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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Why do so many men end up with unkind women      Home login  
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 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 101
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Why do so many men end up with unkind womenPage 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
That's the thing with becoming self-actualized, you have to be willing and able to see yourself, because you aren't going to be fixing someone else, if you want out of the insanity, you have to fix what's wrong with you. Also self-actualization usually means being all you can be and happy about it, whereas many people are quite happy just being as good as they feel like being, and not all that excited about being all that. It can be quite tiring to be go for the gold all the time, or anytime, it can be hell to be with that person too. So the best therapy for being happy, is first finding out what you really want & need to be happy where you are at in your life.
 lifeisgrand5
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 102
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Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/23/2015 2:19:35 PM
Being aware of the fact that you can not fix another person will help you stay out of unhealthy relationships. I do my fixing and sharing at the hospital. The difficult people do not appreciate anything you do for them because they have a sense of entitlement. The patients at the hospital are happy if you give them a painted rock with glitter and call it a friendship stone.

Respect is the most important component of a happy relationship. With out respect a relationship unravels and eventually comes to an end.

No one likes a breakup and sometimes people stay too long. The key is to walk away when the relationship turns toxic. No looking back only forward hanging around people that are upbeat.
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 103
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Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/23/2015 5:09:35 PM

The kicker is-and here is the big distinction-is that we are teaching women to *behave the way men behave at their worst* and we label this as being progressive and liberated. We are teaching women to essentially be the worst that men are...violent, that the way to solve problems is with aggression and impatience, and with the very male attribute of "divide and conquer" especially when it comes to divorce. We are teaching women to be civilian soldiers. To reject healthy and stable relationships and seek out a life of indifferent "hook up" scenarios so that they can be "just like men" because this means true freedom.


And the kicker is that it is WOMEN/FEMINISTS who are the foremost teachers of these thing.....

 aj7125
Joined: 11/28/2014
Msg: 104
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/23/2015 5:16:54 PM
"It is so important for everyone to have healthy boundaries and the ability to see red flags. People with healthy self esteem will not tolerate verbal or emotional abuse."

^^^^^^Msg 101 agree 100%, this is for men and women. When the man or woman stay in a relationship that is toxic or "attracted to someone who is toxic, that person only has themselves to blame or to be accountable. Until they change their mindset and really see values, they will either stay or leave and get into another unhealthy relationship
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 105
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/23/2015 5:32:58 PM
Oh brother…who is this “we” who’s teaching women all these horrible things? I’m a woman, and I have never been taught this, or even *heard* anything like it, except from disgruntled men who can’t make women do what they want them to. Some men seem to think they hold the leash and collars of all women. :/

And btw, some guys apparently think with penis envy and assume all others do…?
I have never wanted to be a man in ANY way, and I don’t know any women who did/do. Get over yourselves. Why in the world would women want to be men???!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 106
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Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/23/2015 5:40:59 PM
We teach people how to treat us.

If you're with an unkind man, or woman, for any length of time, it's due to your own lack of boundaries and failure to get out of an unhealthy situation.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 107
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/23/2015 5:55:48 PM
The kicker is-and here is the big distinction-is that we are teaching women to *behave the way men behave at their worst* and we label this as being progressive and liberated. We are teaching women to essentially be the worst that men are...violent, that the way to solve problems is with aggression and impatience, and with the very male attribute of "divide and conquer" especially when it comes to divorce. We are teaching women to be civilian soldiers. To reject healthy and stable relationships and seek out a life of indifferent "hook up" scenarios so that they can be "just like men" because this means true freedom.

^^^^^^^^

I'm at a loss here. Where do you come up with this? This is well.....kind of...oh you know. Any rank designations? Pvt bit*ch, Sgt, Lt. or the ultimate a general bi*tch!
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 108
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/23/2015 10:40:50 PM
We're not teaching 'women' a damn thing. We're teaching girls - as in kids - boys too. People love talking the big talk, but what teaches the lessons to the next generation is our actions, not our words. Kids soak up everything like a sponge, including the snarky snide remarks you say about your Ex or the obscene gestures you make when you think nobody is watching. 'Empowering' children isn't about lecturing them on what they can do with their future - it's about SHOWING THEM how it's done. The 'Do as I Say and Not as I Do' reasoning needs to be removed from your syllabus if you ever want to hope to teach a younger person the right way to do things. 'True Freedom' can mean a lot of different things - including anarchy. I don't think that's a lesson quite suitable to be taught in a lecture.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 109
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Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/24/2015 11:15:57 PM
lifeisgrand5...

I have a guy buddy who is in an unhealthy relationship. He is definitely the under dog. He knows that she treats him badly but he stays because he is afraid to be alone. She told him she loves him, but she is not in love with him. He continues to stay knowing that she has no respect for him.

There are so many different personalities, it is sad that the aggressive person finds the accommodating person and the unhealthy relationship is formed. When I see mistreatment the only thing that I can do is keep telling the under dog that they deserve to be treated with respect. 

It is so important for everyone to have healthy boundaries and the ability to see red flags. People with healthy self esteem will not tolerate verbal or emotional abuse.


I've done this a few times. Thanks to an extended time alone (nearly 2 years) and a lot of inner searching, I've made some progress. My self-esteem is getting better.

The ones I've been with that have treated me this way use the more subtle putdowns (they call it joking) when around company and more aggressive behavior when no one else is around.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 110
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 3:18:13 AM

A lot of the stuff in here people are commenting on deals with the defensive side of the issue - how to avoid harm and such. I wonder how many people are willing to turn the camera on themselves and realize just how your own actions degrade and harm your partner. We're not ALL victims, here. Some manifest their poor sense of self esteem by being the aggressor, by blaming other people, by directing their rage elsewhere instead of doing a little self-introspection.


I think people need to own what has happened to them, too -- whether they're responsible for it or not. Sometimes introspection -- too much of it -- can also be overly self-indulgent. Sometimes, it doesn't allow oneself to relate to others and see that relating from another perspective, so to speak. (Often times, they are disallowed from doing so because of other external responsibilities or expectations.) If somebody could put their feet in the proverbial shoes of another (this is sometimes created by character acting, volunteering, writing, or some other occupational output), they might understand. For somebody who is psychologically troubled, they need medicinal therapy and psychotherapy, whatever their doctor and they deem fit.


People who have issues with addictions or depression or other personality disorders don't realize they are 'that' messed up - if they did, they'd be seeking help. Aggressive, bitter, angry types really are not that much different.


I think you're wrong. I think it's more complex than this. People who are working through themselves understand this -- and people with psychological disorders do ultra-focus on themselves in any treatment setting, even if they don't take responsibility for themselves. Again, I'm not a psychologist, so I'm merely writing from my lay man's perspective.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 111
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 3:21:00 AM

I've done this a few times. Thanks to an extended time alone (nearly 2 years) and a lot of inner searching, I've made some progress. My self-esteem is getting better.


It seems you've taken responsibility for your well-being, and I think you'll continue to make progress.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 112
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 4:52:23 AM

The one time I recall being somewhat of a jerk to a girlfriend, it was because I was sort of hoping she'd eventually break up with me. I didn't value the relationship at all.


Women have he cajones to break up. Men make you break up with them.
Words of wisdom to young women.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 113
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 4:55:01 AM
and this:

"""The kicker is-and here is the big distinction-is that we are teaching women to *behave the way men behave at their worst* and we label this as being progressive and liberated. We are teaching women to essentially be the worst that men are...violent, that the way to solve problems is with aggression and impatience, and with the very male attribute of "divide and conquer" especially when it comes to divorce. We are teaching women to be civilian soldiers. To reject healthy and stable relationships and seek out a life of indifferent "hook up" scenarios so that they can be "just like men" because this means true freedom."""

We are doing it to ourselves. OKAY. I already turned in my feminist card in an earlier post so I don't have one to give up here.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 114
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Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 9:32:36 AM
Msg.# 1 :

Hey,hey, sister it is a tough competition among us women here . And Plenty of fish is not fibbing , that there's a million fish (men ) here. Plenty of fish Dating Site is not responsible if these fish ( men) wont bite your BAIT.

We wimmen are marketing our self here , may the best woman win...... Yout sales pitchs sucks , do you think by hurling some cow dungs on other women here makes you desirable ?
why do so many men end up with unkind women.


*You play dirty*, oh forgive me.My bad, let me be nice, you gave me the impression that you follow that man with a girlfriend or wife to the movie theater, restaurant , following closely and you listen to their conversation ?? Or making this up? A poor penny book writer won't even use your imaginative materials.. Or her books will end up in a dumpster.

OH MY GOD!!! You'll hit below the belt for DESPERATION.

Vannili
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 115
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 12:36:31 PM
Am I not fighting enough with strangers online I will never meet to participate here?
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 116
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 12:56:26 PM
Well I think deet is right on the money to ask this question .Unfortunately we have the usual cast blaming it all on men.I said it before .

Because they can.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 117
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Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 2:24:27 PM
^^^^
Yeah right if I am a busy body minding other couple's business instead of my own life, I will join deet 's club. that those men who end with unkind women are dead brain who injoyed being treated in an abuse relationship Duh...
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 118
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 3:07:34 PM
^^^
Who said they enjoy it?Children,finances,grandchildren,family period.he puts up with episodes for awhile and she's good for awhile.Women on meds,secretive drinking.... Could be many things but please don't blame the behavior on somebody else.


Was please a sign of weakness?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 119
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Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 3:54:00 PM
calguy14, Reread the message Number 1, my take on that is no women would treat a man like that , even a bipolar or whatever in public on what the OP posted , the give away is > is she that close to the man with his girlfriend or wife to hear them vividly at the theater , and restaurant this is a good one, they were issued 2 menu she snatch the menu from his hand ? . This is a made up story........... She is hurling a negative messages on
women at this dating forum. As a woman I read what she up too . I read 4 times her post to absorbed what she means and what is her point. I am not blaming any men or any women ,I am sticking to her message what she is implying.
In answer to your post.
Life is not fair, whether family, finances, partners ,through our journey in life we encounter these problems ,it make us strong and learned what is the best for us, experienced is a great teacher, this teacher or you may call God teaching us to use our mind to live in peace and a happy life. We can remove the blockage of negativity in our life if we want too.

Saying PLEASE is not a weakness, it means you have CLASS, Jesus said in the bible the humblest person among you people is the highest in person.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 120
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Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 4:15:02 PM
My post on #123 is sarcasm
please reread it again, there is no such dead brain man that is in a normal relationship, as you know .
I take that back , people with special needs goes with relationship with their own kind for I know
one nice a couple who work at a Thrift store that I use to volunteer.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 121
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 4:46:21 PM
OK Vanilli,point taken.
I get the feeling that saying please here would actually be a sign of weakness.A lot of battle hardened broads here. :)
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 122
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Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 5:56:15 PM
Calguy14
I just a emailed a forumite who met her husband here on the POF
they are bf & gf for a while and finally married.
what I notice about her messages is she doesn't do personal insults to a man. or woman

I say please all the time ,do you think I am weak ?
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 123
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 7:07:12 PM
sunshinegirl

Penis envy only comes from men getting what they want in life because they are male. Better job prospects etc. I think that is all there is to that. They are so ruled by the smaller head that even great men are brought down by sexual folly.

Although I would like to know what it is to be a male, I dont want to be anything other than female.
Women have their faults but they do not want to abuse, rape and murder complete strangers or simply because they can, unless they are very very sick and it is a rare occurrence. So no I would have very ambivalent feelings about being a male, I can tell you. Having said that, I like most men I have had any serious dealings with and respect, love and admire quite a few.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 124
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 7:41:26 PM
@vanilli
No I don't.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 125
Why do so many men end up with unkind women
Posted: 1/25/2015 7:55:58 PM
I imagine many of these men are the husbands that rushed into a marriage based on her beauty.

Not blaming her, but nurturing a relationship takes 2, and sadly, men often focus on bringing home the bacon.

I've been on several dates where a gal has said she left the guy because he was not attentive enough, yet she has 2 engineer sons and is a 'girly girl'. I'm thinking...what can I offer you the guy before me didn't? A comedian? I asked Girly Girl what she like to do for fun and was told, "Let's stay in touch and see if we have chemistry". Well, if you don't have interests, except staying pretty, it appears, I just don't get that script she's running. lmao

So many dimensions going on with this that really gets to the core of Mars/Venus and why marriages often fail.

Peace.
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