Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Tinder      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 97
TinderPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I wasn't talking about me. My profile is blank and inactive... And I'm not on tinder. I was talking of the women you contact.
 a_djentleman
Joined: 11/14/2015
Msg: 98
Tinder
Posted: 12/7/2015 12:06:55 PM

I wasn't talking about me. My profile is blank and inactive... And I'm not on tinder. I was talking of the women you contact


I wasn't referring to you either, just women who might be of the logic "Coffee tomorrow, cohabitation by next week, married in January, pregnant in April." It just seems hasty to me, and a recipe for future divorce. Don't get me wrong: I'm all about finding a life partner and not messing around casually dating. I just think it's worthwhile to spend the time making sure you're with the right one. Sometimes that takes a bit of time is all.

As for the women I contact, I ONLY contact those who are open/undecided about kids and those who don't want them. I'm not bugging women who are sure they want them.
 a_djentleman
Joined: 11/14/2015
Msg: 99
Tinder
Posted: 12/7/2015 12:13:44 PM

your post suggests women are to 'blame' for their singledom AND to blame for yours


Only in the cases where it might be true. Every situation is different. Like I said above, not my target audience anyway. My lack of success is due to being ugly I'm sure.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 100
Tinder
Posted: 12/7/2015 1:37:39 PM

I've seen quite a few boyfriends/fiances/husbands of friends on Tinder….. I never went straight to their female partners to tell them….

I always contacted a mutual friend and asked her if the cheater is still with the woman he's cheating on. In all but one case, they were, and my friend and I were thinking of the best way to tell the unsuspecting woman. In the end, it was always my friend who would tell them, because I didn't want to get involved in the drama


You have got to be kidding! You didn’t want to “get involved” in the drama?? According to you, you started the whole thing! by alerting your “mutual friend” to the “cheater(s)” (after discussing and speculating on the condition of their marriage/relationship and deciding for yourself what is best for them, of course) why didn’t you just “left swipe” and mind your own business?

well then what happened? Your buttinsky friend went and told various mutual friends that their SO’s pics were “cheating” on Tinder and….. did they all divorce? break up? kill him? punch your friend out for not minding her own business? What did she decide was the “best way” to tell them?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 101
Tinder
Posted: 12/7/2015 1:56:31 PM
^^^Totally agree.

"I never went straight to their female partners to tell them..."

Why not? Why get a mutual friend involved in the scheme to out the guy if it was your discovery? So you want somebody else to do the dirty work for you. Nice.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 102
view profile
History
Tinder
Posted: 12/7/2015 7:10:42 PM

Actually, when Tinder polled their users, some 80% of them reported they were looking for relationships and not hookups.

Yeah, Tinder's not a hookup site that much more than POF is. POF is always labeled a hookup site by many. Any Free site is going to have a higher % of people who are open to hookups. Tinder isn't a hookup site, but it definitely makes it easy to just get right to that point as it doesn't have red tape to go thru signing up, and gets to the point. The expectations are much like any dating site for many, but yeah, there are a lot who just want to hookup too. It's open-ended.

If you're a reasonably attractive, reasonably intelligent, reasonably employed woman and can't lock down a decent guy over the course of ~two decades from college to your late thirties, then I don't know what to tell you.

I agree, but same goes for guys, too. I will say though, in the dating world, it Is Easier for a gal to find a date. Generally speaking, guys are the hunters for dates, gals are the acceptors/deniers (and weeding thru paperwork in doing so on a freebie site like POF - lol). Some gals may get too overwhelmed with too many options in online free sites and get turned off from it all. Dunno. But no, they can't blame "guys". But at the same time, a guy can't blame "girls" either.
 mike11092
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 103
Tinder
Posted: 12/7/2015 7:25:10 PM

Actually, when Tinder polled their users, some 80% of them reported they were looking for relationships and not hookups. This echos a study that a university conducted on it's students on the phenomenon of "hookup culture" and they got the same percentage, men and women alike. Most expressed dissatisfaction with hookups in general.


Yep. And you can poll people on how many times they masturbate in a day and 60% will lie to you.

That's also not taking into account how many users Tinder actually polled. (certainly wasn't ALL of them, as I wasn't polled).

Further, Tinder is owned by "The match group". This company also owns OK cupid and POF among others. I doubt they want any of their sites lumped into that negative connotation. Therefore, they can conduct "studies" all they want. They're going to skew the stats in whatever way they desire so as to keep their company looking good.

Lastly, a university study, while seemingly viable and innocent, is also not indicative of anything substantial. It's normally a small sample size, often a few hundred people, and it's exclusive to one age group.

So, if I go to...say...a bible college, and conduct a study on how many college students in the U.S. are atheists, my results would likely be that most college students aren't atheists.

It would be wrong, naturally, but since most of these "studies" are taken anonymously it's not like someone could debunk the study anyway.

That's, of course, glossing over the fact that experience trumps stats. If my experience is that Tinder is a hook-up app, citing studies and research isn't going to change that experience.

If, for example, I buy a brand new car tomorrow that then explodes (and I survive), I'm not going to go out and buy another identical car, regardless of how many stars it has on it's safety rating, because that one blew up. It could be a statistical anomaly that ONE car blew up out of millions of other cars, but because the car I bought blew up, I'm not just going to go out and buy another just like it. I'm going to avoid that brand like the plague...and sue...for all of the money.

Sure, I bet there are plenty of people who use Tinder to find "the one", but they're just never around when I am.
 a_djentleman
Joined: 11/14/2015
Msg: 104
Tinder
Posted: 12/7/2015 9:19:43 PM
^
Well the study was conducted by Portland State University (http://daily.jstor.org/campus-hookup-culture-myth-vs-realty/) , which I lived in PDX for over half-a-decade: Yeeeeeaaahhh, not exactly the the "old fashioned values" capital of the world. People who end up there tend to as free-thinking and open minded to alternative lifestyles as they come, and I remember running into more of those into polyamory, and having one-night stand offers far more often there than here in Phoenix. Granted, it's only one survey (there are others out there), but I don't think I've seen anything that leans towards "hookup culture" (the latest buzz term) surviving much after the AIDS epidemic ended the Studio 54 era and previous free love movements. THAT was hookup culture. Ask some of your parents.

Tinder creators themselves (yes, I know it's owned by IAC now) when asked about the nature of the app simply stated it was, "What the user wanted to make of it".

That said: For sure people's anecdotal experiences will vary. I've never had a casual sex offer come up on Tinder. The ones that I did were in bars, or women in my band's respective social circle back in PDX.
 mike11092
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 105
Tinder
Posted: 12/7/2015 10:24:59 PM

The ones that I did were in bars, or women in my band's respective social circle back in PDX.


Maybe THAT's my problem...I spend a lot of time at bars or concerts...then again, my effort level for dating is lazy at best...

....hm.
 a_djentleman
Joined: 11/14/2015
Msg: 106
Tinder
Posted: 12/8/2015 3:05:16 PM

Maybe THAT's my problem...I spend a lot of time at bars or concerts...then again, my effort level for dating is lazy at best...


Yeah, in my experience, there's a good bit of self-selection (intentional or not) in those types of venues. I think relationships can come out of hanging in watering holes, but it's generally within circles of friends & acquaintances and their networks, but if you fly solo (like I usually do as I have very few friends), social experiences tend to be far more random and fleeting, including interactions with women which usually ends up drunken trolling for sex. I don't do one night stands ("Behold my glorious disease-free pee pee!") but that's been the primary venue the rare opportunity has popped up... the more townie the bar, the better if that's your bag.
 mike11092
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 107
Tinder
Posted: 12/8/2015 3:20:54 PM

but that's been the primary venue the rare opportunity has popped up... the more townie the bar, the better if that's your bag.


While I was aware of this in my early twenties (go to bar---->get laid), I was under the false impression (apparently) that Tinder would not be reflective of that.


I admit that I am likely mistaken.
 a_djentleman
Joined: 11/14/2015
Msg: 108
Tinder
Posted: 12/9/2015 2:14:27 PM
^
You'll always have those who do and those who don't... but I do think, in a general sense, Millennials have been painted in an unfair light though (like most previous generations... looking at you, "Decline of Western Civilization"), usually to stir up the media focused middle-aged through elderly demographic so they can go on their "kids these days" diatribes.

The last girl I was dating was 23. From hanging out with her friends, it didn't seem any different to me than when I was that age. Most of the girls were looking for a boyfriend, probably a bit too hopeful about it being "the one", and most of the guys also wanting a girlfriend, but with less sense of permency bouncing around in their heads. There were couples and breakups, but no hookups to speak of.
 peterpancollar
Joined: 12/12/2015
Msg: 109
Tinder
Posted: 12/17/2015 11:26:15 AM
I don't think Tinder is used for much beyond hookups/casual stuff. The basis of it limited words with a bunch of pictures. I mean, who cares about looking at pictures of a stranger?! It's really limiting and shallow to look at pictures to determine if there's any connection whatsoever. There's no emotional ties looking at pictures of strangers and you cannot tell if they're a match for you or not.

I was on it for a week to try it out but I didn't even get messaged by any of my "matches." I've learned that pretty much all the guys will say yes to every chick and when they get a mutual match, they'll either unmatch or never message. There's little to no desire for a relationship, and if there is one, it's not something that will lead anywhere. They would pretty much all say something similar to "Not looking for anything serious." and those were the profiles I would say no to. I would say yes to the profiles if the guy was decent looking and did say he was looking for a relationship. Even with that, nothing panned out. I still didn't get messaged and never talked to anyone on it.

I don't think I'm ugly, but I've never had any success online. I've been approached and politely complimented by men in big cities. I've really only been asked out by those who approached me in person. I probably only met two handfuls of people online in the past few years that I tried online dating (on and off) and none of them were even remotely polite and considerate as those I've met in real life.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 110
view profile
History
Tinder
Posted: 12/29/2015 3:56:46 PM
Personally speaking the success rate on pof and tinder have been about the same. Several message replies, a few dates but no relationships. I have only been on tinder for a few months however which is a lot less than on pof.

I think tinder makes it easier for guys as it takes as much effort as using the meet me feature on pof. However even if you get a mutual match it doesn't mean that they will reply to your message. I guess for many attractive/average women there isn't a lot of difference but I suppose if you are used to just picking from your message list who is the most attractive and worth replying to, having to be a bit proactive before you get the message may put many off.

Not sure everyone quite understands how tinder works in that regard thou. I once read a girl say something like 'Does anyone ever talk on here, if you like what you see send a message'. Maybe she has a problem with the concept of having to say she likes the look of the guy in order to receive a message from him.

I think men are more likely to swipe right than women however as many women want to limit the number of messages they receive and men want to maximise them.
 ladysharonfish
Joined: 6/4/2015
Msg: 111
Tinder
Posted: 12/29/2015 7:50:40 PM
yes, I agree, people don't get on it and you comment they comment, and nothing happens.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 112
view profile
History
Tinder
Posted: 12/30/2015 9:48:53 AM

peterpancollar
I was on it for a week to try it out but I didn't even get messaged by any of my "matches." I've learned that pretty much all the guys will say yes to every chick and when they get a mutual match, they'll either unmatch or never message.

This thread made me curious, so I went and signed up last night. I wasn’t expecting much, as I didn’t think this was aimed at my generation. But I found a surprising number of women in my age bracket. Far, far less than on POF or Ok*Cupid, but more than I expected.

I went through all available in about 15 minutes (it is quick, I’ll give you that), and probably swiped “yes” to about half of the pictures (50 out of 100? I didn’t count).

As of this morning, I have 3 matches, I have messaged all 3, and one of the 3 has answered. Much higher response rate than on conventional sites. I’m sure that’s because the women have already agreed that you’re not too old / fat / ugly / whatever to even merit consideration.


chrisshrew
I think men are more likely to swipe right than women however as many women want to limit the number of messages they receive and men want to maximise them.


I would suspect you’re right about that.


ladysharonfish
yes, I agree, people don't get on it and you comment they comment, and nothing happens.

I would “swipe right” for you, dear. Now isn’t that a hell of a compliment? LOL

Reminds me of another thread here on the forums, a few days / weeks back. Same man said that a certain woman was “doable”. (Tongue in cheek, of course.) Several women chimed in to tell him that was not a compliment. It is a compliment, though. It might not be a nice compliment, it might not be what you want to hear, but compared to the alternative (“I wouldn’t do her, not even with your dyck”), it IS a compliment.

ON EDIT: Now have responses from 2 out of 3. Amazing. May not go anywhere, but still …
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 113
view profile
History
Tinder
Posted: 1/11/2016 11:40:20 AM

Yep. And you can poll people on how many times they masturbate in a day and 60% will lie to you.

True. But, even if 80% say they're looking for relationships and not hookups -- and it's not quite that way, they'll be lying elsewhere, too. :) Also, people not on the rebound who aren't looking for a relationship will get into one, if they're ga-ga about someone. And many people who 'aim' for a relationship, are going to end up hooking up. Tinder certainly has no copyright on hooking up - lol.

After Tinder caught on, many profiles on there by gals say "I'm not here looking for a hookup" or something of that nature. Although it will draw more hookup people because it's simple touch-and-go, its popularity could only go so far for hook-up only anyway.

It would be wrong, naturally, but since most of these "studies" are taken anonymously it's not like someone could debunk the study anyway.

I don't find the 80% report looking for relationships/not-hookups too surprising, and I don't think it'd take purposely-made shenanigans to get that. As you said, people themselves are going to lie (to themselves or just to others) to some degree. And relationship vs hooking up isn't a black-n-white either-or thing for most people anyway. I've been in modes Not looking to hookup, but, well, have hooked up. I've been in situations Not looking for a relationship, but, well, that's oddly when relationships can really start to form (not hunting for one). So you have to take it with a grain of salt.

Also, when polling (hetero) men & women on how many people they've slept with, mens' average is Always higher, womens' average is Always lower. Yet, that's mathematically Impossible. Heck, we're even conditioned to believe that women sleep with less guys than guys sleep with girls -- even though in an equal # of men & women in existence, the average has to be the same. When it comes to 'naughty' things, we tend to be biased -- even anonymously.

One of the reasons Tinder isn't an ideal place to find "the one" is because it's So Quick to be flooded with matches. The design promotes window-shopping mode, and it is not positioned to be a relationship-finding thing -- just generically to find someone (that's it).
 sapphicsso
Joined: 7/24/2017
Msg: 114
view profile
History
Tinder
Posted: 7/27/2017 12:31:48 PM
I can't stand tinder, all you have is a picture of the guy/girl and your bio. is the way to go. But tbf all dating sites has its flaws. But i need to know more about a guy/girl other than, just seeing a picture and a bio saying: "so-so from (town) get in touch guys/girls" :s
 sfffffffuu
Joined: 12/16/2014
Msg: 115
Tinder
Posted: 8/17/2017 9:41:44 PM
Actually you can setup a profile without Facebook now and put any photos you want.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Tinder