Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > views on dogs living indoors      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 26
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoorsPage 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
The vilified part is that he's the one who is telling her no when they agreed to compromise, now that she's living there, he's flipped it. There's no reason for these two to live together, whining about him being mean is ridiculous, get your pet and your luggage and move out or give the dog to someone who will treat it well. Do not stay and whine or play victim or toss your dog outside. The woman is not being vilified to the same level because she's not rounding up his dog and keeping it indoors when it wants to go outside, she's not telling the man nope, changed my mind, suck it up buttercup.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 27
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/9/2015 7:12:44 PM
I respectfully disagree daynadaze.
I think a likely scenario is that he tried to accept a dog in the house even though he knew he would hate it. It didn't work out.
He sounds a bit like a clean freak though. Those type of guys really creep me out.
Neither is at fault, but since the dogs are so important to both of them and both of them have differing views on caring for the dogs, it won't work out.
Though it does make a weird story.

Friend:"So what happened between you and so n' so?"
Op:"It didn't work out."
Friend:"why?"
Op:"He keeps the dogs outside."
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 28
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/9/2015 7:29:36 PM

The vilified part is that he's the one who is telling her no

The vilified part is due to people confusing the issue.

1 - They can’t live together - ever.
2 - If that is a deal breaker for her, then you're all right.
3 - If that isn't a deal breaker, and they get a long great separately - why is it a deal breaker?

The issue isn't who is right vs wrong. The problem only even comes into play
If the issue isn't communicated effectively. And I am guessing the OP is less
apt to explain how she really feels to this guy. Making him appear to be aggressive
with what he wants.

But if the issue was brought to attention, and effectively handled. The animals wouldn't be the consideration. The consideration would be based on how he acted as a result of your opposition.

Is he capable of understanding why it matters so much to you, and is he capable of understanding what that means after the fact. Does he care? That’s what you’re looking for. Not able the pet, but about you, because you care about the pet.

But you have to be clear and specific with what you're asking/telling, otherwise you will fall short.
 aj7125
Joined: 11/28/2014
Msg: 29
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/9/2015 7:56:04 PM
Not sure why this man is being vilified, his ideas about pets are different than hers, simple.
You two are not compatible. This is a deal breaker.
I would never let a pet live outside so I choose not to have one as I know that the hair/vomit/accidents are something I do not want to deal with.
I have a neighbour with a beautiful dog who lives outside, stays inside a shed in the winter. He is loved and exercised daily, well trained.
You both have opposite ideas about how pets should be treated and neither is willing to budge. I can see nothing but ongoing problems if you decide to move in with him.

From five-marie^^^^^^^^^^^
________________________________________________________________________________
I agree with this post in they are not compatible AND everything else she said. You have to be clear in what you both like and what you both expect.

I dated a woman one time who had two cats and a dog that was a sweatheart. The dog was very old but very lovable. They all were house animals. She knew I wasn't a cat person and didn't care for inside animals as a whole. She always would put the cats in another room for the night because she knew I didn't like them "hovering" around. The dog slept in the bedroom but NOT on the bed. You didn't even know she was there(the dog)

My point is that had she said that the cats and the dog has free reign and slept on the bed, that would have been an issue. BUT, it was her house and her rules and her pets and had she said she would not adapt for me, I would have respected that 100%! And like the Flinstones(dating myself), I would be kicked out the front door screaming to get back in.

I am single and maybe someday I will have an inside pet. For me, it isn't now because I want to do what I want, when I want and where I want. And there will never be a day an animal sleeps on my bed. My preference.

Getting back to the OP, if the guy doesn't want an inside4 pet and you do and you have one, I have absolutely no problem with you saying....."see ya"..... The one thing I do know is that pets are very important to those who have them and I respect that 100%. OP, there are many people who do pets and many who do not, for you, choose the ones that like inside pets!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 30
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/9/2015 8:02:41 PM

And like the Flinstones(dating myself), I would be kicked out the front door screaming to get back in.


WILMA !!!!
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 31
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/9/2015 8:26:59 PM

from Irishgirl - His house, his rules. It will never be your home.

Well.......not exactly. When she moved in, it was now "their" house.
At least the guy tried a compromise.
I think that the relationship will end unless she caves and lets him have everything his way.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 32
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/9/2015 8:54:01 PM

I think that the relationship will end unless she caves and lets him have everything his way.


I think the OP needs to stand up for herself, to put her foot down on the issue. If he is worth his salt he will understand, if he protests the validity of her emotions and feelings in regard to her pet and what her pet means. Then that is when you can conclude it wont work.

Either both parties understand each other, and they accept the circumstances for what they are.

Or one party doesn't, it doesn't get communicated, turns into an argument - that argument turns into a point of contention. And if it isn't dealt with effectively, it will split the relationship.

If he cant understand the fundamental fact that you won't budge on the issue (same as him) for equally valid reasons - then ditch him.

Otherwise leaving him or whatever because of his position on the issue = wrong.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 33
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/9/2015 10:06:13 PM
Again, I said the reason the man in this issue is getting more grief is that he changed up on her once she was moved in. So there she is with a dog she is upset about being mistreated and having to move or put her dog in a position she's suppose to protect it from. Agreeing or disagreeing on where the dog should live, isn't part of the reason he's getting more grief. I also said she should never had moved in knowing this about him, knowing that even if she got to keep her dog in the house it would never be the way she wants to treat her dog, and she really needs to think about what's best for the dog, and do what's right because staying with this guy is going to emotionally harm her pet. Doesn't matter who agrees with me or not, she's accepted to be in a mess and now she needs to make some responsible decisions. This has nothing to do with male vs. female or if he's right or if she's right, it's that it's not working, they both should have known that it wouldn't and now someone has to stand up and do the right thing.
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 34
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/9/2015 10:30:37 PM
You cant have some dogs allowed inside and some not, they'll get jealous and fight all the time. Dogs are an outside animal, that does not mean they have to be treated poorly by any means, their job is to protect the place and their owners. They can do this far more effectively from the front or back porch than fast asleep next to a heater.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 35
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/9/2015 10:34:23 PM

He still wants her to move into his home.

She is struggling with this decision, and knows this isn't going to make her happy or comfortable...not to mention it never feeling like her place (given she moved in).

Is this a fundamental difference between two people, that makes them incompatible?
Is she selfish/foolish for considering leaving the relationship?
Neither person is willing to "give in" ....is this relationship at dead end?


As long as you can live separately this relationship should be able to survive for another year or so. Actually the 2 of you really aren't compatible if you can't compromise.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 36
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/9/2015 11:49:35 PM

They can do this far more effectively from the front or back porch than fast asleep next to a heater.


Actually the complete OPPOSITE is true...a dog left outside can be shot or poisoned with ease,and you wouldn't even know about it until the criminals were standing next to your own bed...Always best to keep your dog indoors as they will protect their immediate environment, can alert you to potential problems more effectively, and immediately.

However if having your PROPERTY protected is more important, then, yes, the dog can be left outside.

A lot of people anthropomorphize when it comes to their pets...but a few other posters got it right...Some dogs are even happier and prefer being outside, even in WINTER!!!, ie, thick-coated ones, huskies, shepherds, etc.

Having said all of that...
If a dog is a pet that is used to being indoors, throwing it outside is NOT a good thing to do, no matter what kind of dog it is. It is NOT habituated to it and will most likely be unhappy...In fact, I'd be REALLY surprised if that didn't start a chain of behaviour issues, such as constant barking, a return to NOT being housebroken, destructive behaviour, ie, chewing etc.

Any way...as LOVELY as this discussion about dogs IS...

What I REALLY don't get is how we are all here trying to answer the EXACT SAME QUESTION from a few months ago....LOLOLOL

I'm thinking troll post, myself...

Hey OP...were you stuck in some kind of Time warp or what???

If not...then you can just revisit your old thread and re-read my answer...it's the exact same one that I would give now...

God! I HATE déja vu!!! lol
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 37
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 12:18:00 AM
I would view that as animal abuse honestly.

Pets aren't supposed to be locked outside alone and exposed to the elements. In my opinion, if you are going to treat an animal like that, unless it is some kind of farm animal, then don't even bother having animals.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 38
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 2:12:55 AM

I would view that as animal abuse honestly.


Its not cool to throw around that kind of terminology on keeping dogs outside. Real animal abuse does exist, and confusing it or muddying the issue by calling that animal abuse is spreading bad information- no basis to make that claim. Because that is not animal abuse, its a guy who doesn't want animals in his house.

Its not the issue, the problem is when you try to change things. So the issue is why try to compromise when you cant? Why when you don't need to?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 39
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 2:59:43 AM

Its not cool to throw around that kind of terminology on keeping dogs outside. Real animal abuse does exist, and confusing it or muddying the issue by calling that animal abuse is spreading bad information- no basis to make that claim. Because that is not animal abuse, its a guy who doesn't want animals in his house.


100%!!!

@Aradia...perhaps you need to volunteer at an animal shelter to see what real animal abuse IS...

A dog who is given food and water and a sheltered place to sleep, as well as having necessary vet care is NOT being abused...

I saw this meme going around online that a friend of mine had posted...It was a pic of a Sheltie who was sleeping outside in the winter on a back porch step and had a covering of snow on him....and they were calling that animal abuse...

The dog was SLEEPING, quite comfortably by the appearance, NOT shivering in the cold....
My sister had a Sheltie, who have INCREDIBLY thick coats, and he would NOT stay in the house in the winter as it was TOO HOT FOR HIM...and if you opened the door he would swiftly escape!
He would often curl up outside on the steps just like the dog in the pic and one day when I went to her house, I almost stepped on him, because he was covered in a blanket of snow!!! Which acts as an insulator against the cold, btw....One of the reasons that MANY animals in the wild will actually BURROW into the snow when sleeping, in order to keep WARM...

Now I'm talking about a dog with a THICK coat, here, NOT something like a pitbull, and she lived on a farm at the time and with the exception of the summer, when he was constantly trying to break INTO the house for the A/C, his preferred place was OUTSIDE...although he did have company from the cats, dogs, even chickens...
My own dog, who was a German Shepherd used to go swimming in the river in the spring when the ICE was breaking up, and thoroughly enjoyed himself....
It's very important to understand that animals, whether pets or not are STILL animals and are unique according to their species...
Treating an animal the same as a human being is folly pure and simple, and I'm here to tell you that after many years of volunteering in local shelters/SPCA, they are FULL of animals that people have ridiculous expectations of, for the simple fact of a lack of understanding and/or accurate information about the specific animal.

As I mentioned in my previous post, in the case of a dog who is used to being indoors, yes, it WOULD be "cruel" more on a psychological level, to try to turn that dog into an outdoor dog and will most likely lead to behaviour problems...BUT the OP's b/f is NOT an animal abuser for keeping his dog outside....
 Countryheart1967
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 40
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 3:54:51 AM
My two dogs are part of the package, no giving in on that one.
I've had a rottie most all my life, they are the only thing on this planet that haven't "wronged" me.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 41
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 4:01:54 AM
Did I miss the post about her moving in with him? From what I read he wants her to move in, she hasn't yet. I don't see how anyone can say he's changed the rules after she moved in. He tried to compromise (before she moved in) and wasn't comfortable with the changes and told her so. He's being upfront and honest about how pets will live at his home.
 Countryheart1967
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 42
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 4:07:52 AM

They can do this far more effectively from the front or back porch...


You think? Step inside my home and several surprises will greet you at once simultaneously. :p
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 43
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 5:30:19 AM
In fairness, I'm from Australia and guns arent such a big thing. The climate is very stable, t shirt weather all year round. We have a lot of space, any threat is outside and usually a long time coming. Not like there's gangs and crackheads, and we have to protect the dogs from that, maybe different in the cities where there are lots of immigrants.

Not likely you'd get anywhere near my home, without a carbon fibre arrow whizzing past your head.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 44
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 6:35:57 AM
If you don't want dogs inside than don't have dogs at all. It's one thing to let a thick furred dog outside in moderate winter weather to get some exercise vs keeping them outside 24/7. My Boston Terrier and Miniature Poodle will be inside and I don't care a flying f---k what a man or any other person wants. However I didn't give up all my freedom to a controlling male.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 45
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 6:49:55 AM
The subject of o.p.'s post hasn't moved in with her partner, yet; she is still contemplating on whether this is a good move, or not. Her S.O. Has a dog of his own, and is kept outside and in a heated shed. I guess there was a trial run with visits, and it didn't work, which begets an examination of whether it's a good move to move into his home. With his house rules, and knowing they have very different ideas about how to raise the dogs, she has a lot to reconsider. Granted, her dogs would have the same living arrangements as his own dog. I don't think is a cruelty issue, whatsoever -- but it is an issue about compatibility. It's also _his_ home and what he decides, goes -- and he has already demonstrated after the trial he's not prepared to make any finalized compromises.

It's entirely up to her, if this is move is a sensible one, given her affection for her dogs and the differences in which she and her s.o. Have raised their canine family members, respectively.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 46
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 6:55:33 AM
Then if it is considered his home only and she shouldn't move in. When you hit the mid century you have zero tolerance for a controlling d*ck. However I don't worship at the shrine of the male human animal.
 forumgirl519
Joined: 9/27/2014
Msg: 47
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 7:01:48 AM
daynadaze: You did not read the post properly.....

she is not living there... nor is he a bad person for wanting to keep his dog outdoors. His dog had approprropriate shelter, gets attention and is fed daily. It just isn't how she wants to raise a pet... it doesn't make him wrong... they just have opposing views.....
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 48
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 7:02:58 AM
it's her decision to make: she has all of the information she needs to make a solid decision for herself and her canines.
 forumgirl519
Joined: 9/27/2014
Msg: 49
view profile
History
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 7:10:01 AM
CTRLvector: Thanks for your input. I agree with many things you posted. No one is wrong here...it is just a difference in options and views. He is not a bad guy because of this.

The issue was communicated...they talk about it endlessly, lately...since they are discussing cohabitation.
Both want kids, etc...so living together is the next step... living apart forever, will not work for either of them.
When she talked about how important this issue was to her and offered to make compromises...dog only in a specific area, dog outside during the day, etc. He was CLEAR about his feelings - NO WAY.
Her dog is afraid of him, hides and bow her head because he raises his voice around her and presents his "alpha" self in order to teach her dog that it is "HIS house"
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 50
views on dogs living indoors
Posted: 1/10/2015 7:12:42 AM
^^this is the crass insensitivty to which I referred, in an earlier post. If he asserts it's his home and it's rules, and even though his dog has to anise. Is his rules, she has all of the I formation she needs to make a solid decision, if that decisions hasn't yet been made.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > views on dogs living indoors