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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?      Home login  
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 wolftxusa66
Joined: 12/17/2014
Msg: 51
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it? Page 3 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Interesting to mention poker in reference to luck. So if you played 20 tournaments against five good players, you think you'd win at least one? I doubt it.

Dating is hardly luck. Yes, who you encounter and what the weather will be like. That's about it. Is it bad luck when a douchebag gets rejected? Good luck when a polite man receives a smile? Any luck whatsoever if she gets the sammich right after he tells her exactly what he wants on it? No, none.
 lifeisgrand5
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 52
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/11/2015 2:38:08 AM
I've learned to live life one day at a time. I am open to finding a relationship but have made peace with being alone. It is challenging to become your own best friend.

I think when a person is busy and enjoying life they will just fall into a relationship without looking.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 53
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/11/2015 5:21:08 AM
Such a weird, or at least, a different question and/or way to look at the "possibility" of connecting with someone.

I've never thought of the possibility of this connecting with "odds". Like sitting down and trying to figure out some number which I could use to determine the "possibility" of "connecting". I don't honestly think you can do that when it comes to matters of the heart. Too many variables, especially if you are actual "open" to the "possibilities".

Start making lists, wishes and hopes, yeah, you can lower your "odds" I guess. When I say that, you can easily dismiss a whole lot of people out of the "possibility" with these lists. Which decreases the "odds" doesn't it? To increase these odds, keep "open minded" maybe???? But, that would be about it.

I don't think it would be wise for someone to "change" for the sake of increasing odds alone. In fact, I think that would be silly, especially if you are happy and content with your life as it is, other than having or finding that "connection". My life goal is not to find this "connection". My life goal is to live a life. If it involves another, I guess it would be a bonus, especially if the two of us truly find that "connection" in each other.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 54
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 5:48:59 AM
Frankly I think any who posts to these threads could get married if they truly wanted to be. They just don't want to that badly.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 55
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:14:05 AM
As far as "odds" funny, I mentioned in another thread about a book that was written, it was based on research & it gave many statistics...John T Molloy- Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams

There are used copies very cheap...

IF I were a woman on here who was dating, I'd invest a few bucks & further educate myself. IF you can learn at least one thing from this book (I bet you would learn several, at least) you are still coming out ahead.

I am starting to think some people WANT to be alone, but like to have a charade/pretense of trying...
That's OK, just don't deter others or waste their time when they could be meeting a more sincere potential partner.

"Frankly I think any who posts to these threads could get married if they truly wanted to be. They just don't want to that badly.
************************************************************
As we age we can stack the odds greatly in our own favor. Especially attention to a healthy lifestyle. Any fit, healthy, respectful male who is 'sane' would have no issues attracting a female at one of our hiking or dancing Meet Up activities. The same in reverse...a woman who has paid attention to her health and appearance and projects a feminine image is as popular as the hot cheerleader back in high school.

Not all but many males on here?
-Are you athletic? Trim body? ....Nope (but that is luck?)
-Take dance lessons to woo the ladies....nope (luck?)
-Participate in Meet Up groups....nope


Being on OLD is not luck but being proactive as are so many potential things that increase your chances of meeting a partner.
"
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 56
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:26:06 AM

Frankly I think any who posts to these threads could get married if they truly wanted to be. They just don't want to that badly.

Getting married is like getting a credit card.

Almost anyone can get a credit card, they are a lot of fun at first, but after that is when the real trouble starts.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 57
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:34:58 AM
Well....let us not forget about the grooms needs before the bride's wedding either.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 58
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:54:03 AM
Both parties need to be "relationship material"

I can only work on myself, not the man, so IF I were looking again, I'd focus on being the best version of myself, in order to attract the right partner.

IMO, by constantly looking outwards VS inwards, I'm not cleaning my own side of the street & it wouldn't work for me.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 59
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 7:01:13 AM
What did I miss here? Between this


As far as "odds" funny, I mentioned in another thread about a book that was written, it was based on research & it gave many statistics...John T Molloy- Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams

and this

Frankly I think any who posts to these threads could get married if they truly wanted to be. They just don't want to that badly

... I've lost something. When did this become a thread about marriage and a trip back in time to 1950s women and values? Just asking. :)
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 60
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 7:08:14 AM

Finally...meeting someone to complement you, should not feel like 'work'. It should feel natural.


Then that should be their approach.
But if it is not working & they don't want to be alone...maybe they need to work on themselves.

Water seeks it's own level. If you or I don't like the water around us, we have to work on ourselves, for our own sake, not for that other person.

We then change who we attract into our lives.

I'd also recommend reading "Intimate Communion" by David Deida in addition to the above book I mentioned. But if a person is happy w/ their life & relationship as is, then do not bother.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 61
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 7:17:20 AM

... I've lost something. When did this become a thread about marriage and a trip back in time to 1950s women and values? Just asking. :)



So the person would have to be really, really special--and in my adult life, I've only met 1 person I felt that way about (and 2 "maybes" who were already married but with whom I could have seen myself, had things been different).


The OP at least implied that being married to that special someone was the option. The whole "making sacrifices and compromises" is about marriage more than dating.

I don't see marriage as a throwback to the 1950s, marriage in one form or another has been around since time began. Marriage today is more about being in an equal partnership than it was , so that part has changed from the 1950s. But noting is new under the sun about relationships.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 62
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 12:22:19 PM
Having lyme disease, living as a New Yorker in CA (a strange world still to me), being relatively smart and open, etc. etc. the odds would be against me "theoretically". I have never paid attention to odds, in my career, with respect to the teens I adopted at age 50, when my cat got cancer and lived well another five years, etc. In the middle of a sad breakup, I cannot even think about the future right now. That is a good thing, because in the past I would worry if I would ever meet someone again.

I just say what I mean and do it. I like people, but not with the chit chat or gossip. I like meaningful conversations and to talk to people who are doing meaningful things. So, I find meetups to do things with people> I also have family and grandchildren. I am thinking, listening to both my male and female friends who have given up, that for some, they are more introverted and prefer to stay home. Or they have lost their sexual drives. Well, that does not increase one's odds.

I thought I had lost that drive after my second divorce. Then I got out and to my surprise, it was and still is there. It is an incentive to consider one's criteria for what is needed in a less than perfect relationship world. Still, as I am experiencing now, there are daily living considerations to also consider. So, if you are more of a loner and content with family and not going out, and not interested in compromise, you probably have lesser odds.

The head over heals thing only lasts so long. The person needs to be a best friend, share interests, or have something warm and fuzzy to attract you. Even then, you might just want to date or live alone while carrying out a relationship. For me, it is one day a time right now as my relationship is ending and when it started, I was so optimistic. I do think, if I am out there, I will meet others. If I don't, I'm okay with it, although not as okay as I would be with a good partner. But, that's just me. I am extroverted, an only child and traveled a lot of work on my own. So, I prefer the together experience. Screw the odds!
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 63
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 2:29:53 PM

a woman who has paid attention to her health and appearance and projects a feminine image is as popular as the hot cheerleader back in high school.


your elders taught you well......^^^^
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 64
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 2:42:12 PM

The head over heals thing only lasts so long. The person needs to be a best friend, share interests, or have something warm and fuzzy to attract you. Even then, you might just want to date or live alone while carrying out a relationship. For me, it is one day a time right now as my relationship is ending and when it started, I was so optimistic. I do think, if I am out there, I will meet others. If I don't, I'm okay with it, although not as okay as I would be with a good partner. But, that's just me. I am extroverted, an only child and traveled a lot of work on my own. So, I prefer the together experience. Screw the odds!


I think once you heal from the current break up, should you choose to, you can easily have another one.

From your post, you sound normal & thoughtful.

Your main pic, you appear about 50, slim, dressed nicely, pretty face. I hate saying the superficial, but it is true: after a certain age, women who look like you are rare. So a man/men looking will definitely gravitate to you. Then he gets to see the intellect & persona.

So it's up to you once the time comes & you are ready.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 65
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 3:26:49 PM
^^^^I'll second that.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 66
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 4:52:47 PM

I am extroverted, an only child and traveled a lot of work on my own. So, I prefer the together experience


^^^^^
And hoping your next' together coupled partner' will too be... in the together experience you seek...& for those who seek.....patience......... is still a virtue like love & understanding ....good luck
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 67
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:33:54 PM
Every now and then I come to the conclusion that I will be single for the rest of my life.

So I give up looking for a 'boyfriend' and just enjoy my own and the company of people.
Am in this mindset at present.
Getting my house in order for a life of being solo.

But after a while despite all the self pep talks I wake in the middle of the night yearning for warm, loving arms.
So I stay on here, go on dates, 2 this week, both with men I have had numerous 'dates' before.
Neither are 'boyfriend' material but both are charming and lovely company.

Why are they not 'boyfriend' material?.. because they don't want, or do not have the time to be anything more than an occasional date and good company. One I have known for 5 years the other 3.

Same as the previous weekend.
On board boats rafted up with 2 charming single men and another female friend.
Perfect few days... no 'scandal'

Enjoying the company of a charming dinner or sailing companions is great.
But it does not keep me warm at night.

So am I OK about it?

Depends if you ask me at 2am.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 68
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:48:39 PM
^^^
Not sure if I read too much between the lines of your post Ozsea,

but it seems the best 'no pressure' approach to avoiding loneliness and enjoying the opposite sex is assume FWB behavior, in the beginning anyway. No talk of labels early on (i.e. exclusive, bf/gf, etc.).

A go with the flow thingy I guess?

The pressure to commit and label something doesn't seem to suit the 45+ crowd.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 69
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:51:00 PM
Not having to "change gears" is a rather rewarding aspect of having a girlfriend, yet living alone.
People in this arrangement get to speak as frequently as they wish, enjoy leisure time together, address needs, and yet can still maintain a high degree of allure plus keep things upbeat, happy, and fun. From a logistics standpoint, having two different "launchpads" for activities is a fantastic thing.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 70
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:54:56 PM
Eric, I appreciate your perspective and have been in this situation with someone I did not love.

I just can't fathom saying the words "I love you" without a plan to cohabitate in the future.

Bear in mind I haven't even reached that point of saying those words either since I've started this dating adventure.

Perhaps not falling in love is something I should expect?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 71
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:56:40 PM

What do you think your odds are?


2,368,497 to 1.

Give or take 100,000.


Why?


Extreme uniqueness.


Are you o.k. about it?


Well, tearing my hair out will make me permanently bald - not to mention hurt a lot- so I suppose I will just have to be.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 72
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 7:01:21 PM
Just because I would prefer my own space and alone time, periodically, if I met "the one" doesn't mean that it would not be a valid relationship. We are all different and don't all want someone around all the time, to feel secure and loved.
However we don't really know until we are in that relationship, how we will conduct it and the time we will spend together etc.
As for getting sick and ageing, of course that happens but I wouldn't want to be with someone whose prime motivation was to be taken care of and nursed. I did that for years with both parents, ill equipped as I was, and don't want it for myself in my later years. So shoot me...
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 73
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 7:15:43 PM
ClooneysTutor...the best way I can describe it is a "toggle switch" of sorts.
My girlfriend and I are very dedicated to one another. Neither of us would ever cheat.

She earlier used to speak about cohabitation and marriage yet later also recognized it was not essential for us.
She has a child, which has made being together yet residing at two entirely different addresses much easier to manage.

Going back to the "toggle switch" aspect, when I am happily here alone in my place...I do not pine.
I eat, sleep, work, ride my bicycle, visit the gym, go running, plus a variety of other chores when she is not nearby.
Once she visits, I am extremely happy while she is around. Maybe emotions can be maintained in different silos?
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 74
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 7:20:45 PM

Not all but many males on here?
-Are you athletic? Trim body? ....Nope (but that is luck?)
-Take dance lessons to woo the ladies....nope (luck?)
-Participate in Meet Up groups....nope


Amen sister. I don't know what some men expect. They want to meet attractive women but do nothing to increase their odds. I'm in shape, and one of the main reasons is that I want to attract someone who is also in shape. I'm getting tired of meeting up with grossly out of shape guys who claim in their profile to be "athletic" and post pictures of five years ago.

Hotdogshop:
Maybe some women would settle with any man just to get married, but many women my age who are out of long term marriages are not looking for that. I want a companion that I'm WILDLY attracted to and with whom I connect on an emotional level as well. If I don't meet him, then I'll stay single. I don't see the point at all to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't ring all my bells.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 75
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What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 8:25:14 PM
Some men will do that. In my case, I have no photos from five years ago that I can download. Just yesterday, I took an impromptu mile and a half walk, then the same distance on my mountain bike, along with a short round trip drive, in an hour. Reason? Ran out of gas in my truck. (OOPS!) So I must be in some sort of shape.
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