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 AUTHOR
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 22
Comments and criticisms?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Yea well I near own the dark side
That said - you wanna date
so lighten it up just a hair :)
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 24
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 6:35:41 PM
Hi Devon, there may be a few other places scattered throughout you profile you can apply this technique, but this was the easiest for me to find.

Another thing this is helpful for is to reduce the numbers of "I" in the text.


I'm looking for somebody clever, somebody I can challenge, and be challenged by. I'd like somebody I can be creative with, the kind of person who takes pride in their work and is always moving forward.


It would be awesome if you are clever and can challenge me to excel, as well as enjoy being challenged in return. If you have a creative personality and take pride in your work, we should have no problem moving forward together.

That is only an example, there are countless ways to do it, feel free to use mine or create your own in the other places it applies.

Best wishes

Jerry
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 6:36:56 PM
Yes, outdoors, in natural light. Give the impression of a young energetic man going places and doing things. Could be walking on a sidewalk in a city park, or on a busy street, or on a sidewalk in front of an interesting place you go to. You don't spend ALL your time indoors.

Maybe all that coffee and caffeine is causing your insomnia.


When you say "outdoors", do you simply mean "not your apartment", or the full fledged dirt and trees experience? Because, as an inner city kid who detests dirt, bugs, and sand, I fear pictures of me in the woods, or on the beach, would come across as misleading.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 26
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 7:07:29 PM

They are not. I wish they were sometimes; nobody wants to talk about the religious implications of the big crunch theory. That stuff is for nerds.


I was thinking more of the 'bare-knuckle boxing', but OK.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 27
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 7:15:02 PM
Posted by LucidRevlis:
"I've been in waiting room hell, which, surprisingly, isn't entirely unlike real hell, which is located somewhere in Elizabeth, New Jersey..."

Hey, watch it there, pal. You're striking close to home! LOL. ;-)
Understand that your profile is rather serious for an 18 y.o. man. It will have a limited audience.

As long as you are totally cool with that (and willing to wait for the right woman) you'll be fine.
Good luck and have fun.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 7:41:03 PM
Your main photo is intimidating.

Yes, I understand the insomnia/caffeine cycle. But you might try going without caffeine to see if you can sleep easier. I accidentally found out caffeine was keeping me awake.
 PurpleZebra12
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 31
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 8:00:05 PM
Your main photo is intense. You're staring directly into the camera with a rather stern expression. A smile would go a long way in making you appear friendly and approachable.

Text was great. It made me chuckle. And it is obviously very distinct to your style.


am alergic
I am guessing you meant allergic, not alergic.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 32
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 8:09:42 PM

I don't plagiarize (it's a pride thing), but I appreciate the template, and I doubly appreciate the advice.


You're very welcome, I kinda figured you would want to write your own!

The ladies reading it will be able to "connect" with you much better if they can "feel" you are talking directly to them rather than a random person.

Best wishes

Jerry
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 34
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 10:12:16 PM
The latest version really lets your humor shine through. Excellent work.
 tennistown
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 35
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/12/2014 8:29:38 AM

Is this better? I don't have an eye for photography



I'm not a big fan of your "bathroom mirror" picture.


A photograph taken of you outside,
(you don't have to stand in the mud)
would add a much needed variety
to your profile photo gallery.

Perhaps a tree
in the distant background.
Or, a colorful sunset sky
would add a little something extra.

That might just be enough to nudge your target audience
into hitting the reply button to your outgoing message.
Good Luck!
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 36
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/12/2014 10:25:17 AM
Devon, like tennistown said, bathroom mirror selfies are the lowest form of pics.
Delete that asap.
Front facing cam only.

Step outside for some air and lighting.
Think funny or bizarre thoughts and snap a bunch.
It really makes a difference here.

Then get some in a social setting like you playing pool, or boxing, fencing...really kicks it up a notch!
Playing your bass would be great too.
Recruit your friends.
Say it's for g'ma if hesitant.
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