Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Atheism, dating and relationships      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 26
Atheism, dating and relationshipsPage 2 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
You ask for opinion, suggesting you are curious, yet, you follow with this ^^^^^^^?????

So what is it? Curious, or are you looking for a fight? If it's a fight, you should always make sure you arm yourself beforehand, which, by the looks of things, you haven't. Do you wanna try again, and maybe word your question a little better?


First thing I thought when I read that was it's more the other way around, atheists/agnostics want nothing to do with the superstitious "believers". I let it go. I'm not looking for a fight.

I wish I'd kept a count of how many religious men have messaged me here, religion all over their profiles. When I respond that I'm atheist, amazing how many of them literally deny their "gods".

Yeah, never noticed believers were particularly ethical.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 27
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 10:32:08 AM
Great topic. XTC. Your line of questioning is very valid-just bear in mind that as you travel down life's paths, one truth above all that is unchanging is that yes, humans are hypocrites. Incessantly and unendingly.

Interestingly, it's not always "organized" religion perse that can cause issues. I ended a 9 year relationship with a man who was raised Catholic and had a love/hate thing going on with it because the church excommunicated his mother for getting a divorce, but he was still very drawn to the supernatural elements, to ideas about the afterlife, there was a certain emotional draw for him to concepts like Jesus, resurrection, etc.

This also dovetailed into another belief system of spirits, demons and yes, things like aliens. I remember on a drive up the east coast, his normally good natured temper exploded when I questioned a book he had in the car about crop circles. He become extremely angry with me for suggesting that humans created them and there are documentaries on how it is done. He was very upset the rest of the day over this, and I decided at that point, well...we won't talk about crop circles anymore.

About 5 years ago, he bought a big ol' house in Pasadena. His mother recently had been diagnosed with lung and kidney cancer, and between that and the stress of buying this expensive house, he started to freak out. He was convinced a demon was in this house. That is was slamming doors, etc and that the house needed to be blessed. I went over there to check things out. Not that I am a professional ghost hunter, but one thing I did notice was that the house, being 100 years old, was tilted ever so slightly upstairs, and the bathroom door would slowly shut itself if left open. When I told him about it he dismissed it immediately and became angry that I had suggested that as an explaination.
The next step was to have some people come over to exercise the house. I said nothing, but listened the next morning as he excitedly told me about how they opened up part of one of the walls, dropped a voodoo doll into it, said some blessings, lit sage, etc. They came up with a story of what they think happened (someone had died there).

The big thing was that a friend was taking photos during all of this and that he had caught a picture of a demon crouching in a corner. I said I'd like to see it..so I opened the pic in an email and he excitedly yelled LOOK! The Demon!

What it turned out to be was the side of his own head, his hair, blurred in the picture as the photographer stood behind him.

I tried to explain to him repeatedly this is your own head..look..I can see your hair, the exact color, etc etc.

The final thing came when we were talking about this on the phone, and he became enraged that I "Didn't believe him."

I said I believed he THOUGHT his house was possessed. I also said I felt he was currently in a state of high anxiety over the house purchase and his mother having cancer. He hung the phone up on me. And although he called back, this was a level of extreme I had never seen in him before outside of that crop circle blow up.

He also had gone out to Target that day and bought 4 plastic gargoyles to place around the perimeter of his property which was supposed to protect it. I remember standing at the window and watching him walk around the yard placing them, then standing in the driveway with his head hung.

What I learned from this was that *my* brand of understanding and comfort was an insult and hurtful to him. I tried to make him feel better by being rational, explaining to him about the noises, the photo, his emotional state. He would have none of it. He was completely convinced the house was possessed, that he had an Amityville on his hands.

It was about this time, coupled with a few other things, that I felt it was best if I moved on. I felt I just was not going to be a good match especially if he was wanting to get married and make a life with someone. He did need to be with someone that accepted and bought into his way of thinking because the upset and pain it caused because I did not was something I didnt think either of us needed to experience again.

It was a good decision..he found a lady a few months after we broke up and they are very happily married, and she does beleive that house is haunted.

The point of this ramble is...it's not always "organized" religion that can cause these issues. I think it all stems from a similar place...the need for comfort in extremely fearful times, the comfort when facing death..*emotional* nourishment. And we all go about this a little differently. Some of us feel better with stories and explanations that defy rationality but make us feel better, some of us seek comfort in science and critical thought.

BTW I am atheist, of Jewish extraction. As a child I would sit in the school office and not participate in Christmas activities. I was told I was going to burn in hell. I questioned everything. I refused to do what didn't feel right.


So OP, as one of the few voices in your side here, I say good for you. The key is COMPATIBILITY...even beyond traditional religion, think about it-it's about core values, where and how you seek comfort, and if two people can nurture their own personal spirituality, or lack of it...without hurting the one they love.
 XTC1977
Joined: 7/9/2014
Msg: 28
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 10:32:44 AM

You ask for opinion, suggesting you are curious, yet, you follow with this ^^^^^^^?????

So what is it? Curious, or are you looking for a fight? If it's a fight, you should always make sure you arm yourself beforehand, which, by the looks of things, you haven't. Do you wanna try again, and maybe word your question a little better?


I'm obviously curious, since I clearly asked for other opinions and experiences, but it's interesting to me that you construe the fact that I made my opinions clear here as me wanting to fight. I was well aware that no matter how I worded this, there would be snippyness in return. So if that's wanting to get into a fight, so be it. I suppose anytime someone utters something even remotely controversial, their primary motive is a fight for fights sake. Good strawman.

Also, I worded my posts exactly as I chose to. There was no predetermined template, so I made no errors. I don't particularly care for your condescending faux-authoritative tone, particularly since you don't seem to be able to focus on more than one nuance at a time.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 29
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 10:35:29 AM
Great topic. XTC. Your line of questioning is very valid-just bear in mind that as you travel down life's paths, one truth above all that is unchanging is that yes, humans are hypocrites. Incessantly and unendingly.

Interestingly, it's not always "organized" religion perse that can cause issues. I ended a 9 year relationship with a man who was raised Catholic and had a love/hate thing going on with it because the church excommunicated his mother for getting a divorce, but he was still very drawn to the supernatural elements, to ideas about the afterlife, there was a certain emotional draw for him to concepts like Jesus, resurrection, etc.

This also dovetailed into another belief system of spirits, demons and yes, things like aliens. I remember on a drive up the east coast, his normally good natured temper exploded when I questioned a book he had in the car about crop circles. He become extremely angry with me for suggesting that humans created them and there are documentaries on how it is done. He was very upset the rest of the day over this, and I decided at that point, well...we won't talk about crop circles anymore.

About 5 years ago, he bought a big ol' house in Pasadena. His mother recently had been diagnosed with lung and kidney cancer, and between that and the stress of buying this expensive house, he started to freak out. He was convinced a demon was in this house. That is was slamming doors, etc and that the house needed to be blessed. I went over there to check things out. Not that I am a professional ghost hunter, but one thing I did notice was that the house, being 100 years old, was tilted ever so slightly upstairs, and the bathroom door would slowly shut itself if left open. When I told him about it he dismissed it immediately and became angry that I had suggested that as an explaination.

The next step was to have some people come over to exercise the house. I said nothing, but listened the next morning as he excitedly told me about how they opened up part of one of the walls, dropped a voodoo doll into it, said some blessings, lit sage, etc. They came up with a story of what they think happened (someone had died there).

The big thing was that a friend was taking photos during all of this and that he had caught a picture of a demon crouching in a corner. I said I'd like to see it..so I opened the pic in an email and he excitedly yelled LOOK! The Demon!

What it turned out to be was the side of his own head, his hair, blurred in the picture as the photographer stood behind him.

I tried to explain to him repeatedly this is your own head..look..I can see your hair, the exact color, etc etc.

The final thing came when we were talking about this on the phone, and he became enraged that I "Didn't believe him."

I said I believed he THOUGHT his house was possessed. I also said I felt he was currently in a state of high anxiety over the house purchase and his mother having cancer. He hung the phone up on me. And although he called back, this was a level of extreme I had never seen in him before outside of that crop circle blow up.

He also had gone out to Target that day and bought 4 plastic gargoyles to place around the perimeter of his property which was supposed to protect it. I remember standing at the window and watching him walk around the yard placing them, then standing in the driveway with his head hung.

What I learned from this was that *my* brand of understanding and comfort was an insult and hurtful to him. I tried to make him feel better by being rational, explaining to him about the noises, the photo, his emotional state. He would have none of it. He was completely convinced the house was possessed, that he had an Amityville on his hands.

It was about this time, coupled with a few other things, that I felt it was best if I moved on. I felt I just was not going to be a good match especially if he was wanting to get married and make a life with someone. He did need to be with someone that accepted and bought into his way of thinking because the upset and pain it caused because I did not was something I didnt think either of us needed to experience again.

It was a good decision..he found a lady a few months after we broke up and they are very happily married, and she does beleive that house is haunted.

The point of this ramble is...it's not always "organized" religion that can cause these issues. I think it all stems from a similar place...the need for comfort in extremely fearful times, the comfort when facing death..*emotional* nourishment. And we all go about this a little differently. Some of us feel better with stories and explanations that defy rationality but make us feel better, some of us seek comfort in science and critical thought.

BTW I am atheist, of Jewish extraction. As a child I would sit in the school office and not participate in Christmas activities. I was told I was going to burn in hell. I questioned everything. I refused to do what didn't feel right.


So OP, as one of the few voices on your side here, I say good for you. I grew up being preached to, threatened and told I was essentially "in need of repair, broken or damaged" in some way because I was Jewish. I get it. I get exactly how you feel.

The key is COMPATIBILITY...even beyond traditional religion, think about it-it's about core values, where and how you seek comfort, and if two people can nurture their own personal spirituality, or lack of it...without hurting the one they love.
 XTC1977
Joined: 7/9/2014
Msg: 30
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 10:41:15 AM
Thanks, Volkanoking. That's exactly the kind of substance I appreciate when I start one of my few topics around the internet. Even if you weren't on my side, I'd appreciate it.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 31
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 10:46:00 AM
VK never does a double post. Maybe her KB is possessed.
Op I learned long ago it is harder to change people's minds than it is to well for me, SU. If only the road to Give a F**K was more clearly marked.
Be what you want just don't get annoyed when some people don't want You because of it
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 32
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 10:50:44 AM
Thanks, Volkanoking. That's exactly the kind of substance I appreciate when I start one of my few topics around the internet. Even if you weren't on my side, I'd appreciate it.


Ask the Christian, if she is in posession of the Truth, to provide you with a single unequivocal statement from the Bible, where Jesus himself says "I am God" or where he says "worship me". If such statement exists in the Bible, by the lips of Jesus, I'm ready to accept Christianity today.

No Christian was ever able to provide me with such a statement because Jesus never claimed to be God. He spoke to his disciples in parables, because seeing they saw not, hearing they heard not, neither did they understand.
(Matthew 13:13)
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 33
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 10:57:45 AM
I have dinner with a couple every Sunday, have for 8 years or so. He is catholic and is a great believer, his wife is not catholic but believes in God and I'm an atheist. We have had many discussions about God, religion, etc. Every Sunday my friend says "I prayed for you today". Now I don't go nuts when he says this, it USED to but I figured out years ago that when he said this it meant that he was thinking about me and when he said "God bless my wife, my son, my family...." I'm included in the list of people he loves. How cool is that. I like that he was thinking about me. Never, ever has he tried to convert me, I like that too.

I have learned that I can easily tolerate folks of differing opinions on things like religion, pro choice, homophobia, etc., I just can't tolerate anyone shoving it down my throat. I have far more friends that believe than don't believe and I figure if we're all adults about it, we all get along. As an aside, some atheists are just as bad at shoving their beliefs down your throat as well.

So, no, I probably wouldn't be a match for someone who wanted a partner to attend church with him every week. I would be a match for someone that believes that we all have opinions and are entitled to them. The OP seems very rigid, you need to lighten up. Find someone that shares your beliefs, it's not that tough.
 Debisue64
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 11:53:27 AM
I personally would not date anyone who is "devoutly" on either side of the fence.....

I live in the gray area. I prefer people who are like me.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 35
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 11:57:06 AM
Dan,
Stop being so over-analytical in every one of your posts.

(Maleman 1:2:3)
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 36
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 12:17:10 PM
I had a spype interview with a DD (doctor of divinity) last year, and after exchanging over 120 Bible references, he couldn't prove to me, from the Bible, that Jesus is God.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 37
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 12:38:29 PM
"I don't believe in an invisible being that resides somewhere beyond the clouds," my profile previously said. I removed this because two Christian men met me just to argue against my atheism. "Martin Luther said there are no atheists," one man insisted. "I don't care what a Catholic monk said in the 12th century," I replied. That went well.

I don't want to live in conflict. So I steer clear of men who describe themselves as "God fearing" and proclaim, "Jesus is number one in my life." That's one reason why I insist on a telephone conversation before meeting. Now I screen men better before meeting.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 38
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 12:51:56 PM
I used to be religious but my halo slipped and I kept tripping on it.

Personally I don't think it matters what anyone has as a belief.

My problem is when they decide that everyone else should believe the same.

So OP I think your problem is that you are evangelical in one direction and living in a Bible belt are surrounded by people who are evangelical in another.

AND, you both know, without doubt, that you are right and everyone else is wrong and it is your DUTY to make them see the light.

The world would be a lot nicer place if we accepted and celebrated these differences.
Certainly voice your opinion if asked but there is no need to force your opinion on others.



Now let's say that out of all the beliefs on this planet, ONE is correct and all the other people are deluded.
There will be a lot of very disappointed people a couple of seconds after they die.
 ScurvyLittleSpider
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 39
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 12:52:04 PM
"Martin Luther said there are no atheists," one man insisted. "I don't care what a Catholic monk said in the 12th century," I replied. That went well.

Please, stop repeating these stories. They may not be as clever as you think they are.

On topic: I don't see how it ultimately could be worth it for either side to set aside such strongly held, polarized opinions... whether the differing opinions are about religion, or other topics.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 1:00:54 PM
I used to date men who held religious beliefs but I've stopped that. It's a bore to be preached to, or to feel you are rude if you don't say grace at a meal, etc., and I'm tired of the insults that spew from some of them that you can't be moral or trustworthy if you don't believe in some god. It's the same reason I don't date Fox News believers, it's just too much BS to listen to, as I'm sure they feel the same toward me. A person has to put up with enough BS without bringing it home.

I could be wrong but doesn't the meaning of devout include the divine?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 41
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 1:03:34 PM

I don't see how it ultimately could be worth it for either side to compromise... whether the differing opinions are about religion, or anything.


?? It's only "worth it" if everyone's opinions are identical about religion and everything else? Or did I misread?
 CathyP726
Joined: 6/14/2014
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 1:17:15 PM
Dan.. too bad you weren't at the council of nicea.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 1:24:18 PM
Atheism does not include the worship of a hatred of gods, atheism only means the non-belief in gods. A hatred of gods would lean more toward those who are mad at gods, and you can't be mad at something you don't believe in. And yes, there are a lot of people who think they are atheists when in fact they are disillusioned in gods of some sort, for many people it seems impossible to actually separate from the idea of there being gods. The hate of the belief in gods is different from those who are mad at the god idea, they are mad at those who push it on them. These are all separate things. Most people are not raised totally in absence of god-like beliefs, there are always ideas laid in their heads from birth, so it can be very hard to shake the god stuff from your brain.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 44
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 1:58:27 PM

Ask the Christian, if she is in posession of the Truth, to provide you with a single unequivocal statement from the Bible, where Jesus himself says "I am God" or where he says "worship me". If such statement exists in the Bible, by the lips of Jesus, I'm ready to accept Christianity today.


This is because I'm willing to bet that a good 90+% of Christians don't know their own beliefs. Christianity is based on mainly two things: him being the Messiah, not God himself. Everything in his own words is to warship his father, the Hebrew god, the god that every Judeo-Christian religion believes in. And the new covenant, which basically makes God's presence universal, you get forgiveness, and all of that.
source: The Bible

And that's kind of a problem I have with a lot of atheists lines to tell someone to prove Christianity. The entire New Testament is just random stories unless you believe in the Hebrew God. So for that, you actually have to look into Judaism for the most accurate record of that belief. The Judaism and Christianity split is at that covenant. Jews typically follow the old and the Messiah hasn't come, Christians believe the Messiah came and they're on a new agreement. So you can't just believe in Christianity. You have to believe in Judaism first, THEN believe in a messiah and new covenant. (Hint: Christians, this is why the Old Testament still exists, it still matters, it's the foundation of your entire religion).

It's fun being the agnostic between all of this. Two people fighting over something that neither side can prove. Unless we can physically be at the point our universe was created, we'll never know if it was created by a conscious being, or if it's just something that happens. Why can't everyone just be free to believe what they believe without ridicule and abuse from people who believe something else (And calling their belief a superstition, or a fairy tale is doing just that. If you don't believe, then don't believe. But be respectful of their belief. And if they don't believe, don't start telling them about how they're going to suffer for eternity. The entire world has heard of almost every religion, if they want to hear about it, they'll ask, or go to the dollar store and buy a bible, or for any other religion, use google). And when it comes to dating, we should be that grown up. Atheists and religious people live very happily together all the time. It's all about respecting each other's beliefs.
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 45
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 2:22:08 PM
Organized religion is simply put , the greatest form of control ever conceived by those in control for their own benefit . There have been more atrocities committed in the name of religion than any other cause . Things were more of a spiritual nature before the slave religions were vomited forth from the middle east . All middle east religions no matter which teach the same thing , to kneel , beg , obey , very good for slaves . Most people's ancestors of European decent were forced to convert to the christian faith at sword point . Besides they had to invent something to stop the Norsemen from conquering everything , religion was the weapon they used .
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 46
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 3:21:42 PM
I used to be religious but my halo slipped and I kept tripping on it.

Personally I don't think it matters what anyone has as a belief.

My problem is when they decide that everyone else should believe the same.

So OP I think your problem is that you are evangelical in one direction and living in a Bible belt are surrounded by people who are evangelical in another.

AND, you both know, without doubt, that you are right and everyone else is wrong and it is your DUTY to make them see the light.

The world would be a lot nicer place if we accepted and celebrated these differences.
Certainly voice your opinion if asked but there is no need to force your opinion on others.



Now let's say that out of all the beliefs on this planet, ONE is correct and all the other people are deluded.
There will be a lot of very disappointed people a couple of seconds after they die.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 47
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 5:46:34 PM
So scientists don't believe in god so it can't be true.Some scientists don't know how to get laid.
Religion brings structure to the lives of some communities,and in case some have forgotten,the people that built the U.S and Canada and Britain...had religion.I can think of a lot of shitholes that didn't.

The more we learn,the more we understand how little we know.Man may have created gods,but somebody created this universe and the marvelous complexity of living creatures.

And when the universe ends,what is on the other side?
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 5:58:07 PM
Wouldn't the person who is religious want their partner to go to Heaven as well when the time comes, so that they can be together for eternity in Heaven


Some people believe this is not true. Some people believe if you 'meet' someone in 'heaven' that you already 'know' from time in another life that you recognize them spiritually, but feel no obligation to hang out if you don't want.

That makes sense to me, as I often encounter people I have a 'spiritual' reaction to. It might be as subtle as making me smile in passing, or strong as startling me or feeling dazed a few moments.

I don't follow any religion, I just know what I've experienced and leave it at that.

Strongly opinionated atheists do make me wonder what they are fighting.

I never understood the greatness of this whole creation vs. evolution debate. They both follow the same timeline.

Edit to below: Yah, I'm seriously hoping there's lots of different water ... clear shallow water, clear rivers and water slides!
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 49
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 6:12:35 PM
Why is it that "somebody" created the universe? I think science has answered many questions, certainly not ALL the questions. As well, many scientists also have faith...they can separate the two so all scientists are not bad. But simply stating that God created the universe...ah, nope, I doubt it.

I agree, religion brings structure and comfort to millions and I think it's wonderful that they are allowed the freedom of religion where in many places they don't . It has also killed millions and suppressed millions. I don't have a problem with people having faith, I really don't.

As to "And when the universe ends, what is on the other side?".... I guess some people need to know the answer to this question but its never kept me up at night thinking about it. Maybe it's like Vegas. Maybe it's like the perfect beach in Cancun. Maybe it's like the Antarctic? No one knows but I'm voting for Cancun.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 50
Atheism, dating and relationships
Posted: 1/4/2015 7:04:51 PM
Evolution has more holes in its premise than a story book written by men? Uh huh.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Atheism, dating and relationships