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 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 101
The Coffee DatePage 5 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
IMO, "grabbing a cup of coffee" ( or a drink,or ice cream)-is not a date. It's simply a get-acquainted activity. I mean, when you meet someone IRL don't you and that person just have a chat over a beverage, in aid of determining whether the 2 of you might want to go on a date(with each other)?


agreed, 100%

I hate to keep saying it, but dating is initially such a superficial activity. We need some level of chemistry & that cannot be determined till people meet face to face.

If a couple know each other or met IRL, they already know whether they have some level of interest.

Well how do you know until you've met?

A nice guy who may be less savvy w/ online may make plans to meet a woman at a venue like a restaurant & p/u the tab, knowing from the get go (as soon as they meet) that he is just not attracted/interested.

IMO, it may be unfair to the guy, cuz he is now forced to invest his time & $$$ on a woman he would never have pursue if he met her IRL.

Then the woman...if the guy is a polite, kind, friendly person who is just making chit-chat & being pleasant, the woman may take it as a sign of interest & be disappointed afterwards.

With meeting for coffee, tea, a drink, etc. less is invested emotionally & financially & time-wise as well. Each party can leave early w/o feeling bad. And if there is a mutual attraction, it can be taken up a notch, the man can suggest some other activity to extend the date. The woman can say yes or no. Either way, everyone saves face.


Hell, people date, forge a relationship, get married, have kids, THEN determine that they aren't a "fit" after all.
I can't help but wonder sometimes if this whole internet dating thing isn't causing ALL of us to make this way harder than it needs to be?


I told a friend yesterday that meeting people off the net is like driving thru McD's & ordering off the $1 menu, & that dating from IRL is like going to a nice restaurant & getting filet mignon.

The ambience, rather than the price.

Of feeling more special, rather than having at the back of your head, well is he emailing 5 other women, & even if he really likes me, does he have 3 more "meets" scheduled?

It feels as personal as getting a $1 burger from the drive thru, whereas a IRL date feels more intimate & promising.

No, PEOPLE are making this way harder than it needs to be.

The Internet is just one more location for them to do that.


There's that old saying: "Wherever you go, there you are."

If it was a coffee date, I could have left far sooner without looking like I was running away (which I was, I just didn't want to be rude).


But I have had too many men with 'fun' in their profile mean casual sex.
And when I have had it in mine that is how it has been interpreted.
"But you say you like fun."

That's translating "man-talk", LOL!

basilik.......^^^^^^^ I had a dinner first meet tonight (not from this site) and not only did he talk about his 2 x exwives he pulled out his phone and showed me glamour photos of them both taken when they were in their 20's.
Plus multiple photos of his house, children, their partners and more.

He was more interested in HIMSELF than you.

He also ordered my entree for me before I had even arrived.
What was it? Was it inexpensive or pricey? ;0P

Then asked me what wine I would like to drink, when I answered... he said 'No you don't want that. Have this other wine instead.'

But as a first meet it succeeded.
I got to know more about him.

Totally!

And yes we paid 50:50

You could have gone out w/ a FRIEND instead, ordered what YOU LIKED, & not have to listen to his narcissistic tripe.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 102
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 5:38:15 AM

Then asked me what wine I would like to drink, when I answered... he said 'No you don't want that. Have this other wine instead.'


Terrible! That's one of the worst possible behaviors. Good he showed it early so you knew not to see him again.

Earlier this year someone posted a similar experience, the Frisbee question. I held off on ranting about such behavior because it was an Ask A thread capped at 21 posts. He asked, "Want to play Frisbee?", she politely declined saying she wasn't dressed for it, but he went ahead and got the Frisbee out of his car.

It seems to be an attempt at dominance, asking a question, then not going with their answer. I've encountered losers at work who do this, usually managers who are probably doing it to show your opinion means nothing. Would never put up with such behavior in a relationship.

One thing women have a reputation for doing is asking her man, "Should I wear the black dress or the red dress?", then whichever one he suggests, she wears the other. At least in this scenario, he has some control over the outcome because she'll pick the one he didn't choose, he can get what he wants by naming the opposite.

Other apparent questions are actually just thinking out loud, for example one gal was packing for a vacation and "asked", "Should I bring my black handbag or my pink handbag?" Of course I didn't give a darn, but said black should go with everything. She then said she'd like to take both handbags on the trip.

Usually when the woman asks the man to make a decision, she expects him to make a quick, firm decision, and would get upset if he hesitated or said he's fine either way.

But the dysfunction of asking someone to make a choice, then going with their own different choice (perhaps changing if the other person coincidentally matched the asker) is a serious problem, and such people should be avoided whenever possible.

You can say, "Why the bloody hell did you ask me!", then walk away.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 103
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 5:55:35 AM

I hate to keep saying it, but dating is initially such a superficial activity. We need some level of chemistry & that cannot be determined till people meet face to face.

If a couple know each other or met IRL, they already know whether they have some level of interest.

Well how do you know until you've met?

Exactly. How can it have any kind of romantic context if you're not yet sure you have any romantic interest? You can guess but until meeting them you really don't know. Going on a date assumes you will have romantic interest (or they will) after a face to face. Spending a lot of money and taking 3 hours is overshooting when you don't have all the facts yet.

And someone who gets upset about a time limit coming from someone they don't know if they want to spend a lot of time with is taking something personally with no reason to. Don't forget you're saving time as well, instead of seeing it as a limit, see it as something that doesn't take up a lot of your day (or paycheck). It's a convenience for both people. Insisting that something be 2 or 3 hours before you know if you're interested is something the other person might want to keep an eye on.

A woman who pushes for a three hour dinner is also setting a limit in a different direction. The shorter time frame is a lot better for you if you have to pick one. Sheesh you can always make plans to meet again and for a date and a longer period of time - but you can't get two hours back you lost. Anyone who has been on a three hour date and knew in 10 minutes they weren't interested can tell you that.
 aussie1944
Joined: 10/13/2014
Msg: 104
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 6:24:56 AM
Maybe it's because I am an Aussie or maybe it's because I am dumb but I don't understand why this is being made so complex. This is an OLD site so, regardless of our stated intention, we are all here to meet someone and hopefully progress that meeting to a mutually satisfactory level.
So "Coffee Date" is a euphemism for meeting IRL - the parameters of the meeting are up to the two people concerned. I can tell pretty quickly if I am not interested and I would have to be pretty insensitive not to pick up if the other person isn't interested in me. If I haven't left enough time for what is obviously becoming an interesting event then I need to be honest and say so - and besides what a great compliment to be able to say to the other person that I am having a great time and like a dumbass I didn't make enough time for this - please can we meet again and ...... (insert mutually enjoyable activity).
In short it is all about meeting in person, establishing a mutual rapport (or is that what tyre kicking means in American speak 😊), and moving on, or not, as the relationship needs.
Perhaps it's my age or maybe because I am here to make some good friends but I have enjoyed meeting people - some I meet regularly - others were a one off - but if I ain't got the interpersonal skills to make the meeting enjoyable and enriching for us both (albeit to a greater or lesser degree) then I shouldn't be here.
Keep expectations in check, meet with an open mind and go with the flow but remember two things, you have two ears and one mouth so listen more than natter; and concentrate on having the other person enjoy themselves cos if they do then you will.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 105
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 6:55:10 AM

No, PEOPLE are making this way harder than it needs to be.

The Internet is just one more location for them to do that.


Added this to my "truth was spoken" collection. lol.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 106
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 7:09:15 AM
Why would you equate a coffee meet like a used car? Time to work on your self esteem before going to a coffee shop to meet anyone.

Personally I love the taste and smell of coffee - bring on the meet.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 107
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 7:17:40 AM
Coffee meets can be like going through the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant---which might work fine if you're a coffee drinker or a fast food type of person. I'm not.

I'd set up my first meets in a way that mimicked how I met men before online dating became mainstream. In the 1980s, the single's bar was a popular venue to meet people in my city---thus, I met many men at bars and clubs. I tended to favor the ones with live entertainment or a dance floor. I'd usually go out with one or two female friends, but sometimes I'd go out by myself.

What worked for me back then still worked for me with online dating. I met my prospective dates for drinks after work at a busy establishment, such as a popular bar/restaurant. I always bought my own drinks. If we hit it off, we might share an appetizer. When we didn't hit it off, I would sometimes stay behind and strike up a conversation with someone else. I met several men that way.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 108
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 7:27:57 AM
What worked for me back then still worked for me with online dating. I met my prospective dates for drinks after work at a busy establishment, such as a popular bar/restaurant. I always bought my own drinks. If we hit it off, we might share an appetizer. When we didn't hit it off, I would sometimes stay behind and strike up a conversation with someone else. I met several men that way


The bottom line is: you were efficient, you met at a place mutually convenient & should it not work out, you weren't stuck at a dinner table w/ someone inappropriate.

Although, anyone, if ever stuck in an uncomfortable situation, could excuse themselves as though going to the restroom & just leave, or just tell them to their face. But why even put themselves in that situation?

A drink, whether coffee or a Margarita, can be as brief as necessary to ascertain a level of mutual comfort & attraction.

Things could always be extended in either situation if it was a positive meet.

PS- OP, my 2 cents, find activities & organizations local to you, not necessarily singles groups & get involved. You will meet new people, including men that way. My better relationships happened like that.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 109
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 7:32:54 AM
And someone who gets upset about a time limit coming from someone they don't know if they want to spend a lot of time with is taking something personally with no reason to. Don't forget you're saving time as well, instead of seeing it as a limit, see it as something that doesn't take up a lot of your day (or paycheck). It's a convenience for both people. Insisting that something be 2 or 3 hours before you know if you're interested is something the other person might want to keep an eye on.


I don't like time limits in either direction. I'm not upset about it. I simply have a different viewpoint. There's nothing with extending the date / meeting if it is going well or at least there aren't any obvious dealbreakers about the other person. One quick example. I played a round of mini golf with a woman on a first date / meeting. After that, we went to a nearby bar. Had some drinks and appetizers. If the date was terrible, I could have easily ended it after mini golf.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 110
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 7:33:40 AM
Who's getting upset? It's a preference. I do just fine without coffee dates, so why change my preference?

Stick to your coffee dates if they work for you.

If someone isn't thrilled with coffee or a 5 star dinner on a lake at sunset ? That's their preference.

I can't be upset with someone I have never met yet either, and if I do get upset AFTER I've met them? I politely excuse myself.

I will say, on 2 occasions, I've observed some crass behavior.

One gal went to the restroom when the server said she was going to get the check.

Another picked a venue in her neck of the woods with 'order and pay at the register ' before seating setup.

She ordered first and walked to get condiments immediately as I was placing my order. Very obvious setup. I let her eat while I sipped an ice coffee. I'm sure felt great about that.

Not upset either. More amused then anything else:)
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 111
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 7:42:16 AM

Another picked a venue in her neck of the woods with 'order and pay at the register ' before seating setup.


This is quite interesting. One thing I learned from experience, is to get a woman OUT of her environment. So never go to a place in her area that she frequents. Not on that first date. Why? Because now you are part of her OLD environment and what you want to do is create a complete sense of new. Is this a deal breaker? Absolutely not, but it has made a difference.

Also, most of the women that I have dated, like the idea of the Alpha male, whether that is real or not, so they WANT me to pick a place. So I always do. And if anything my rule was to always get them out of their element.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 112
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 8:22:59 AM
^^^ interesting, I can see how that could have an effect. A higher level of arousal (alertness, not sexual arousal) could affect your interactions and what she remembers/pays attention to.

I understand that (people say, but I've never met) some people (woman) might take advantage, but have some faith guys. It's not simple for women, either, when the 'who pays' comes up. I've always be staunchly adamant to pay my half, pay both, or pay 'next time', and always the same value.

I dated someone for over a year with that mindset. He started saying "let me pay" or "let me give you something" and even "let me feel like the man once in a while" and I wouldn't. After me he started dating a very "girly girl" who always let him pay, always wanted him to call first, pursue, pick up for dates and spent hours getting ready for dates with him .. hair, nails, skin, tanning, everything. He didn't seem to mind at all and perhaps even preferred it. I know this because I got to know her later after they dated and that was her MO with other guys too.

A coworker of mine is the same as me and she acknowledges that she needs to learn to let someone give her something, that she knows it takes away their happiness at giving. Being a giver myself, I should consider that.

I haven't dated since him, but to be honest, I would be more nervous going on a date with this "who pays" issue then the actual date.

I would never judge a female by her actions on that first date/meet as far as the paying issue, because one day that might be someone like me uncomfortable or avoiding the check issue not because I want someone to pay, but because I might think not paying the first time would be better. It would be very very very difficult for me to do and I doubt I would handle it well (smoothly).

I'd probably be the "look uncomfortable" or distract with something person just because it "wouldn't" be comfortable.

 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 113
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 8:28:46 AM
When I said "all of us" I presumed that it would be understood that "all of us" MEANT "people"?
Of course going by some other threads maybe there are some chimps here? Or "bots"?
Cindy O
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 114
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 8:32:21 AM
Of course going by some other threads maybe there are some chimps here? Or "bots"?


Hey, leave us chimps alone. Hehehehe. Chimps, gorillas, monkeys, dogs, pigs "all of us men."

;-)
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 115
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 9:00:49 AM

A woman who pushes for a three hour dinner is also setting a limit in a different direction. The shorter time frame is a lot better for you if you have to pick one. Sheesh you can always make plans to meet again and for a date and a longer period of time - but you can't get two hours back you lost. Anyone who has been on a three hour date and knew in 10 minutes they weren't interested can tell you that.

No. I've been on countless 3-5 hour dates and the absence of romantic interest/chemistry did not make it a waste of time.

I don't look at people as disposable things that can be done in just enough time to down a cup of coffee. I do know within a couple of minutes (or a hug) if I'd f*ck him, but just that alone wouldn't drive me to end the date as soon as possible. In either scenario (wanting to sleep with him or not), I wouldn't cut it short, because I need to know more (before I do it), and I need to know of anyone else because he may fit into my life in other categories (friends, company affiliation, career exploration, a fit for a friend of mine, expertise on something, someone who is looking for someone to do things like cycling, have extra tickets to something, etc).

Every single one of my dates have taught me something I didn't know, have offered information about what they do, what they hope, what they desire, etc, which in turn does not make anything a waste of time. I don't see it as time I won't get back just because they are not a match. I also understand that there is a part of me that wishes they have a great time with me, even if there won't be a second date. You never know who knows who, and we are only six degrees separation from each other, so I may encounter them in a different setting; in a workplace, at an interview, as a supervisor or supervisee, at a time in myself where I may need assistance (like reaching for something at a supermarket, uncorking a bottle, opening the door for me if my nails are wet, I drop something and they help me, etc).

If we aim to treat people as chemistry experiments, we become dismissive as a whole in the absence of romantic interest. To me, time is a relative concept, you can manipulate time either against you or in your favor. Time spent with people is never a waste of time, even when I'm not impressed by some varieties of the human race, lol.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 116
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 9:08:06 AM

Every single one of my dates have taught me something I didn't know, have offered information about what they do, what they hope, what they desire, etc, which in turn does not make anything a waste of time. I don't see it as time I won't get back just because they are not a match.


This is a nugget of information. Quite awesome Belle. The problem I see with a lot of men, is if there's no match they then deep the date a failure, when the exchange, the experience, what they learn, how they talked should make it an experience that makes all of us better and more at ease with the next one.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 117
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 9:23:35 AM
Why would you equate a coffee meet like a used car? Time to work on your self esteem before going to a coffee shop to meet anyone.


Sister can you please quote the post you are replying to so we can all know what you are talking about. Greatly appreciated.

Also, there is no need to work on self esteem. The sense of self, the true inner emptyness that comes with it is so pure nothing can stain it. Self-esteem is language abuse, the right expression is "personality-esteem". It's learning to like your own personality, your values and all your artificial constructs that you have built around you.

And so this "self-esteem" is also a construct, but, like a deck of cards, it is unstable. If the self esteem falls, the personality falls, the ego falls. If the ego falls, the rest fall as well. Let it fall see what happends. Nothing bad will happen I promise you, unless you try to re-build it, in which case, it becomes a lifelong struggle. Rebuilding unstable things.

The true inner self that inhabits that machine called your body cannot be good, cannot be bad, cannot be family oriented, cannot have moral values nor an ego. It is so pure no tag can be attached to it. So saying "work on your self esteem", you don't mean self. Not the real self. It's the FAKE SELF! What you're trying to tell him is "whatever you think you are, which is your values, morals, ideas, memories, make sure you love it!"

There is no need to love something which is fake or artificial, something that comes and goes, you only need to be you and find the real you.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 118
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 9:46:31 AM
BelleVintage, great attitude. Agreed.

I enjoy meting people. Most guys are decent and nice to hear their stories. I've rarely felt 'trapped' and looking for some way to end a date. Sure, there are some odd balls but, unless dangerous, so what? Go with the flow.

Funny how fellows complain about not getting responses...but then obsessed about 'wasting time'. Do they need to escape to prepare for their next meet in 6 months? Are they missing their favorite variety show in TV? Best to enjoy the company. If anything, a way for some with anxiety (another thread) to practice dealing with it...learn what conversation topics perk up the mood, to be aware of body posture. etc.

Re your comment on six degrees. Absolutely! We were at a Meet Up dance and my friend had met a nice fellow on Match a few months previously. She was in a relationship but we invited him over to chat. Sure enough, he and another friend started to talk, dance together, etc. Even in a large city I see faces from OLD at other venues. Best to make a positive impression at a first meet as social circles may one day overlap
 SILLYGIRL111
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 119
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 9:53:49 AM
I like coffee dates. It is too risky to do anything else you do not know the person. You meet for coffee and you go from there.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 120
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 9:59:58 AM

I don't like time limits in either direction. I'm not upset about it. I simply have a different viewpoint. There's nothing with extending the date / meeting if it is going well or at least there aren't any obvious deal breakers about the other person. One quick example. I played a round of mini golf with a woman on a first date / meeting. After that, we went to a nearby bar. Had some drinks and appetizers. If the date was terrible, I could have easily ended it after mini golf.

I'm not saying you or anyone else should like anything you don't want to do - I'm just saying it's not something to be offended by - as in it's not personal to you or an insult from the other person. If you and the person you're meeting want to leave the next two days open should you want to spend that much time together, that's fine as well...

Who's getting upset?

No one specific. If I was accusing you of that I'd have personally addressed you by account name. I didn't. Again, it's not personal to you.

It's a preference. I do just fine without coffee dates, so why change my preference?

Who's trying to change your preference? I mentioned time limits not venues. No one's trying to change anything about you or addressing you personally.

Stick to your coffee dates if they work for you.

What works for me or anyone else here isn't relevant. My point was about anyone taking a time limit personally or being offended by it.

If someone isn't thrilled with coffee or a 5 star dinner on a lake at sunset ? That's their preference.

OF COURSE it is. But thanks for the recap.

I can't be upset with someone I have never met yet either, and if I do get upset AFTER I've met them? I politely excuse myself.

Fantastic.

I will say, on 2 occasions, I've observed some crass behavior.
One gal went to the restroom when the server said she was going to get the check.

I guess I'd have to ask how the server got involved there. Places where you get the check are places that aren't as easy to catch someone who doesn't want to pay their share.

Another picked a venue in her neck of the woods with 'order and pay at the register ' before seating setup.

She ordered first and walked to get condiments immediately as I was placing my order. Very obvious setup. I let her eat while I sipped an ice coffee. I'm sure felt great about that.

Not upset either. More amused then anything else:)

I'd have placed my order separately and told her she forgot to pay her check when she returned. I like order, pay and sit because I can get there first, order, pay and be sitting and waiting when someone else gets there cause it's more comfortable for me to be situated - although it's possible to do that in places you pay at the end as well...just get your table and ask for separate checks. That way if you don't hit it off they can pay their share and go and you can stay and enjoy your meal/drink/coffee/desert...or vice versa.

No. I've been on countless 3-5 hour dates and the absence of romantic interest/chemistry did not make it a waste of time.

I don't see it a waste of time in the sense that a person isn't worth knowing - but that's how people seem to be taking my post. BOTH people are quickly and inexpensively finding out if there's attraction - if that's the goal. To not spend 5 hours doing that isn't personally offensive to either party - it's just not necessary.

I don't look at people as disposable things that can be done in just enough time to down a cup of coffee. I do know within a couple of minutes (or a hug) if I'd f*ck him, but just that alone wouldn't drive me to end the date as soon as possible. In either scenario (wanting to sleep with him or not), I wouldn't cut it short, because I need to know more (before I do it), and I need to know of anyone else because he may fit into my life in other categories (friends, company affiliation, career exploration, a fit for a friend of mine, expertise on something, someone who is looking for someone to do things like cycling, have extra tickets to something, etc).

Yeah all that is the tone of someone taking a time limit as a personal offense. The only thing that changes that dynamic is that one person wants to make a night of it. If they didn't there would be no complaint. Addressing whether or not a person can fit into your life in another way - that goes back to the intention of the date. Some are looking to make a romantic connection or walk away (see the many many threads on the dreaded friend zone).

Every single one of my dates have taught me something I didn't know, have offered information about what they do, what they hope, what they desire, etc, which in turn does not make anything a waste of time. I don't see it as time I won't get back just because they are not a match. I also understand that there is a part of me that wishes they have a great time with me, even if there won't be a second date. You never know who knows who, and we are only six degrees separation from each other, so I may encounter them in a different setting; in a workplace, at an interview, as a supervisor or supervisee, at a time in myself where I may need assistance (like reaching for something at a supermarket, uncorking a bottle, opening the door for me if my nails are wet, I drop something and they help me, etc).

If we aim to treat people as chemistry experiments, we become dismissive as a whole in the absence of romantic interest. To me, time is a relative concept, you can manipulate time either against you or in your favor. Time spent with people is never a waste of time, even when I'm not impressed by some varieties of the human race, lol.

I agree with this generally...but in the context of online dating people generally aim to make a romantic connection. I have no problem meeting people every night of the week to sit and discuss various topics and make network connections and all that but most people are going to show up hoping there's attraction and something more than conversation comes of it. "Hey, I'll never want to sleep with you but we both like wine tasting so let's keep in touch" or "I'm not attracted to you at all but maybe I can call you for a golf lesson" is a nice thought but I'm guessing won't go over real well with most people (though I don't see the harm in it myself).

I think everyone should meet people from online for the first time with no romantic expectation whatsoever, in fact I think we all should dump that expectation even offline as something we are trying to control - but on a dating site this isn't real easy to do.

Sister can you please quote the post you are replying to so we can all know what you are talking about. Greatly appreciated.

See the thread opener. Post 1.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 121
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 10:33:51 AM
^^^ Yes, I myself did not understand the following part:


I Personally Dont Like Them,!

I Kinda Feel Like Someone Is Kicking The Tires,In A Used Car Lot


Coffee is a pretty shitty stimulant because it doesn't increase dopamine selectively. Not hard to guess why such feelings are attached to the activity of drinking coffee. All I can understand is that she hates coffee.
 Dreamin_of_you
Joined: 8/14/2014
Msg: 122
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 10:40:29 AM
Interesting points made in this discussion. An euphemism for "The Coffee Date" is "Meet and Greet". Let's face it. For this dating thing to work, the two people have to get together sometime. (I am of the belief that sooner is better, but that is not what this discussion is about.) I think that two adults should be able to work things out. If nothing else, the conversation and decision where the first meet is to take place provides an insight to the other person's personality.

I, for one, think the coffee shop meet for the first time is appropriate. I would like it if there was a coffee shop that had more than just the coffee (e.g. as one poster wrote - with a small games room and exchange books). Getting over the nervousness of that first meeting sometimes is usually helped with something to do or talk about. But, there are many venues for a first meet. It is up to the two people to come to a mutual decision as to where that will be. After that, nature will take its course.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 123
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 11:04:34 AM

I'd have placed my order separately and told her she forgot to pay her check when she returned.


Fantastic WIP and duly noted.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 124
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The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 11:11:53 AM
If women generally paid their half on a first date, I'd gladly go somewhere a bit more appetizing, I love to eat so it's a win-win for me. In the current status quo, I don't know you, why would I devote resources just to find out if we're compatible? How is that fair in anyway? It really isn't.


Since they contacted me & they made the suggestion, they paid. No one ever had an issue w/ that, bec. on meets, I did not order 4 gray goose c*ckails. (never did a 1st meet at a bar)***oops, I met one guy at a bar a few years ago, I had a diet soda, it also had a restaurant & a band, I just remembered that one!


That would be a perfectly fair and logical arrangement if women also asked men out around 50% of the time. That % is probably close to 5%, if that. Lower for online dating. So no, that isn't fair at all. We are required to ask you out for dates, there's no getting around that unless the guy is Brad Pitt.

Therefore, a venue whereby the expense is minimal for the party that is always expected to pay makes the most sense. The goal is just to meet and see if you have chemistry in real life.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 125
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/10/2014 12:37:30 PM
I've never had a gentleman not offer to pay. If I met a man (back in the day) & he suggested that, I'd think he really did NOT like me, period.

Sometimes I tell my man about the stuff in the forums. He's flabbergasted about a lot of it.
He said if a man likes a woman & asks her out or to meet, he should pay. He also said if the man likes her, isn't he afraid of offending her & then he'll never get a chance?

He also said, if the man is broke after 2-3 dates until his next check comes, to invite the woman to do something free or cheap, like TV & a movie at home, or a picnic & to make it up to her the next time, when he has money in his pocket.

Because of his generous attitude, I did spring for tickets to Paul McCartney in the summer in Albany NY for $540 for 2 seats. I already said I'm treating him 2nite to dinner & a show for his B-day.

We treat each other generously. A nice way to start out, if you like a woman, go ahead & spring for the $3 coffee or the $8 c*cktail. Think of it as an investment in your future.
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