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 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 391
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?Page 15 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

No...as Sunshine said, it IS a boundary issue...That's how I see it.....


Again, like I said to sunshine, if you feel this way then that is entirely YOUR problem. What I do like about this topic that it instantly gives me an indication of moral character and provides insight into the integrity of the individual based on the reaction to the question.

This question will obviously illicit either a very negative response, in which we simply will go no further, or it will allow us to move forward much faster in the relationship. Either way I see this being useful in determining whether my date is a good match for me, and me for her.


Unless you are in your twenty's, the number is going to be fairly high, or at least high in some people's minds.


Bama, this is something that would be subjective for sure. I do agree that your numbers are obviously going to be higher the older you are and the more you date. I did give a number in one of the previous responses in this thread, but that number is mine and mine only. What everyone else deems as "adequate" is totally up to them.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 392
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 4:20:57 PM
Observation and active listening is one thing.
Coming right out and asking personal questions is quite another.
You can think what you like and say what you will.
You may get women with self-esteem and boundary issues to respond to such a nosey question-which doesn't mean they are bad people-but I bet a lot of women with strong self-esteem and their own ideas of boundaries would be another story.
As I said before, I do not think any guy I've been involved with(and that includes a long marriage, a couple of serious LTRs prior to the marriage, and dating, LTRs, etc since becoming widowed) has ever asked me such a question.
Even guys I met thru OLD.

Boy - you women sure have an issue with this topic.......

No,we have an issue with crass rudeness and bad manners.
I have no doubt you scope out the women you meet, looking for ways to leverage a relationship with an insecure woman who will excuse your crass behavior.
Cindy O
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 393
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 4:51:07 PM

What I do like about this topic that it instantly gives me an indication of moral character and provides insight into the integrity of the individual based on the reaction to the question.


And THIS is EXACTLY what a man with NO boundaries or respect for others looks like folks!
PAY ATTENTION!!!!!

My "integrity and moral character" are NOT in question either here or anywhere else, thanks...and the fact that you are continuously insulting and arrogant towards those who attempt to give their own point of view when it doesn't agree with yours, only proves just how warped you are.....

Have a nice day!!!
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 394
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 5:34:59 PM
perhaps the question would be easier to answer if related to math - you know, size and performance
So we could do a neg 1 for a 3 second dude etc
neg 3 if he twists your nipples like dials
So, many women would probably be Virgins based on the graph.
I'm extra helpful today hmm?
The above post has been brought to you by the letters w n i and e :p
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 395
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 5:40:02 PM

And THIS is EXACTLY what a man with NO boundaries or respect for others looks like folks!
PAY ATTENTION!!!!!


Whoa!!! By golly you sure told 'em, Dee!!

Please add and notarize this little gem to this long list:

"prudish, insecure, judgemental, juvenile, stupid, immature, controlling, self-centered, domineering, jealous, delusional, plumber-butt-cracked, oily-budweiser-hat-with-fishhook, booger pickin' boy".


My "integrity and moral character" are NOT in question either here or anywhere else, thanks


Dee, you seem to think that I'm questioning YOUR moral character and I'm asking YOU the question. I'm not, and I haven't!! I am entitled to my own opinion and you are judging me the same way I would judge you IF I dated you.

Wow.....pot, meet Kettle - big time!!!

......and all this venomous drivel coming from a so-called "professional".

LOL!!
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 396
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 5:47:55 PM

neg 3 if he twists your nipples like dials


LOL.......Seriously? Who does that? My buddies used to do this to me back in high school/college and it hurts with small man-nipples - I couldn't imagine this with women's nipples......OUCH!!!
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 397
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 5:52:21 PM

Dee, you seem to think that I'm questioning YOUR moral character and I'm asking YOU the question. I'm not, and I haven't!! I am entitled to my own opinion and you are judging me the same way I would judge you IF I dated you.


What you have repeatedly said is that by arguing with your point of view people, (women,) doing so are "revealing their moral character and integrity level" and OTHER such "gems"....

Behaving in a disingenuous manner when called out on it as well as other passive/aggressive comments is really pretty feeble imo,
Oh! And looky there!!!
Once again...disagreement=insults, surprise! Surprise!!
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 398
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 6:03:26 PM

What you have repeatedly said is that by arguing with your point of view people, (women,) doing so are "revealing their moral character and integrity level" and OTHER such "gems"....


Dee........you are revealing your character. But I haven't asked YOU for a single thing. There is nothing "disengenous" about anything I wrote here. Do you not see the irony here?

I certainly do appreciate your comments, though. They are very telling..........

And as for insults......well..........you can read the list for yourself.

:)
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 401
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 7:27:59 PM
Your insistent message and the tone ARE insulting.



Dee, you seem to think that I'm questioning YOUR moral character and I'm asking YOU the question. I'm not, and I haven't!! I am entitled to my own opinion and you are judging me the same way I would judge you IF I dated you.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 404
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 8:15:33 PM
Are you making a value judgment on what someone did 10 years ago, 20 years ago or in the last 6 months? The kicker is " judgment". And yes, it is intersting that in this period of sexual permissiveness...people still judge. And you're judging on the past, not on the present because when you judge on the past...you don't take the time to know the present. Your sexual past before you met me is just that, the past, especially when everything else is "right". If you are kind, considerate, have great character and have done no harm and fit my ideal...I don't care if you had sex with 10 or 20. Respect also means respecting my space. And yes, it's rude.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 405
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 8:26:06 PM

Your insistent message and the tone ARE insulting.


Well........you'll never have to second guess where my convictions lie, and I always like to deliver my opinions with some flair. Who likes boring conversations anyway?
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 407
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 9:35:08 PM
Jim7878, I did allude to "the right fit" which to me eliminates crimals, cheaters, drug addicts, etc. so just what is you take on me...dated a few guys coming out of high school, nothing serious, met and married so was busy doing that for...geez, between dating and marriage 33 years until he died. I've dated a few since his death, one nice month long trip to Europe, another two weeks in Arizona (same guy). Dated a few more, nothing serious but all nice guys. Does my past send up red flags. Do you still need the exact number?

Some men want to know the number, real men want to know the person.
 geekgrrrl
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 409
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 10:13:08 PM

gtomustang on 1/28/2015 541 PM

perhaps another good smartass answer would be to ask the question, "Ida know, do three-ways count as one?"


Hahahahahaha! Good one! I will have to remember that ;)

I've been asked this question before and my response is "None of your business." Usually followed by "Goodbye". I really cannot fathom why I need to answer such a rude question. It does however tell me volumes about the person asking.
 kingbaracuda
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 410
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/29/2015 10:21:53 PM
Always tell the truth. Don't avoid the question. Answer the question if you wish. Don't lie. Eventually the conversation would come up again. The truth would be revealed. And you will be shamed for lying.

Good luck
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 411
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 2:29:34 AM
I DON'T lie about anything about my history....
And I definitely am not ashamed of ANYTHING that I have done and/or who I have slept with.....

I'm just NOT interested in either being with a person who has more concern for my "number" than for who I AM or someone who feels that is an appropriate question to be asking when I barely know, OR trust, that person.

Conversely I am ALSO not interested in a man who draws conclusions about me regarding my refusal to comply by responding to this type of question in a negative, judgmental way...Because apparently a refusal to answer this type of inappropriate and invasive question is QUITE revealing of , um, let's see, a person's moral character, integrity and a whole HOST of other negative traits despite whatever the actual TRUTH is....

In fact, even my (and others') stance on the subject when discussing the topic in a public forum has earned us a load of personal insults and insinuations, which is QUITE telling.....especially when the poster doing the "insulting" KEEPS insisting that his behaviour HERE is NOT personal and is NOT directing the "question" towards myself and/or anyone in particular. ALL we are discussing is whether or not we think this question is RELEVANT and/or should be asked, as well as when...

As I already stated should I be prepared to lay out my financial history? Credit score? Medical conditions? Childhood "issues"? On the first date, second?
I mean seriously...where IS the line? Or is there one at all?

While some people have very weak boundaries which would lead them to ask such an inappropriate question to a virtual stranger, apparently, as I've learned from this thread, that is a VERY clear indication of who THEY are and I have NO interest in being with a person like that regardless of the reason behind it....
AS for this...

men really do put a value on how women handle their sexuality - they may not always explicitly say it, but it is there.

I believe you are right about this, surprising as that is to me in this day and age....Not to mention sexist AND judgmental, but hey, I'm not interested in those men as I look at that as the "good ol' double standard" that STILL exists for men and women. It SMACKS of misogyny and I don't want to be with a man who thinks that way....
But this...

One more thing on past behavior: if a person has a history of child molestation - and they've served their time - is it anyone's business if they like being around children in the present?


Is not only NOT an apt comparison, but to equate a person's personal sexual history with child molestation????? Pretty disgusting imo....One is a PATHOLOGY , a CRIME against a defenseless party, AND also, NOT a choice, but a PSYCHOLOGICAL disorder...
A promiscuous woman, (because THAT is the assumption being made here, by the majority of men,) is more than able to wake up one day and decide to become a nun if she chooses, or get married and remain faithful to her husband, or just decide that she is tired of attempting to use sex in order to "get love"....she is NOT "compelled" to have sex with a thousand guys because that's what she did in high school...
Not even in the same LIBRARY as a child molester, never mind on the same PAGE.....

I mean...give your head a SHAKE there...past behaviour in this case actually ISN'T an "indication" of anything in this instance....other than the fact that a woman may or may not have slept with more people than yourself....which, I believe IS the REAL issue here, archaic and ridiculous as that IS...Men HATE knowing that they MAY be compared and found "wanting".....LOL
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 412
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 5:15:27 AM
I have slept with 1, so I say 1...

I am kind of proud of it.

Best to be honest Imo
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 413
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 6:02:43 AM
^^^That's adorable. When it's 20 - will you still be honest? Prepare to be judged for it. Your tone will change.
 BillyBuckshot14
Joined: 10/30/2014
Msg: 414
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 7:08:48 AM

Then may we presume that it is also acceptable to ask about income, credit score, net worth?

I’ll estimate in excess of 95% of women do this either before or during the first date through a series of probing questions with the intent to uncover the man’s financial status. The man will be judged accordingly so I am not sure what your point is.

Yet, frequently, women seem to think it's ok to ask a guy if he's employed, what he does for a living etc... and these things are even less likely to have anything to do with WHO a person is...

Huge double standard isn’t it. And every woman on this thread has done exactly that yet when they stand at the altar of judgment then the tune change and the right to privacy is evoked….right!

Ladies. Do you even know why your number is a big deal/concern to men besides the fact that history is the best predictor of future behavior?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 415
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 7:20:58 AM

Ladies. Do you even know why your number is a big deal/concern to men besides the fact that history is the best predictor of future behavior?


For the sake of argument...let's just assume that your statement is accurate, though it is NOT....

Please, pray tell, I'm waiting to be "enlightened"....?

As far as the other nonsense about asking what someone does for a living...that is normally a mutual question and IS an appropriate part of the early dating process...
As far as whether or not he's actually employed...well, actually, YES, that DOES have something to do with who he is....Of course that's assuming that you DON'T actually think that every woman is a gold digger....which I'm discovering is a JOKE on here, as EVERY guy seems to think that EVERY woman is after his money....
Ever hear the expression that, "You CREATE what you BELIEVE to be true"??

Was he laid off? Is he just lazy? Perhaps he has medical issues that prevent him from working?
If somebody thinks the equivalent of asking how many people I've slept with is my asking what they do for a living...once again....really nothing more to discuss...
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 416
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 7:33:02 AM

As I already stated should I be prepared to lay out my financial history? Credit score? Medical conditions? Childhood "issues"? On the first date, second? I mean seriously...where IS the line? Or is there one at all?

One should ponder that. People set up all kinds of personal 'deal-breaker' options to protect themselves ahead of time - if the person fails that standard, they leave, no questions asked.

I really wonder how many people realize they are making THEMSELVES incompatible by deeming others 'incompatible'. The mentality that you need to avoid pain and discomfort is a natural, instinctual one - but how much 'pain' is generated by your own ego or fear? Is dating a guy that's two inches shorter or a gal that's ten pounds more actually going to 'damage' you in the long term? Of course not. I think people get those preferences chosen out of vanity confused with those that are actually necessary - and a lot of that comes from failed previous relationships.

If the previous Ex was a rabid sports fan and was abusive, does that mean ALL rabid sport fans are abusive? Not at all - but we tend to associate things together that don't always make logical sense. I keep preaching self-introspection - to take a step back and LOOK at these associations from an outside point of view and try to realize how much impractical selectivity people are using.

Having thousands of 'options' to choose from in online dating doesn't help - it gives people the illusion that anything and everything is 'possible' - yet - we can't control who is attracted to us, and that is often times vastly MORE important to a relationship than any little details we specifically want.

The Sex Number means little or nothing - at least from the past - their Sex Number for the FUTURE should be a more important concern. Concentrate on how to keep them happy, and you're already heading in the right direction.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 418
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 9:03:15 AM

If a man isn't comfortable with a woman's past, why denigrate him(assuming he's being respectful in the process)?


Actually if you read back in this thread you'll see that my original objection WASN'T with the actual question, although I've already stated my position on it, but with the poster who alluded to not wanting to be with a "woman who was the town bicycle"....Still think that's a good attitude or in ANY way resembles a REASONABLE point of view?


I was pointing out that, in reality, past history does matter and is a reliable predictor of future behavior even if not 100% accurate.


As for this...I think we'll have to agree to disagree....While in the case of criminal behaviour and/or mental illness, recidivism/relapse is a likely possibility in future...I can give you COUNTLESS examples of women that I've personally known who were quite sexually active in their younger years and eventually settled down with one, or a series of men in TOTALLY monogamous relationships....
In fact, I'll go so far as to say that one can argue that someone in their 40's who has had few partners MAY actually be at greater "risk" of being promiscuous as they find themselves "free" after a long-term relationship and are interested in sowing some, belated, "wild oats"....And that has been MY own, personal experience with MANY of the men that I've met in that particular age group....both online and IRL.

You mentioned that a man's employment status is part of who he is but a woman's sexual history is not relevant to who she is now. How can you say that with a straight face? I think this just highlights some of those immutable differences between men and women.

Really NOT "getting" this at ALL.....I just don't get how you can compare asking about the number of sexual partners that someone has had, with what someone does for a living or whether or not they're employed...?
Also don't understand what you mean by "immutable differences"?

I agree that the question about a partner's number can be a bit awkward for both parties, so maybe this would be a better way of putting it: How many people have you dated in the past and how long did those relationships last?

TOTALLY different animal when put like that...but that WASN'T a consideration for most of the more "vocal" proponents of "knowing" on this thread.....


I think people get those preferences chosen out of vanity confused with those that are actually necessary - and a lot of that comes from failed previous relationships.


For me it's not so much about "preferences" as it is about having similar values....Preferences for me are flexible, values are NOT....


The Sex Number means little or nothing - at least from the past - their Sex Number for the FUTURE should be a more important concern.


YES!!!! FINALLY!!! A man who "gets it"....was starting to fear that there were none...Thanks Danimal, you've given me hope!!!! LOL
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 419
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 9:13:52 AM
Yanno what?
I've just thought of an excellent and truthful answer...
"I've never slept with a man who asked me that question."
Cindy O
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 421
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 9:57:45 AM

I mean...give your head a SHAKE there...past behaviour in this case actually ISN'T an "indication" of anything in this instance....


Rubbish!!

Of COURSE past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, and you can most certainly tie in pathological history to sexual behavior. The two are very closely tied!!!

Man, it would great to have you stand up and tout your wing-nut psychology to the wife of the RCMP officer that was shot in my hometown these last few weeks (feel free to look up St. Albert RCMP if you need details) and then please explain to me AGAIN how past history doesn't affect future behavior, be it sexual or other..............

Unreal.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 422
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 10:15:43 AM

Of COURSE past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, and you can most certainly tie in pathological history to sexual behavior. The two are very closely tied!!!


OF COURSE - That's why nobody truly quits smoking or stays sober for 20+ years.

Past behavior is supposed to TEACH a person how to change - otherwise we'd still be playing in traffic and peeing on electric fences well into our 60's... people CAN change - but it's because of the content of their CHARACTER, not because they were always 'destined' to change.

A recent Fortune cookie;
Good Judgement comes from Experience; Experience comes from Bad Judgement

http://demotivators.despair.com/demotivational/traditiondemotivator.jpg
 BillyBuckshot14
Joined: 10/30/2014
Msg: 423
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/30/2015 10:17:13 AM

For the sake of argument...let's just assume that your statement is accurate, though it is NOT....

Would it not be fair to assume that a man/woman with an spousal abusive past is more likely to abuse a man/woman in the future than those who have no such past? There are quite a few psychology studies that show this to be true so what exactly is your argument? Just because YOU don't think its true does not mean that it is not so.

As far as the other nonsense about asking what someone does for a living...that is normally a mutual question and IS an appropriate part of the early dating process...

This is true. However, there is usually only one gender that will make financial status a deal breaker since only one gender is genetically predisposed to hypergamy. We don't have to go very far for the evidence....your words.

As far as whether or not he's actually employed...well, actually, YES, that DOES have something to do with who he is....

Yes you too my dearest assess great value on a man's financial status.

EVERY guy seems to think that EVERY woman is after his money....

Have you ever wondered why that is? Are all these men delusional or is there a substantial portion of women, particular in their 30s and older, who assess a high value on a "man's financial stability". Take a look at women's profile here on POF and you will see that anywhere between 80-90% of all profiles has a reference to a man's financial stability (in one form or another).

Please, pray tell, I'm waiting to be "enlightened"....?

Ok. Its a genetic subconscious disposition derived from evolution causing an urge to assure the survival of one's genes. It can be wrapped up in one word.....Cuckold.

Ever hear the expression that, "You CREATE what you BELIEVE to be true"??

Nope. Never heard that expression but rather go with the tenet that if you know the stove is hot, don't put your hand on it.
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