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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?      Home login  
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 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 226
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it? Page 10 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

I was responding to another post and it occurred to me that some would read what I wrote and think, "She will never find anyone." And I am perfectly o.k. with that. I think my chances are perhaps one in a million--which is simply my way of saying, I expect to be "alone" the rest of my life.

So why do I expect to be alone? I guess it's because I'm not really that interested in making sacrifices and compromises for someone unless I am truly head-over-heels about him. I have friends, I have family; I can be with others whenever I choose, and I readily meet their needs--and still have plenty of time for myself. I enjoy my time alone, a lot. So the person would have to be really, really special--and in my adult life, I've only met 1 person I felt that way about (and 2 "maybes" who were already married but with whom I could have seen myself, had things been different). Still, 3 people in nearly 40 years? The odds are hardly in my favor. So I guess it is a good thing I'm happy alone!

How about you? How many people have you met throughout your life that you know, from the perspective of now, were really, really special? Enough that you feel your odds are good for the future? So few you despair, or, like me, feel grateful you are happy alone? What, if any, changes do you see yourself making to bring your odds in line with your wishes?

And this isn't about finding someone through POF or OLD; it's about finding someone in any possible way.

Mine have been excellent once I focussed on taking care of me & being open to all kinds of possibilities.
They key is to work on yourself, I've raised my bar, so up yours...
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 227
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/11/2015 2:20:50 PM
I think my odds are slim to nil, and I am perfectly happy with that. I am an introvert, I tend to be a bit of a workaholic and a homebody, so finding someone under those circumstances are quite difficult. That being said, I am really happy with how my life is, and Im not sure I am in a rush to change it anytime soon. My friends are hassling me, that I should think about finding someone, even if just to go for dinner once in a while, or meet for a drink. Just to get me off of the "work, gym, errands, home" circuit. hahaha But I like my circuit!!!

I did message someone here recently. He had a really nice profile, great photos of him with animals, doing fun things, with family members, etc. We exchanged a few emails and he was very charming and had a very compatible sense of humour to mine. But when I google reverse imaged him, it turns out the is using someone else's images (it is clear that they are not him because the real images belong to someone who doesn't even live in my country). I had to report, but it is a bit disappointing, to be honest.

I think that was probably my last kick at the can, so to speak.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 228
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/11/2015 2:58:50 PM

What the f*ck is this shit? When you don't like someone's opinion, you label it "criticizing"? Newsflash - the entire forums are nothing but criticism of what's posted. Spare me the sanctimony.


Ha- before you know it , you will be accused of bullying.


I'm so glad rockin-trucker isn't around for this. He would have a field day with it, and I would actually agree with him.


+2 , your on a roll today!


Geeeeez. Okay, okay, this has to be sarcasm. :) Although in your other post you allowed another gal to be rolling with another dude while eating and never did anything, maybe you aren't being sarcastic, I dunno.


Don't remind me. I am still feeling that one! :(
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 229
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/11/2015 3:52:22 PM
"The bat sh!t crazy ones are."

Bat sh!t crazy can sometimes be worth it as long as you keep in mind it's not forever.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 230
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/11/2015 3:56:34 PM
Odds are 10:1, she was married. Yup. Been there done that. They leave out that little part.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 231
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/11/2015 4:34:53 PM

Wow, the vengeful retaliation because she disappeared and came back. WTF is the big crime, here?

Read how she is by his accounts, where he's self-admittedly walking into a trap. Pig put it best as a summary:

- She went on two dates with him.
- She "dropped him like a hot potato"
- She stopped responding to his calls and texts
- She decides to contact him out of nowhere after 22 days
- She gave him an explanation that STILL makes little sense to him. It's still a "mystery" to him
why she bailed, and the explanation was contradictory.

Want to know when people are the most "mysterious" and contradictory? When they're bullshitting.


She's a "wacko bird". Bat sh!t crazy. Speaking of bat-sh!t crazy...

Bat sh!t crazy can sometimes be worth it as long as you keep in mind it's not forever.

Yeah, that's where you'll at least get something out of it and aren't being fvcked with -- all while not having a lot of emotion about said person. That's not the case in his situation. He's feeding her attention and may get a date-for-attention that she wants, at best.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 232
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/11/2015 7:22:51 PM

Are you men who are enjoying the ride despite knowing that it will go off the rails just finding something attractive and non-boring about the thrill of knowing someday you'll hit a wall? Is it the adrenaline rush of the unknown that causes you to not only stay with it, but find it attractive and be partial to it? Be honest


Heck no. I never considered myself a sadistic person. I've experienced that sort of horse sh*t behaviour before. I don't ask for it. The woman that would do that to me just might find herself in the bad section of town, being ejected out of my vehicle. Feel THAT adrenalin rush.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 233
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/11/2015 11:42:27 PM
"I think my odds are slim to nil, and I am perfectly happy with that. I am an introvert, I tend to be a bit of a workaholic and a homebody, so finding someone under those circumstances are quite difficult. That being said, I am really happy with how my life is, and Im not sure I am in a rush to change it anytime soon."

I can totally relate to this. I get pestered by people "WHY AREN'T YOU DATING????" like its some terrible waste. I am busy! I work alot, I have projects to work on, I travel, loads of things going on. It's totally OK to honor your introverted, focused self. Like you, I tried dating....I got out there and went nuts...it was stressful, disappointing and went nowhere. So I get you. Stick with your creativity, your desire to learn and grow...these things stick with you. People-not so much.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 234
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/11/2015 11:54:25 PM

Norwegianguy456
Geeeeez. Okay, okay, this has to be sarcasm. :) Although in your other post you allowed another gal to be rolling with another dude while eating and never did anything, maybe you aren't being sarcastic, I dunno.

No, I have not used sarcasm in this thread, not once. Everything I have said, I have meant. I did nothing in the other instance because there was nothing to be done. Let it slide off your back, and avoid that person in the future.

my original post
She teases, she flirts, she tells me to shut up, she refuses to hear compliments. She confuses, she confounds, she amazes, she astounds. She is woman.


Norwegianguy456
No, not all women are like that.

Of course all women aren’t like that. Very few women are like that. And then, only when they are intending to play you like a violin. Which is not a bad thing. A violin exists to be played, that is it’s purpose in life. I am a man, a woman who can play me like a violin is rare, and wonderful to find.

Norwegianguy456
You're smitten because she's most likely prettier than any gal you'd have an every-day chance with

You’ve got that part right. Prettier by a country mile. And … she looks better with her clothes off than with them on. Once you get past 50, you very, very rarely have the chance to be with a woman like that. Once past 60, it is a dream. Something that you remember happening when you were young.

And those who think she might be after my money – nope. I have money, but she has a good job, makes nearly as much as I do. So why is a woman who looks that good, and has her own money, fooling around with a schmoe like me? Damned if I know. I suspect that she enjoys the fact that I allow her to play games, to fool around confusing and confounding me. She enjoys doing it, she is having a great time messing with my head. And I’m having a great time letting her do it. More power to both of us, if we’re both having fun, then let the games begin.

And I’ll tell you one more thing. I am a tight fisted SOB. Nobody takes me for money. I spend a lot of money on dates, I like going nice places, and eating good food, having good seats for a concert, but nobody borrows money or gets expensive presents. I simply don’t do that.

What I’m enjoying right now, money can’t buy. If it could, I would buy it, but it can’t. You just have to get lucky. And I did. And I’m going to ride the wave until I hit the beach, or wipe out.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 235
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 12:09:11 AM

mjinict
Pig, I didn't read that she intentionally 'f*cked' with his emotions. She indicated that she thought it was going too fast, maybe he was coming on a little strong, hence not replying to every text/e-mail.

Our initial meeting, coffee date, went on for nearly 3 hours. She talked, I listened, I learned a tremendous amount about her, and her history. Our second date was almost 4 hours. All talking, this time a little more equally, but once again I learned a lot about her and her past and her … what makes her tick, if you will.

In email conversations after that second date, she was somewhat taken aback at how much she had told me. She felt that she was opening up too much, too soon. And then, she dropped contact, as I said before. We were talking a lot, until suddenly we weren’t.

Her behavior, since returning to my life, has been completely different. Now she teases, and flirts, and drives me crazy. And never talks seriously about anything. A complete 180 degree turn. No, not bipolar. Just playing it differently.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 236
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 1:27:26 AM


Some parts of this are still a mystery to me, and some parts sound a little contradictory.

There you go, 2ufo. Is this enough now??

Placed in context:
When she resurfaced, she wrote me a fairly long email, explaining things that I had said that bothered her. Places she did not want to go. Some parts of this are still a mystery to me, and some parts sound a little contradictory. But real life, real people, tend to be a bundle of contradictions.
Yes, that’s enough.

Ohenry – I think she gave you the key to her soul (and she retreated). That scares her so now she’s trying to build trust. How do people learn to trust? They play games with each other – not the hurtful, sexual, ‘drama queen/king games’ - but the real games that we played when we were 4-, 5- and 6-year old children and getting to know each other. Enjoy the now because some adult is going to yell that it’s getting dark and time to come home. I envy you at the moment.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 237
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 4:10:29 AM


Ohenry – I think she gave you the key to her soul (and she retreated). That scares her so now she’s trying to build trust. How do people learn to trust? They play games with each other – not the hurtful, sexual, ‘drama queen/king games’ - but the real games that we played when we were 4-, 5- and 6-year old children and getting to know each other. Enjoy the now because some adult is going to yell that it’s getting dark and time to come home. I envy you at the moment.


Reverting back to childlike games at their age?? Wow.

Sorry, but there's no justifiable reason for blatant disrespect. Funny how she didn't express herself earlier on instead of ignoring him for 22 days. Furthermore, he said he suspects he's going to get burned. That right there tells you he doesn't trust her, but yeah, what a pessimistic fool I am for not seeing the heartwarming love story in this.

He admits to not being able to completely understand her reasoning due to contradictions. Contradictions arise when you start stacking bullshit. I'm curious as to whether he's going to call her out on them or if he has already.

But anyway, I am not missing out on anything by not being willing to subject myself to this kind of nonsense. I don't have to, and I won't. Now or when I'm older.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 238
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 5:10:49 AM
The potential harm? I've already stated it. The time he wastes with a game player could be pulling him away from someone who wouldn't pull this kind of crap. Furthermore, no matter how much he tells himself he's ready for the fall, it may not necessarily be true. He could very well end up with a level of heartache he's never known before.

Again, it's his situation to deal with how he wants to, but to suggest I'm being pessimistic or I would be missing out by not getting into a relationship that parallels this one is just asinine.

I just find it ironic that some are optimistic about a relationship already plagued with bullshit, yet don't harbor the same optimism about finding someone who *won't* jerk you around after a certain age.

It makes absolutely no sense.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 239
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 5:26:43 AM
A lot of things don't make sense in real life.
That's ok.
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 240
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 5:27:10 AM

From Ohenry's POV, I just can't see the problem. He's aware he may get hurt, is enjoying it for what it is and even though she's acting up, she's not witholding sex. He's 60, she's pretty and he's keeping hold of his wallet. What's the harm?


The harm is a broken heart, bruised self esteem and a few cuts and scrapes to his ego., but. He's an adult. He's going into this with his eyes open, has assessed the risks and accepts them.
OHenry, I say saddle that tornado and ride it out.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 241
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 5:34:25 AM

The potential harm? I've already stated it. The time he wastes with a game player could be pulling him away from someone who wouldn't pull this kind of crap. Furthermore, no matter how much he tells himself he's ready for the fall, it may not necessarily be true. He could very well end up with a level of heartache he's never known before.


Precisely. Although I don't knock Mr. O'Henry's decisions, because I don't have to live with the consequences of it, his statements are not congruent. He is so smitten with her, but yet indicates that the potential of this lady being a "runner" is high. I don't think that one would become so emotionally invested in someone who they know is going to leave, unless they have a seriously masochistic bent. I think the statement that she is going to end up leaving is a way to save face in the event that she does, but he doesn't really want it (or expect it) to happen. But that's just my opinion. I do hope it works out for him.

FYI, the phrase "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" when it comes to romantic relationships, is nonsense. It is not even remotely better.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 242
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 5:37:45 AM
Ok, for f*ck's sake. He's going into this knowing the risks. Whatever. Fine.

Just don't tell ME I am being pessimistic for not encouraging it, finding it romantic, or I'm foolish for not wanting it for myself.

Here he is essentially being told "hey, you're old...take whatever you can get", and that's NOT pessimistic?

I feel like I'm in a f*cking Twilight Zone episode here.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 243
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 5:39:35 AM

FYI, the phrase "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" when it comes to romantic relationships, is nonsense. It is not even remotely better.


My milage varied and the experiences were well worth the cost of heartache, heartbreak, and a few blows to the ego.

I'll do it again in a heartbeat.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 244
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 5:42:08 AM
I don't think you're being pessimistic for not encouraging it or not wanting it.
I just think you're looking at what he described in a few short paragraphs in the worst possible manner and foretelling the worst possible future. Which is... he wastes some time and gets his heart broken?

Although he doesn't think he's wasting his time and he's prepared to get his heart broken.

I don't think Ohenry is saying 'you're old - take what you can get'. I think he is saying sometimes the ecstacy is worth the price you pay.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 245
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 6:17:52 AM


That's the way I read it. Pig is right that humping henry may get his heart broken worse than ever before - but from the few posts of his that I've read, he was married for twenty years? I don't know how it ended, but it did end and that must have been a massive heartache right there.


But the amount of time together isn't necessarily the deciding factor in the severity of grief over a relationship ending. Between a 2 year relationship of mine and a 6 year one, the 2 year one ending was far worse. It's all about the person and the feelings you had for them.


I don't think you're being pessimistic for not encouraging it or not wanting it.


Henry disagrees, and stated that he feels sorry for anyone who wouldn't place themself in the same situation. That's really my biggest issue here.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 246
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 7:00:27 AM
Pig must have really gotten jerked around in the past. Puts a lot of pressure on someone to date someone like that.

Hopefully Henry's experienced enough to know the risks having been married so long.
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 247
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 7:27:26 AM
The thing is Pig, Henry has had a glimpse of what's possible. He's been given another chance at what he wants and desires in his life. He's willing to risk reaching for what he wants because the ending isn't a certainty, it's just a hunch on his part.

Hell, in his shoes, I'd do it again even knowing the outcome would be the same.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 248
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 7:28:12 AM
FYI, the phrase "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" when it comes to romantic relationships, is nonsense. It is not even remotely better."


The only guarantee in love is its' eventual loss. So you can choose to never open your heart to the possibly of love...or you can accept this truth and treasure each moment.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 249
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 7:49:13 AM

Pig must have really gotten jerked around in the past. Puts a lot of pressure on someone to date someone like that.

Hopefully Henry's experienced enough to know the risks having been married so long.


That was my first thought, I was surprised at how vehemently pig reacted to Ohenry posts, and norwegianguy reacted in a similar manner. Makes me think they got seriously burned in the past.

I had a somewhat similar experience with my wife.

I met her online in late 2009, flew to meet her in April 2010 (and others). We met, had a lot of sex, flying to meet her again in Thailand. She would call me twice a day in the USA, talk on Skype for at least an hour a night or more, it got to where I felt I couldn't make a move without having to inform her.

Then after about 12 months of this, she disappeared entirely. My only way to contact her was Skype or cell phone, her cell was turned off and no Skype appearance at all.

I never asked the forum about this, it would be super predicable what they would say about a foreign woman in Thailand disappearing. I didn't really think she met someone else, but also I didn't want to post about it, have to defend my opinion and in the unlikely event she really did meet another man, look very foolish.

I did start to plan on meeting other women either in the USA or outside of it, kind of thinking maybe that was the way it would go.

After a couple of weeks of trying her cell, Skype and email, I tried to figure out her sisters or parents cell numbers from all the texts I had. I found her sister's cell, so I caller her. Though she speaks very broken English, she told me she went to the temple to contemplate her life.

After about 3 weeks she did call me and explain the monk had told her she needed to enter the temple and not contact anyone while she meditated on her future.

I believed her, though I still think it was wrong to not let me know before hand so I wouldn't worry. And I still think it's an outside chance she did this to get me off the pot about whether I wanted to get married or not. Make me commit. She say's that wasn't the case, but I still think it's possible, or maybe her mother / monk thought that way.

So I say go for it.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 250
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/12/2015 8:04:05 AM
I did once date someone for 18 months that I thought was going to be a runner, it was a very passionate romance. But I thought I was playing with nitroglycerin during the entire relationship. And I eventually did get seriously butt hurt for a long time. However this was 30 years ago.

She had told me it she was in it for the honeymoon period, we were ships passing in the night, so I started dating a married woman during the week while in this relationship. And kept my long distance GF. Thinking this wasn't any big deal since we were ships passing in the night.

Then when my GF decided she want to make this a permanent relationship, I was in a moral quagmire what with two other relationships. There were clues that this was happening before she verbally told me.

It got very complicated after that, and being young and more naive, I didn't really acknowledge that the GF relationship had turned serous and I didn't' know how to gracefully exit the other relationships nor did I have the courage to inform my GF about it either. The whole nitroglycerin aspect to her personality made me leery of conformation.

So my problem was setting my thinking on what I had learned about the GF and not changing when appropriate, and avoiding conformation when I should have embraced it.

My whole take was to avoid putting myself in any morally compromising situation.

So I like to think I have arrived at a more mature way of handing relationship dynamics, but who knows, something new may throw me a screwball.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?