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 AUTHOR
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 25
The 'Up for Anything' SyndromePage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I like bluemoon.

She is positive and has an open heart.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 26
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:05:57 AM

There is something counter-intuitive about someone who is fixated on spontaneity.

True. You cannot nail down 'spontaneity' in a search like a physical trait or income level. Maybe it's more about avoidance of the boring anal types. Maybe it's finding out their 'asterisk' - can I deal with THAT particular issue?
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 27
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 9:21:14 AM
"I have no life and nothing on the schedule" isn't necessarily a good thing -most usually have some obligations
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 28
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 10:21:32 AM
^^^that, plus "up for anything" kinda means, "you should be free to do what I want."

A few years back when I was working and then taking care of my parents after work, my free time wasn't availible until after 6pm. So by some definitions, I wasn't spontaneous. But, if I said I was going to be someplace (like inviting coworkers to meet me at a college for an old movie), I was there and they weren't. Sometimes, just having someone who does what they say is enough :)

With the right people, even something boring--or in one case, a Christmas display that ended up being for kids--can still be fun(ny).
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 29
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The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 10:42:40 AM
"Up for Anything" is really about a willingness to try new stuff, not about being spontaneous--in my opinion. I'm willing to try new things at least twice to see if I enjoy the activity (and willing to participate some--good-naturedly-- for the sake of a loved one, even if I don't love the activity). I'm also spontaneous--which means, also IMO, willing to do something without prior plans. Like someone else said, if my "plan" was to spend some time alone, then I might say "no, thanks." But unless I have a prior commitment, I'm just as likely to say "sure, why not?" to an offer arriving unexpectedly.

But while I can understand how frustrating it would be to have a partner who never tries anything new, and never heads out without a plan, I do not consider my attitude superior to that of most people, who often are willing to try new things and head out at the last minute sometimes.

Expecting someone to be spontaneous at all times, however, comes across as a cover-up for an inability to think/plan ahead. I would be no more satisfied with *never* having plans ahead of time than I would be with someone who *always* had to have a plan.

All things in moderation, I guess!
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 30
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 11:07:57 AM

Maybe it's more about avoidance of the boring anal types. Maybe it's finding out their 'asterisk' - can I deal with THAT particular issue?


You’re kind of all over the place with this. Now people who you’ve somehow determined as not spontaneous are boring and anal? How about I say that people who claim to be spontaneous are reckless and irresponsible? No? Maybe making baseless, judgmental leaps at others’ personality based on an ambiguous standard is really what it’s “more about.”

Ha ha….an “asterisk” is an “issue?” So you’d do anything at any time with anyone anywhere for any reason? I bet I can guess a common guy asterisk, or should I say, “issue?” – money.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 31
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The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 11:19:19 AM

ClooneysTutor
The only time I consider spontaneity is if I am inviting her out for a 'same day date'.

Some women like to plan ahead, so I'll first ask her if she considers herself to be spontaneous.

Often, the answer is yes, or yes depending...

I'll then suggest a date that evening.


In my experience, this almost never seems to work. Even if you’re giving them several hours notice, women usually react badly. They seem to think that you must have had another woman cancel on you and you’re calling them as a last minute substitute.

The odds of actually landing the date seem to go up dramatically (at least in my experience) if you ask at least one full day in advance.


Halcyon_Skies
Up For Anything = Desperate for companionship because their abrasive personality tends to keeps others at bay---thus, being invited out on a date is a rare treat for them.

Call them at the last minute? No problem at all... after all, it's not like any other prospects are beating a path to their doorway.


Could you be any more condescending? I mean, honestly, if you tried your absolute best, spent more time thinking about it and trying out different ideas, could you find a way to be more condescending than the post I just quoted?
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 32
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 11:36:29 AM
I hadn't had the luxury of being spontaneous for a while. I had children to raise, a home to take care of, various jobs, etc. I have cats too.

My s.o. knows all of this & the most spontaneity we get is planning a quick local date on a weeknite, etc. but nothing major.

I enjoy some level of planning, but I get that others are different.


In my experience, this almost never seems to work. Even if you’re giving them several hours notice, women usually react badly. They seem to think that you must have had another woman cancel on you and you’re calling them as a last minute substitute.

The odds of actually landing the date seem to go up dramatically (at least in my experience) if you ask at least one full day in advance.

Many women want at least 2-3 days notice.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 33
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The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 11:58:46 AM

Up for Anything" is really about a willingness to try new stuff, not about being spontaneous--in my opinion. I'm willing to try new things at least twice to see if I enjoy the activity (and willing to participate some--good-naturedly-- for the sake of a loved one, even if I don't love the activity). I'm also spontaneous--which means, also IMO, willing to do something without prior plans. Like someone else said, if my "plan" was to spend some time alone, then I might say "no, thanks." But unless I have a prior commitment, I'm just as likely to say "sure, why not?" to an offer arriving unexpectedly.


Agree with this...

Depends on the situation, too....
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 34
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 2:40:28 PM
“Up for anything” has for me nothing to do with spontaneity but rather hints towards any or all of the below:

- not mature enough yet to have figured out what they really are about and with that what want/don’t’ want
- Wanting to keep their options open due to being desperate
- Or they are just plain boring, therefore having a boring life and looking for someone to initiate/provide the entertainment and excitement.

The “spontaneity factor” is best figured out by letting the person talk, definitely not by that oh so boring yet frequently employed question and answer game.

Saying, if you are a truly spontaneous person, the other persons "spontaneity factor" will reveal itself to you.
As the saying goes, “it takes one to recognize one”!
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 35
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 3:41:39 PM

Could you be any more condescending? I mean, honestly, if you tried your absolute best, spent more time thinking about it and trying out different ideas, could you find a way to be more condescending than the post I just quoted?


Yes. I implied that the troll would actually have a date in the first place. My mistake.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 36
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 4:31:46 PM
Ohenry,

I should clarify further. The majority of women I've invited out for a same day date, even after admitting they were spontaneous, often did NOT accept the same date day request.

They did, however, counter offer with a date and time, which I usually accepted.

They never were offended either or told me that I was desperate for companionship, wtf? That's a broad generalization.

I don't assume all women want 2-3 days notice and if they did, I would respect that and not label them game players for doing so.

Sheesh...I must have an agenda, eh?

I decide to be 'active' on a day off and 'search' for an attractive profile to invite out. I decide to chat and invite her out. She can ignore, block, deny, accept or counteroffer with her own suggestion.

It's not a friggin marriage proposal or an invite to my pad! Ye gads!

No problem here with her desire to plan ahead, but please don't assume all men are desperate for companionship. Peace out.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 37
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 7:01:45 PM
You know Halcyon, you don't always have to be a C U Next Tuesday. Not everyone has to blabber about their lives, their old man and their finances on a dating site forum. Some people are private about what goes on in their real lives, some people make up shyt just to add interst to the mix or stir the pot, some people don't post their real pictures (or any picture) because they don't want people searching them on the Internet, some don't give real names, some aren't looking for a date because they are attached or married. Hell Hal, for all we know and with all the time you spend posting on here, you're just an old drunk hooker looking for tricks and are "up for anything". Who the hell knows what's real on here.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 38
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 7:09:46 PM
^^^
Exactly!

I've been deemed the guy with toilet paper in the back seat of his car. Damn!
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 39
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 8:34:00 PM
There are things mother always said, always wear clean underwear and never accept last minute dates.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 40
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 9:15:23 PM
You know Halcyon, you don't always have to be a C U Next Tuesday. Not everyone has to blabber about their lives, their old man and their finances on a dating site forum. Some people are private about what goes on in their real lives, some people make up shyt just to add interst to the mix or stir the pot, some people don't post their real pictures (or any picture) because they don't want people searching them on the Internet, some don't give real names, some aren't looking for a date because they are attached or married. Hell Hal, for all we know and with all the time you spend posting on here, you're just an old drunk hooker looking for tricks and are "up for anything". Who the hell knows what's real on here.


BM, if I wanted any more sh!t from you, I'd squeeze your head. Give it up.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 41
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 9:22:12 PM
Wow, that's powerful stuff, you have a new teenage client teaching you juvenile chat? Go have a drink, call a client and remeber the condoms this time.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 43
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The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/30/2014 9:56:45 PM

You know Halcyon, you don't always have to be a C U Next Tuesday.

Hmmm, that's a first for me....I have only heard a man call a woman that. ..never a woman.
I should go out more, huh?
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 45
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/31/2014 7:46:42 AM

"Up for Anything" is really about a willingness to try new stuff, not about being spontaneous--in my opinion. I'm willing to try new things at least twice to see if I enjoy the activity (and willing to participate some--good-naturedly-- for the sake of a loved one, even if I don't love the activity). I'm also spontaneous--which means, also IMO, willing to do something without prior plans. Like someone else said, if my "plan" was to spend some time alone, then I might say "no, thanks." But unless I have a prior commitment, I'm just as likely to say "sure, why not?" to an offer arriving unexpectedly.

+1 In the past week I've been on 2 'first meets' - both were a case that the man had emailed me previously but we had not arranged to me. Then, in both cases, my plans changed and I contacted them and said, 'I know it's short notice but can you meet tonight?' Both cases it was 'spontaneous' in that it was not scheduled in advance, but in both cases it was just a drink and conversation at a local watering hole so it was not 'up for anything' out of the ordinary.

I am, by nature, a planner - my freakin job is a project manager! My days are full with planning a long course of events and 'encouraging' others to play their part in my plan. It's exhausting. So there are days I look forward to just going home and being a vegetable, reading a book (or the forums), walking on the beach, or other mundane and solitary activity.

But that doesn't mean I can't be spontaneous, nor that I'm not "up for new things." When I look back over the course of my adult life to some of my favorite non-solitary activities - they all came as a result of being willing to try something new and in most cases also as a result of being spontaneous (i.e. little to no advance planning, just willing to go with what came up in the moment).

That said, if/when I read the words "up for anything" in a profile, I make a tick mark in my mind's 'no' column - those words are not a red flag or an automatic 'next' in and of themselves, but, for me (YMMV) they contribute to a negative impression. This is what those particular words convey to me: 1) they're cliché meaning he's doesn't display the level of self-knowledge or the ability to articulate that knowledge that I'm looking for, or 2) as is the case with clichés, those words are ambiguous and can mean, like OP, the guy has been burned by overly scheduled and will only accept a total free spirit (i.e. he's 'damaged goods' holding all future women responsible for someone in his past), or 3) he's saying he'll do whatever I want to do (i.e. he can't be bothered to plan, or he doesn't have his own preferences).
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 46
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The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/31/2014 8:56:49 AM
When it comes to online dating and those initial meetings, even when profiles state items like "Up For Anything", there's always going to be a measure of 'scripting' out of safety reasons. ... Some people are incredibly timid for the first couple of dates; even getting a person to hold hands can freak them out -- but the same person can become bolder than hell once they've built up some trust.

^^^ The last sentence describes me, except I would change "incredibly timid" to "observant." In the beginning, I want to learn about the man, so I'll let him steer the ship. I might also ask you to define "bolder than hell." Everyone has limits.

When I see "up for anything" on a man's profile, I usually take it as a negative, but don't hold it against the writer unless my feelings are confirmed within the rest of the profile. It usually means the man has few date ideas or interests to share with others and/or he is too timid to suggest his own thoughts. Or it can be a sexual reference. Either way, "up for anything" is generally not a good sign (to me).

I guess what I'm curious to know is what kinds of words/actions do you use to judge a person's 'spontaneity' factor during those first couple of encounters. Did you stick around to see if you were right?

Most men will play it safe during the first date or two in order to help the woman feel comfortable and build a measure of trust. Because of that, the activities are generally conventional.

However, the conversations we have and the word choices we make can speak volumes. How adventurous is he with words and stories and teasing? Does our conversation have a fun and flirty air, a touch of sexual tension, and a sense of "we'd be having awesome fun if we knew each other better"? Or is our conversation dry and predictable (or worse -- nasty and disrespectful)?

I gauge his level of spontaneity through our conversations. If he can't awe me with his personality, then I doubt he'll awe me with activity. Not that I expect "awe" in the first date or two, but I want to see a hint of it.

I know that men can be nervous on the first date or two, and it's not unusual for me to feel the same. But if we let that keep us from beginning to share a little bit of ourselves with each other, then we have work to do before we shoot for date #3, assuming we're otherwise compatible. If I find a man attractive and I see potential, I'll stick around for date #2 and maybe #3. If we haven't made a connection by then, I'll assume we're not compatible and move on.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 47
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/31/2014 9:05:54 AM
@OP

Planning is not wrong, unless you still plan stuff during the intercourse and can't ever relax, it's ok. You have to plan, or your experience will be crap. Unless you have no clue what pleases you in life and are discovering it spontaneously, spontaneity can never lead to re-producible pleasure.

Planning uplifts any experience in life because it allows you to settle things that might interfere with it or lessen it. Even if you guys want to drink or take drugs for the evening, you have to plan, especially in that situation.

As a chemist I spent a lot of time on bluelight.org forums to study the effects of drugs. I thought that people using drugs just take whatever fits their hands and just pass out on the floor, but I was astonished at what I was reading on these forums: Many of these guys there using amphetamines and opioids plan their high like a CEO plans the 2015 budget.

Everything is accounted for, one guy had a "to do" list that had 27 items on it, based on a "what if" approach, including setting up alarm clocks for times when new doses were required and having vitamin/protein water within hand reach. An engineer there also built a self-injecting Naloxone device hooked to a blood CO2 detector that went off after a treshold!

The thing is, pleasure comes with a loss of control, but even loss of control has to be planned previously because when you lose control you cannot tend to your needs properly, and you are very stupid, so whatever you may plan on the spot will be bad.
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