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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?      Home login  
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 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 26
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it? Page 2 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Changing my expectations has dramatically increased my chance of finding love. Since age 21, the only men I've dated have been intelligent, humorous, physically fit and great hikers. But at age 61, I'm finding it MUCH harder to find physically fit men in their 50's and 60's who still love hiking like I do.

Now I realize that intelligent conversation, loving and caring, falling on the floor laughing together, and truly enjoying each other's company is far more important than hiking together. I can always find hiking partners.

I am getting to know a highly intelligent, hilarious man (a retired attorney and judge) who is a lifelong athlete: running and weightlifting. He is uninterested in hiking. I don't care. I finally realized that I can always find hiking partners.

We are simpatico. I've never laughed so hard with anyone in my life! "I am smitten with you, " he said and sent me this sweet email this morning: "K: You were delightful. I want to spend the rest of my life laughing just as we did tonight. What could be better....."

A year ago I would have passed on him because he's not a hiker. Now I'm walking around with a grin on my face.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 27
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/4/2015 8:27:25 PM
^^So why'd you rejoin POF? You really missed the forums THAT much given an intelligent and hilarious conversationalist is smitten with you? Really?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 28
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/4/2015 8:54:50 PM

^^So why'd you rejoin POF? You really missed the forums THAT much given an intelligent and hilarious conversationalist is smitten with you? Really?


Good question, wish I had a clever answer for that myself.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 29
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 7:58:08 AM
Message:
^^So why'd you rejoin POF? You really missed the forums THAT much given an intelligent and hilarious conversationalist is smitten with you? Really?


If its not broke, don't fix it...

Good question MS C... as I often thought that myself on occasion why.....when reading some of the so called[ AKA happily coupled relationships] which they have been posting here.
What is the real reason why chose to stay on here ? As when you read the various & quite different opinions they give across the board....
For some, their message is quite clear in helping others.....then imo, it gets bit daffy, as they enjoy in tooting their own horn & why you aren't or still can't....^^^
Then there is the elitist snob, which is quite obvious.... I get that too, like those yuppies that live next to the Griswold's in the Lampoon Christmas". ^^^^
And then those with the larger then life ego's, this appetite needing the attention regardless.... of all the" love,sex & money" etc they so call, possess...
Needing validation etc........yet still grasping for straws to fill that need... or looking for water, that will never quell ones thirst.... Good luck
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 30
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 11:58:56 AM
Just to clarify, I don't have a problem with people STAYING on the forums when in a relationship. I question why she would create a new account when already in a great relationship. Since she was a former forum regular maybe she just missed us.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 31
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 12:24:05 PM

A year ago I would have passed on him because he's not a hiker. Now I'm walking around with a grin on my face.


Welcome back, LH! Happy 2015!

I am so happy you shared what you did, because I think that your example could be a much needed inspiration for those who are still searching, yet remain unpartnered :0D
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 32
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 12:25:59 PM

What do you think your odds are?


Two chances - slim and none. A snowball has a better chance in Hell.


Why?


History. Even when I was young, fit (6.2 and 165 pounds), and had hair that actually had some style, there was little to no interest from women (actually, everyone's mother thought I was great and the 80+ year old crowd still thinks so - yippee!).


Are you o.k. about it?


There was a time where this was absolutely devastating for me, for I knew as soon as the ex announced she wanted a divorce that I was going to be alone from that point on. Right after that announcement, I had a nightmare where I stumbled across my ex-wife getting married. For years, I wanted so badly just to have the good times back, or to find someone else that would be even better. But I knew (and it was confirmed by joining OLD sites) that there was nobody for me.

Today, after reading so many of the attitudes here, I couldn't care less about having such crappy odds. In fact, I can't see myself ever putting up with another woman and her BS expectations and demands. Not worth it at all.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 33
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 12:49:22 PM
dragon! Welcome back! You were missed. Are you now 8 times bigger than before?

Hiker, welcome to you, too!

Maybe it's time for Deadliest Snatch to reappear?

Ya'll, you know it's funny--I drop off the forums from time to time, I just don't shut down my profile. Lazy I guess. Took me years to get it to say what I wanted, so I just hate to think about going through that process again.

Odds? I think they're excellent that I shall die alone. I don't mean that literally--dying alone in this culture is damned hard work. But just now I'm not seeing any more partners. The health challenges just seem to follow the one on another, and I don't have enough energy left over for searching, meeting, adjusting, etc. And it's okay. I've had a ton of really remarkable men in my life. Some of whom I still talk with. It's enough.

 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 34
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 1:33:10 PM
LH What a delightful story! Fingers crossed!!!!

.................................................................................
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 35
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 4:32:04 PM
Thank you, Cynthia. The reason I created a new account:

Six months ago, an automatic POF computer system searching for and deleting scammers mistakenly deleted my profile. I contacted POF customer service. They apologized and explained the mistake. After reinstating my membership, I had persistent problems that POF apparently could not fix:

1. Forums: I could not reply nor post a new forum thread.
2. Message: No email notification when I received a new message.
3. Meet Me: No email notification when a member wants to meet me.
4. Visitors: Virtually nonexistent.

Frustrated, I cancelled my POF membership. Then created a new profile using another computer. Changed my username from LiterateHiker to Literate_Hiker. VOILA! It worked.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 36
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 4:51:54 PM
Odds are good
Goods are odd
I am working on not so odd
Me
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 37
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 8:24:18 PM

So the person would have to be really, really special--and in my adult life, I've only met 1 person I felt that way about (and 2 "maybes" who were already married but with whom I could have seen myself, had things been different). Still, 3 people in nearly 40 years? The odds are hardly in my favor. So I guess it is a good thing I'm happy alone!


In the last 40 years, there were 4 people I felt special about. One I had a 10 year relationship with, one a 18 month relationship, the next we were married 13 years and now my current wife is going on 5 years. I personally wouldn't count anyone that was married as special unless I had a romantic sexual relationship with them, and even then it would be hard to count them since we would seldom get to spend nights together.

I think the odds are about 1 in 700.

Out of 100 profiles, I would likely be interested in dating 3, and actually date 1.

Out of 7 women I date and sleep with, historically I felt really special about 1.

So that makes it about 700:1 odds against finding someone special. Assuming of course that I would be trying to date in the first place. If I had no interest in dating, the odds really would be 1 in a million I would meet someone really special.

I haven't felt lonely since I was 30 years old, after that even when I was single for 10 years I didn't feel lonely. Women would ask me if my mother died and I was single, what would I do? Wouldn't I feel really lonely? What would I do when I got a lot older (than 58) and was still alone?? I don't know, it's hard to say since that didn't happen. I have a brother close by and a couple of friends, that seems enough, but I haven't recently experienced living alone but with friends and family close by.

I am curious if living alone with only a few friends around would feel lonely.

When I decided I wanted to actively date, I strongly considered moving to Thailand to retire and date. That way I could date someone new every week if I wanted to. No one special, but someone new, more likely monthly. If I didn't like it, I could always move back.

Another choice was to date women in countries I was interested in vacationing in. I wasn't choosing women, I was choosing locations I wanted to visit then finding someone to date there. That had a lot of allure for me, the excitement of a new relationship combined with exploring a new culture with a native as a guide and lover.

I was never in my life looking for someone "special", so I never focused on the odds of finding anyone. But this time when I did come across someone special, I thought a lot about how rare it was to meet someone special. My thought was, if I break up with her, I should internally ackknowlege and make sure I would only date with the idea of it being a short term relationship without any commitement.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 38
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 8:31:57 PM
eric summit

I agree that if I ever found "the one" I would not want to merge households either. Just to visit with each other, keep it fresh and interesting and not get to take each other for granted which can happen with a day to day co-habiting. I am not happy about being the prospect of playing nurse or the purse for some ageing guy and would rather be alone.

SOme people live together for financial reasons of course but I am lucky enough to be able to live independently and don't have to rely on someone else. Since I gave up hope of ever finding what I want in a man, (doesn't exist I guess), I am ironically much happier and can relish my freedom.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 39
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/6/2015 4:13:09 AM

I agree that if I ever found "the one" I would not want to merge households either. Just to visit with each other, keep it fresh and interesting and not get to take each other for granted which can happen with a day to day co-habiting. I am not happy about being the prospect of playing nurse or the purse for some ageing guy and would rather be alone.


I may mis understand your post petula, but disagree in part (at least today) but tomorrow who knows?
Miss that early morning love and sharing breakfast and hours in bed on the weekends even if just enjoying the company with THE ONE?
THE ONE, you want to live with at least part of the time. Just keep both homes if thats affordable or understand what the word SPACE means and maybe rent one out if you dont want to sell.
Look how much more you 2 could enjoy doing with shared money as would be a bonus too.
You at least need sleep overs which would involve some cohabitation/merging even when keeping your home.
Eventually "the one" will possibly get injured or sick, maybe even you.

I don't rely on anyone either, but think THE ONE would rely on me and me them in certain instances/cases and don't see that as an issue.
Not that I am open to looking for a terminally ill person, you just do not know what is happening later with anyone's health.

We need to live today and stop fretting over what could happen.I have been guilty of that "worry myself"
I do agree 100% he has to have his own income to provide a home just as I do, no matter how modest. Don't most of us have homes that are either paid for or almost paid for by 50?
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 40
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/6/2015 10:06:57 PM
petula wrote:
I agree that if I ever found "the one" I would not want to merge households either. Just to visit with each other, keep it fresh and interesting and not get to take each other for granted which can happen with a day to day co-habiting. I am not happy about being the prospect of playing nurse or the purse for some ageing guy and would rather be alone.


I don't understand this. If I ever found "The One," (um, again?) and she were willing, I don't know if I would want not to merge households. I would want to take her for granted: I want to take it for granted that she will be there for me when sunshine makes my eyes water and be there when it doesn't; I want to be assured that on my brightest days, and the darkest, I can reach out and hold her hand. I want her to take me for granted as well: that for as long as I can I will be the strong back she needs to lean on and the comfortable shoulder upon which she can rest her head; that during her dark days or her best I'll be there when she calls or when she is mute.
I want to feel that bond that only mutual love and respect and desire can create.

As for this not wanting to be a nurse or a purse. I wonder, you've found your One and you now have your dream life of separate domiciles with periodic couple time - The One gets sick or hurt or is slowly dying, what then? Do you abandon The One? You don't want to be the nurse or the purse. Or The One is in the hospital, what are your privileges? Are you going to fill out the paper work to visit or make decisions, but otherwise limit your involvement? Me thinks in your world The One is really, maybe, at best, The Half or The Quarter, or The Tenth.
The One, in your world, is really there as your fantasy lover. You want assurances this life cannot, will not, provide. I regret to inform you that with that mindset The One will never exist for you; alone you shall be.

TK
[It's too easy to go too far in protecting ourselves. A fulfilled life is a life that requires, demands, vulnerability and risk]
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 41
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/6/2015 10:30:39 PM
^^^ yes, all of that
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 42
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/7/2015 3:52:55 AM

I just noticed my ex is back on pof. One week after I finally broke up with him when I realized I couldn't depend on him. He knows I was in the hospital yet has not once asked how I am. Here I am battling partial blindness and he's back on here prowling for a new one and even changed his pic to the one I told him that attracted me to him.
Zero respect
So this is what Ive learned....
NEVER fall for someone who doesn't respect you or you can't respect.


Sorry this is happening to you. I'm going through something like this now, too, in a convoluted way, a total lack of respect shown in other bizarre ways. It's disheartening, but I'm finding that after just a couple years here, my "recovery time" is shorter/my skin is thicker. For me, that's something huge I've gained here on POF. I wish you well, C.

OT, odds? I'm with kj. I don't think about odds. Of course, I don't buy lottery tickets either. :/
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 43
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/7/2015 3:57:25 AM
Well said, TK....

I think as I get older I have those thoughts as well....about an SO getting ill and being put in the caretaking position...

As I have my own health issues and also work in the caretaking profession now, the very THOUGHT horrifies me, if I'm honest...

But, with great risk...comes great reward....
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 12/17/2014
Msg: 44
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/7/2015 4:11:13 AM
My odds are close to 100% that I will encounter a nice lady for a relationship. Maybe many ladies. Maybe one who stands out from the crowd more than others. The trick is not to sit on the sidelines of life until you have a perfect match, but to go out and enjoy life while you're at it. Have fun, laugh, don't take yourself too seriously. Confidence and humor make a person attractive.

Forget all the Disney stories where you have to wait for years until a prince breaks open the thorn bushes and kisses you to life. Too much hassle, not happening. According to a law change in 2015 you are no longer ENTITLED to your Prince Charming, so you have to be more proactive.

Am I ok with it? Hell yeah!
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 45
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/7/2015 5:15:29 AM

Good question MS C... as I often thought that myself on occasion why.....when reading some of the so called[ AKA happily coupled relationships] which they have been posting here.


It's a good question but difficult to answer.

BUT I think the same question applies to all forum regulars regardless of being single or happily coupled.

Many unattached forum regulars aren't making any serious efforts at dating, and I would argue the time they waste on the forum could be used to search for dates. Why those happily coupled don't have to take any time looking.

I think for many the forums are a distraction from more serious problems, and maybe the same reason people always slow down to look at traffic accidents? There but for the grace of god go I.

An example would be your own profile, where you say you are "just here to look" and friends are your objective.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 46
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/7/2015 5:15:55 AM

OP: I guess it's because I'm not really that interested in making sacrifices and compromises for someone unless I am truly head-over-heels about him.


That's a self fulfilling prophecy: no one will ever be perfect enough. The head-over-heels feeling doesn't last forever. Just ask the divorced people who got married because they were head-over-heels over their partner, until real life interfered with the fairy tale fantasy. Even people who stay together don't have the head-over-heels feelings forever. Every relationship requires compromise, which might include minor sacrifices-even with Mr. Head-Over-Heels. If you have children, would you refuse any compromise and sacrifices for your kids? Or would you kick them to the curb if they don't play the "it's my way or the highway" game and are not perfect enough for you?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 47
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/7/2015 5:39:57 AM

The head-over-heels feeling doesn't last forever. Just ask the divorced people who got married because they were head-over-heels over their partner, until real life interfered with the fairy tale fantasy. Even people who stay together don't have the head-over-heels feelings forever.

Of course not, over time it gets less intense, but it has to be there in the beginning so you can at least look back on what it once was.

Every relationship requires compromise, which might include minor sacrifices-even with Mr. Head-Over-Heels.

Yes, in agreement with the quote you're responding to. Under those circumstances it's more rewarding than to date someone you're so so about.

If you have children, would you refuse any compromise and sacrifices for your kids? Or would you kick them to the curb if they don't play the "it's my way or the highway" game and are not perfect enough for you?

Children are different, they are a factor of unconditional love. Relationships outside your family including romantic relationships are generally conditional. However, after a certain age I have seen parents do just that with kids that didn't follow whatever the ground rules they were enforcing.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 48
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/7/2015 5:43:41 AM

That's a self fulfilling prophecy: no one will ever be perfect enough. The head-over-heels feeling doesn't last forever. Just ask the divorced people who got married because they were head-over-heels over their partner, until real life interfered with the fairy tale fantasy.Even people who stay together don't have the head-over-heels feelings forever. Every relationship requires compromise, which might include minor sacrifices-even with Mr. Head-Over-Heels. If you have children, would you refuse any compromise and sacrifices for your kids? Or would you kick them to the curb if they don't play the "it's my way or the highway" game and are not perfect enough for you?


The idea the poster seems to have is to at least start off "head-over-heels" in love.

I wasn't really "head-over-heels" in love the first time I got married.

I think I would refuse any children I had a "compromise and sacrifice" that I though was unreasonable. Kick them to the curb sounds harsh, but you could take it that way.

Children are yours from birth and you have twenty some years to get attached to them, they start out totally dependent on you. While someone you date is an adult and self sufficient, (IE easy to kick to the curb) hardly a good comparison.
 Dreamin_of_you
Joined: 8/14/2014
Msg: 49
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/7/2015 10:00:30 AM
As always, an interesting thread with some interesting input...
My take on this question is that life is not a like a poker game. In a poker game one can use mathematics and do some computations based on the odds of what will turn out to happen. Life is not like that. At least for me. And from what I have read, seen and experienced, for all of us it turns out to come down to luck. Luck manifests itself in many ways. No matter what happens in our lives - whether we think we are in control or resign ourselves simply to take what comes our way - it is luck that rules the outcome.

An interesting phenomenon luck is. If anyone knows how to influence it (in a positive manner), I wish they would share the knowledge. I have a love to find, a lottery to win, the good life to experience, and so on...
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 50
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/7/2015 10:24:21 AM
^^^
Luck is just a minor variable.

As we age we can stack the odds greatly in our own favor. Especially attention to a healthy lifestyle. Any fit, healthy, respectful male who is 'sane' would have no issues attracting a female at one of our hiking or dancing Meet Up activities. The same in reverse...a woman who has paid attention to her health and appearance and projects a feminine image is as popular as the hot cheerleader back in high school.

Not all but many males on here?
-Are you athletic? Trim body? ....Nope (but that is luck?)
-Take dance lessons to woo the ladies....nope (luck?)
-Participate in Meet Up groups....nope


Being on OLD is not luck but being proactive as are so many potential things that increase your chances of meeting a partner.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?