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 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 676
The Coffee DatePage 28 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
You could say the same of Internet meet ups and dating. Back in the mid 1990s when I first tried it the men didn't treat it like a candy shop it was pick one person at a time and see if we click now it's a contest to see how lucky they can get with a huge amount of women. Very unattractive had to tell off a man this am via email here because of his attitude. NEXT.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 677
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 8:53:47 AM
Well I have proudly been a forumite since early 2006, same handle, same difficult but somewhat loveable personality. I stumbled into PoF as a result of a google for "forums about dating".

I don't drink coffee as much as I used to. I think decaf is an abomination.
Enjoy tea such as Darjeeling,Constant Comment and Lady Grey.

I think I remember UncleZeus. Cowboy & Abelian, definitely. I know they claim that abelians' account got hacked, but personally, with some of the things he mentioned were going on in his life at that time, I wonder if he didn't have a meltdown.

Still, as far as coffee dates/meets, whichever....
back when there wasn't the internet dating sites and print media "personals" were about the only places one could "advertise"-people normally met in the context of doing something else and the 2 people had a little bit of opportunity to get acquainted before the idea of a "date" was broached. And yeah, a lot of times it was "can I buy you a coffee""wanna grab some coffee". If 2 people met in a social/entertainment venue serving adult beverages, a common overture was buying someone a drink.

I think the brief "coffee date"(or soda, ice tea, adult beverage), which is actually just a first in-person meet, still has its' place.
If it turns out to be an exercise in misrepresentation, a "job interview", a "therapy session"
this is the fault of the PEOPLE involved, not of the concept itself.
Cindy O
If there is a problem with
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 678
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 9:12:58 AM
I remember one forumite who is now wanted by the RCMP for fraud in connection with some of his POF activities.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 679
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 9:25:26 AM
Wow...
I know you can't name names...but what actionable wrongdoing could occur on the forums?
(many of us have authored posts that we ought to be shot for, but I don't think that comes under the heading of criminal activity)

Or are you referring to some kind of scamming that occurred via the dating side of the site.
I DO recall some posters (maybe the same person re-entering under new IDs) who pushed "overseas dating" pretty hard, who had a material connection/interest in a foreign-bride service.


Cindy O
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 680
The Coffee Break Shoot the Breeze Thread
Posted: 12/26/2014 9:59:50 AM
A lot of the nostalgia from dating sites ten years ago could be because there wasn't so much of a demand for online 'attention' from so many other social media sources. Facebook and Twitter were still small potatoes, and didn't bombard us with nearly as many 'notices' to occupy our time. Smart phones and their apps were still kind of rare, and thus the notifications and distractions from that source didn't exist, either. Add to that the idea that online dating sites were considered the "only" way to meet online for dates, and still had a social stigma that they were an avenue of Last Resort.

People that used online dating sites back then had a clear focus on that ONE particular site, not profiles on multiple sites, and usually wanted to get off the site as soon as possible to avoid the social retribution for lingering here. Getting the motivation to meet someone was a lot easier.

I feel that the movie 'Wall-E' may not be too far off the mark - we're turning into gelatinous blobs that meet through little TV screens instead of using our legs.

-- And PLEASE don't drag up criminal activities in here - real or not - there's enough nervous people in here that literally FEED on the paranoia. Giving yet another exceptionally bad case compared to the millions of exceptionally good people helps nobody. Pointing out the one 'weed' in a huge crop field of beans or corn doesn't raise the value of any individual plant.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 681
The Coffee Break Shoot the Breeze Thread
Posted: 12/26/2014 10:35:28 AM
I remember one forumite who is now wanted by the RCMP for fraud in connection with some of his POF activities.
**********************************************************
-- And PLEASE don't drag up criminal activities in here - real or not - there's enough nervous people in here that literally FEED on the paranoia. Giving yet another exceptionally bad case compared to the millions of exceptionally good people helps nobody. Pointing out the one 'weed' in a huge crop field of beans or corn doesn't raise the value of any individual plant.

Oh yea, we r not supposed to bring it up per Markus.

I spoke to him on the phone briefly a few years ago (fraud man) & the 1st thing I told him was my standard speech: "I have nothing financially." That weeds out the man-hoor gold diggers...

True or not is no one's business ;0P
*************************************************************
Danimal, u don't own POF, Markus does
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 682
The Coffee Break Shoot the Breeze Thread
Posted: 12/26/2014 10:56:07 AM

Danimal, u don't own POF, Markus does


That's why I said 'PLEASE'
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 683
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 11:28:19 AM
You could say the same of Internet meet ups and dating. Back in the mid 1990s when I first tried it the men didn't treat it like a candy shop it was pick one person at a time and see if we click now it's a contest to see how lucky they can get with a huge amount of women.

It was different for guys AND girls. In the later 90s, when it was still a big deal to have a picture up -- there was just little to choose from. Lots of fuglies in most places. Little selection. It was a "bigger deal" to meet someone from online, so you'd see, out of the few contestants, more taking it more seriously to make it worth their (semi-embarrassing) while.

Now, it's still a sausage-fest as it was before -- but it's Much Bigger and socially OK. There's a lot of nice guys, but they aren't attractive enough for most women (even of those who "aren't that into looks"). Most guys, for the most part, are going to have to aim lower in looks to get dates at least somewhat periodically, due to the gender-ratio. Gals, they can aim a bit higher than normal opportunities IRL (as in any environment where men clearly outnumber women). So what's going to happen in that environment? Exactly what women understandably may complain about -- a good number of guys just wanting a hookup (=not that interested; insufficient interest for anything more).

Then again, at bars of all varieties, they'll find "guys just wanting one thing", too.

Online, if a gal finds a Consistent, Regular pattern of guys wanting to go out, then disappearing after 1 or 2 dates and/or just wanting to pork-n-run:
- Gal does Not look as good as her pic (her friends may not Tell her; in fact enforce they're just fine)
- Gal is cray-cray
- Gal is cool/normal, but, she tends to go for guys who are better looking than she is (gender-ratio issue - why not?)
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 684
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 12:16:42 PM
When referring to "back when" you also must remember it takes time for some of the dumb ones to catch up I'm sure our latest couple of dumbums that have graced us with their presence are an example of this. It's the same with the guys that come on here using this site as an hookup site. Just people that have finally figured out how to use something for not so good reasons.

It happens with almost anything. Why? Because some people are basically pieces of dog dirt and you no matter how hard you try, you will never change them. All we can do is keep being the rays of sunshine and hope that we tend to be!!!! :p
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 685
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 1:37:34 PM
Again with the fuglies, oh how dare these people be on a dating site, but followed by the poor nice guy who's not attractive enough for the women he wants to contact. So which is it? Should unattractive people be banned from thinking they have the right to date, or should the unattractive be treated like people? LOL
 ganho
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 686
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 1:44:28 PM

You could say the same of Internet meet ups and dating. Back in the mid 1990s when I first tried it the men didn't treat it like a candy shop it was pick one person at a time and see if we click now it's a contest to see how lucky they can get with a huge amount of women. Very unattractive had to tell off a man this am via email here because of his attitude. NEXT.


So I wonder if the issue you are angry the guys are looking for action on the first date....and you do not like .... the reality other woman have the healthy same attitude you find objectionable?
I wonder then what it might suggest of your perceived vaulted standard of what is acceptable that after 15 years you are still trolling the web sites looking for some male who will measure up to your standards?

I met some very interesting and attractive woman who were very willing to jump in the sack the first date...heck even after a coffee date which removes any and all comments or suggestions of all gold diggers only looking for someone to wine and dine them.....and then also we do have the woman who get right to the nitty gritty and ask how long I have been employed....is the mortgage paid off and do I own a car....LOL...had great fun once 8yrs ago when I was asked if I owned a car...to which I told her no....and she said she could never see herself dating a guy who could not own his own car.....and asked how I got around....to which I answered in my company car.....but she wanted the white picket fence and wanted a to prepare food and clean house for someone...or have someone provide for herself in a manner she was unable or unwilling to do for herself....so the coffee date can be a great tool for doing the first weeding out of those who have red flags you wish to avoid.....but heck...I once did the first date over oysters and a great dinner that was just under $300 and I quickly realized my salary would not support her in the manner her ex husband the CFO once did. But the dinner was so very nice....but some things do cost more than others things....and then some dating prospects are just not worth the costs....and the coffee date allows or enables which ones you want to spend a little more time investigating....
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 687
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 2:07:57 PM

So I wonder if the issue you are angry the guys are looking for action on the first date....and you do not like .... the reality other woman have the healthy same attitude you find objectionable?

I don't think it's anger.
While I don't agree with "rules" about time frames, number of dates, etc, and I'm fine with people enjoying sex without a big long courtship/run-up to the event, I'm still a bit dubious about the idea of having sex with somebody one has just met off the internet-I'm not sure that is exactly a picture of "emotionally healthy".
Everyone is entitled to have "standards".
So, with these attractive women who jumped into the sack with you after a coffee date, how come you aren't in a long-term relationship with one of them?
Meaning no disrespect to anyone who doesn't have longterm relationship as a goal, but for the most part that is why people date-to find someone they can develop a pair bond with...however they define that.

People who just continually date and date and date just trying to get a piece of tail or women who think they can't leave their house for any kind of social activity without a date, while there may not be anything innately "wrong" with this, most folks still do look at dating as a means to an end, that end being someone that they can form a loving partnership with.
Cindy O
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 688
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 2:34:45 PM
I don't see why people being nervous is a reason to not bring up something which is a fact. This person used the forums to get close to, and defraud women.

There are plenty of warnings on the dating side of the site and most dating sites that I've seen. I didn't name names, although I could, it's been reported on, and the person isn't a member of the site, I wouldn't have to use a screen name as that's against the rules.

Fried chicken anyone?
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 689
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 2:41:07 PM

I know they claim that abelians' account got hacked
Yeah, ok, lol.

Many of these folks are on FB, I'd love to come up w/ a list of "what ever happened to..."
Yeah, I'm friends with many of my favs, but that's a great thread idea!

I started a group on Fb back in '08, when the religion, politics and current event sections got shut down/hidden. Quite a few of us left over that. Yet here I am, back again, how many times now? Lol.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 690
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 2:48:02 PM

Why, yes, actually I am. We used to have quite a lively crew around here. Cowboy, abelian, UncleZeus -- do you remember UncleZeus? Now there was a character!

And speaking of old timers, Tall_IQ2 is back, I saw a post by him earlier today. And yes, it's the same guy.


I remember UncleZeus the username, can’t quite place him but I remember the others, and I do remember when the forums were lots of fun. ;)

ganho:
So I wonder if the issue you are angry the guys are looking for action on the first date....and you do not like .... the reality other woman have the healthy same attitude you find objectionable?


Translation, please? Are you saying looking for action on a first date is “the” healthy attitude for women? How funny…are you Dr. Oz…

I don’t personally know many women who agree to have sex with a complete stranger on a first date, I don’t find that particularly safe or healthy, physically or emotionally, but whatev. However you don’t get to determine what is “healthy” for anyone but yourself.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 691
The Coffee Break Shoot the Breeze Thread
Posted: 12/26/2014 6:00:46 PM
Yes blondeangel

I would always give the impression I don't have much, don't own, only rent etc. Wouldn't wear the diamonds on the first date. lol!! If the guy sticks around then it is not for the money, right? However I wouldn't want a man who is not financially stable. Not that I want his assets, but a man who pays his own way, can be generous and has self esteem because of his success.

Yes some women do have sex with strangers on a first date, but hardly ever when sober or unaffected by other substances is my guess. I understand sexual chemistry etc. but apart from STDs, he could be any sort of maniac or abuser. I know the thrill of stranger sex can be great but you do take risks. Is that part of the thrill for those women??
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 692
The WTF Thread and other crap that the psychiatric hospital patients write
Posted: 12/26/2014 6:39:21 PM
So generally the POFers that ran and ran and ran the humungous oral cavity at large were really looking in the mirror and the oldies were griping on and on because they have nothing but old Al Bundy high school football stories to rant about and the goose steppers kept on steppin and stompin.... oh....right...coffee

...arabica or robusta?

Dark, medium or light?

Given the trends lately, we may well be able to ask for arabic/indica or robusta/sativa coffee too.

This thread is hilarious...well, not really....
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 693
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/26/2014 9:18:08 PM

I suppose I was also hoping to learn more about how the process worked, see if perhaps some of the men out there had secret weapons to deploy. But no, no secret weapons. Leaving aside the offensive, inappropriate initial messages, they all look and sound the same. Which lead me around to what Cowboy kept telling the newcomers here, over and over, year after year:


Initial message is important. Look interesting, not like an idiot, not hot. You don't have to be great looking, just look unique. Profiles are important, very important. More than looks women are turned on by ideas, by men with ideas, that are not afraid of expressing them. Of course the good looking guy has to say nothing and get women. The rich guy, all he has to show is himself around the cars, parties, places, boats and it's going to attract those type of women.

Are there secret weapons? Yes there are.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 694
The Coffee Date
Posted: 1/19/2015 1:53:17 PM
malemann999-Wow, you sure ASSumed a lot from two sentences!
I read profiles, I have NEVER been interested in someone based solely on a picture.
By the time I agree to a meet, we will have at least talked on the phone once, so I will know more than just what they have to say in their profile.
You are the only one who brought up money, I couldn't care less how much a man spends on me, it's about creativity and effort.
I don't hate coffee shops and I am an avid reader, I was just saying it's not exactly high on the scale of thinking out of the box.
I don't meet people with the mind set that they, or I, am more, or less worthy.
Making more of an effort wouldn't make me feel "worthy", it would tell me that they were the type of man who pays attention.
They tend to be a lot less lonely and less angry, food for thought.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 695
The WTF Thread and other crap that the psychiatric hospital patients write
Posted: 1/22/2015 10:15:10 AM
I still say meet at a coffee shop. However don't meet at a boring one. I'd choose a shop like "Beehive" on the South Side of Pittsburgh. It has a huge student/beatnik customer base. Just people watching could keep you ther for an hour or two.
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 696
The WTF Thread and other crap that the psychiatric hospital patients write
Posted: 1/22/2015 10:20:11 AM

I absolutely refuse to do coffee dates. The coffee places are either too crowed and noisy or the opposite where you feel like the people in close proximity are listening to your every word – NO THANKS !

I much prefer finding a nice , safe public place to go for a walk.
You’re out in the fresh air, you have the choice to either look around while you talk or face them occasionally = SO much more of a relaxed way to meet someone for the first time.


I agree 100 %
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 697
The Coffee Date
Posted: 1/22/2015 10:25:38 AM
Does a place like "Beehive" serve hotdogs?

They may get a few hundred more customers there next week.

Sitting at any coffee shop and trying to quickly impress someone only works if you look like George Clooney or Angelina, with a wit like Woody Allen.
Certainly none of us on this thread.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 698
The Coffee Date
Posted: 1/22/2015 2:55:04 PM

Sitting at any coffee shop and trying to quickly impress someone only works if you look like George Clooney or Angelina, with a wit like Woody Allen.
Certainly none of us on this thread.


You disappoint me, Tall. You sound like that blue dude who thinks all women are shallow. Or was that an attempt at levity?
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 699
The Coffee Date
Posted: 1/22/2015 4:20:08 PM
Coffee dates are fun indeed:)
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 700
The Coffee Date
Posted: 1/22/2015 7:12:09 PM

Sitting at any coffee shop and trying to quickly impress someone only works if you look like George Clooney or Angelina, with a wit like Woody Allen.
Certainly none of us on this thread.
You don't need any of those things to hit it off with someone. Lightning can strike anywhere, after all.
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