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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > "I like you but am not attracted to your body type..."      Home login  
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 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 26
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...Page 2 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
And yet you have an average build---NOT a slender one. You should either become what you're seeking, or relax your expectations accordingly. If you can request someone slender, so can he. You have no room to complain.


Yes, I have an average build as stated in my profile. The guy I am referring to did not say I should loose weight, but rather tone up because he was toned. I don't consider myself overweight at 5'6" tall and 132lbs, but some folks will as I am NOT slender. However, since I am not overweight I prefer the same in a man. The problem is if I state I prefer 'average builds' there's a good chance a lot of heavier set men will message me thinking they have an average build. If I state I prefer slim/slender builds there's a good chance I'll get messages from men who have an average build like me.

I hope that makes sense without me having to spell it out.


I just reread your message..
Was this in response to you sending a message to a man from here?
Is he a steroid popping gym junkie?


I went out with this man twice and he monopolized our conversations with conspiracy theories. He was not a gym junkie, but toned.


A question... how do you know he mean't athletic?
How do the other posters know he mean't thinner?


He told me I'd look better if I toned up, but didn't say I should loose weight.


pps... You have in your profile that you are seeking a man with slim, slender build. IN BOLD TYPE...
So I change my comments. What is good for the goose.


Yes...what is good for the goose, however, if I stated in my profile I am seeking an average built man, heavier set men would message me because many are delusional (not their fault). If I state slim/slender then the hope is average men who are delusional about their build will message me. I don't think I am being delusional about having an average build.


I'm sure that was what you felt when the guy said it to you. (you are more on the thin side than average body)

If the woman says that she doesn't like my body type, then she's probably lying. Most times it's the person's looks and/or attitude that they don't like.


I am not toned so he was right. He really enjoyed talking with me and would squeeze my brain for whatever info I had on health and wellness. It seemed that's all he cared about - collecting more and more knowledge from anyone who had any. It was like he was obsessed. Then he went on to tell me about how he had jealous female friends on Facebook and that's when I rolled my eyes...
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 27
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 8:04:29 PM

When someone says the above it is an eye opener and there is a feeling of guilt knowing they're right but at the same time the rejection is crushing.

I'm sure that was what you felt when the guy said it to you. (you are more on the thin side than average body)

If the woman says that she doesn't like my body type, then she's probably lying. Most times it's the person's looks and/or attitude that they don't like.
 QuirkyTeacher
Joined: 12/24/2013
Msg: 28
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 8:34:32 PM
And yet you have an average build---NOT a slender one. You should either become what you're seeking, or relax your expectations accordingly. If you can request someone slender, so can he. You have no room to complain.


I TOTALLY agree. I'd never expect something of someone that I couldn't offer myself...but if you're going to, expect some backlash.

OP, maybe the guy said that BECAUSE you said you wanted slender guy in your profile...kinda like a "You're not all that yourself" jab.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 29
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 8:55:11 PM

I don't consider myself overweight at 5'6" tall and 132lbs, but some folks will as I am NOT slender.


It really depends on where you carry your weight, as well as your bone density and muscle mass. I've known women about your height and weight who could in all honesty say they were slender. One woman I know is toned and wears a size 4---she looks very slim. Another woman wears a size 8 and looks about average, because she has bigger hips.
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 30
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 8:58:45 PM
I TOTALLY agree. I'd never expect something of someone that I couldn't offer myself...but if you're going to, expect some backlash.

OP, maybe the guy said that BECAUSE you said you wanted slender guy in your profile...kinda like a "You're not all that yourself" jab.


At the time my preference for a man to not be overweight was not in my profile so your comment doesn't apply. He chose to go out with me twice inviting me to a farmer's market to do veggie shopping since we were both into that. And you're right, I am not all that but never once said I was or acted like I was and since he was better looking than me facially acting like I was all that would have been pointless.

Oh...I expect men not to be overweight because I am not overweight. Nowhere does it say in my profile that a guy must be: toned, buff, lean, built, muscular, possess visible abs, or defined. Are we getting a little carried away here? If a guy is toned and wants a toned woman then he shouldn't invite the flabby woman out (flabby woman being me).
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 31
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 9:02:07 PM

Nowhere does it say in my profile that a guy must be: toned, buff, lean, built, muscular, possess visible abs, or defined.
True...you said slim/slender build.
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 32
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 9:36:04 PM
It need not necessarily mean weight. People can be the same weight and have different body types.
If you're happy with yourself, let him go find someone who is toned.
Nothing like worrying about your tone level all of the time -yay.
It may not have been wise or sensitive to tell you the reason -but it sounds like they were at least honest -though rather shallow.
If it isn't working, it isn't working.

Guilt?????? Even if they were "right" about you having some extra lbs., don't ever feel guilty -you gain 'em, you lose 'em -it happens.

You don't look un-toned to me ....and gorgeous shoulders, btw (I like shoulders.... I do not know why :)
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 33
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 9:57:33 PM
"I went out with this man twice and he monopolized our conversations with conspiracy theories."

Eeggh. Not only does he have mandates on your fitness level, my god. Just the sound of him droning on about 911 or space aliens or Kennedy all night-just shoot me.
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 34
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 10:04:05 PM
^ ^ ^ lol -I do that sometimes.
...except that I'm right. :o
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 12/17/2014
Msg: 35
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 11:21:59 PM
Halcyon, "become what you are seeking"? Are you seriously saying that I can only date the same type? I can be a fatty and seek slender or a twig and seek a BBW. The body types are listed and everybody can request whatever he wants. Doesn't mean you get it, but my type of body surely does not limit what I am seeking.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 36
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 12:34:45 AM
^^I most agree, Wolf.

I don't have a preference for body type because my focus is on the what the person brings to the relationship, emotionally and intellectually. You could say that, in this case, I'm open to all body types, as well. My own body shape/size/build isn't a factor in this viewpoint or my future choices, what so ever.

If somebody doesn't prefer me, because of that, there's is no reason why I should reserve space in my heart and mind for such people, when I could be continuing the journey to find somebody who does.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 37
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 3:03:21 AM
Walk away immediately. Even if you now got the body they wanted I guarantee you they'll find fault with your teeth, hair isn't the right length or style. Then they'll criticize the length of your nails. No one of the human species is worth it.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 38
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 3:41:57 AM
That was a motivating factor for me of getting in shape, and it is for anyone regardless of what they say. Having the body that is attractive in society, will always be appealing.

If you want to better yourself, then exercise and education is the best way to do it.

If the eye opener is the motivation to get started - then good, because the ends justify the means.
If the eye opener doesn't get you motivated, and nothing but sadness and insecurity come of it - then bad, its all bad.

This is a good example of the world and how it is cruel. And how we can change under circumstances. And while they aren't ideal and understanding would have been better through sport or interest. Positive change is positive change, and health is vital.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 39
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 6:36:52 AM
Body type is a big deal to a lot of us, but I doubt thats the only reason he isn't interested . No one ( much) see's themselves as they are in body or personality type.
You can be a flabby 115 pounds at 5 foot 6 or a fit 135.
You may think you are exciting, fun and creative and he may think you are a whacko.

ODD user name on your newer profile.
Are you really kissing a rat? Oh dear.

No, I doubt your body is the biggest issue you have.

Anyhoo, if he did say that it was rude, but he could have thought it less rude than what he really thought was the reason he is not attracted to you.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 40
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 6:46:22 AM
I like your profile - didn't know they had wings
Clearly he hit a nerve with the statement - I've finally learned that there are some people who will never like me
And I will never give a fuk
Makes the day to day stuff easier :)
 ItalianNY
Joined: 6/9/2012
Msg: 41
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 6:51:23 AM
I agree with you, if you want someone that's in good shape than you should be as well. I went on a second date with a guy and he said that sit ups are great for the stomach and that kind of made feel me uncomfortable being said during eating dinner at a restaurant. The guys profile didn't indicate that he wanted a woman who was fit so I kind of felt hurt, although on the phone he mentioned he doesn't like women that are 50 + pounds big, which I am not. I truthfully may be 10 pounds overweight than I would like to be but I have a sit down job and have been putting in a lot of overtime. He did say after the date that he will call the next evening but I really don't know if I should continue to see him. He never tried to hold my hand or initiate a kiss on the second date. I am confused and really don't know what to do. His girlfriend passed away from cancer in July and 1 month late he's on this dating site, maybe he just wants to date me for therapy. He indicated that going out is like therapy for him. Any suggestions?
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 42
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 7:23:04 AM
It's obvious I am not athletic so if a guy wants an athletic woman then he should not correspond with me.


I agree. According to your current profile, you're slender whilst you listed your body type as "average." Your body type isn't listed as "athletic." You haven't lied to anybody about that, at least in print and what you have posted in photos.


Speaking of stating body type preferences in profiles - they usually are ignored as many don't bother to read them but there are many who do and maybe don't care? However, the guy I am referring to didn't state he wanted an athletic woman so how was I to know?


I don't know what he actually saw when he met you or what you've shared in conversations; the only report we have of this brief exchange is yours, so I can't answer your question. Your only recourse is that if he doesn't want a woman of your body type, your responsibility is to find a positive situation with mutual reception.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 43
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 7:27:39 AM
^^ If you were really awed by little earwigs, you'd write a piece about them yourself, the current bit in your bio is a copy and paste part article that someone else wrote for info purposes.
You have nothing on your profile that explains who you are and what you're searching for beyond physical appearance.


I also think the earwig story is out of place. (I don't see how it's analogous to on-line dating or her dating prospects.)

This is where a profile review is required.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 44
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 7:30:59 AM

Halcyon, "become what you are seeking"? Are you seriously saying that I can only date the same type? I can be a fatty and seek slender or a twig and seek a BBW. The body types are listed and everybody can request whatever he wants. Doesn't mean you get it, but my type of body surely does not limit what I am seeking.


Since you're NOT a fatty seeking a slender woman, this is not your issue. Your profile states you don't want a BBW, but curvy is okay. That's reasonable, in my opinion. If you were a fatty and requested thin women, you would probably catch some flack for it. I would occasionally get contacted by overweight men who requested thin or athletic women in their profiles, and I always pointed out their hypocrisy to them.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 45
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 7:55:29 AM
Halcyon, "become what you are seeking"? Are you seriously saying that I can only date the same type? I can be a fatty and seek slender or a twig and seek a BBW. The body types are listed and everybody can request whatever he wants. Doesn't mean you get it, but my type of body surely does not limit what I am seeking.


Oh yes, they will drill this concept into you over and over and over and over............ and over. Yet you look in the real world and you see every kind of mix available - slender men with slender women, fat men with fat women, slender women with fat men, and fat women with slender men. But these folks here have it all figured out (and yet they are still here), and they will make sure know it over and over and over and over and over.......... and over.

----------------


OP, I just looked at your pix...do you have some sort of body dysmorphia going on? (I don't mean it in a mean way, in a motherly, concerned loving way) YOU APPEAR SLIM/ATHLETIC TO ME!


Yep, I was scratching my head on that one too. I would call her body type average, but not what so many here call average (I have seen many obese women use the "average" body type); maybe there should be two new body types - "slim-average" and "heavy-average".
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 46
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 8:05:31 AM
OP, I just looked at your pix...do you have some sort of body dysmorphia going on? (I don't mean it in a mean way, in a motherly, concerned loving way) YOU APPEAR SLIM/ATHLETIC TO ME!

Some guy b1tched about ur bod?
I'll bet anything HE HAS PENIS ISSUES.

Dump his sorry azz, & move onto someone better & have a cupcake for New Years, you are slim & will burn it off no doubt.

My G*d, u r young, pretty, slim, have long hair, the man insulted u & frankly, a few people in this thread covertly insulted u 2 by actually considering that man's ridiculous statement! And Kudos to those who pointed out the craziness of his comment!




Walk away immediately. Even if you now got the body they wanted I guarantee you they'll find fault with your teeth, hair isn't the right length or style. Then they'll criticize the length of your nails. No one of the human species is worth it.

110% agree!
PS- I mean this as a compliment- ur profile shows u as a quirkly little thing- don't u dare change urself or ur ad to attract some stuffed shirt who wants a P.C. b1tch- BE YOURSELF!
vvvvv
this young lady is a refreshing breath of air, more real than 80% of the folks in here IMO. So what if she is kissing a mammal, most of you EAT mammals! And her lil ditty about earwigs makes her ad unique & interesting!
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 47
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 8:13:04 AM

OP, I just looked at your pix...


I just looked at her profile and this is what she said:

""What I am looking for is a man whom is not overweight (does this sound better folks? ;) ""

So yeah, she was the one telling the guy to shape up.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 48
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 8:16:05 AM
Post # 48... I too have seen the many pairings that attraction can bring. And I myself have noticed attractive ladies of all shapes,sizes and colors. I think we all have an ideal body type we are attracted to but I would'nt say it's carved in stone.

OP, as to the guy who likes your personality but not attracted to your body type. It happens, and if nothing else he could be a friend. Or, even a FWB if you're both so inclined. I would'nt get your hopes up for anything more. Lets flip the script once... What if he said this.... "I really don't like you much but I do like your body".

That probably would'nt have made you feel very attracted to him. You may even have thought him to be a shallow horndog who was only after one thing. Welcome to the world of OLD. Finding the total package can be tough but I still think it's doable. Till then meet,greet and enjoy the company of those who enjoy yours. This guy is only one of many and if you want to change anything about yourself, do it for yourself first.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 49
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 8:27:15 AM
I would occasionally get contacted by overweight men who requested thin or athletic women in their profiles, and I always pointed out their hypocrisy to them.


Being attracted to different body type alone doesn't make someone a hypocrite. There are thin women that are attracted to larger ( but not obese ) men and vice versa. I think a person would be hypocrite when they reject someone due to a certain reason and also complains when another person rejects them due to similar reason(s). For example, some BBWs will complain about men not dating them due to their body type. But when I looked at their profile, they would have specific requirements about race, height, and/or body type.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 50
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/27/2014 8:38:42 AM
If the woman says that she doesn't like my body type, then she's probably lying. Most times it's the person's looks and/or attitude that they don't like.


Stuff like that is just an easy way of saying "It's not me, it's you."

OP: If the guy really liked you, he'd be willing to look past the body type. It's just another one of those lame lines to make someone else the bad guy, while trying to distract them by saying something nice first. Or they're not looking for the real thing, they're looking for arm candy, they're looking for something that people can be jealous of so that they feel better about themselves. Physical attraction DOES play a very important role in sex, but sex is only a small part of relationships. Without the emotional attraction, that drive to be together (including all the time you're not in the bedroom), things that you enjoy doing together (again, all the time you're NOT in the bedroom), you have nothing, just sex. Just the same meaningless sex you can get drunk at a bar, or from a hooker...

Honestly, what I really think happened is when he saw you, he didn't want to tear your clothes off and jump on top of you. Or he did, but you weren't willing. If he really liked you, why couldn't he keep going? Both guys and girls are repeatedly guilty of this game. I don't think the problem was you, and your profile is completely irrelevant. Everyone just likes to always assume that first. I think the problem was that he wasn't looking for a relationship, he wanted to get laid.


Being attracted to different body type alone doesn't make someone a hypocrite. There are thin women that are attracted to larger ( but not obese ) men and vice versa. I think a person would be hypocrite when they reject someone due to a certain reason and also complains when another person rejects them due to similar reason(s). For example, some BBWs will complain about men not dating them due to their body type. But when I looked at their profile, they would have specific requirements about race, height, and/or body type.


These forums explain a lot though. I don't necessarily blame those girls that do that, but only for looks. When it comes to cars, who you live with, what money you make, yeah, they're hypocrites. If these forums are any realistic representation of the advice these girls get offline, it's not surprising. When you read through these forums, you always see the guy getting told to aim lower, and that the girl should hold out for what she deserves. Nobody should have to settle, but that doesn't mean that your standards aren't unrealistically high. The problem is that we're reinforcing those standards in the girls, but telling guys about how they need to change, or how they need to become what they want to date. How many threads are there where people are telling the fat girl to lose weight? Compare that to how many are telling the guy to get in shape.

We're all to blame for this way of thinking. We call them BBWs, but do we call fat guys any name similar to that? No, we just call them fat. But when a girl has that weight, "she's still beautiful." We're creating a world where fat guys and fat girls aren't equal. We're making it OK for the fat girl to expect to get a thin guy, but we expect the fat guy to get to a gym.
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