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 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 93
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?Page 4 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

Rubbish!!

Why would sexual behavior be any different than any other human behavior? In addition, sexual behavior can often be linked to, and an indication of, more serious upbringing issues (and I'm not going to get into examples of those - I'm sure you can find plenty of extreme examples where this is linked!).

I'm not going to go as far as saying all those that have had lots of partners have upbringing issues, but it certainly does call into question what prompted the promiscuous behavior and what her upbringing/past was like.


Actually I apply the same principal to ALL human behaviour....and having both studied psychology as well as having worked with some pretty fvcked up people in my career I think I speak from experience...25 years of professional experience as well as a LIFETIME of my own on a personal level....

If I actually believed that what you said had ANY validity whatsoever, then I would agree with it despite your "eloquent" use of the term "town bicycle", to describe a woman with more sexual experience than yourself, apparently....AND despite the fact that terminology is RIGHT up there with the term "chugging c0ck", as stated by yet another sexist and judgmental poster....

Not a terrific 'surprise' that this topic seems to just BEG for the use of distasteful and juvenile terminology by those as 'like-minded' as yourself...
But you know, at least the other poster had a valid point in that he stated that most men's discomfort with a woman having a larger number of sexual partners than themselves has more to do with territoriality, than anything else...
In my experience quite a few men have that "pissing on what's THEIRS" mentality...especially those who are immature...and view women as more of a 'possession' than person...
Seems that those guys seem to be the ones also quite concerned with their potential partner's sexual past....
Coincidence? I think NOT....

As far as promiscuity goes, well, let's just ask the SAME question of all of those men out there who are considered all "studly" because of all of the women they've bedded...
I'm going to take a wild guess here that what you're alluding to is some kind of sexual abuse that occurred in the past, so I'm guessing that all of the men out there sleeping around are ALSO doing it because they were sexually abused as well, according to your 'theory', right?
And of course it has NOTHING to do with the fact that they actually ENJOY sex, like and even LOVE women in all of their variety and were/are perhaps exercising their right to pursue happiness in whatever way they see fit?
Nope...MUST be that they were 'touched inappropriately' by their babysitter/baseball coach/scout leader, according to you...
Pfffttt...what NONSENSE!!!
The EXACT, same nonsense as it is to assume that is any woman's motivation for having sex....

At any rate, as for the assumption that anyone who has reacted negatively to your opinions, despite their BLATANTLY sexist and judgmental bent, having "high numbers" which accounts for their reaction...
Yeah...NOT so MUCH....
I think you're mistaking that for a perfectly NORMAL reaction from women who are SICK to Death of this particular double standard and the bozos who perpetuate the myth...just misogyny in disguise imo, and yet ANOTHER attempt/means to try and "keep women in their place"....
Oh yeah, btw...if you've learned NOTHING else from what you've read on this thread my friend, the ONE thing that you really SHOULD pay attention to, for your OWN well-being, as I know how concerned you are with potentially ending up with promiscuous women, is that by perpetuating this asinine stereotype you are merely setting yourself up to get LIED TO...
Because THAT is exactly what MANY women WILL do, in order to be found "acceptable" to men like you....

Reminds me of an acquaintance of mine, someone who I rarely even speak to anymore because of this particular situation...
He was a Greek guy and quite a 'victim' of his cultural views on women....
The guy was DETERMINED to find himself one of those passive, sweet and virginal brides from a foreign country as too many North American women were "too promiscuous" and had no grasp of "Traditional values"...and no Greek woman would have him....
Off he went to the Philippines and found himself an 18 yr old hottie, who he promptly began treating like a SLAVE and I DO mean that, LITERALLY....
She was required not only to do all of the cooking and cleaning in the NUDE, but to bathe him, feed him and, of course satisfy his every sexual whim....
She ended up playing him like a well-tuned FIDDLE in the couple of years that she took him for the RIDE of his Life!!!
Presented herself as "inexperienced", although NOT a virgin, as even she had at least SOME conscience...lol

Turned out she was ACTUALLY making her living as a prostitute back home when he found her(lied about that)...looking for a means of escape from her poverty stricken Life, she had 2 kids already at her young age,(lied about that) that she left behind with family and told him were her siblings (lied about that)....
By the time she left him, she took him to court and got pretty much everything that she could get her hands on and that wasn't nailed down...
He actually was introduced to her children outside of the courtroom and after the dust had settled...she pulled him aside just before she walked out the door, and told him to get himself tested for HIV....

Turned out he WASN'T positive, thank the gods( Fortunately she ALSO lied about THAT, as a "parting gift" to him, he later found out...)....even a douche like him doesn't deserve that, but he DID end up with an empty bank account and a hard-earned lesson that he took ZERO responsibility for having had ANY part in creating...

The "moral"of the story....

Well...YOU figure it out....lol
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 94
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 6:55:58 AM

had a brief relationship with a guy he knows - and he might have bragged about the sex On a totally different note,


yeah ex's bragging about sex is awesome. Because for me it makes me feel like im at least good for something lol

Yeah that's a bit of a dreadful one for me too, I can do the compliments, but sharing myself or being asked to doesn't bode well.

He probably knows, as long as he can read body language. Its typical for the guy to chase anyway.

I went to Scotland to see my now ex and it was pretty sweet because for once I had an accent actually for 3 solid weeks I had an accent.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 95
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 7:05:52 AM

The "moral"of the story....

Well...YOU figure it out....lol


Hell ya - the moral is:

"Watch out for self proclaimed professional psychology wingnuts that want to sweep any genuine concerns about my partners sexual past under the carpet and remind me that its juvenile and immature to think that there could be anything but sunshine and roses behind all those sexual encounters, and that any woman who doesn't have a promiscuous past must be a liar and expects me to treat her like a possession."

Got it.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 96
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 7:40:03 AM
@silver....
Oh...silly ME....lol

And here I was thinking that you MIGHT actually be capable of discussing the subject at hand WITHOUT the insults...
Guess I seriously miscalculated there...

And if your concerns had been worded in a manner that actually INDICATED a "genuine concern"rather than gratuitously insulting women in general in as immature and juvenile of a fashion as possible ...then perhaps the reaction towards you would have been different...

But I guess THAT never crossed your mind....

Anyway...have a nice day there....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 97
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 7:52:32 AM
Bottom line is it doesn't matter what someone's past is UNLESS it affects your current sexual health. If you are safe and smart about it you don't have to worry. It's also none of anyone else's business what your past is for the same reason. End of story.

If men believe women who have had a huge (relative) number of sexual partners are to be avoided then it stands to reason that men who have had a huge number of sexual partners are just as avoidable. Those claiming they can't consider women who have slept with "x" number of men in the past have to agree that it's just as risky in the opposite direction. "It's different with women" isn't a feasible or logical argument as all adults regardless of gender can make healthy and safe choices.

A refusal to agree with that theory is the equivalent of "it's OK if we do it but not if they do it" - if this is your underlying theory then at least have the backbone to straight out admit it. If you're living the theory then you must be OK with it, so the fact that others know about it shouldn't really bother you.

Own it.

Enjoy your weekend.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 98
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 8:04:23 AM

Bottom line is it doesn't matter what someone's past is UNLESS it affects your current sexual health.


Yeah, but there being a benefit of practice, that and getting off and getting a decent core workout is pretty spiffy


If men believe women who have had a huge (relative)


lol I read that wrong the first time. I thought you were getting at men being upset if women get done up by a huge other factor.


Own it...


That is a good statement about life in general. If you put just in front of all that, you basically 1 up nike
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 99
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 8:05:48 AM
My girlfriends say you should take the guy's number and divide it by 2.


Not necessarily. Some men with a high number of sex partners might give a lower number. Some women might reject a man for having a high amount of sex partners because they think he is just looking for sex instead of a relationship, paranoid about STDs etc.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 100
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 8:13:02 AM
If she is D/D free, then I am really unconcerned. I would just hope it isn't like throwing a hotdog down a hallway. If it is, I could make do, since I am very resourceful. (Evil grin) Muhahahahahaha!
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 101
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 8:48:47 AM
I'm still wondering what number the number obsessed folks think is too high. Where is you cutoff number for someone 40-ish for example? I always think it's more important to worry about what a person is like inside (as in heart and mind) as opposed to who has been inside them or how many he's been inside.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 102
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 9:28:25 AM
Some chick sucks 37**** then wants for you to pucker up with you or anyone else?
 tall_fit
Joined: 12/13/2014
Msg: 103
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 10:05:31 AM
Bottom line is it doesn't matter what someone's past is UNLESS it affects your current sexual health.


Agreed. A more important question is "Do you have any STDs?" Even then, many STDs aren't deadly.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 104
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 10:22:00 AM
Speaking of STDs, having more sex partners doesn't always mean a person is a higher risk for STDs. Perhaps. There can be other factors that can have an impact. A person with fewer sex partners may have never or rarely used protection. Or that person used shared needles. Or that person had sex with street hookers. That person may be a higher risk than the person with more sex partners. But was more careful.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 106
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 10:46:11 AM

Some chick sucks 37**** then wants for you to pucker up with you or anyone else?

Does she have good oral hygiene? If not I can see the concern. LOL PS guys may have gone down on 37 different women before us - same problem, no?
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 110
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 1:21:29 PM
The gist I get from this thread:

- men want to be lied to, they can't handle the truth
- men can't stand the fact that they are not the only one to have given a woman an orgasm
- men feel threatened by their partner having had sex with hotter, bigger, more skilled guys

Good to know. My standard answer will be 5, and that is it. Screw honesty.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 111
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 1:37:41 PM
I don’t think it has as much to do with “territoriality” as it does simple male jealousy, fear and insecurity. The other guy(s) was bigger, thicker, a better lover, harder longer, more sexually satisfying, more imaginative and exciting, better built, handsomer, sexier, better better better….

…some guys’ eggshell baby egos can’t stand the thought of another man. Especially if he’s like a thimble lost under a beachball. For example. :/
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 112
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 2:02:50 PM
There is a natural and logical reason why they should not have to endure constant thoughts of another man or woman -and it has less to do with size and performance as it does a natural urge to protect and nurture a relationship which is the foundation of the future. Well-endowed and sexually-effective men and women feel the same things. We should be, by mutual agreement, each others' "territory" to the exclusion of others.
People of all shapes, sizes and skill levels can feel quite secure in a good relationship with a partner who does not play upon potential insecurities.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 113
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 2:24:33 PM
It ain't the quantity, its the quality. The last woman I met, she had picked up an STD at 17. She simply met a guy who didn't care enough to be faithful, even at that age. She didn't tell her last bf--who she shared a house with for 10 yrs--but she confessed it to me when I didn't push for sex at 11:30 on a Thursday night, but asked her to return when we had the time to go slow.

The fact is, relationships all have a potential for risk--you might break a heart, or catch an STD. If you ignore the quality of a woman or her past bed partners to focus on only the quantity, then that's who you are and how you see the world. Why hate on people who see things differently? It sounds an awful lot like jealousy, that she's more of a stud than you are.

If someone's post here about catching an STD bothers you, fine...don't date her. leave it alone. No need to blast her for her choice--its how she chooses to live her life. live your own, your way, and feel at peace with it. don't worry she's getting laid more than you are.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 114
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How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 2:31:41 PM
"Screw honesty."-TrustInKarma

Well, at least she is honest!

Wait whaaaaa!?

(head explodes)
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 115
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 2:37:58 PM

It sounds an awful lot like jealousy, that she's more of a stud than you are.


Sounds more like insecurity or low self esteem disguised as bravado or ego. I still think a real man would not ask this question.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 116
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 2:42:19 PM

There is a natural and logical reason why they should not have to endure constant thoughts of another man or woman -and it has less to do with size and performance as it does a natural urge to protect and nurture a relationship which is the foundation of the future. Well-endowed and sexually-effective men and women feel the same things. We should be, by mutual agreement, each others' "territory" to the exclusion of others.
People of all shapes, sizes and skill levels can feel quite secure in a good relationship with a partner who does not play upon potential insecurities.

Unless the person you're with has never dated anyone ever and you are the absolute first person they've been with there have been other people. If you have constant thoughts of that it's on you - at least in this scenario (the one where you're asking how many she's slept with). Your argument is that someone's past shouldn't be part of the current situation. If you don't ask, it won't be.

However, if you can fool yourself into thinking you're the only one she's ever dated or slept with whether she tells you or not then that's quite a talent. I have never had a problem dating a guy who dated someone before me because that's the way it is. I'm not insecure about it because I am the current SO. After we break up there will be one after me too. Why is this such a hard thing to deal with?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 117
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 3:07:11 PM
However, if you can fool yourself into thinking you're the only one she's ever dated or slept with whether she tells you or not then that's quite a talent. I have never had a problem dating a guy who dated someone before me because that's the way it is. I'm not insecure about it because I am the current SO. After we break up there will be one after me too. Why is this such a hard thing to deal with?


I honestly don't know. The baggage people carry around that has nothing to do with themselves is just ridiculous sometimes. We can never compete with the past, and we can never control the future, so dammit, just have fun in the here & now.

I think what this whole line of uncomfortable questioning that people put forth early on in a relationship boils down to a lack of patience. People just don't want to bother figuring out how another person works - the good, the bad, the otherwise. People just want the damn quickie 'Twitter' version up-front wrapped in a shiny ribbon that they can instantly deem 'worthy' or toss in the nearest fireplace. A person who's only had one or two partners their entire life may have been a prolific lover in skills and styles and knows more than ANY 'typical' person with their 4-9 encounters will ever know. The number means absolutely nothing. Their past and their experiences and their ability to keep love alive and sex lives hot cannot EVER be judged by a number.

People that insist on a numbered answer are terribly insecure, end of story. My set answer to how many lovers I've had:
"Not enough." If you want a number, make one up. I'd rather see the 'Customer Satisfaction' survey results.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 118
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 3:17:22 PM
I'm not a Virgin, I'm not going to Judge Her for Not being one, either.....

Then I was Never a Short, Fat, Balding, Fugly Judgmental Guy, Either.....
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 119
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 3:44:55 PM
Does she have good oral hygiene? If not I can see the concern. LOL PS guys may have gone down on 37 different women before us - same problem, no?

Yes, same Cultural problem, yes -- even though that's messier (requires a bib!)

Well, then there's the "ick" factor...

But when you think about it, her stuffing her face full of pork-intenstine sausage by the heaping biteful over time isn't exactly appetizing either to think about. And we really don't put it in that perspective. It's the Cultural "ick" factor when it's Someone Else's sexual part. They could be clean-cut rich men, and that'd have little effect on the impression of the guy -- whether he isn't affected by her history of that or not. Obviously the more OCD one is, the worse it will be to them -- even if 36 of said 37 d!cks were slurped up 15 years ago.

It's cultural + fear of guy/girl having to hold themselves back with questionable success not to jump on someone else if the sex life were to get boring in a relationship (or fear of higher % chance of porking/getting-porked by others when not-exclusive-yet).
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 120
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 3:56:00 PM
'How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?'



"Enough to know what good sex is" <-He gives me an uncomfortable question, I'll make him feel just as uncomfortable.
Asking for a number I think is trouble causing, judgmental bs
I personally don't need a number from a man nor do I need to give a number but in the act of full disclosure he and I could state in a broad sense without details whether we've had seldom, few or many so that we can learn a bit about each other. Our life experiences including intimacies shape us. imo
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 121
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/3/2015 4:10:45 PM
"Unless the person you're with has never dated anyone ever and you are the absolute first person they've been with there have been other people. If you have constant thoughts of that it's on you"

Not necessarily -but it can be. It can also be the other constantly bringing it up with disregard for the present relationship.

I couldn't care less about others in the past, but if it's obvious I'm just next in a long line of not-very-significant others, or that the other is already expecting to break up at some point -I wouldn't bother with them.

Some have learned, have been conditioned or chosen to not place any importance on monogamy or permanence -and that's their choice -but I don't see that sort of thing as a real relationship.

"However, if you can fool yourself into thinking you're the only one she's ever dated or slept with whether she tells you or not then that's quite a talent."

Not what I said or meant at all. If you are completely callous to the thought of someone else being where you are -physically and emotionally -you're definitely missing the point and selling yourself and the relationship short.
I would hope that someone has had wonderful experiences -but I also know what makes them wonderful and does not destroy them.

I've heard this many times before -only to see relationships fall apart because of it. Some believe the other should be understanding -that they should be able to talk about this or that -do this or that -but freak out when the other does the same thing. I've also seen people perfectly comfortable with each other doing any thing they wanted -as they went ahead with their shallow relationship and lied to each other.

Accepting and being comfortable with the fact that someone has a past is much different than sabotaging the future with it -on either part.
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