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 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 26
What could I / should I have done?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My first very serious boyfriend was an extreme extrovert spoke to everyone. I was the introvert and good listener. However since I wasn't a clone of his personality than I was the mentally ill one therefore I deserved verbal abuse. I use to get into a car with him and he never had his pie hole shut. Then he'd criticize that I never talked as much. When I did talk about something he had no knowledge of it because looking back he really had nothing interesting to say because he yapped to just yap all his waking hours. What extroverts don't understand is that not all people are clones of their personality. Frankly at first I found Ken's yappy personality endearing and fun because chatty men are so rare and his personality was so different. Then after his non acceptance of what I was reared its ugly head I disconnected from the relationship. If you cannot take the silence for whatever reason or problem you have don't try to belittle or change someone because you want a clone of yourself. Your insecurities were never her problem they were yours.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 27
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 8:33:01 AM
gosh, I'm surprised we haven't gotten the "5 love languages" spiel yet. Maybe those people haven't woken up yet :)

I'm going to break an old tradition of Internet forums, and fail to initially assume the poster's a jerk (supposedly he dated for years before finally losing it once? not the worst track record I've heard here--and he wants to change) and then base the answer off that assumption. I'm going to look at the actions, instead. And I'm going to offer a rhetorical question: is it possible you rely on feedback as affirmation of your worth to others? If so...then that need you have, may be where you made an error. a solution may be to find another way to affirm what you're looking for...or to find it in yourself, rather than rely on others for it.

not ta folla ya around, hotdogger,but what he posted was:

"I expected a "No, because...", and it was NO once too many and I lost it on her"

The "too many" refers to her, not him. Had he said, "I lost it on her like always", then I'd say he's got a case of "too many", too. But, the reference to "too many" may have been a unique angry reference, not a common action on his part.

that all said, I've said it before, I'll say it again...all posts could be made clearer if the other side told their side. But, I'll work with what I see, and I won't come to a post with an axe to grind. OK, OK, I'll TRY not to :) we're all human
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 28
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 8:43:43 AM
Actually don't assume it was once it was multiple times and the last straw was the last time she could tolerate the verbal abuse because she wasn't his clone. This guy doesn't want to make out he was truly that bad. Right. Not buying it.
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 29
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 9:24:39 AM
I'm with gtomustang.....mostly because I feel my late husband and I had a 17 year relationship and we were opposites in personalities.
I can't assume the OP....was/is a narcissist or an abuser because I don't know if in those 2 years...He was respectful, honest and faithful to her and they had a good relationship.

My late husband was what I would consider an "introvert"....He disliked crowds, company and preferred to not socialize. I knew this from the start.
While I liked people/company and going out. Alone we were good and communicated well....in a crowd he was awkward but he never refused to go out..he would do it for me.
We respected and accepted our differences.....pretty much, I can admit like the OP....there were times I wish he was more assertive or was more talkative with others. ...with me...I was good.
Maybe.....that's the difference. His caring,respect and love for me and my girls far outweighed....his silences and I would never have "lost it" on him for it.
Good Luck!
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 30
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 10:39:57 AM

Before you jump down my throat, understand we connected on a high level as it felt awesome to be in her presence. It was comforting to be together for both of us.

Yeah, but you're putting too much stock in that. You hit it off on a high level, it slowly went down in her mind, and you didn't see it until it was essentially too late.

Once the Honeymoon phase passed, she wasn't that into your "extrovertness", with her being a shy introvert. It may not have SO much weight on that purely by itself, but you have to understand the logical issues that it'd naturally bring up.

I'm an extrovert, although I won't run around talking to strangers with her by my side much, as I'm sure you and I are different flavors of it... but one thing you should always remember: Just because she jives well with your outward personality in the beginning, does Not mean it's going to jive with her thru and thru. Even if you hit it off! Once the Honeymoon phase passes, reality sinks in -- things that aren't so compatible become visible.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 31
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 10:48:38 AM

But when in the car she would silently sit and stare out the window and only reply with simple one word yes/no answers ...


Maybe that was a sign that the relationship was over for her. When you're with someone who tries to ignore you, it's usually the beginning of the end. She probably got tired of having every discussion turn into a debate and competition to see who is more right. And the snapping at her for an improper response was the spark that lit the fuse.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 32
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 10:56:34 AM

There are times when a man should just stop talking and start listening. ..........................


Walts, YOU are a very wise man. I agree to every word you wrote.

A person can "listen", with just a simple pat to the hand, and a smile.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 33
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 11:59:15 AM

There are times when a man should just stop talking and start listening.


That actually applies to both genders. When I'm around someone-male or female-who goes on and on about something I'm not really into or something that just needs a short response, all I hear is "blah, blah, blah", while I'm daydreaming about something else. Sometimes a Yes or No response is all that's needed, without having to justify the yes or no.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 34
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 4:56:26 PM
The OP is a self admitted Troll & this whole Thread is His way of Trolling the Forum.......
I'm sure this & the other thread will be gone soon along with the Troll's Profile....


http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16325437.aspx
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 35
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 5:31:39 PM

NO once too many and I lost it on her, we fought, she cried, and we broke up. That was November. She is gone, the end.


First of all, is this part of your previous post where you bet someone that you could create some fake account and have the usual suspects in the forums respond?

The thing is that I know you. I know several people just like you. You are the monologue talkers. You tell your stories, but when ever questioned on the validity of your story, you jump and become verbally abusive and demeaning of the other person. So... Eventually, nobody wants to talk to you, because it's not about having an intelligent argument, but about winning every argument. Your girl saw that, so while she was rather passive, she more than likely saw you at work at the bar, the pub, the supermarket, at home with family, and knew it was a waste of her time.

You are out to prove that you're smarter, wittier than anybody else and you will bludgeon your way to be there.

It's a very, very, very lonely place there. Yeah, you'll get a s s, but you will never get brains.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 36
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 5:38:08 PM
I agree with Blue eyes, poster should get reported for nudity...and stupidity.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 37
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History
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 5:45:58 PM
Complete ridiculous thinking of someone who makes fake profiles, and posts fake stories, and thinks that he's/she's making fools of those who respond? Yeah, that's so very cleaver. How sad must someone's life be to have to get attention this way.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 38
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/6/2015 5:46:04 PM

You tell your stories, but when ever questioned on the validity of your story, you jump and become verbally abusive and demeaning of the other person


Yes, I agree with this.

I believe this thread was real. He was abusive to his girlfriend and tried to blame it on “introvert, extrovert” baloney. He didn’t get the support he anticipated or wanted, so he posted the other thread claiming he made this all up to dupe everybody.

Too bad he couldn’t have learned something from it instead.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 39
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 12:31:15 AM
Am I the only one creeped by his pic on here?? Narcissistic I think someone said, could well be right!!
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 40
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What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 12:56:20 AM

Am I the only one creeped by his pic on here?? Narcissistic I think someone said, could well be right!!


The picture is from EpicFail.com 😬
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 41
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What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 3:25:53 AM
@tickle....
You SLAY me at times, pank....thanks for your most unique and singular perspective,,,LOL

I am the WORLD'S biggest talker and, as MANY of you can attest to, a VERY prolific writer....
BUT....

People that don't or can't be silent while with someone else, who have to CONSTANTLY be talking, get on my nerves after a while....
I always take that as a sign that they are insecure and uncomfortable with both themselves AND others....to some degree and feel an overwhelming need to fill the silence....

Silence doesn't ALWAYS need to BE filled, imo...some of my best moments with someone are when we are "sharing the silence"....
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 42
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 3:27:40 AM
OP... for an extrovert you are wearing far too much clothing in your profile picture.
Why be so shy?
I had no idea that trolls were so inhibited.

What is 'Epic Fail'?
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 43
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 7:02:46 AM
Flaneur posted this in the Report section regarding this post:


I bt a buddy $20 that I could create a bs profile, and post a bs story on here and get the same 10 trolls and another 10 wanna be trolls to respond with their usual hate filled opinions.

I am $20 richer now.

Thank you loser trolls.


Were you having a boring morning? Nobody paying attention to you? Laugh at trolls...doesn't that make you a troll?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 44
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What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 7:10:36 AM
Not to mention that "hate" is a strong word....

No hate, here...just taking a thread at face value and if its here for ANY other reason...well, not quite sure how someone gets a charge out of asking for opinions and then shooting down those giving them...but so GLAD that I could provide you some "amusement"...

Do all of us get a share of that 20$?

LOL
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 45
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 7:32:18 AM
The OP has left the building.

He may be a troll, fake profile. fake picture. But I bet you his story was real.
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 46
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 7:59:37 AM

He may be a troll, fake profile. fake picture. But I bet you his story was real.


There's always a little bit of truth in everything you read, though some of the names are changed to protect the victims.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 47
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 8:15:07 AM

though some of the names are changed to protect the victims.


You mean protect the guilty? LOL
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 48
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 9:15:27 AM
The insufferable **stard is gone. Good.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 49
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What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 11:13:44 AM
Bluemoon24 7


I agree with Blue eyes, poster should get reported for nudity...and stupidity.


FYI
Several posters filed reports: pic, multiple accounts, violation of forum rules and threatening another poster .

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/addpost.aspx?PostID=16325882&x=40&y=11
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 50
What could I / should I have done?
Posted: 1/7/2015 11:26:36 AM
This isn't life of death stuff, it's entertainment and time wasting at best. If you think it's more than entertainment, go see a professional because you have problems. It's not like there haven't been trolls before and we will have them again.


Actually, if you weren't aware yet, online personal threats ARE a crime in many states now, including California. Maybe not yet in your province up North, but they will be.

The OP of the now deleted thread and this one was reported by a Forumite for sending threatening emails to her. Enough reports have helped delete his profile also.

Maybe you regard trolls here as "entertainment" when you are bored, but most Forumites would rather not encourage those malicious trolls. The juvenile mentality of most trolls has ruined many unmoderated online Forums with vile images and worthless childish tripe.

Many of us veteran Forumites will do what we can to prevent that from happening here on POF Forums.

Please don't attempt to minimize online threats, they constitute a crime in most jurisdictions now, and most local police WILL followup appropriately.
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