Guide-To-Being-An-Internet-Douchebag-v-1


Sweet_Danimal,
Mind me asking you a question? You`ve been on this site since 2012.. If you`re so perfect, how come you havenet met Ms. Right?


The ego is bothering you again. Look what it has done to you. You took moments out of your life to try to insult that dude, instead of getting a Bj or have fun.

Now your mood is upset, so your time on Earth will be shit for the next few hours...some it's even a day. It's a disaster. You gotta get rid of it before it gets rid of you.
 thompson1919
Joined: 11/30/2014
Msg: 37
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:08:12 AM

Thompson follows this guide to the letter:

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/310349-GenericMind-s-Guide-To-Being-An-Internet-Douchebag-v-1


Dan if you don't understand why I do what I do then don't comment. If you knew you would know I copied and pasted one of her posts to me and changed it just enough to apply to her. I appreciate the link but now you know to apply it to her. :)
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 38
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:10:30 AM
Ladies, please insist that the first meet is a coffee date with a 20 minute duration.
 Spifflog
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 39
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:12:29 AM
I'm another 'no' vote on the coffee date. Meeting someone between the 0900 oil change appointment and before grocery shopping at 1000 never made sense to me. Talk about setting oneself up for failure.

Why not get a bit dressed up and actually go out like it means something? Take some time, make a plan and have the evening just a bit special and act like you want it to be an event.

I usually tried for the drink at a nice bar at a nice restaurant. If the date didn't work out, we spend 30 minutes at a classy place getting to know each other. If it did work out, we could easily move on to dinner and spend a lot more time together, but we weren't locked into it. Why not give your date the message that she's being treated special?
 thompson1919
Joined: 11/30/2014
Msg: 40
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:16:48 AM
Stop dry-humping my posts.
Unless you really want to. You're getting off on it, aren't you?


Probably the most action you've gotton in years. lmao



I'm another 'no' vote on the coffee date. Meeting someone between the 0900 oil change appointment and before grocery shopping at 1000 never made sense to me. Talk about setting oneself up for failure.

Why not get a bit dressed up and actually go out like it means something? Take some time, make a plan and have the evening just a bit special and act like you want it to be an event.

I usually tried for the drink at a nice bar at a nice restaurant. If the date didn't work out, we spend 30 minutes at a classy place getting to know each other. If it did work out, we could easily move on to dinner and spend a lot more time together, but we weren't locked into it. Why not give your date the message that she's being treated special?


I think the point is to be able to make an excuse to make it last less than 30 minutes. Like if it turned out to be a granny tranny like pank.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 41
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:20:24 AM

Ladies, please insist that the first meet is a coffee date with a 20 minute duration.

If there's a huge misrepresentation on either end, they don't even deserve 5 mins. IMO.

And tardiness is inexcusable too.

Another thing that I would no longer tolerate--- a man who wants to meet you on A Saturday nite @ dinnertime & expects you to sit there for 3 hours over the same cold cup of coffee.

IF I ever had to do this again, at the 20 minute mark, I'd either leave or allow them to extend it into a date. There's a whole psychology behind it.

A male friend who could make millions if he ever wrote a book advised me. (several years ago)
He said if a man doesn't have a plan, or doesn't know what to do w/ you, he doesn't deserve more than 20 minutes. (even if he suggests a walk in the mall, or outside in the nice weather) The male friend said how can a guy know how to do a relationship if he doesn't even know enough to indicate he wants to extend it into a date.

He made a lot of sense.
 SD2131
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 42
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:29:56 AM
Dan198508,
You`re another one i`m starting to wonder abt.. Whats your problem, or is a gender issue? You seem confused when it comes to that..
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 43
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:35:19 AM
Dan if you don't understand why I do what I do then don't comment. If you knew you would know I copied and pasted one of her posts to me and changed it just enough to apply to her. I appreciate the link but now you know to apply it to her. :)


Oh! Hahaha! Didn't realize that. Nice job dude. Nice job.

You`re another one i`m starting to wonder abt.. Whats your problem, or is a gender issue? You seem confused when it comes to that..


I think that the real problem is that you will never be able to tell for sure if I have a problem or if you have a problem. My opinion is that people are different and no one has a problem. Only time will tell. In the end, Diogenes laughed at Alexander the great so from Diogenes' perspective, Alexander had a problem, and vice versa.

 thompson1919
Joined: 11/30/2014
Msg: 44
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:41:22 AM

Oh! Hahaha! Didn't realize that. Nice job dude. Nice job.



See how everyone feels about me? What they don't realize is I'm going back into the people who I'm posting against past posting history and applying it to them. I'm some sort of woman hater woman basher. :) Lmmfao! They are literally judging themselves harshly and don't even know it. It's really fun. You should try it.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 45
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:42:06 AM
See how everyone feels about me? What they don't realize is I'm going back into the people who I'm posting against past posting history and applying it to them. I'm some sort of woman hater woman basher. :) Lmmfao! They are literally judging themselves harshly and don't even know it. It's really fun. You should try it.


Genius. I'm used to d2jsp forums where you have to pay forum gold to browse someone's history lol.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 46
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 8:09:46 AM
I love coffee, and I don't want to drink on a first date.
To each their own I guess.
The deal is, if yall are interested in eachother, the only thing yall need is to be somewhere mutually comfortable. Whether it be a bar, coffee shop, mall, or zoo. All that matters is getting to know the other person. The venue is irrelevant.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 47
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 8:18:25 AM
I'm surprised that the major coffee chains haven't come up with the idea of having coffee shops that also sell liquor, beer and wine. That would solve the dilemma for a lot of people who are ultra-sensitive about the liquids a business serves.

A question for the haters of coffee shop first meets, claiming it's like a job interview setting: If you meet someone new at some other venue, are the questions you ask each other to get to know each other vastly different than what you ask and talk about in a coffee shop? If you cannot interact with a person in a coffee shop, maybe the problem is you. It's not the coffee shop's fault that you aren't able have an interesting conversation there, that turns out being like a job interview.
 Supersoulson
Joined: 10/21/2014
Msg: 48
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 8:33:31 AM
I absolutely refuse to do coffee dates. The coffee places are either too crowed and noisy or the opposite where you feel like the people in close proximity are listening to your every word – NO THANKS !

I much prefer finding a nice , safe public place to go for a walk.
You’re out in the fresh air, you have the choice to either look around while you talk or face them occasionally = SO much more of a relaxed way to meet someone for the first time.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 8:46:50 AM

I much prefer finding a nice , safe public place to go for a walk.
You’re out in the fresh air...


What do you do when the weather is bad? I guess you don't live in an area that has long, cold winters that often has snow. I like going for walks in nice, safe areas as much as any other person, but it's not fun if the weather doesn't co-operate in the colder months, or if it's rainy in the summer. I don't like dressing up like the Michelin man or need an umbrella in order to go for a walk.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 50
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 8:55:51 AM
Is the OP posting from a device that automatically capitalizes every word? My new "smart" phone sometimes goes into that mode. If I press the caps button three times it reverts to normal.

Not fond of coffee meets / dates. I don't drink coffee, and if I did, it would be black with possibly a little sugar at a truck stop type greasy spoon dive, not a hipster / metrosexual gourmet place. The thought of paying over $4 for less than 20 cents worth of beverage and labor does not appeal to me, nor does sitting around a bunch of bores buried in their laptops.

Have gone on several for their convenience. All three times, the person who got their first ordered what they wanted (instead of freeloading space), then the second person ordered shortly after arriving, so there wasn't the dysfunction mentioned in some coffee threads in the forums.

The first one lasted several hours. I had hot chocolate. We eventually got up and walked along the sidewalks, visiting an interesting retail store and an international market where we bought some items. She lived with her mom so she was glad to get her work done on her laptop at the coffeeshop. Because she was there anyway, no loss for her if I had not been able to show up or if she hadn't liked me. She wanted our third date to occur at another coffeeshop even though she had the opportunity to listen about my dislike of coffeeshops.

The second one also lasted multiple hours, but it was all conversation at the coffee place. I had "organic" lemonade. No chemistry. Better the coffee place than her other two suggestions: a rooftop bar where "roostertails" started around $10, and a hipster craft beer place. Made the trip worthwhile by peeling off my too-nice clothes and bicycling many miles by myself at nearby parks afterword.

The third one was during her lunch hour. I had a sandwich with no drink. She was more down to earth than the other two. We had a more fun second date outside.

At the end of the third (final) date with a girl I'd met in real life, she wanted me to fix a network issue with her laptop, and she mooched off a chain store's Wi-Fi without buying anything (I bought my lunch there). She hovered over me, complaining "Why haven't you fixed it yet? It should be easy". She got married; luckily for her husband, they live over 1000 miles apart!

The one time I've set foot in Starbucks was meeting a headhunter who probably wanted to see what I was like in person to be confident in peddling me to client companies. She was late, unable to find it. It was morning rush hour so I didn't have to be around metro hipster dbags.
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