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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 51
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I am going to say something that may p is s off all the romantics here. All the idealist, all those pure people.

Love is conditional.

The only unconditional love that exists is the one from a mother to a child, even the love of the child for the mother is ridden in need, do this for me, do that for me.

Love is conditional.

The moment that you feel that you are doing all the giving, and not getting a sense of reciprocity, of gratitude, or acknowledgment, YOU, the one giving starts to question and as the questions arise, you begin to resent and question more. The problem is that it's difficult to put the finger into what is wrong. You can still love immensely a person, but now you are nothing but the enabler, the co-dependent, no longer living your life, but living to the constant criticism or sense of need of the other person. And the more that you give and give, the more they demand and the more that the belittle you, and the more the mock you down for wanting something that is no longer there.

I lived in that space. As as much as I loved, I felt empty. It was toxic and destructive. She could get away with it, because she had the permission to be fvcked up. She had a condition. I did not. When it finally, finally ended her parting words were simply "You won't understand." And it was the best answer because in previous splits we wrote each other pages and pages of finger-pointing judgements.

Love is conditional, but you cannot ask of it back. It needs to flow without questions, conditions, measurements but you have to work at it.

Move forward a few years, a few meaningless relationships to find myself at a place where love stares at my face again.
The scars have healed but have left plenty of tissue as a reminder of that ugly past. So you take one step and give. And someone tread you in kind and gives you their love. And an arms race of giving begins. You both realize the deep woulds the other one has, and from then own make a bow to never take the other for granted. Never to ignore, or to assume.

Love is an active verb, that has to be worked on all the time. Only then it gives back without resentment without contempt, without conditions.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 52
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 7:45:40 AM

My feeling is at some point we reach a boundary where combining households is really challenging.
The majority of the time I have participated in these Forums there has been a girlfriend in my life who doesn't live here.

Having my girlfriend visit for a few days, or me going to her place for a few days historically "works" for us.
At the same time, my home is spotlessly meticulous. I am talking white-glove clean from top to bottom.

We can remain crazy for each other yet have the luxury of "downtime" to sit on the sofa and watch Law & Order marathons without any sense of guilt or either of us getting frustrated. From a logistics and travel perspective, it is really nice to have two "launchpads" from which to do fun stuff. Good luck, OP! :-)


This implies the GF relationship has a limited lifespan.

In your opinion, what is the general reason this sort of relationship eventual breaks down and doesn't work any longer?

Is the break up at the end a bother or is it sort of expected and you both just move on?

Do you mind having that sort of revolving door relationships?

I ask because I thought strongly about having the same sort more relaxed relationships. I can see the upside but wondered about the down side to this sort of relationship.
 caboblue
Joined: 12/28/2014
Msg: 53
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 8:02:21 AM
Fire and ice 4

I couldn't agree with you more.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 54
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 8:08:42 AM
Dragonbytes...thank you for asking. I am glad to provide detail.
My dating relationships very typically last for a bunch of years at a time.
If averaged out, the duration is probably around 5-6 years.

My theory is that a boyfriend and girlfriend living apart is the purest form of love.
We have our own residences. We have our own jobs. We are in these relationships because we want to be here.
If either of us were to become lazy, there is an opportunity the other might depart. Keeps us sharp, huh?! :-)
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 55
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 8:35:39 AM
"I don't really think better communications will clear things up. It could be that if one communicates more clearly, you break up sooner."

I don't believe that has anything to do with my example of miscommunication, but it might be a case in point of what I was writing about - communication is difficult.

I believe communication is very important in a relationship. The FEW misunderstandings I was referring to could have been easily resolved if they were discussed. One of her few faults (I think) was leaving the room without discussing a minor problem.

"The upside is breaking up sooner can leave more time for the future."

Upside? Sooner? I was extremely fortunate to meet someone so compatible. We had the time of our lives. Too bad we couldn't spend the rest of our lives together. Communication, or lack of, was our main problem. That and a legalized drug problem the last few years of our relationship had everything to do with the breakup.

Perhaps even discussing what the drugs were doing to her brain might of helped.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 56
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 8:38:49 AM

I am going to say something that may p is s off all the romantics here. All the idealist, all those pure people.

Love is conditional.

The only unconditional love that exists is the one from a mother to a child, even the love of the child for the mother is ridden in need, do this for me, do that for me.

Love is conditional.

The moment that you feel that you are doing all the giving, and not getting a sense of reciprocity, of gratitude, or acknowledgment, YOU, the one giving starts to question and as the questions arise, you begin to resent and question more. The problem is that it's difficult to put the finger into what is wrong. You can still love immensely a person, but now you are nothing but the enabler, the co-dependent, no longer living your life, but living to the constant criticism or sense of need of the other person. And the more that you give and give, the more they demand and the more that the belittle you, and the more the mock you down for wanting something that is no longer there.

I lived in that space. As as much as I loved, I felt empty. It was toxic and destructive. She could get away with it, because she had the permission to be fvcked up. She had a condition. I did not. When it finally, finally ended her parting words were simply "You won't understand." And it was the best answer because in previous splits we wrote each other pages and pages of finger-pointing judgements.

Love is conditional, but you cannot ask of it back. It needs to flow without questions, conditions, measurements but you have to work at it.

Move forward a few years, a few meaningless relationships to find myself at a place where love stares at my face again.
The scars have healed but have left plenty of tissue as a reminder of that ugly past. So you take one step and give. And someone tread you in kind and gives you their love. And an arms race of giving begins. You both realize the deep woulds the other one has, and from then own make a bow to never take the other for granted. Never to ignore, or to assume.

Love is an active verb, that has to be worked on all the time. Only then it gives back without resentment without contempt, without conditions.


Beautiful.
And part of the beauty is IG worked on himself, owned his part, fixed what needed to be fixed & then was able to be in a very fulfilling partnership.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 57
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 8:48:31 AM

Beautiful.
And part of the beauty is IG worked on himself, owned his part, fixed what needed to be fixed & then was able to be in a very fulfilling partnership.


Hmmm. Thank you Blonde, you're an angel.

It's awesome not just to love again, but to feel loved.
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 58
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 8:50:08 AM
I think I would put it another way. True love is unconditional -but being with someone or putting up with someone can be conditional. If not being together is best, even if you have the opportunity -you're still showing love by not ignoring that.
If a relationship becomes harmful, doing the best thing for all with positive regard for all is still love.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 59
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 9:49:30 AM

Having my girlfriend visit for a few days, or me going to her place for a few days historically "works" for us.


What happens if one day she says: "I no longer like this living apart situation and having to make plans to visit and see each other. I want a more traditional relationship-marriage and living together." Can you ever see you two living together or will it have to be a LAT forever or bust? If it ever gets to the point of moving in together., who would do the moving in and moving away?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 60
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 10:03:57 AM
What happens if she DOESN'T?
I've been blessed to be able to know/observe all kinds of couples.
One kind IS those who are longterm SOs who do not ever cohabit. Most of these occur among older people who have done the marriage&family thing, and their original spouse has passed.
I've seen these relationships last for 15-20 and more years, until death parts them.
Cindy O
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 61
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 10:23:25 AM
Maleman999...thanks for asking.

My girlfriends have typically resided anywhere between two miles away to about twenty miles away.
In each of the cases, the relationships were fine with separate homes. Clearly within an easy drive.

If my girlfriend suddenly sought marriage or cohabitation, I would cross that bridge when I got to it.
With rare exception, my girlfriends have had minor children with whom they divide time spent with the child's father.
With that in mind, marriage or cohabitation is a highly unlikely scenario at this stage in my 47 y.o. life.

That flexibility allows my girlfriend to raise her child as she sees fit along with the father. They share custody.
I do not have children of my own and I am perfectly happy to visit my girlfriend and depart in the evening.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 62
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 10:44:45 AM
I have a friend that's never married, but had one 20 yr relationship and is in an going 6 yr relationship. Her secret is not living together. The more I see things within myself the more I know I cannot live with someone.

Serenity, not being able to live together doesn't mean you're flawed. At least you tried.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 63
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 11:12:16 AM
Eric


Is the break up at the end a bother or is it sort of expected and you both just move on?

Dragonbytes...thank you for asking. I am glad to provide detail.
My dating relationships very typically last for a bunch of years at a time.
If averaged out, the duration is probably around 5-6 years.


It was the break up when I ended a relationship that bothered me the most. Guilt or remorse or some combination of both. It would be great if my SO had a great new man which she wanted to live with, or if she got married and was looking like she was living "happily ever after".

It could be that I never laid the groundwork for the eventually ending of a relationship. I never insisted I didn't want to get married or move in together, so if she brings it up it came as a disappointment I wasn't up for that.

You seem well balanced, thus my question, how do you handle the ending of a relationship, do you lay the groundwork, is it a traumatic emotional end or a mutual moving on? Do you even think about the end game?


My theory is that a boyfriend and girlfriend living apart is the purest form of love.


Valid theory or rationalization, I think it's hard to tell. Pure love because it involves a "daily choice" or maybe a fear of the pain of a loss if a forever after love turns out to end in death or a betrayal of that love. A way to protect yourself.

I could say getting married is desperate means of holding onto someone you will otherwise lose, or a love so pure you know it's forever.

I find one can cast many personal decisions in a good or bad light.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 11:49:07 AM
Someone mentioned why worry about water? Well, for one, I do not live in a dessert. CA has serious water shortages throughout as part of climate change. This has affected agriculture severely and the cost of produce, overall water availability for the general public and skyrocketing water bills as incentives to "stop". I have read of several people with severe fines running into the thousands, for water leaks they were not aware of before. I plan to look into a grey water system, using laundry water for outdoor plants, etc.

Here, what is odd, living on a creek and near the ocean, we still have flash floods. The hills are so dry, that they don't absorb water at first when it does rain, and this condition then floods the creeks. If high tide and any rainy weather, the ocean water surges back and up the creek, in combination with the rising creek water, right to our doorstep. I have been through this once and was terrified. If I had not put vents under my house, the water would have come in. Where I live is beautiful, but it comes with a price. This winter, I had to get sandbags and drag things out of harms way and with the freeze cover all the bushes and plants. It usually does not freeze here. I had to pay for this and worked along with the man I paid, with only a bit of help towards the end and begrudgingly. I should not have to ask. My neighbors, my age, worked as a team and got things handled. Actually he does way more, but they have been married over 40 years and have their own way and have shared duties over the many years.

Right now we carry out dish soaking water, where feasible for plants. Any left over water in glasses or pots or pet dishes also goes to plants. I have NOT gone as far as my neighbor YET. She uses her granddaughters bath water to flush the toilet with buckets and this woman has money (probably why she has money)! I have purchased efficiency dishwasher and washer/dryers. Showers are limited to five minutes per shower. For me, this is bad, because daily soaking in a tub helped my lyme pain in the past. But, I conserve, because I have no other choice.

I don't have double standards. Anyone living here who pays bills, has to conserve. Others do it willingly because they care about the planet. Some areas have no water whatsoever and people are at the mercy of non-profits to get them some to drink, let alone bathe. It is a big deal for two reasons: conservation and rising water bills, which on fixed incomes, could make or break some people.

I have to downsize or get paying tenants or conserve money very tightly. Right now it is the last option. Water utility companies have given homeowners a list of things to follow voluntarily, while more severe ration plans are being considered. They have held off so far with the severe penalties where I live, because we have as a string of neighborhoods, gotten consumption down 20 percent. But, charges for higher water tiers are increased and no doubt will increase further. Gas and electric are also going up. Food is going up due to the water shortage.

I am not going to get into a he said/she said discussion. I have and still do love this person. But I think as aptly described above (thank you for the perspective), you can love someone unconditionally and pray for their growth and safety. But, living with someone in a partnership does require communication, commitment to a budget if needs be and mutual assumption of daily living responsibilities--consequently making daily living "conditional". I am just not into the enabling/nagging role right now. Been there, done that. . As have counselors. But, no matter what I have to do to keep myself afloat and plan for my "aging" future, my decision is still painful and I do worry about him. This thread is keeping me strong and not allowing me to reneg on my decision.

I still cannot get over the fact, that this is even happening. Household demands are not unreasonable for this area. If anything, I have done way more than most would have. He will have far more responsibilities when he moves out and now unavoidable higher bills. My actions seem to be a wake up call for him. But, there have been too many broken promises, so I cannot change my mind "again".

Thank you for challenging my brain to make sure I believe in what I have done. The more I read, the more I see, I had no other choice, short of winning the lottery. If you cannot meet rising costs, you have to sit down, lessen the load together either with labor or more money and/or agree to cut costs. I have been so tired trying to do everything, I have been eating out. I cut that cost. But, it would be nice to have someone to cook with and cleanup together--without asking:) Or, at least talk to me while I am doing it. Don't have half your meal consumed, before I even get to the table with mine:) Now, to be clear, he too is tired with his part time job, still requiring a lot of driving. He also keeps looking for ft jobs. But hey, we all have problems. To me, despite the drain of it all with daily living demands, at least doing what is necessary with a life partner would lessen the load and might even be fun.

I was joking about the boobs and weight loss. Calm down, I am not getting a boob job:)
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 65
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 2:08:11 PM
It's awesome not just to love again, but to feel loved.

That's where BJs come in. Ahhh, it's like the feeling of gatorade for the parched mouth. And You just feel the warm flow of love envelope you (and so do they; sometimes hitting them by surprise).

Now, being too caught up into that is what may lead some people into being in love with love (hence the other person is semi-secondary; out of focus somewhat without realizing it; well after the honeymoon phase others point out the incompatibilities both should have seen walking in, etc). Not to say the warm & fuzzies = that. Not saying that at all, But it's just food for thought!

Someone mentioned why worry about water?

No, it's about not causing a stink if they aren't "being conservative on the water Enough", while also they are not the neighbhorhood water-waster. Just a precaution, as there are real problems between the two, if that's all the water-related issue was. If that's all the water-related issue was, that could be an indicator of over-reaching mismatches. I had an ex-GF who I lived with who would scrub and clean plastics and so forth for recycling. She'd spend tons of time separating plastics & paper (even though one didn't have to; they took 'em both mixed) -- but I wasn't going make a stink about her doing way too much for such little environmental gain, nor harp on it how there was an annoyance factor to it WHEN there were other Actual issues. I can understand when a couple's Struggling with many things, the smaller stuff will be bigger stuff and get to the other. Just pointing out what to pick one's battles -- even in one's own mind.

I am not going to get into a he said/she said discussion.

But you never even really scratched the surface. That "stuff" is the core part of it. Otherwise you're just (understandably) venting about how you feel -- not trying to analyze, break it down, and objectively see the real mismatches and what you (and he) have done, handled things, etc. The real devil's in the details.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 66
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 2:28:12 PM
A flaw for me in a LAT relationship is substituting face-to-face conversations with possibly countless or long, drawn out telephone conversations or never ending texts every day-especially if it's with someone who is never lost for words. Spending two hours a day or so holding a piece of plastic against my ear with noise coming out of it is not my idea of fun, or feeling obligated to reply to 15 text messages a day. I wouldn't feel like I'm in my own space doing what I want and relaxing, when I'm constantly on call or spending half of my free time being the other person's entertainment from a distance. What's the point of living apart if you're tethered to the other person 24/7 by a device that seems more like a leash?

And some people would have a snit fit if you tell them you don't want to spend all of your time conversing with them using whatever device-"What do you mean you can't take a crap or pee and talk to me on the phone st the same time? Don't you love me anymore? Are you seeing someone else?..."
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 67
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 2:34:35 PM

Posted by Dragonbytes:
"...You seem well-balanced, thus my question, how do you handle the ending of a relationship, do you lay the groundwork, is it a traumatic emotional end or a mutual moving on? Do you even think about the end game?"

With more than a quarter-million miles pedaled the past few decades...I suppose being well-balanced comes in handy! ;-)

The conclusion of a relationship (if and when it occurs) is typically a sad event for me.
Once or twice I have been surprised, yet it is generally a mutual decision for us to travel separate paths.

I have remained on friendly speaking terms with 85% of past girlfriends.
The other 15% we just lost track of each other.
If I was to somehow randomly encounter the missing ones on the street, it would be a nice reunion with smiles. Life is far too short for bitter fighting and acrimonious feelings.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 4:00:29 PM
This is all a little one sided. I get this impression when an OP starts adding to the issues after getting feedback...half consumed meals before she sits down. Why mention this at all? I would think that he might feel uncomfortable living in HER home under her conditions. Not sure I'd feel comfortable in a relationship in which I felt like a boarder in which I'm welcomed or not based on my financial contribution to the bottom line.

My boyfriend and I do not live together. I'm comfortable well off financially and he is very well off. Certainly no financial issues now or in the future. However, if this was not the case we still would not live together at this time...and, I would not see him as some source of financial support. Especially not as some support so that I can maintain my home with my rules (don't start eating until I sit down).

The irony is that we get along great when together on vacations. No issues. That nice easy feeling like my parents had. Just being together is the coziest, best feeling in the world. However, we much prefer the girlfriend/boyfriend get-away trips, or sleeping together after a date. I just love the anticipation of him ringing the doorbell. I thrive on this giddy teenage-type relationship. Three years of being excited about going dancing on Friday or dressing up to go out for dinner or a play.

Perhaps one day we will live together...we already spend half our time at each other's house....but it feels so special the way things are. I'm sure we would be fine. However, there is nowhere to progress to after you live together and it does not go well. Perhaps possible, but doomed once you were to stop living together...the spell broken. No hope of getting back on track if the issue was one of incompatible lifestyles. I can't change a man and he can't change me.

Also, men are men. Its a real turn on when my guy just 'takes me' but I doubt this would last if we went to sleep and woke up in the same bed every day. At least this is my limited experience with men in life. Not being together certainly gets him more amorous for when the times we are. Something 'naughty' about it that keeps things fresh.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 69
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History
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 4:20:02 PM
OP: A very compelling post. I agree with the others that moving in together because of finances and your partner becoming a tenant in your home are stressful dynamics. I did have another thought…not an excuse…just a thought. I’ve experienced in the past people changing their character/behavior when they are feeling shame. I’ve had experiences in the past when very kind, stable people find themselves in a financial jam (job loss) and they borrow money, their shame over the situation can lead to: shutting down in their communication, denial of their situation, denial of the impact of their situation on others, immaturity, relational blindness….it can be very startling. It’s like they need to distance themselves from their (financial/mortal) vulnerability by minimizing or dissociating from the reality of the situation. That leaves the person who is helping with the burden of not only losing the money they lent but the stress of the negativity of the beneficiaries coping style…a double burden.
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 70
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 5:00:06 PM
Showers are limited to five minutes per shower. For me, this is bad, because daily soaking in a tub helped my lyme pain in the past. But, I conserve


Reading that, I feel that many of us Forumites would like you to use your hydro-therapy soaking in a tub of hot water maybe half-full several times a week if it makes pain go away. We give you permission to use some of our states limited resource water to enjoy a half-hour or so of pleasure instead of pain when you need to.

I used to do that and then use 5-gal buckets to dip out most of the grey water to water my roses. Having a grey-water system to do that directly would be much easier once installed. Someday I may do that.

You mentioned leaks, leaks are a major concern in overuse of residential water. Leaks can be found and stopped.
IF everyone did that in this state, there would be much more fresh water to go around. Extreme conservation is a learned habit. Not everyone has learned it yet or wants to.

I got my water use down to just 1 100cuft last fall for a two month period.
My lowest ever. No leaks here. My normal is just 2 100cuft. I don't water any outside plants except roses with grey water from washing. My grass dries up in the summer, comes back now with these rains.

Be good to yourself with those baths several times a week. You likely conserve everywhere else, more than most.

I've noticed that your prose seems to have an easy, natural flow with whatever subject you are writing about. Maybe it starts with the calming username, and good vocabulary.
I suggest that you look around your area or online for paid writing opportunities. Consider writing or counseling for "Covered California". You have a useful background there. Not everyone can write so well and have it flow so naturally that you want to keep reading the whole long story of many paragraphs.

At least write your thoughts down in your journal maybe an hour a day as some good therapy which really does help in stressful times.

S
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 71
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 6:28:39 PM
patrick45015
Being in love is not the same as real true love. It will bring together two people who are not suited to each other,
because of some crazy brain chemicals going on. Love by itself is not enough I agree, there has to be basic friendship, common values and outlook, the same goals together and a lot of tolerance and patience. Being in love is not a choice, love is.
 ofnofixedaddress
Joined: 8/30/2014
Msg: 72
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/12/2015 7:07:46 PM
I remember when I was advised that it takes the average man about 2 years to recover from a major break up. I know we're a bit slow, but that seemed like forever at the time. In the end though I think she (my sister) was right. I never would have thought that I'd be single for 7 years and be happy about it, but that's what happened. I found myself in that time. I believe you need to know and love yourself before you can love someone else and you can't do that and be in a new relationship at the same time.

Confidence, or maybe just a certain level of comfortableness with being just you, puts you in control of the dating game. Your vision remains clear and wide open this way. You see things that aren't "you" more easily. You also know what you can deal with and what you can't, or won't.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 73
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/13/2015 8:14:31 AM
I've only lived with a man twice, and both times I was the one who paid the bills and took care of most of the household responsibilities. In many ways it felt like taking care of an extra child. When I think back to those days, I do more cringing than fondly remembering. I was very young though, and still had a lot of growing to do.

I would prefer at this point to live with someone, to be able to share all of that. But I do see how it could lead to a build up of incompatibility, especially since I have been living on my own (with kids but no other adult) for the vast majority of my life. It would take an adjustment for sure, and be easier in a home new to both of us.

But I can see the advantages of the LAT thing too. I guess much depends on the connection formed between two people.

Sorry for the heartache Op, I hope the parting goes as smoothly as it can.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 74
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History
Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/13/2015 1:13:02 PM
Wow! After reading a lot of these posts, no wonder living together, marriage, "finding-the one" etc., is so hard to do. Many of us are so set in our ways, we are no longer willing to compromise. In some situations, that's okay, but not if you want a live-in relationship.

In successful relationships, there is always compromise (and tolerance). To get to that compromise, there are more than 64 flavors (ways) to do that than there types of concoctions at a Baskin Robbins Ice Cream parlor. If you or your significant other doesn't compromise, the live-in relationship is eventually going to be doomed.

For example: As we aged, my wife and I compromised on the issue of getting a good night's sleep. During the work week, I sleep in my own room, she in hers. Originally, I thought that arraignment was unusual, but when I talked about it with friends and family. I found out my grandparents, parents, all my three sisters and some of my fiends do the exact same thing we do.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 75
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Ever love someone, but could not live with or plan a future with him or her?
Posted: 1/13/2015 1:37:06 PM
Dondea

What a mature, responsible observation.

So many here get into a relationship and it suddenly produces two victims.

So true about sleeping arrangements. Our family was very close growing up. Mom is from Norway. All four of us kids would often hop in bed with her and snuggle. My poor father, more American in culture, would use this as an excuse to sleep in one of our beds. When my sisters visit, we still will sleep in the same bed. My boyfriend escapes the gabbing fest by going to his place to sleep.
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