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 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 76
The Coffee DatePage 4 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
I am all about the "coffee date", can be short or long, no financial issues who worries about the price of a coffee even at the pricey places.
WILL NOT do first meet/date dinner, had 2 bad ones and will not do it again, one was 20 years older than the pics. The other was my issue though, exactly as represented but shallow Hal here knew as soon as he heard the voice it was not going to continue, still feel twinges of conscience over that.
Last 5 meetups have been from 1 hour to 4 hours, I plan on a 1/2 hour and leave my time open to see where it goes, couple turned into going for a meal together, couple included a walk around where ever we happened to be.
The coffee is just a start or the bottom of the cup can be the reason for cutting it off then, leaves both people options.

As for the "interview" part, every first meetup is all about that, whether direct questioning which some women have done or random conversation about life, you both learn things about the other and decide whether it will go further.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 77
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 4:27:03 PM
When I was online dating I would arrange to meet a large shopping complex where I could go to the movies, browse around and have a nice coffee, even if he didn't show. That didn't happen but you have to be prepared for anything with strangers from online. Mind you, one was so tight he wouldn't suggest lunch even though it was that time of day because he didn't want to pay out, even for a snack. Happy to come to my house for a meal cooked by me, though. Gave him another chance as we got on so well but he arrived emptyhanded. Pass...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 78
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 4:41:17 PM

Ladies, please insist that the first meet is a coffee date with a 20 minute duration.

I usually do. A half hour is pretty much the most I usually want to be there (with company).
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 79
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 4:41:25 PM

Ladies, please insist that the first meet is a coffee date with a 20 minute duration.

I usually do. A half hour is pretty much the most I usually want to be there (with company).
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 80
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 4:43:53 PM
Petula1908...that is a good strategy for people attending online dates.
Make them near a spot one would go anyway so it is not an inconvenience if the date is not absolutely great.
That way one can pick-up drycleaning, go grocery shopping, grab a coffee, or whatever. Good post.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 81
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 4:46:21 PM

WILL NOT do first meet/date dinner, had 2 bad ones and will not do it again...


I don't understand why anybody would think they deserve a free meal and drinks when meeting a stranger for the first time. If I start contacting someone I haven't met yet, and she would be offended by the suggestion of a coffee shop first meet instead of a free dinner and/or drinks, and there's no hint of going dutch, that's not someone I would ever want to meet. If I want to give out free meals to strangers, I would rather do it at a homeless shelter. At least people at a homeless shelter would be more grateful for getting a free meal.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 82
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 4:55:15 PM
Forumfellow - chocolate or banana , I will be delighted to inhale a sundae with you:/
Bluemoon , do you need a hug? Don't pick on my Eric.. k?
I don't like to eat with strangers .. one of us is going to do a FOX PAW. I did have wings once with a Man who sucked the bones.
Kinky - maybe. Or I could imagine him slurping at me, off putting.
Plus I manage to get food stuck in my teeth making me even less doable :/ Well unless you have a sundae fetish :)
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 83
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 5:12:16 PM


I don't understand why anybody would think they deserve a free meal and drinks when meeting a stranger for the first time. If I start contacting someone I haven't met yet, and she would be offended by the suggestion of a coffee shop first meet instead of a free dinner and/or drinks, and there's no hint of going dutch, that's not someone I would ever want to meet. If I want to give out free meals to strangers, I would rather do it at a homeless shelter. At least people at a homeless shelter would be more grateful for getting a free meal.


You misunderstood, did not mention money at all about either one, I happily paid for both dinners since it was my invite.
The mention of money is in reference to the idea that some men feel they are due a "reward" if they have to reach in their pocket at all.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 84
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 5:12:50 PM
I was being facetious WIP.

I'd prefer that the lady didn't insist. That's never happened to me and I'm not resentful about it either.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 85
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 5:16:18 PM
Best first meet I had was a meetup for coffee that ended up being two hours, we then wandered through a book store and browsed, we stopped in at the Farmers Market and he treated me to a pound of the best bacon ever, we followed that up with burgers as my treat and finished it off at Dairy Queen as his treat. Six great hours of chit chat and laughter. Too bad he had three kids under 17 which I didn't want to deal with...that's when I changed from okay with kids to no kids at home as we are at different stages in our life.

Ice cream dates are great, I've had a few. I did have one guy who took my coffee stir stick and picked his teeth with it and then handed it back to me. So yup, no pickin or slurpin or sexin. Yuk.

And Ouija, I'll pick on Eric anytime I want as its a holdover from the political threads. And I doubt he has a girlfriend , he's just like one of the gals around here. I like a manly man.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 86
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 5:22:48 PM

Forumfellow - chocolate or banana , I will be delighted to inhale a sundae with you:/


Whooohoo! Sounds like a date...er I mean a meet, hopefully longer than 20 minutes though if I drive too BC. :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 87
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 5:25:44 PM
Duplicate post earlier. My bad.

I was being facetious WIP.

I'd prefer that the lady didn't insist. That's never happened to me and I'm not resentful about it either.

You're not resentful that someone didn't insist? Alright. How about if it's worded like this "I have to be somewhere at 9, let's grab a coffee at about 8:15"?

Make them near a spot one would go anyway so it is not an inconvenience if the date is not absolutely great.
That way one can pick-up drycleaning, go grocery shopping, grab a coffee, or whatever. Good post.

I've been saying this for years...never plan the meet or date around someone, plan to go anyway and invite them to join. Make it convenient for both parties - after all you are meeting someone you may not want to keep talking to after 10 minutes and vice versa. I think planning a 3 hour dinner puts too much pressure on it and usually causes the opposite effect of what is desired during the "date".
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 88
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 5:34:10 PM
Posted by WomanInProgress:
"...I think planning a 3-hour dinner puts too much pressure on it and usually causes the opposite effect of what is desired during the 'date'..."

Concur with you 100% that just letting things unfold more naturally leads to the best dates.
My earlier technique was to keep things light. Sometimes we were having such a good time we just went from drinks to dinner. At least that way it was happening in its own way without being artificial, awkward, or forced in nature.

As shared elsewhere, likely the best girlfriend I ever had (the one that "got away") our first meeting ultimately became a five-hour date. We started with drinks, migrated to dinner, and then to a third spot for coffee and dessert. All from what was initially going to be just a simple glass of wine and an introduction!
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 89
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 5:38:38 PM
Hey Blue
we are neighbours.. well if I had a sense of direction
I just want a big ole love fest til 2015
Besides, the meds I am make me fuzzy..
I guess phoning Vin diesel could be a mistake LOL
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 90
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 5:39:30 PM
Goodness, 4 pages about coffee?? lol.

I did the dinner first meet once and didn't like it. I wasn't interested and then felt all guilty because I could see he was really going out of his way to woo me. I've never understood women who go on dates for a free meal (and they DO exist, that I know), when they aren't even certain of an interest? To me those types of niceties come later, when a connection has been established.

Meeting for coffee and going for a walk, sometimes a combination of the two has been my usual first meet method. I can't imagine stating a time limit from the outset, seems like 'lowered expectations', lol. What if things are going well? If they aren't, I've got no problem cutting things off and making my way home.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 91
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 6:21:17 PM
WIP, if I was presented with a time limit of 45 minutes?

I would simply counteroffer with,

"I really appreciate your organizational skills. Could we Skype or use Facetime instead of 5 minutes?"
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 92
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 6:26:39 PM
Yes 45 minutes is plenty of time for all your 5 senses to do their job...usually 45 seconds is enough unfortunately...ok make that 3 senses...taste and touch might be too soon...lol
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 93
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 6:31:35 PM
Not if there is a sundae in front of you :)
I have no earthly idea how ppl can determine someone isn't a fit in 20 mins unless they tricked you re their pictures and text
Or show up with a sack o heads and a dragon tattooed on their forehead
Wait - that was my second date
He did pay tho, or I forget, I might as fled in terror forgetting the bill
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 94
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 6:43:31 PM

WIP, if I was presented with a time limit of 45 minutes?

Technically this would be about 30 minutes as I'd have 15 minutes to get to the next place.

I would simply counteroffer with, "I really appreciate your organizational skills. Could we Skype or use Facetime instead of 5 minutes?"

OK...I don't think I get what that means, but alright. Do you mean scheduling accuracy? What would be the 5 minutes you're referring to?

I have no earthly idea how ppl can determine someone isn't a fit in 20 mins

You can tell you want to know more or you're not looking to go any further. You can date someone for months and not know if they are a fit....so I don't know if anyone's trying to determine that, but you can determine attraction or lack of it and you can get some kind of a feel from conversation how well you might get along.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 95
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:30:11 PM
Finding reasons to stay single doesn't work for me:)
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 96
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 7:32:23 PM
IMO, "grabbing a cup of coffee" ( or a drink,or ice cream)-is not a date. It's simply a get-acquainted activity. I mean, when you meet someone IRL don't you and that person just have a chat over a beverage, in aid of determining whether the 2 of you might want to go on a date(with each other)?
Hell, people date, forge a relationship, get married, have kids, THEN determine that they aren't a "fit" after all.
I can't help but wonder sometimes if this whole internet dating thing isn't causing ALL of us to make this way harder than it needs to be?
Cindy O
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 97
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 9:54:09 PM

I can't help but wonder sometimes if this whole internet dating thing isn't causing ALL of us to make this way harder than it needs to be?


No, PEOPLE are making this way harder than it needs to be.

The Internet is just one more location for them to do that.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 98
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/9/2014 10:18:03 PM
Ozsealady

I always appreciate your posts, they are full of commonsense and good advice. However "have fun" is not necessarily a signal for casual sex I wouldn't have thought? A woman doesn't have to come on dating sites to get that, no matter what her age might be. IMO.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 99
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 2:22:20 AM
One of my only online dates, I did the dinner date.
This was a pretty attractive arabian girl who I talked to a little online and we decided to meet up.
I drove about an hour to 1st meet at a restaurant.
The date was horrible.
One of the biggest turn offs is mentioning the ex, and saying I would have to get along with her female friends to date her. If it was a coffee date, I could have left far sooner without looking like I was running away (which I was, I just didn't want to be rude). The next date I had, I just went to a coffe shop nearby. They serve coffee, cakes, have a small game room, and the place is lined with donated books of all different subjects. That date was actually incredible. Too bad the relationship didn't last long, but thats a story for another time.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 100
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 3:57:29 AM
Apologies Petula.
But I have had too many men with 'fun' in their profile mean casual sex.
And when I have had it in mine that is how it has been interpreted.
"But you say you like fun."


basilik.......^^^^^^^ I had a dinner first meet tonight (not from this site) and not only did he talk about his 2 x exwives he pulled out his phone and showed me glamour photos of them both taken when they were in their 20's.
Plus multiple photos of his house, children, their partners and more.

He also ordered my entree for me before I had even arrived.
Then asked me what wine I would like to drink, when I answered... he said 'No you don't want that. Have this other wine instead.'

But as a first meet it succeeded.
I got to know more about him.

And yes we paid 50:50
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