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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 76
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it? Page 4 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Hi Clooney



Not sure if I read too much between the lines of your post Ozsea,

but it seems the best 'no pressure' approach to avoiding loneliness and enjoying the opposite sex is assume FWB behavior, in the beginning anyway. No talk of labels early on (i.e. exclusive, bf/gf, etc.).

A go with the flow thingy I guess?

The pressure to commit and label something doesn't seem to suit the 45+ crowd.


^^^^^ I agree completely.
However even for FWB, or go with the flow, I would need the man to be:

Single... no current wife or girlfriend (i.e. noone to get hurt
Be available ... Not like my date next Friday who works ludicrous hours and between that and his teenage children we manage to squeeze in a dinner every 6-12 months or so.
Be sexually capable...... ie. working man parts Not like some of my male 'buddies'
Be emotionally available.... not like the lovely men I meet who are still grieving for their ex's.
Be geographically available.....
Be interested in more than a "Wham Bam Thank you Ma'am"
Be financially comfortable so he can pay his own way.



In a way my ideal could easily be described as FWB..

Where we each have our own home with reciprocal visiting rights a few days/nights a week.
We enjoy each other's company both naked and clothed.
Where we each pay our own way.
We each have our own interests and friends and can enjoy freedom to do solo activities.
Be there for each other when we both want.
We can share in each other's passions.
Where we are equal. Balanced.
Where I am not afraid of catching a disease or worse.
Where we are comfortable in each other's company.

To me that is a relationship.
Or a harem.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 77
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 9:23:01 PM
Monogamy sums it up quite nicely:)

Negotiating monogamy? No thanks.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 78
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 9:25:50 PM
What is
Negotiating monogamy? No thanks.



Oh Clooney I will also add to my list...

Being reliable.
Both of us.
'Do what we say we are going to do and not do what we say we are not going to do.'

Simple wants and needs I think.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 79
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/12/2015 9:33:00 PM
Monogamy is a simple concept of not having sex with others while sleeping together.

I call this exclusivity, but this word conjures up other crap with people.

Anyway...if being mongamous requires an intense discussion of...anything...(i.e. 'you don't dance' or 'golf'), then it's a game of dangling carrots or manipulation.

Do men dangle relationship carrots? Maybe, but I think this is more a woman's game:)

It's usually presented in the form of 'I gave you sex, but if you want more, then you have to prove yourself' nonsense.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 80
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/13/2015 10:44:49 AM

Do men dangle relationship carrots?
Yes, some definitely do. And some are more ridiculous than others.

My one bf stated simply- 'once you step in that shower with me, you are mine.' I understood the terms and found it adorable.

My needing to be something I am not to meet another's terms was far less adorable, I guess that's why it never reached the bf stage.

As to the topic.. right now I need to fully let go, but sometimes that's easier said than done.
 Dreamin_of_you
Joined: 8/14/2014
Msg: 81
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/13/2015 12:27:55 PM
Ozsealady1 it strikes me that what you are describing has come to be known as a LAT relationship - living apart but together. I would suggest that Markus add this 'relationship' to the list of choice; it would find a lot of favour from the over 45 crowd. The business of getting living together and getting married is a major hurdle for a lot of people to overcome. Being good friends and in a LAT relationship (i.e. monogamous) is something a lot of people desire.

It keeps things simple.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 82
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/13/2015 2:07:44 PM
TrustInKarma:
don't know what some men expect. They want to meet attractive women but do nothing to increase their odds. I'm in shape, and one of the main reasons is that I want to attract someone who is also in shape. I'm getting tired of meeting up with grossly out of shape guys who claim in their profile to be "athletic" and post pictures of five years ago.

Exactly. I've reached the point where I'm surprised if a man looks like his photos.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 83
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/13/2015 2:13:19 PM

They want to meet attractive women but do nothing to increase their odds. I'm in shape, and one of the main reasons is that I want to attract someone who is also in shape


I hear ya. I don't want stupid, so "I'm smart", and the MAIN reason is cause I hate stupid. Doesn't stop women from being stupid though.

Who woulda figured??????

Being smart didn't eliminate the stupid by the way.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 84
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 1/13/2015 2:32:58 PM
I agree completely with Literate and Karma.
If someone at a meet is anything at all like their profile it is a plus.


Clooney..... In my opinion exchanging sex for something else is prostitution.
The worlds oldest profession.

Whether that be:
Sex for cash, a meal, mowing the lawn or a ring.

Although there is the saying......

Men use love to get sex.
Women use sex to get love.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 85
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 2:30:59 AM

What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?


Odds?
I'm thinking the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes van pulling into the driveway is likely to happen first.

Why?
Age, location and one more.

Are you ok about it?
Sure....every morning about 5am I make the coffee, go outside on the deck and say to no one in particular....well except for the neighbors dog Fred who alway's stops by.....this f'n sucks.

Other than that I'm just peachy. ;)

Ya'll have a good day now, ya hear :)
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 86
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 2:37:44 AM
Still, 3 people in nearly 40 years? The odds are hardly in my favor. So I guess it is a good thing I'm happy alone!
------------
If your odds are that low, you're looking for someone to make up things you lack, which explains why those people aren't interested. Be happy with yourself and you won't need someone else to be all things to you.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 87
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 3:00:25 AM
Oooo.... Mr. Crookcatcher....

Sounds like somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed.

It's not too late to fix it, though. Put the dang cup of coffee down and jump back into bed and try again!

Then go out on your deck and enjoy all the morning sounds, scents and dawn's first light.

Focus on the moments you have that you hope to one day share. :)
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 88
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 3:02:35 AM

don't know what some men expect. They want to meet attractive women but do nothing to increase their odds. I'm in shape, and one of the main reasons is that I want to attract someone who is also in shape. I'm getting tired of meeting up with grossly out of shape guys who claim in their profile to be "athletic" and post pictures of five years ago.


I can't really say I feel too bad for those who have this happen to them very frequently, considering they could better their own odds by taking preventive measures.

If you're doubtful their pictures are current, suggest Skying or simply ask them to take a very specific kind of photo and post it or send it to you.

If they can't provide either of these, don't meet them. Simple as that.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 89
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 3:16:06 AM

Sounds like somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed.


Nooo...feel pretty good actually. I never could understand why my grand parents alway's got up early, now I realize they didn't know either because I don't.


Then go out on your deck and enjoy all the morning sounds, scents and dawn's first light.


Hmm....well it's obvious Fred has fleas as he has a pretty rythmic beat going with the dog collar while he's scratching. We're both watching a deer eat the neighbor's garden...Fred's like me...he looks and is thinking....yeah back in the day you wouldn't get away with that.
A few night birds still calling.....and I'm thinking someone somewhere has spread chicken fertilizer....or Fred's left a package nearby....i dunno.


Focus on the moments you have that you hope to one day share.


Let me think on that for awhile. :)
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 90
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 3:18:00 AM
Good morning Mr. Pig.

You're looking rather dapper this early morn!

Looks like you, Mr. Crook and I are like three little early birds today...

Oh! I feel a lovely song comin' on!

"Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Each by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Saying', ("This is my message to you")

Singing' "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright."
Singing' "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright!"

I don't know about you but I don't have to worry about odds when I singing Bob Marley! :D


****Mr. Crook? I would leave out the chicken fertilizer smell....for goodness sakes...plant some night blooming jasmine! Lol
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 91
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 3:54:48 AM
Lmao!

All of us old farts are still single and diggin' in our heels, defiantly facing the end of days and not willing to settle.

Yet here we are, cautiously optimistic that someone will get through the walls we've put up.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 92
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 4:01:43 AM

Good morning Mr. Pig.

You're looking rather dapper this early morn!


Well, thank you, Katrina Jane.



Singing' "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright."


Please stick to "I Fall To Pieces", toots.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 93
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 4:16:54 AM
Sheesh! Mr. Pig...I was only a little pitchy with my uplifting little morning ditty!


And Mr. Clooney? Who's not settling? I damn sure am!

I settling for enjoying every moment I get....whatever they may be.....and with whoever I'm blessed to cross Life's path with!


*****Katrina Jane....out! :D
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 94
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 4:41:11 AM
My odds?

I can accept lousy odds though I'd prefer to think of my odds as 50/50 - either I will or I won't.

I don't think it's 'luck' except in some chance meeting - but it's more of being prepared.

Currently, I'm not prepared to allow someone into my life, I'm not prepared to fall in love so hard it hurts, I'm not prepared to give up my hard-built protective walls and my freedom to go driving at midnight just yet. I recognize that and, even though I've met some wonderful, special men, I've had to shrug my shoulders and let them go to some other woman because I wasn't prepared to be vulnerable enough to fall in love at the time.

Alone? I have family, good friends I've known for 10, 20, 30 years. For the most part, I prefer being alone. Lonely? Almost never, I like myself and have mental conversations, making future plans, 'what if' scenarios, or simply being peacefully alone. I'd love to have a lover/companion/very significant man to share my life and experiences with, but I'm not wasting my life - waiting for one and putting my plans on hold - until he shows up.

Compromise? That's the name of the game. It's hard to do but we've all spent our lives learning how to compromise between what we want to do and what we need to do, between ourselves and our families, between our inner selves and our social selves.
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 95
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 8:21:44 AM

Yet here we are, cautiously optimistic that someone will get through the walls we've put up.


No walls on my part. I stopped building them eons ago. Any woman worth her salt wants me is gonna' have to see her way around my Sasquatch-esqe attributes.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 96
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 8:38:55 AM

Any woman worth her salt wants me is gonna' have to see her way around my Sasquatch-esqe attributes.

Those dogs are pretty big for lap dogs....

Question.....What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
My odds are getting less everyday because I am losing the interest in even trying anymore and I am OK with that...
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 97
view profile
History
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 8:39:27 AM

2ufo
Currently, I'm not prepared to allow someone into my life, I'm not prepared to fall in love so hard it hurts, I'm not prepared to give up my hard-built protective walls and my freedom to go driving at midnight just yet. I recognize that and, even though I've met some wonderful, special men, I've had to shrug my shoulders and let them go to some other woman because I wasn't prepared to be vulnerable enough to fall in love at the time.


Well, I’m a firm believer in, “Everybody’s gotta do what they gotta do”, but that sure sounds like a losing proposition to me. And further down, in the same post, you say:



I'd love to have a lover/companion/very significant man to share my life and experiences with, but I'm not wasting my life - waiting for one and putting my plans on hold - until he shows up.


Huh? Your first statement says you DID find someone to share your life with, but you let him go? And now you’re not going to wait for someone?? This does not compute!
 Mummymania
Joined: 6/22/2015
Msg: 98
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 9:07:08 AM
The best time to find "true love" is when you are young. That is when the adolescent mind is most open to it. One only need read most of the threads on this site to recognize why over 45's will have a very difficult time falling in love again . . . or finding "the one". At our ages, its all about compatibility and companionship and maybe even good sex. Forget anything else for the most part. That being said, no reason why most people can not find other people to have relationships with, if they are open to it and are willing to give as well as take.
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 99
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 9:21:27 AM
OP, I feel very much the same as you. I do expect to be alone and I'm really OK with that. Dating is just so hard and rarely productive and honestly, I just don't want to put out the effort 90% of the time.

I've been married 3 times, divorced from #3 for over 10 years with no significant relationships during that 10-year period. So the odds aren't in my favor either. I imagine my age has a lot to do with it. I'm no longer looking for a viable candidate to father my kids. It would be nice to have a companion for my golden years, but it looks like my dog will be my companion. I still work full-time, so that helps. I rarely get lonely --not saying I won't a little after I retire. But I really like my alone time right now. Sometimes I have an entire weekend where my phone doesn't ring at all and I enjoy that.

I just figure if it's meant to be it will happen with little to no effort from anyone. I'm not really up for "working" at a relationship at this time of my life.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 100
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/7/2015 11:21:07 AM
I fully anticipate being alone from here on out. Dating is impossible, depressing, pointless at this age. It bothered me a few years ago, when I was freshly single and was having a very very hard time securing a date with anyone. I had to do alot of thinking, alot of soul searching and alot of opening myself up to taking that step beyond denial..I had to face the truth, that at 48, I am not a commodity anymore on the market.

There is a glut of middle age single women, probably the biggest demographic in all of dating, and men just arent interested. I FINALLY, about a year ago, accepted this as the truth and have removed myself from dating entirely. Suddenly, this burden was lifted, I didnt have to dwell on this anymore. I could move on, and stop the internal struggle.

I dont expect ANYTHING anymore, nothing, from people. But the rest of my life is mine to craft, my hobbies, projects, activities, travel, and where I will eventually be living one day when I retire. These things I can control.

Biology, and what men are attracted to-I can't.

There is also the consideration that I have, beyond dating, built a very good life for myself, with a house almost paid off and investments. The idea of marrying and legally allowing someone to have access and rights to this is somewhat worrisome.
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