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 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 26
never gotten head Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Unusual. Yes. But not a bad thing.

Uhh -- I disagree. Yeah, it's a bad thing. A BAD thing. If you're 30 and have only skipped bases to hit home plate only once -- and not enjoyed the concept with a GF of "rounding bases" -- that's Not a good combination.

Perhaps his previous sex partner(s) / girlfriend(s) did not like giving oral sex for some reason.

Well, if he was small as a snail underneath a rock, at least one would try to "breathe life into him", right? ;) Certainly it would not be because he got-around. Let's not grab for straws here -- let's be real. Sexual relations -- by itself, is not bad/dirty/weird. It's actually bad/weird when not had, Without Explanation, over too long a time. That's not a mere opinion or POV -- that's just pointing out normalcy. If one disagrees, then fine -- an old man walking down a strip mall in a speedo is "just opinion" ;)

It actually started with, "Do you think you could be in a long-term relationship with a woman who refused to give head?"

Well, there's a difference between a sex life without oral/foreplay (which certainly can be a concern; especially if one is not happy, hence, bringing it up) -- and being totally denied things outside home-plate -- which he was (aside from her).

I then told him about a former co-worker who claimed that in her 4-year relationship, she could count on one hand how many times she performed fellatio on her bf (although he regularly went down on her) and wanted to know what my friend thought about that.

Wow. She obviously was a very giving person, right? LOL. It'd be real real sad if you had a "you go girl!" response (not saying you did). But that's a perfect example of not only what gals bark about guys being like -- but also what's not good for Anyone in a relationship, when one Dictates what happens & what does not. Sad, sad situation.

In fact, one should feel sorry for Her, as well.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 27
never gotten head
Posted: 1/11/2015 5:55:10 AM

by itself, is not bad/dirty/weird. It's actually bad/weird when not had, Without Explanation, over too long a time.

yes that is true because
4-year relationship, she could count on one hand how many times she performed fellatio on her bf (although he regularly went down on her) and wanted to know what my friend thought about that.

those type of conditions are weird. I would wager that they would otherwise have to be related to some type of sexual dysfunction. Either in the wiring like others said - as asexual; or some type of trauma that led to a fear of engaging in sexual acts.

They indicate dysfunction, and could be indicative of distress. But its not that bad, still though, if it was trauma and not strictly genetic - whatever caused that dysfunction would also affect the personality and character of said person.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 28
never gotten head
Posted: 1/11/2015 7:23:15 AM

Would this be weird? Not a big deal?


People on POF are generally naive. Then can't seem to imagine anyone that is different from themselves. But I have known 40 year old virgins and guys that have slept with over 1000 women. In that range, what is truly weird?

Only having sex with one woman when he was 25 makes it likely he didn't ever get head. A lot of women don't really like giving head.


The thing about getting head is that for many years I thought that it was a bad thing. Guys pushing women to do that on guys. Then I learned that women love it. That it was not so much them pleasing me, but they pleasing themselves.


Some women love it, but maybe only 15%. Most (>50%) do it to turn on a guy, to please him or because it's expected. If a guy wasn't interested, they wouldn't feel deprived sexually.


I then told him about a former co-worker who claimed that in her 4-year relationship, she could count on one hand how many times she performed fellatio on her bf (although he regularly went down on her) and wanted to know what my friend thought about that.


My ex-wife was in the camp that wasn't interested in oral sex either way, and , though she did it because I insisted, it wasn't natural for her. And she wasn't that into sex at all.

Most people count any sort of oral contact with the penis as fellatio, while I tend to think of it as foreplay unless I orgasm. I know it's not correct, but I don't feel like a few licks on the popsicle really does much for me.


It wasn't like this is a guy I hardly know. It actually started with, "Do you think you could be in a long-term relationship with a woman who refused to give head?"


I had gotten head maybe 400 times by the age 30, so for me I expected every woman loved it. Little did I know that a lot of woman didn't love it, and many thought it was some sort of "special gift". So after a long dry spell in my late 30s, I would never get into a long-term relationship with a woman who refused to give head, I wouldn't get into a LTR with a woman that wasn't enthusiastic about pleasing me sexually. I expect total reciprocity.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 29
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never gotten head
Posted: 1/11/2015 8:26:48 AM

DragonBytes
People on POF are generally naïve.


“Naïve”, what a very nice word for it! (smile)




Then can't seem to imagine anyone that is different from themselves.

Not just here on the POF forums, but everywhere. This is one of the greatest problems with all of mankind. They think whatever their experiences are, that is the norm. Whatever they do is what everyone else should do. And mankind, as a general rule, is very unforgiving of anyone who doesn’t adhere to their idea of the “norm”. For an example of this, go read about the Salem witch trials.




But I have known 40 year old virgins and guys that have slept with over 1000 women. In that range, what is truly weird?

I have a friend, a gentleman who I used to work with, who is closing in on 60 and (probably) still a virgin. He has a very low sex drive, and is shy and awkward. To him, it was just never worth the trouble. I personally cannot imagine it ever being “not worth the trouble”. Maybe when they shovel dirt in my face, but not before.



I had gotten head maybe 400 times by the age 30, so for me I expected every woman loved it.

I misread (or misunderstood) the above sentence the first time I read it. I thought you were saying 400 different women, and I was about to tip my hat to you!





Little did I know that a lot of woman didn't love it, and many thought it was some sort of "special gift".

That is a very common perception. Whenever I encounter this “special gift” thing, I remember a particular episode of the Sopranos, Tony’s birthday to be specific and his wife’s birthday gift to him.




So after a long dry spell in my late 30s, I would never get into a long-term relationship with a woman who refused to give head, I wouldn't get into a LTR with a woman that wasn't enthusiastic about pleasing me sexually. I expect total reciprocity.

Reminds me of something abelian said, long ago and far away. The discussion in that case was about “swallowing”. His comment was along the lines of, “In this world, many women will, and many won’t. As long there are many women who will, why should I settle for less?”
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 30
never gotten head
Posted: 1/11/2015 1:32:04 PM
I laugh at the irony:


People on POF are generally naïve.

“Naïve”, what a very nice word for it! (smile)



I had gotten head maybe 400 times by the age 30, so for me I expected every woman loved it.

I misread (or misunderstood) the above sentence the first time I read it. I thought you were saying 400 different women, and I was about to tip my hat to you!


Naïve, I would say so.

Seems men will believe ANYthing any other man claims about sex, no matter how outrageous and/or stupid. :/
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 31
never gotten head
Posted: 1/11/2015 3:02:39 PM
Uhh -- I disagree. Yeah, it's a bad thing. A BAD thing. If you're 30 and have only skipped bases to hit home plate only once -- and not enjoyed the concept with a GF of "rounding bases" -- that's Not a good combination.


I stand by my statement. Something that is unusual or different isn't necessarily a bad thing. The woman he had sex with probably didn't like giving head. There are people that don't have sex until marriage. It's not what I believe in. But if both members of a couple were happy with the terms of their relationship, then that is what matters the most.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 32
never gotten head
Posted: 1/11/2015 9:03:07 PM

Naïve, I would say so.

Seems men will believe ANYthing any other man claims about sex, no matter how outrageous and/or stupid. :/


That's the amusing thing about the forum, lies sell better than truth.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 33
never gotten head
Posted: 1/11/2015 9:06:28 PM

Something that is unusual or different isn't necessarily a bad thing.

True, in general. I'm not arguing that it's bad because it's different...

The woman he had sex with probably didn't like giving head.

Probably not -- at least not a big fan, we can bank on that. But the question isn't about him never getting head from Her. I mean, in an LTR with sex, a healthy one, you're at least going to get head once if You like the concept -- at least for a try-out thing for her, etc., if she's not a fan. But even beside that -- never with Any other girl at 30, while only being in *1* LTR? Huh?

There are people that don't have sex until marriage.

True, but Many who don't, have oral sex. And his ex-GF was having sex before marriage. I'm not saying he should have racked up Huge numbers -- no. But never having that, plus only ever having sex with 1 person with many years of being in the singles/dating scene? That combination is an unfortunate combination for a sex life & experiences. It's lacking & inferior.

But if both members of a couple were happy with the terms of their relationship, then that is what matters the most.

True, but if one's not into sex and the other is, then that Is going to affect the relationship. I had a Relationship with a gal who was a virgin. That was fine -- we had oral sex. These days, that'd be fine only until we established a Relationship. Knowing that I wouldn't until marriage -- as I like most people on the planet -- wouldn't be going down relationship-alley with said gal.

Hey, if both people have low sex-drives and/or both don't like the concept of oral sex -- yeah, kudos to them in terms of compatibility... but as a side note, still a "you're missing out", much like if two people don't like heavy petting. It's not just a Pure taste issue -- but it's lacking something that people Naturally enjoy -- even for those who are grossed out/weirded out by it from a past experience or strict upbringing (that they need to grow out of).
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 34
never gotten head
Posted: 1/11/2015 9:28:08 PM

This is one of the greatest problems with all of mankind. They think whatever their experiences are, that is the norm. Whatever they do is what everyone else should do. And mankind, as a general rule, is very unforgiving of anyone who doesn’t adhere to their idea of the “norm”. For an example of this, go read about the Salem witch trials.


What's the norm? There is an average, but normal? It's so all over the place that I have come to expect anything and everything.

What has surprised me is how many men that seem like they shouldn't have any particular problems (like, they don't resemble the elephant man) have problems with achieving basic relationships. While other men not that different looking have no problems at all.


I misread (or misunderstood) the above sentence the first time I read it. I thought you were saying 400 different women, and I was about to tip my hat to you!


I get the excitement of variety, though I seldom (never I guess) see anyone post about going from one bed to another in the same day, or at least day to day. So maybe most never experience that sort of variety. Maybe you had to come of age during the sexual revolution?

But given the overall experience of sex with different women, having one great women is worth it's weight in gold, or in this case, 400 different women. Knowing what I know now, I would never make that trade. Quality over quantity.
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 35
never gotten head
Posted: 1/12/2015 3:42:35 AM
I almost got the most awesome head this morning, as it turns out I just got a sore neck from trying.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 36
never gotten head
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:30:50 AM

I almost got the most awesome head this morning, as it turns out I just got a sore neck from trying.


Being young and flexible can put a whole new spin on masturbation.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 37
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never gotten head
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:35:16 PM
Shit happens. Sounds like he might have an issue establishing romantic/sexual relationships with women. Maybe OP can hook him up with an aquaintance or at least help him out with pointers?



I understand his issue all too well unfortunately...(sigh)
 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 38
never gotten head
Posted: 1/12/2015 8:40:15 PM
Maybe OP can hook him up with an aquaintance or at least help him out with pointers?


Um, no. He's 30 and should be able to attract/date/bed women on his own. My friends are all either married, engaged or in LTRs and not the cheating types, especially with someone who is that far behind the curve.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 39
view profile
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never gotten head
Posted: 1/13/2015 10:23:16 AM
^^^ There is a curve? That last part makes it sound like you think less of him for what he told you.
I understand the rest though. Like I said before, shit happens. Life is full of these little holes people fall through. Unless he wants to change, he is fine the way he is. People shouldn't judge the guy because of his sex record.
Honestly, there is something for everyone, he just needs someone who is like him, thats all. Thats why I asked if you knew of a person that you could hook him up with, not a friend. Like someone at work or a hangout that is also an introvert that you think would be a good match for him. If you don't want to help him out, thats cool though. As you said, it isn't your responsibility.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 40
never gotten head
Posted: 1/13/2015 9:00:30 PM

^^^ There is a curve?


Hell yeah there's a curve, you want to be ahead of the class, not behind it. Lead the way, set the standard.... that sort of thing....


especially with someone who is that far behind the curve.


Outside of communication in terms of turn ons, there is no way a women can make up for that degree of inexperience.
 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 41
never gotten head
Posted: 1/13/2015 9:43:47 PM
Please elaborate on your last point, CRTL.

I've suggested he date cougars. Older women are more likely to find his inexperience endearing and have a desire to "teach". People in our age group are less patient and more into instant gratification. Of course there are no absolutes but I'm just speaking in general terms.
He's already introverted enough so introducing him to another introvert wouldn't be the best idea. I think he'd fare better with someone who'd bring him out of his shell.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 42
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never gotten head
Posted: 1/13/2015 11:23:56 PM
So the first 2 posts cover two guys over 30 that never had oral sex, I can say I had that covered @ 14 and that's like 40 years ago so I had like 10 years to spar before their birth. That being said, no big deal just not everyone's hot button.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 43
never gotten head
Posted: 1/14/2015 2:32:31 AM
I was just elaborating on yours, it would be a painstaking process to try and bring him up to speed.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 44
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never gotten head
Posted: 1/14/2015 3:01:57 AM
I feel sorry for the guy, because it seems everyone is talking like he is a lost cause. Lets just flip this around and make his gender female. His situation as a female character sounds pretty endearing. A sort of barely touched purity.
Why does it have to be a painstaking process? I think it could be alot of fun teaching someone new. he just needs to find a female who has a teaching fetish. Usually it's a couger, but it doesn't have to be.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 45
never gotten head
Posted: 1/14/2015 5:09:11 AM
Well, I am well over 30, but I really don't think about such things. It may or may not be indicative of a problem. I do have more an issue with man whores. They are the bold ones, the radar always up, chatting with you, touching you more than necessary. It is not appealing to me to think of these hypersexual men.

Then, too, I have known practically asexual guys, acquaintances and relatives. I feel sorry for them, but most have personality/emotional maturity issues. I have never felt a desire to help them, other than a few I tried to give some advice on dating, but it fell on deaf ears.

If I ran into someone I liked who was inexperienced, I might ask why, perhaps he had some abuse or problem. It depends on the person. It isn't something that would influence me per se.

I can imagine liking a lot of great qualities in a person and finding that out and it not mattering, or noting that the person seemed stunted in many ways, this just being one, and that not appealing to me overall.

I have never been of the camp that needed a guy to be very experienced, preferring someone more likely to wait for quality over quantity. In other words, if I like him, this changes nothing.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 46
never gotten head
Posted: 1/14/2015 5:47:55 AM

So the first 2 posts cover two guys over 30 that never had oral sex, I can say I had that covered @ 14 and that's like 40 years ago so I had like 10 years to spar before their birth. That being said, no big deal just not everyone's hot button

Yeah, these kids kill me. See the thread about the Facebook likes? I was married and living overseas, full-time job and involved in all sorts of social issues at the age these folks are worrying about Facebook likes and acquaintances getting head. WTF? What has happened in this country?
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 47
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never gotten head
Posted: 1/14/2015 5:56:50 AM
^^^ It's the porn age. An age of consumption and instant gratification. It's very disheartening.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 48
never gotten head
Posted: 1/14/2015 6:05:37 AM

^^^ It's the porn age. An age of consumption and instant gratification. It's very disheartening.

You sure you're only 32, basilisk? I was going to fire off a msg. The consumption is part of the American fabric, probably our biggest cancer, but yeah, it has gotten a whole lot worse. I just don't get these young people. Most of them are incredibly immature. They have the world at their fingertips and what have they done with it? Facebook likes and head. lol I do enjoy your posts; not sure I believe your incessant lamenting.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 49
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never gotten head
Posted: 1/14/2015 7:13:51 AM
Ya, sorry. I know it is annoying. My pessimism is my largest character flaw. It's a very bad habit, kind of like smoking or drinking too much.
People get confused of my age all the time depending on my personality that day (whether I am bubbly or brooding).

This particular subject this thread is about cuts alittle deep. I have very little sexual experience myself, so when it seems people bad mouth the friend, I feel it too.

Thank you for your kind words CuriousinDB.
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 50
never gotten head
Posted: 1/14/2015 7:41:21 AM
Just get in there and drill it. If she enjoys it well thats a thumb up, if you get head as well, that explains what the second thumb is for. Hope this helps.
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