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 AUTHOR
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 276
Paying for a datePage 12 of 73    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Please keep the original OP's subject line title on this thread, that is NOT a comment space. Thank you.


Anything you post can not be deleted.


Remember, those who didn't pay attention last month.
It can happen again...

S

Any helpers here can please report that profile for Forum abuse, post #292 below. Thanks.
S
 The_Wizard_of_Oz
Joined: 1/20/2015
Msg: 277
I'd pay for Tall_IQ to STFU
Posted: 2/11/2015 7:47:33 PM

Remember, those who didn't pay attention last month.
It can happen again...

Would that be someone handing you your a$$ again there Tall_IQ2?

You do know that quoting rules, typing in bold and just being a big, dumb, thinkyaknowitall still doesn't make you a mod, right?
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 278
Pay for a date
Posted: 2/11/2015 7:55:50 PM

I've found a general rule of thumb: In my experience, men 50 and over want to pay, and men in their 30's assume we'll do dutch. I've no clue about men in their 40's.

For men in their 40s, they just like to dine-n-ditch and you have to play along. ;) That's only a little worse than your rule of thumb... I have to disagree with that. Guys in their 30s aren't going to assume splitting the bill on a Date any more than guys older than them. They may Complain more because they're more apt to be bouncing in the dating scene more actively.

I'm not going to consume 3 round of drinks first off. I don't drink like that.

That's not the point tho (even though that's not much over the course of a good while). You're out at an event/restaurant/bar -- he buys the first 3 rounds of X indulging in... you asking to get the 4th and last round would be insinuating a lack of interest in him? No. And him really liking that isn't "bean counting," either. It's a matter of principle, and I would call the woman Cheap -- she'd be turning the tables on the guy if he thought that was a good/appreciative thing for a gal to do (especially on a Date where nobody asked to Take out the other).

If he can't afford it he shouldn't have invited me.

It's not about affordability, it's about the principle of the matter. I can totally understand a woman not wanting to date a guy who doesn't have the money to pay for a date and can barely scrape by to pay his own portion, and even Barely cover his date's. I agree there totally. But that's not what the topic is about, unless there's some sub-topic where a woman wants a guy to prove that he's not poor and not cheap by "buying me out" as The reason or something - lol.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 279
Pay for a date
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:06:45 PM

Please keep the original OP's subject line title on this thread, that is NOT a comment space. Thank you.


If it was the desire of POF to keep all threads on-topic, many of the already existing threads should be locked.

To double check, I looked here: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts141520.aspx

Which says nothing about maintaining a thread topic.

It does say:


No Insults or baiting others into an exchange of insults. Condescension, derision, rudeness will not be tolerated and neither will personal libelous/defamatory characterizations - period. This forum was designed as a place to exchange and promote intelligent conversation, not as your personal medium to entice people into a meaningless exchange of hatred against one another. If this is your intent, then you will lose your privileges to participate.


*I'm not a moderator, however, I thought people should be aware of what the rules are in regards to "keeping the thread on-topic."
 MeMeMeatlast
Joined: 1/26/2015
Msg: 280
I'd pay for Tall_IQ to STFU
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:11:09 PM
Yeah Mike, if we weren't allowed to change the subject line, one would think it wouldn't be an option .

Maybe someone is being a bit of a control freak ?
 The_Wizard_of_Oz
Joined: 1/20/2015
Msg: 281
I'd pay for Tall_IQ to STFU
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:15:10 PM
Can everyone report the user in Msg: 291 for being a banned for life troll that dumped his profile to get around the ban and now acts like a pompus a$$ and pretends he's a forum moderator.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 282
Paying for a Date
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:20:33 PM
Tall - Unfortunately, POF forums seems to be an audition for
1) comedy central
2) The Heathers
3) Bullies, Inc.

You know, my father worked most of my childhood and my mother didn't. Yet, overall, I think that she more than "paid" for their relationship by the things that she did for him and the family.

A dinner cooked at home can cost more to make than eating out. A woman may do that for you.
There is pulling out a wallet and there is doing other things.

Fortunately, I see the traditional re-emerging with younger people.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 283
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:25:39 PM
OneKewlDood- Generally, whoever invites the other person pays.
I have had men ask me to go dutch and I'm fine with that, usually they bring it up before the date, which I appreciate, it would be embarrassing to be asked on the date and not have the money.
I have also offered to pay if the man has payed the last time and I don't think any less of a man who is ok with a woman paying sometimes, or him paying one time and me the next.
This IS 2015 :)
 naysaying_knicktwist
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 284
Never Have I Ever
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:32:48 PM

Ladies, are you offended when a guy asks to go "Dutch"?

I have never had a man ask to go "Dutch." For those who have: How is this worded?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 285
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:47:28 PM

What I honestly don’t understand is why a guy would accept his date’s offer to pay. Why would a man ask a woman on a date and then HOPE she offers to pay?? If you couldn’t pay, or didn’t want to pay, WHY would you ask a woman on a date in the first place?


An offer to pay should be genuine. Not some type of “test” to see if he is a "gentleman" or "cheap". Besides, if someone ( date or platonic friend ) asked me to go to a place that was expensive and I didn't want to spend a lot of money, I would suggest doing something cheaper. Instead of agreeing to her idea and hoping that she will pay for me.


If you are the person who extends the invite - M or F, you pay.


Among the women that asked me out, only one of them offered to pay for the bill because of that specific reason. That didn’t bother me. I don’t expect someone to pay for me because they asked.
 geekgrrrl
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 286
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:48:06 PM
Methinks I smell a mi-soj-uh-nis-tik troll in Indiana...lol
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 287
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:53:15 PM
If profiles are VISIBLE after 3 dates?

We can go DUTCH holding hands:)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 288
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:56:49 PM

I'm not going to consume 3 round of drinks first off. I don't drink like that. No I am not going to offer to buy the next round if he invited me to go out with him. I don't like a bean counting stingy man, I was married to one once and never want to do that again.


Different example. A man pays for dinner. After that, you go get some ice cream. I think it would be a good gesture for the woman to offer to pay for the ice cream. I wouldn't call it bean counting. Since he would still end up paying for most of the date if a woman buys the ice cream.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 289
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/11/2015 9:56:51 PM

I also don't like assigning value to money.


In that case, let me just say that those green pieces of paper with Ben Franklin's picture are the same as the ones with George Washington's picture. So, can you give me 5 of the ones with Ben's picture for a cup of Starbucks coffee?


You can pay for a date? Isn't that illegal??


Actually it's illegal to pay for a "date" (wink wink), not a date.


You know, my father worked most of my childhood and my mother didn't. Yet, overall, I think that she more than "paid" for their relationship by the things that she did for him and the family.

A dinner cooked at home can cost more to make than eating out. A woman may do that for you.
There is pulling out a wallet and there is doing other things.


Yes, she "may", or may not.
Which was great for your parents each providing in their own ways- as many women did when more women stayed at home- and is great IF a woman does that.
I don't think most men would complain about that sort of effort.
I think they are complaining about the women whose common question is, "so where are you taking me to dinner tonight?" every time they go out.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 290
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/12/2015 3:26:08 AM
mike11091

If it was the desire of POF to keep all threads on-topic, many of the already existing threads should be locked.

To double check, I looked here: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts141520.aspx

Which says nothing about maintaining a thread topic.

It does say:


No Insults or baiting others into an exchange of insults. Condescension, derision, rudeness will not be tolerated and neither will personal libelous/defamatory characterizations - period. This forum was designed as a place to exchange and promote intelligent conversation, not as your personal medium to entice people into a meaningless exchange of hatred against one another. If this is your intent, then you will lose your privileges to participate.


*I'm not a moderator, however, I thought people should be aware of what the rules are in regards to "keeping the thread on-topic."

Thank you, Mike. This helps me a lot. This is the kind of info that people who know should be posting if they're not just on a huge delusional ego trip and care about the site.

You might follow Mike's lead here, Tall, in your new quest for credibility. Yeah, Mike's not here showboating every day. Mike cares about the site and it's obvious from his posts.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 291
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/12/2015 4:30:17 AM

You might follow Mike's lead here, Tall, in your new quest for credibility. Yeah, Mike's not here showboating every day. Mike cares about the site and it's obvious from his posts.


*smh with a grin* You are such a shit... ;-)
 MeMeMeatlast
Joined: 1/26/2015
Msg: 292
NO T!T 4 TaT
Posted: 2/12/2015 5:52:06 AM

You might follow Mike's lead here, Tall, in your new quest for credibility. Yeah, Mike's not here showboating every day. Mike cares about the site and it's obvious from his posts.




*smh with a grin* You are such a shit... ;-)


CuriousinDb please, please , PLEASE stay on topic ! Thank you.

Neverinlife , you used a bad , filthy word, Stop it ! Thank you.

Oh, and NO RUNNING IN THE HALL !

At this point I feel compelled to remind everyone to not only follow POF Forum rules but MY rules as well . Thank you.


Q
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 293
NO T!T 4 TaT
Posted: 2/12/2015 7:05:18 AM

How is that not insulting to a woman to be told it's insulting for her to have the desire and ability to want to pay as well ?????

Not insulting at all. Some men are old world traditionalists and don't like the Dutch thing. No big deal at all.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 294
Paying for a cup-o-noodles
Posted: 2/12/2015 8:04:58 AM

The question about who pays for a date has been done to death here, and, regardless of the sensible and fair suggestions by many people, it is evident that the REAL issue is a deep seated resentment towards women in general, that, because they earn money and can take care of themselves, then f*ck them, I'm not buying them even a cup of coffee on their first date.


Can you blame them? How many first dates does it take? If there was a higher likelihood that there would be a second date, things would be different today. But when it's CONSTANTLY move on to the next best thing, why should you spend your money that you worked hard for to pay for someone who doesn't appreciate you or the gesture at all?

Most of the guys who think like me would be happy to pay for their girlfriend every time they go out. But the difference between a girlfriend and some flake from POF that you might as well just forget exists the moment the date ends is pretty huge.

It's not a resentment towards women, it's being tired of wasting money on someone they'll never talk to again. You want to solve this problem? It's easy. Don't target the men, target the women who go on one date and then vanish from existence. Not even a simple "thank you" for paying for them. They don't even have to mean it, just say it. When we stop being treated like a free meal by these girls, anyone decent will start having better first dates.

But why is that even an issue on a lot of first dates? If it's someone you knew for a while, that's one thing. But today with more people using OLD, and the still common meeting someone while you're out somewhere... Why isn't both of you paying just the assumed thing that will happen, unless someone offers to pay the whole thing? When you're at a point where there's no guarantee of seeing each other again, why is the burden to pay put entirely on one person of the two? You're still pretty much two strangers. It's just really hard to justify paying for a girl so that some other guy can taker her out tomorrow. But I understand that not every date has to lead to a second. A lot of times, I'll still pay, but it's going to take that honesty of saying so, or of actually acting like a decent person... Were we talking, or where you texting your friend all night? If you're texting your friend and ignoring me, I've actually left girls sitting at diners to take the whole bill herself because of the one simple fact that she didn't even realize I was gone, and up until I left, didn't respond to anything I said. But if you were being a decent person, you kept the phone down, you weren't talking about the date you have later that night, you're not checking POF and answering people while the phone is right in front of my face, I'll offer to cover your part. But if I'm left wondering if you're going to vanish, pay for yourself. If I KNOW I'm not going to see you again, because you said so, I'll offer to pay.

It's not hard, respect is a 2 way street. Show the other person the respect that you want and you'll get it back. Treat a guy like a free meal ticket, and don't expect him to want to spend his money on you. FFS it's not hard to treat people like people. Your life is not that busy that you can't commit just 30 minutes to actually talking to someone. (Both men and women on that one)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 295
Paying for a cup-o-noodles
Posted: 2/12/2015 9:15:26 AM

Your life is not that busy that you can't commit just 30 minutes to actually talking to someone. (Both men and women on that one)


Telling some people to put away their smart phone to have a human-to-human conversation for 30 minutes is like telling them to jump off a tall building, since everybody is waiting for that infamous "emergency" call or text-in which many cases, is something like "Did you hear what Bill said about Susan?", or getting a message from someone from a dating site. Is your cell phone out of sight and mind and turned off when meeting someone, or do you do the popular trick of going to the bathroom to catch up and respond to texts and calls?
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 296
Paying for a cup-o-noodles
Posted: 2/12/2015 9:42:58 AM

An offer to pay should be genuine. Not some type of “test” to see if he is a "gentleman" or "cheap". Besides, if someone ( date or platonic friend ) asked me to go to a place that was expensive and I didn't want to spend a lot of money, I would suggest doing something cheaper. Instead of agreeing to her idea and hoping that she will pay for me.


Who said it was her idea? When a mature adult man has asked me on a date he has planned where we’re going to go.

Do you pay for your platonic friends and treat them like dates, or do you treat your dates like friends?

You didn’t answer my questions, and now I have more:

Why would you accept your date’s offer to pay? Why would you think that’s a game? If you thought the woman you were taking out on a date would play games with you that you don’t like, WHY would you ask her on a date?

Why would a man ask a woman on a date and then HOPE she offers to pay??

If you couldn’t pay, or didn’t want to pay, WHY would you ask a woman on a date in the first place?

I really didn’t think these questions were all that difficult.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 297
NO T!T 4 TaT
Posted: 2/12/2015 11:02:28 AM

Not insulting at all. Some men are old world traditionalists and don't like the Dutch thing. No big deal at all.

And also to "have the desire and ability to want to pay as well" doesn't mean going Dutch. As a semi-analogy: Just because she picks out the ice cream shop or bar she prefers after the dinner date to get ice cream or to have 1 drink, doesn't mean she's leading or splitting the date's decisions down the middle. She's contributing to what they do and it's not some structured "50/50" thing. That's what some people who hiss at desiring a gal to contribute -- they'll call every concept "Dutch" to shoo it away, even when there's no process like that going on.

Why would you accept your date’s offer to pay?

That's vague. The Whole date, split roughly 50/50, or to just contribute? I'd accept the concept of the whole date if she Genuinely Wanted to, say, treat me for once. Why not, right? If she was the type of gal who liked to split 50/50 (you got this one, I get the next one) -- that's totally cool too, if she Genuinely Wanted to. To contribute? Same thing... "No, I really want to at least put something in..." I would offer that she could instead get a couple drinks after or say "Okay, here, you can get the tip." Why NOT accept it, to one degree or another, if she was being genuine - would be the real question.

Why would you think that’s a game?

Many women are turned off if a guy takes her up on the offer. You can find that in the forums, you can find that IRL. Many women who do so usually see it as either (a) Polite [but don't actually mean it], or (b) To be polite and all, but test the guy to see if he's a 'cheapskate'.

If you thought the woman you were taking out on a date would play games with you that you don’t like, WHY would you ask her on a date?

Not everyone has ESP. Otherwise both men & women would always have great 1st dates. :)

Why would a man ask a woman on a date and then HOPE she offers to pay??

He could like the idea (if she genuinely meant it). Hope's too strong of a word though if he Asked to Take Her Out. But it's the 90s now, not every date is a by-product of person A asking person B if they could Take Them Out, or even a one-sided Asking if they would go out with them. So it isn't always that simple.

If you couldn’t pay, or didn’t want to pay, WHY would you ask a woman on a date in the first place?

Even regardless of the process to beget the date, the guy should have enough money to pay for the whole date in his bank account, sure. Both parties should, ideally -- otherwise they'd be poor as sh!t. :)
 MeMeMeatlast
Joined: 1/26/2015
Msg: 298
NO T!T 4 TaT
Posted: 2/12/2015 11:31:23 AM

Some men are old world traditionalists and don't like the Dutch thing. No big deal at all.


I wasn't talking about " dutch " , I meant paying 100 % of the bill .

" old world traditionalist " like a guy I know who refuses to cook because " real men " don't do that.

IMO it's silly and outdated.

I suppose it's different from a female POV.
A woman would just shrug and think " hey, if he wants to pay all the time, more money I can spend on shoes "
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 299
NO T!T 4 TaT
Posted: 2/12/2015 1:40:57 PM

norwegianguy123:
But it's the 90s now, not every date is a by-product of person A asking person B....


There you go again-living in the 90's
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 300
NO T!T 4 TaT
Posted: 2/12/2015 2:01:16 PM

But it's the 90s now,


#1 telltale sign you're a child of the nineties: you STILL say the above, even though the 90's have been over for 15 years.
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