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 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 20
My boyfriend still has his pof account?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
^^^^^


More than a couple weeks, the thread began Dec 2014 , your math is a bit off

Your timing for timely advice is WAAAAAAAAAAAY off
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 21
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 8/29/2016 7:35:26 PM
2014?

Most rehashes are all the way back to 2005. But think about it. We still think of the 90's as just maybe about just a few years ago.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 22
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My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 8/29/2016 8:07:49 PM
Cheating is cheating doesn't matter if you physically meet up or not.

He has an account on a dating site and is corresponding with another woman (really you). Do you really think he's just looking for friends?
I've heard that excuse from men a 1000 times and it's BS.

Do yourself a favor and find someone you don't have to force into having a relationship with you. A guy whose into you won't need to be asked to take down his profile, he just will.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 23
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My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 8/30/2016 2:48:53 AM

Cheating is cheating doesn't matter if you physically meet up or not.

Well, I wouldn't say that, if you're including writing back to a girl who approaches you and are mingling with her with her assumption you're single... but in the end to actually meet, you back away. I would equate that with a guy who JUST started dating a gal where they hit it off so it wouldn't be kosher to date others -- has a gal at the bar start mingling with him, and he plays along for a bit... but when it comes to actually getting together some time, he backs away and disappears.

I think the guy's problem is being not fully honest about his intentions, as he's wanting the Ability to grab another gal if need be, and to browse dating options out there. Until "you can't be on a dating site at all, and can't act single if someone writes you online or talks in person," I wouldn't say it's Cheating. He's lying about his wants/needs/desires, and he's pretty much on-deck to cheat.

He has an account on a dating site and is corresponding with another woman (really you). Do you really think he's just looking for friends?

He Was corresponding in response to her approaching then dropped. But no, I agree -- his intention down the line isn't for merely friends. Him saying that is him being deceitful. Maybe even to himself to make himself believe it, who knows.

Do yourself a favor and find someone you don't have to force into having a relationship with you.

I agree. But, to be fair, their 'relationship' in person was only a couple weeks old. I think it's more agreeing to take themselves off the market, from a reasonable perspective. But regardless, being shady is bad, and he's guilty of it.

A guy whose into you won't need to be asked to take down his profile, he just will.

Well... again, it's only a couple weeks old between the two. So I don't think guys Automatically will when they have genuine interest in the gal they're newly hitting it off with. I think if they see hers is disabled/gone, he'll likely disable his if he's a catch. But so early into things, I think it's a little hasty to say guys who are genuinely into the gal will automatically do it without the topic brought up, regardless of whether hers is still up or not.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 24
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 8/30/2016 7:08:23 AM
I know this is an old thread. But I would not remove my profile just 2 weeks after I had a first date / meeting with a woman. It's not a committed relationship yet. Having 1-2 good dates with someone is simply that. There is no guarantee that it will turn into a relationship or there will be another date. In particular with OLD. People can change their mind at anytime for any reason.

After a date, some women said "you're a sweetheart", "I had a great time", "we should go out again" etc. Yet when I tried to finalize plans for another date, they didn't respond to me or they said "we're not a match" or they cancelled at the last minute. That's why I don't put all of my eggs in 1 basket that early.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 25
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My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 8/30/2016 9:07:10 AM

Cheating is cheating doesn't matter if you physically meet up or not.

Wow. That just screams of insecurity. Controlling behavior. Above all - lack of trust.
Who's to say that ANY correspondence with someone of the opposite sex could be a dating flirtation?
Did they REALLY hand the cashier a coupon at the grocery store? Or a meetup note?
Did they REALLY go to the hospital when they had a sinus infection to get an X-ray? Or flirt with nurses?
Did they REALLY stick a check in the collection plate at church? Or a secondary phone number for the cute minister?

Like others have said - two weeks is NOTHING in terms of a relationship. Whatever 'single' behaviors still remain, don't instantly disappear when you decide to share a dinner together, a cab fare, or even a hotel room. Yes, it sucks not knowing what is going on in their lives, and it sucks knowing at any time they may change their mind or may already be flirting elsewhere, but that is why getting INTO a relationship requires a little leap of faith and trust in another.


A guy whose into you won't need to be asked to take down his profile, he just will.

Yes. But it will happen on his OWN time, and his OWN terms - because it's HIS profile. That kind of control never was, and never is, yours to dominate. And so what of it is still there? There's literally thousands of profiles floating out here in cyberspace that are not being used for any new pickup correspondence - male AND female - because people are out there preoccupied in REAL relationships, REAL dating, and not really caring what may or may not be happening in the virtual world. People don't NEED to be dependent on what is going on in a dating site in order to be happy. People that have trust issues monitor that crap all the time.

The best way to get someone to drop their online dating stuff -- is to give them a reason to NOT be doing it in the first place. If you have their real-life social life successfully covered with quality times and events that you both share, and you trust each other - it should not matter.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 8/30/2016 9:34:22 AM

Original Post:
I ended up creating an alias account just to see what he would say.


The fastest way to kill a relationship, or any chance of it, is to set up traps because of insecurities.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 27
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My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 8/30/2016 1:57:20 PM

The fastest way to kill a relationship, or any chance of it, is to set up traps because of insecurities.

At two weeks in, even after 4 weeks of pen-paling before ever meeting, I agree (even if she had a reason to feel at least a bit insecure). However, IF he was up for meeting the girl or darn close to it, after he said he wasn't on there to meet anyone -- he would be caught as being dishonest to some degree. He could have a defense to make her look bad though if he showed her his inbox once she said "Ah ha!" -- and she saw that he wasn't sending any outgoing messages to anyone new and she was the only user he even talked to since he said he wasn't going to write anyone (although due to her suspicions, he probably didn't want to Completely ditch the gals he was also pen-paling when pen-paling her, since it was so early).

But doing something like that on her part -- I agree -- it's going to kill the relationship Either way. It's kind of like being caught going thru your gal's purse, when it's understandable you do have some suspicions. If you find the love note by another guy -- she's guilty. Boom. Relationship done. If you don't and you're caught with your pants between your legs doing it. Boom. Relationship done.

Wow. That just screams of insecurity. Controlling behavior. Above all - lack of trust.

To be fair, he brought on at least some level of insecurity to the table. I understand he was in-between a rock & a hard place, though. The gal doesn't want you to use POF, but while you pen-paled for several weeks, you were doing so with others... and you only met this gal 2 weeks ago, even if hitting it off pretty well. At the same time, if I'm in his boat, I wouldn't be giving off all those signs.

Who's to say that ANY correspondence with someone of the opposite sex could be a dating flirtation?

Well, on a Dating site -- it pretty much carries the same weight as flirtation and such.

Did they REALLY hand the cashier a coupon at the grocery store? Or a meetup note?

Well, if he used a coupon on any of their dates in this 2-week span, I'm sure she would have said "See ya!" ;)

Like others have said - two weeks is NOTHING in terms of a relationship.

It can be a little of something of a relationship building. Depends on the intensity of that and the 4 weeks of pen-paling building it up, etc. But I agree, you're not boyfriend/girlfriend, even if hitting it off. But what you're saying though is Not what he was explaining to her. He himself dug kind of a hole proclaiming Nothing is even potentially going on with anyone -- despite the understandable eyebrow raises to that notion -- whether he unjustifiably was or wasn't doing stuff on POF with other gals.

In the end, he was in-between a rock & a hard place... but I think much of that is his fault. He put himself in a spot to look funny, and it's in that budding time where if you're still at least somewhat in touch with someone else who you also were talking to, ya don't want to say "Found someone see ya!", then several weeks later go "Oh, not anymore, how you doing?" Proclaiming nothing's going on -- his only defense would be to show her his inbox/outbox immediately upon accusation, where he wasn't corresponding with anyone. Otherwise, he shouldn't have put himself in that spot and proclaimed he had Zero intentions of finagling with any gals in any way.
 IgottaName
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 28
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 8/31/2016 1:06:48 AM

Only thing that bothers me tho is he still has his pof account.

...and so do you apparently.


I met my boyfriend here on pof about a couple of weeks ago.

...two weeks? not your boyfriend.


We texted back and forth for almost a month before meeting

...and still not your boyfriend.


I was sitting in the living room while he took a shower and had noticed that he had took his phone with him. So I logged in to pof just out of curiosity

..."just out of curiosity"? maybe your curiosity is why he kept his phone with him.

You sound as shady and immature as he. I think you both need to be single a while longer.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 29
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 9/3/2016 6:50:27 PM
He's not your boyfriend, he's a dishonest player, kick him to the curb, he's too immature and selfish to have a real relationship.

Next text: "Its been two days since you have contacted me. I have spent that time wrapping my head around the fact that you won't take down your profile, still intend to meet women through it, while claiming you love me and yet asking these women to be honest and not judge. You ask from others what you are unwilling to give, you are keeping me on the side hoping something racier comes along. Don't bother responding, because there is nothing you can say, I am simply texting to let you know that I don't wish to talk to you anymore because you aren't relationship material and I wish to use my time finding someone who is. Good luck, Good bye."

Then do not respond to this trashy clown ever again, period.... You shouldn't need to have strangers telling you this, its OBVIOUS he is using you to anyone with eyes. This is REALLY about you not having the self respect required to cut things off at the first red flag. I hope you grow that self respect soon, no one deserves to be used...
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 30
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 9/3/2016 6:55:01 PM

Wow. That just screams of insecurity. Controlling behavior. Above all - lack of trust.


Baloney - they are meeting off of a DATING SITE, which implies the person is FREE TO DATE. Its not "controlling" to expect the man who is telling you of his own volition he loves you, and is sticking his d*ck in you - that he be monogamous. Its freaking common sense. This dude deserves a kick to the curb, and your defense of his dishonesty and usury speaks volumes about your own "morality"...
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 31
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My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 9/3/2016 10:56:48 PM

Cheating is cheating doesn't matter if you physically meet up or not.


Wow. That just screams of insecurity. Controlling behavior. Above all - lack of trust.

My commentary was about the idea that virtual (online) behavior can be substituted for real-life cheating. It's not even remotely the same.

Its not "controlling" to expect the man who is telling you of his own volition he loves you, and is sticking his d*ck in you - that he be monogamous.

True - it's not controlling to expect monogamous behavior if they believe they are in a monogamous relationship -- but that's NOT where this woman went. Love was never admitted - and really shouldn't need to be if they truly care about each other. Instead of trusting and caring about being in a relationship WITH the guy, she did everything she could to find a reason why NOT to be in a relationship. She held this phony ultimatum that cancelling or deleting their POF profiles was what was needed to 'secure' monogamy. It's not about securing monogamy AT ALL - it's a power play - a struggle to control someone out of fear they will abandon them. Using lies of her own, subversive dating site behavior of her own to justify the case for her insecurity is the ULTIMATE hypocrisy.

If you can't seem to give your partner a reason to NOT be on a dating site, then maybe you should ask YOURSELF -- why are you lurking there, too?

People don't earn trust by demanding it through bargains and ultimatums. They earn it by giving of themselves freely and honestly. Sex doesn't automatically qualify for ANY degree of trust, because people never value it in the exact same way. Love is formed by GIVING value and trust to another person, regardless of behavior.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 32
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 9/4/2016 7:08:25 AM
This is an old thread, but if you and your partner have a conversation about your profiles and don't agree to take them down right away (or switch it to looking for friends), somebody is a cheater.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 33
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My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 9/4/2016 11:49:38 PM
I'm sure this situation has already been resolved since it was initially posted at the end of 2014. Do people check the date of these topics before they post?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 34
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My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 9/20/2016 4:12:04 PM

Its not "controlling" to expect the man who is telling you of his own volition he loves you, and is sticking his d*ck in you - that he be monogamous.

There was no L word expressed, assumingly so, since it'd be ridiculous after knowing each other in-person for 2 weeks. I understand 4 weeks of pen-paling is going to make 2 weeks bear more weight -- but 2 weeks isn't enough to = monogamy, even if hitting it off, if nothing's said. Even when porking.

That said, he was an idiot for scrambling around texting/POFing when around her. Sounds like she wanted more than he, and he wasn't going to risk ruining things by asking "for space", and was juggling more than he could handle.

She held this phony ultimatum that cancelling or deleting their POF profiles was what was needed to 'secure' monogamy. It's not about securing monogamy AT ALL - it's a power play

I don't think so, though. The ultimatum was to become Exclusive -- which is more than mere monogamy. So was it a power-play to go "sh!t or get off the pot -- exclusive or not"? 2 weeks in, it does sound like it... although pen-paling for close to a month beforehand makes it not ridiculous, but definitely sounding hasty. However, if they were spending virtually every day together after meeting, and spent every day chatting for close to a month before that -- I don't think it'd be ridiculous to go-exclusive if the other person, when you're around, was trying to text other gals. Remember, it was him doing that stuff that raised the go-exclusive ultimatum, and he didn't stick to the exclusive thing as far as chasing-options-online.

Nothing wrong with feeling insecure about the relationship between two people if/when one is acting kinda shady. In fact, if one isn't feeling insecure when they should -- then they're the weaker one... not the one who naively wouldn't. Question is -- was he acting shady, or wasn't he?

If I'm in a new budding relationship-of-sorts, after we texting/talking remotely for about a month -- it's a difficult timeframe to expect one to instantly cut off all ties with those who they're talking to. After all, ya wanted to be pen-paling -- and encouraging that method of engaging with others is going to bud other pen-pals. So obviously one can't poof-disappear.

With that said, if he is still having to use POF to communicate with some gals, then obviously it hasn't hit a milestone in pen-paling where you can't swiftly let them know you're seeing someone and that you'll be in touch later. If he can't even resist to do that stuff In Front Of Her -- then that should raise a red flag in general. Kind of a slap.
 fishguru73
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 35
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 9/25/2016 5:55:48 AM
I am trying to fin the start date or when a person joined pof
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 36
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My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 9/25/2016 7:00:54 AM
Plenty of fins on that fish...
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 37
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 9/25/2016 5:51:25 PM
So what kind of fish is that? ^ ^ ^ ^ ^


Do people check the date of these topics before they post?


It seems the answer is............no. LOL
BF knows I still have a profile on POF, noooo problem.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 38
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 9/25/2016 6:43:11 PM
If shagging has occurred and profiles are still visible, then it's a half baked non-monogamous negotiation.

Total crock of sh!t situation.

Some women do it to see how far a guy will go to 'win them over' or 'milk the courtship cow' and the guys that do it are enjoying the variety of a harem.

Kick either of these turds to the curb.
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