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 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 401
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Paying for a date...Page 17 of 74    (3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43)

zuglo, he said "I didn't say I wanted to go out, I said I wanted to see you". Since he is in the military and lives in the barracks, that would only leave my place. I did suggest going for a walk and low-cost options, but he found fault with everything. And I had met him twice before, both were dates on which he didn't spend a dime, which was fine, but it I'm not even worth a happy meal or a $3 cup of coffee at Starbucks at this point, why bother to have this go on?

Well in that case I agree with you..
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 402
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/15/2015 10:16:10 PM

Men spend money on what is important to them.

Soooo, women spend money on what is Not important to them? :) Okay, I'm going with the benefit of the doubt -- both men & women, equally, should be spending money on what is important to them. I'm sure you'll agree. I don't see where that concept has any relevancy on where/when/how-often/how-much a guy pays, though -- because that'd apply the same way to women to "prove" she only spends money on important things, too.

Dating's a TWO-way street in terms of putting the best foot forward. If a gal sees it as the guy being the contestant and the gal being the panel of judges, then she needs to make that loud & clear in her profile or when initially talking with a guy (I'd suggest the profile as that'd ruin convo-flow).

I expect you to spend money when we start dating.

I would expect you to put that in your profile. :)

We become a monogamous couple, things change.
Of course, even before monogamy I would cook for you or sew your split pants

Wait -- before you're even start going steady with a guy, you're going to be cooking & sewing for him? This is some odd handbook you have here when combined with everything else...

I m not pulling out my wallet. Sorry.

Again, add that to the profile...

If you can't afford the concert and drinks, don't ask me out to a concert and drinks and the ask me to buy the drinks.

Okay, so if he shows he can afford it, it's all good, right? :) What about a guy not wanting to go out with a gal who can't even afford to buy a couple drinks on a date?
 naysaying_knicktwist
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 403
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/15/2015 10:21:31 PM

Nope, no snow here. Just 50 degree weather. I am going up to the resort today for about a half-day (not too motivated) to ski on the 15 remaining inches. Damn northeast stole all of our snow!

Joe, did you take that picture? It's beautiful.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 404
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/16/2015 2:37:28 AM
Clooneystutor:

Ok. Leave the profile up and go Dutch after a couple of dates? Take turns perhaps?

That's fair too, right?

I like you too:)

Yes, I would take my profile down, which seems to be an arcane art on PoF?

That's fair. In fact, I have a male friend here in town, dates a lot but enjoys my company for dinner. Early on in our friendship, I told him I couldn't afford these places he chose and I'd rather pay and go somewhere a little less costly. He told me money is no problem for him; not to worry. That's where we agreed to leave that.

I'm always careful about what my "dates" are spending. If I see the guy more than once or twice, I try to determine what his means are because I don't want anyone thinking they have to impress me with anything.
the_summerwind

PS Hey Carla, your looking prettier all the time....do you do house calls ?

House calls? Well, I've never been to Arizona so I might consider that. I've recently come out of retirement on the window cleaning. Amazing what a great guy can do for you.

You're looking pretty handsome yourself.

You all don't have to be so nice to me. That nut isn't bothering me.
rockin-trucker:

It's like the angle I keep trying to take. Why pay all this money for someone who's already got her next date planned?

There you go. Don't understand why folks date people like that.
rockin-trucker:

Maybe if more people were willing to focus on one person at a time, you don't even have to have a second date, just slow down and wait to see how that date goes before you start looking for your next one. Give that date an opportunity to succeed before going into it already planning on failure.

Agree with this. I've never dated more than one person at a time. Don't get how people do this. I'm lucky I can keep one straight let alone more. It's not fair to anyone if I don't even have the time to give them my full attention. Seriously, if I dated more than one, I'd not be able to remember who told me what, which liked this drink and which that ...

What I don't get is why so many people younger than I am are in such a big hurry. I don't hurry for anything anymore.
TALL:

Sounds like a modern man who doesn't have much time or money to waste with online multiple daters.

Have to agree with you here (much as it pains me), but pretty sure it's not getting through to the poster you're responding to here.

I think you two might make a lovely couple. You might could use something/someone to occupy some of your time. Just sayin', Tall.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 405
Paying for a date...
Posted: 2/16/2015 3:59:28 AM
Karma

don't like this guy, and you can do better. Hot and younger he may be..............pass......not the one that has been foretold for you.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 406
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/16/2015 4:22:36 AM
Would I take my profile down after the second date. Unless we are one of those couples who fell madly in love at sight and ran off to the Justice of the peace within a week of seeing each other ( I know couples like that who have been married for decades) then, no,

It could be a coffee date or a hike or free museum day. No one is saying that it has to be a 100 dollar dinner or 200 dollar concert every
night.
Men never just see one woman until they tell you that they don't want to and make an actual commitment, no matter what they claim here. Why should women stop dating and meeting new people?
If I am not interested in a man, I will not waste his time or his money.
By date I mean date.
And yes, I expect a man to at least try to impress me. If he doesn't or won't, then we are simply not compatible. And in the USA he is free to see whoever he wants to see, maybe one of the more "liberated " women.
To each his reach.

 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 407
And the crazy train has added another stop
Posted: 2/16/2015 4:30:25 AM
deetristate:

Men never just see one woman until they tell you that they don't want to and make an actual commitment, no matter what they claim here.

So not true, Dee. I know where my men are, trust me. My problem has been too many wanting to be joined at the hip from Day 1.

Maybe you're dating in the wrong state, Dee. I grew up in PA; spent nearly two months last year in Cleveland where I changed my location on my profile and did some "fishing" there, just out of curiosity.

I was appalled at the messages I received from men who for all appearances (and written in their profiles), were functional in society, many of them "professionals". Don't know what's going on in OH/PA, but sure made my Florida fish look good. The majority of men there had zero respect for women, even in an initial message. Makes me even happier I left that state 42 years ago.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 408
And the crazy train has added another stop
Posted: 2/16/2015 4:31:50 AM
Uh OK, Curious.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 409
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/16/2015 9:30:22 AM

WHOA! You were NOT joking! How many inches do you usually have now. (bwahahaha)

Sorry but I did try to ask with a straight face!


Well, I don't want to brag...... ;^)

This year and last year were both pretty bad;. Normally, we wonder whether we would be skiing by Thanksgiving (I once was able to ski on my birthday - early November). Last year we were fortunate to get a decent snowfall just before Christmas. This year we were skiing on man made snow at Christmas. I found a graph online of the last three seasons (current and the previous two), and you can see the difference. So far, everyone in the area is worried about major drought this summer.

https://www.j2ski.com/snow_forecast/weather/United_States/White_Pass_Snow_History_Wide.png


Joe, did you take that picture? It's beautiful.


The picture was a frame grab from a video that the White Pass staff took on Saturday (which surprised me that they actually showed how bad things are down below). I used Photoshop to adjust the color and enhance the contrast in the sky.

We enjoyed a nice spring skiing day yesterday........... in mid-February.
 momsaysirock
Joined: 2/4/2015
Msg: 410
Oh the humanity
Posted: 2/16/2015 11:52:25 AM

Now, it would have been lovely if he could have just gotten what he wanted without having to exchange it for something, but it would have equally been lovely for him to just have gotten her the TV without having to f*ck her in the a$$ for it. See?


actually IMO it would be lovely if peopel could enjoy life without thinking the only way is to greedily accumulate the most toys..if the neighbor has one, WE MUST have one, or better yet, have more, or a bigger, better product than the neighbor, to pump up the flagging ego
but I assume we are speaking of N. America, so..never happen
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 411
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:21:51 AM

There you go. Don't understand why folks date people like that.


I'm guessing desperation. They'd rather have the chance and have to compete with 20 other guys than stay single a little longer and find someone who shares the same idea as them.

I know usually for me, once they're talking about other guys they're dating, I'm done. Can I be the one that "wins" possibly, but is it worth it? What if I put all this effort in, start building an emotional attachement over probably way too many dates, just for her to decide to go for the other guy? What if jealousy happens? I'm just going to stick to girls who aren't going to make that decision until AFTER the date.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 412
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:38:54 AM
^^^It's all very sad to me really. Seems our society rewards narcissism. Yeah. In the workplace, on the sports field, in entertainment ... even while the kids are still in school.

Idk, rt. It worries me. Plenty of narcissism here and on all dating sites. It's "what can I get out of this"?

Once again, I've never dated two guys (or more) simultaneously. That's just shopping for meals/drinks/tickets imo.

And here it comes ...
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 413
thanks for you're prayer, but you aimed it in the wrong part of the country
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:58:18 AM
I think society generally rewards narcissism b/c general society doesn't know WTF real success looks like.

(nor confidence, which is why they confuse c0ckiness for it).

someone seems to believe in themselves, and the mice follow like its the Pied Piper. we worship success likely b/c few find it in their own lives. if it was more common (or more commonly recognized), we might worship it less?

and ironically, those who follow the "what can I get out of this" Pied Pipers are doing so....to see what they can get out of the narcisist. Birds of a feather, flocking together.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 414
thanks for you're prayer, but you aimed it in the wrong part of the country
Posted: 2/17/2015 9:51:02 AM

actually IMO it would be lovely if peopel could enjoy life without thinking the only way is to greedily accumulate the most toys..if the neighbor has one, WE MUST have one, or better yet, have more, or a bigger, better product than the neighbor, to pump up the flagging ego
but I assume we are speaking of N. America, so..never happen


What you're failing to realize is that the only people who should be concerned, as the ones in the relationship.

The point was not the acquisition of a material good, but an agreed upon exchange which was acceptable for both. He requested something that would be demeaning and painful for most women, and in turn, she was rewarded with a material good of her choice. It had nothing to do with showing it off to anyone or having the latest anything.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 415
thanks for you're prayer, but you aimed it in the wrong part of the country
Posted: 2/17/2015 10:41:47 AM
norwegianguy123:

There is that, very true. If you're picking out fancy expensive restaurants or other destinations, and she just works at a salon and raising a kid, yeah -- I understand. But that's your choice, and sure, given the conditions, of course you're going to pay for at least most of it. Of course, such places don't have to be one's choice, especially when it's just the first few dates in the pre-season of possibly Dating that person. It certainly can be a mutual choice, and to a bowling alley, and on that 2nd date she gets 1 round of pitchers during it (while you get one too).


I generally like mid-range places, for 2 people that would be $15-70 without alcohol.

In that range, I don't care about the money, nor would I expect her to alternate paying for drinks. I do this with male friends. If she suggested it, I would go along and not protest.

norwegianguy123:

I think it feels normal for many generations, under basic normal circumstances (dinner-bar, dinner-movie, dinner-my-place, bike ride-mini golf-ice-cream, etc). :) The forums are a way to say "Wait a sec -- maybe I've been too comfortable about this... I'll speak my mind here, not to a date."


The forums can open one up to a different way of thinking, but I generally speak the same way to a date as I do posting.

dragonbytes

I have dated women that made comparable money, the last time was in 2010. ... Sharing 1/2 of a $240 hotel is going to more than 100% of a $70 hotel. Multiple that times everything, like a dinner cruise on Lake Michigan can cost $300 for two.


norwegianguy123:

Did you pretty much pay for everything though? Obviously if she worked at a salon raising a kid while making $26k a year, you would be... but if she's a successful business lady making some good dough, I would hope she would contribute there -- as you said about being comfortable from your generation of a guy always paying, it's because those types of gals hardly existed. :)


In that example I think maybe I paid 60%, but it's hard to determine what is a part of a date and what is normal living expenses.

I flew from Thailand to Hong Kong to meet her. She met me at a train station and drove me to a hotel that she had selected.

The hotel was a little more expensive than I would have picked. It was 3 times the price of the hotel I was staying at in Thailand. But I was staying at a hotel in the lower range of prices in Bangkok.

After staying with each other >12 hours of the day for 3 days, then staying together in a hotel over night in Macau, I was disappointed that after getting to know me she didn't offer to let me stay over at her condo. I would have saved on hotel expenses. We did discuss it.

So is my hotel in Hong Kong, which I slept alone, part of the dating expense? The reason I went there was to meet her, but secondarily I was interested in visiting Hong Kong with a native to show me the sites.

10 days later, the day after I arrived back in the USA, she arrived in Chicago. She flew to Chicago area to visit me, was this part of her dating expense? She told me she was interested in seeing Chicago as she had never been there. Seems like the same motivation I had.

I tried hard to discourage her from coming to the USA so soon, she actually tried to meet me in Japan where I have to lay over 3 hours to change planes. I never quite figured out why she was so adamant in being here the first day I arrrived in the USA. I would rather she wait a month to let me catch up on business here.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 416
thanks for you're prayer, but you aimed it in the wrong part of the country
Posted: 2/17/2015 10:48:05 AM

we worship success likely b/c few find it in their own lives. if it was more common (or more commonly recognized), we might worship it less?


I think that's because so much success relies on other people. Just look at a job. Maybe you want to cook. You have no experience, so you're not getting hired as a cook at most places. You can go to school and learn, but you still have the hurdle of you have to have experience. Back in the day, you could make your own business of cooking. Even farther back in the day, you could trade what you cook for the ingredients to cook more and for yourself, or you could trade it for other stuff you need... Today, you have to look into a couple different laws on if you're allowed to do that out of your house, or if you want a building you have to look for loans, which is going to depend on your business plan and convincing the bank of your potential success, which again, good luck with no experience. There's zoning laws about where that business can be. You have to pass a bunch of different inspections... Meanwhile, you can be an amazing cook, and nobody knows because getting that chance to prove it comes with so many hurdles. What happened to building your own reputation?

Dating brings up the same issue. You can't be successful at dating without someone to date.

We just lack the opportunities to experience success 100% on our own. Not saying the chances aren't out there, but they're just not that common in our everyday lives. So much is going to depend on somebody else's opinion. The investment banker making over 100k a year got there by convincing someone in HR to hire him. Understanding the work definitely matters, but not so much when you can't apply it. Physically getting that job depended on what someone else thought of him, and nothing to do with what he knew and what he was capable of.
 chocolategirl6
Joined: 10/13/2014
Msg: 417
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:05:21 PM
I have never gone dutch guy has always payed never been in a situation that was different.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/27/2014
Msg: 418
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:11:08 PM
The guy always pays, never had the issue arise.
 matthew83co
Joined: 2/11/2015
Msg: 419
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:35:32 PM
I went on a date with one woman. We went shooting which I paid for and off to coffee thereafter which I also paid for. We didn't date again due to lack of chemistry, but i'd pay again. I see no issues with leaving good tips for service rendered, paying for dates, giving to others, and that all might be due to upbringing and how I choose to live life. To each his and her own though!
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 420
thanks for you're prayer, but you aimed it in the wrong part of the country
Posted: 2/17/2015 10:16:46 PM

In that range, I don't care about the money, nor would I expect her to alternate paying for drinks. I do this with male friends. If she suggested it, I would go along and not protest.

It's not about money really (unless one's tight on it, then it becomes less an issue to ignore I guess) -- it's about at least wanting the gal to Genuinely contribute and it not being one-sided into dates past the 1st date. And alternating the 'rounds of drinks' isn't required. My example was more like you paying for dinner, you paying for bowling, you paying for the 1st pitcher, she contributing and getting a pitcher or round of shots, you getting the 3rd pitcher ... and the date ends. Hardly an alternate swap. Again, more of the principal of the matter. Now, if she's Dirt poor, I can understand hardly ever contributing anything.

The forums can open one up to a different way of thinking, but I generally speak the same way to a date as I do posting.

Well, a talk about concepts (like this one), that wouldn't be so wise to bring up to a date where it would clash so much. I've done that before -- they're going to think you have some real big issue about it -- not a good idea. It's a concept to talk about for fun when you're past the pre-dating phase and are an item, sure. But not while you're in that phase where it applies, when she's a gal who never motions/implies ever chipping in -- and while you don't mind so much because you're all about her -- the concept itself you understand is worthy. In my shoes, from my perspective, it would be BAD to debate my position when in such a pre-dating phase. For your position, it wouldn't do any harm.

In that example I think maybe I paid 60%, but it's hard to determine what is a part of a date and what is normal living expenses.

Well, I understand being put in position for kinda-expensive hotels, but I wouldn't count that as part of dates/going-out. I would count when you two are Going out as the %s. Yeah, she could have offered a cheaper alternative, or to stay at her place -- but I think that's not a part of financing dates or anything... just not being a good/understanding travel agent. Travel costs aren't part of dating expense (flight, hotel, taxis TO/FROM dating spot). I would call that a Sugar Daddy (or Sugar Mamma) if he was paying for all that and they were just in the pre-dating phase, because that's outside of the Dating realm.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 421
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/17/2015 11:22:26 PM

Would I take my profile down after the second date. Unless we are one of those couples who fell madly in love at sight and ran off to the Justice of the peace within a week of seeing each other ( I know couples like that who have been married for decades) then, no,

It could be a coffee date or a hike or free museum day. No one is saying that it has to be a 100 dollar dinner or 200 dollar concert every
night.
Men never just see one woman until they tell you that they don't want to and make an actual commitment, no matter what they claim here. Why should women stop dating and meeting new people?
If I am not interested in a man, I will not waste his time or his money.
By date I mean date.
And yes, I expect a man to at least try to impress me. If he doesn't or won't, then we are simply not compatible. And in the USA he is free to see whoever he wants to see, maybe one of the more "liberated " women.
To each his reach.


Deetristate, I totally agree. I actually did take my profile down several times for guys that claimed I was the only one they were seeing and they wanted to be exclusive with me, and generally acted like they were totally into me. Only it turned out they were still looking. So I have evolved and learned not to put my eggs in one basket until a mans ACTIONS prove to me he is actually serious. Such as putting some EFFORT into seeing me, planning things with me ahead of time, and yes, spending a little money on me, for things like Deetristate mentioned above. Not expecting him to blow his whole salary on me, but it's the gesture that counts. So far, the only one I have met recently who has checked all those boxes is a young man I met on Tinder.

At the same time, if I'm not interested in a guy, there won't be a second date and I won't waste his money. It's the guys who want to go for dinner instead of a cup of coffee, which is my preferred meeting method, or even a walk if its nice outside. I've had 5 dinner dates in the last two months, and a handful of coffee meets, and I wasn't interested in any of those guys. I didn't lead them on or used them for money, there just wasn't a second date. Unlike what many men do, in my experience at least, I don't string guys along. When I date several at a time, a "winner" usually comes out pretty quickly and then I'll focus on him more until we both agree that we want to be exclusive and I can trust his words.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 422
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/17/2015 11:45:14 PM
If I went on a first meet with someone, if there was no chemistry which you can tell almost straight away, I would not allow that guy to buy me dinner. A drink, okay, but dutch is the fair way to go in that situation and it gives him the message that we would not be seeing each other again. Actually I simply would not agree to go to dinner in the first place with a first meet. Done it and regretted it. A lot of guys expect something in return and I do not want to feel obligated.

Women who expect the guy to pay regardless, are just self entitled. We want equality and that extends to financial outlay as well. Men feel disgruntled and call "meal whore" when a woman makes a habit of allowing a guy to buy her a meal when she is not interested. I do not blame them.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 423
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/18/2015 12:55:57 AM
Id pay for any date, as long as they aren't into astrology. Otherwise they have to pay.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 424
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/18/2015 1:35:36 AM

If I went on a first meet with someone, if there was no chemistry which you can tell almost straight away, I would not allow that guy to buy me dinner. A drink, okay, but dutch is the fair way to go in that situation and it gives him the message that we would not be seeing each other again. Actually I simply would not agree to go to dinner in the first place with a first meet. Done it and regretted it. A lot of guys expect something in return and I do not want to feel obligated.


This is why i think I like the coffee meet, more and more. I was the same way -- I'd not go on dinner dates wth anybody in whom I wasn't interested and this is generally after phone calls/coffee meeting. It'd not be fair to anybody.


Women who expect the guy to pay regardless, are just self entitled. We want equality and that extends to financial outlay as well. Men feel disgruntled and call "meal whore" when a woman makes a habit of allowing a guy to buy her a meal when she is not interested. I do not blame them.


He might have that reaction if he weren't a little more selective as to whom he dates. Maybe he expected something more than just dinner and a walk? Anyway, I'll agree that being a "meal whore" isn't the position an intelligent and sensible woman takes.

Heck, even in my relationship there's give and take: I cook at home and for him and he takes me out. There's no way out of compromise, in these situations.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 425
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/18/2015 1:55:18 AM

I went on a date with one woman. We went shooting which I paid for and off to coffee thereafter which I also paid for. We didn't date again due to lack of chemistry, but i'd pay again. I see no issues with leaving good tips for service rendered, paying for dates, giving to others, and that all might be due to upbringing and how I choose to live life. To each his and her own though!


You're a thoughtful and generous human being.
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