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 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 426
Paying for a datePage 18 of 74    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)

If I went on a first meet with someone, if there was no chemistry which you can tell almost straight away, I would not allow that guy to buy me dinner. A drink, okay, but dutch is the fair way to go in that situation and it gives him the message that we would not be seeing each other again.


A woman offering to go Dutch doesn't always mean that she's not interested in another date. Some women want to their prove "independence". Other women simply want to contribute to cost of the date. I had dates when a woman paid some of the bill ( not necessarily 50/50 ) and there was another date. I had a few dates when a woman didn't offer to pay anything. It was obviously that there wasn't going to be another date.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 427
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/18/2015 8:40:07 AM
I won't do dinner dates anymore as a first date either. Too many times the guys "expected" something from me. But even on first coffee dates, I feel weird if the guy pays. Then again, if he didn't offer to pay, I'd find fault with that too. So I guess instead of ordering my usual pricey concoction at Starbucks, I should just order a cappuccino instead.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 428
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/18/2015 9:14:17 AM

I won't do dinner dates anymore as a first date either. Too many times the guys "expected" something from me


Like many of your postings, that sounds bizarre to me unless you're dating teenagers.

After puberty I never "expected" anything after a dinner date even if she's a known nymphomaniac. Then I would be surprised and grateful.

Do any of the men here expect anything after a dinner date?

Do any of the women here date men who "expect" something after a first dinner date?

(I feel kinda slow. I dated a woman I met at the gym many times and never expected anything. After our second date I got a hug, a kiss and an alert that I was moving too fast, but she said she was worth the wait.)
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 429
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/18/2015 9:46:19 AM
The guys who invited me for dinner dates were all men in their late 30s/and 40s. Not teenagers. They all went in for a kiss and wanted to make out after dinner. One guy tried to reach under my skirt - WTF?? Not my thing.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 430
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/18/2015 12:36:52 PM
Mermaid, I used to think that too, that the "young,dumb and full of .....enthusiasm" guys would be more aggressive, but they are not. This one guy took me out twice already - as in planned the date, made sure I had a great time, paid for everything, walked me to my car, and all he did was give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek on both dates. To the point where I now wonder if he is even interested in me romantically. He does text me regularly, but always very polite, sweet, nothing sexual or aggressive. I'm a bit confused lol.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 431
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/18/2015 1:30:58 PM
Karma

Damned if they do and damned if they dont!! Only joking.

If a man is genuinely interested in you and is a gentleman he will take his time until you feel ready to move on to the next stage.
The eager beavers wanting something so quickly to happen after a dinner on a first meet, show their colours and you can dismiss them.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 432
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/18/2015 3:44:51 PM

and all he did was give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek on both dates. To the point where I now wonder if he is even interested in me romantically.


He is, he is either playing it safe or... confidence? Who knows, either way his intention is clear - his ability to execute though....
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 433
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/18/2015 7:32:38 PM

The guys who invited me for dinner dates were all men in their late 30s/and 40s. Not teenagers. They all went in for a kiss

It's standard to go in for a kiss at the end of an evening date. If the gal puts out the vibe that she's not interested (backing away when sensing he may, etc) -- it pretty much means she's not interested.

and wanted to make out after dinner.

Okay, that's a vague term, but pushing the kissing to an 8th grade makeout jam session in the parking lot would be a bit too much, yeah. If you get guys doing that, then you're either putting out the wrong vibe leading up to it, and/or choosing the wrong type of guys, I imagine.

all men in their late 30s/and 40s. Not teenagers.

I could see a younger guy being less apt to move things forward so easily with a MILF, though. The younger guy isn't going to feel so in control "with both hands on the steering wheel", if you know what I mean, as he would with a gal in his own age-range. When I was younger, I liked older women in their mid 30s/40s -- they knew what they wanted, didn't act like a fawn but instead showed how they felt, was straight-up, non-confused, etc. You knew when they liked ya, you knew when they didn't, for the most part -- as opposed to fellow 22-24 year olds.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 434
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/18/2015 10:18:29 PM
CTRLvector

That is fine because I would not date any guy who was so close minded on a subject he knows nothing about. You do not have to have the same beliefs as I do but if you are not tolerant of them........... pass.......
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 435
Praying for a snow day
Posted: 2/18/2015 10:23:02 PM
Tolerant? I am fully tolerant I just choose to make a joke about everything. Doesn't mean I believe anything or think im better, I am a Leo - im suppose to be abrasive, so give me a break petulia :P
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 436
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/19/2015 8:25:59 AM

Damned if they do and damned if they dont!! Only joking.

As far as a real kiss is concerned, there's actually some truth to that, if/when the female isn't putting out the accurate vibe to the male. :)

If a man is genuinely interested in you and is a gentleman he will take his time until you feel ready to move on to the next stage.

To an extent, yes. The guy can have genuine interest, but if a couple dates go by and she's very apprehensive about even a real kiss, he's likely to lose interest Fast. A guy with a good amount of dating experience over the years learns that if a gal isn't into a real kiss at the end of a 2nd date in the evening, she's highly likely not that interested and by enormous Vegas odds, she's got half-hearted interest at Best, and is just getting dating experience, merely wants guy-attention, isn't over bad experiences with other guys and you're just a platform to get her feet wet in the dating scene, etc.

Unless every other part of how she projects herself shows real Interest, it's wise that he walks away. Many times, he'll just go for it anyway if her vibe isn't all that explicit in that direction, as some ladies are Shy. Just as some give out the vibe they're open for it when they're not, some shy ones are giving out the vibe they don't when they're just nervous and do -- and what's the harm, right? If she's not interested, she'd be non-interested either way -- it's a way to find out.

I wouldn't call That being an 'eager beaver' -- I'd call trying to push for something more than a real kiss being an 'eager beaver'.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 437
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/19/2015 9:28:06 AM
vector:

Tolerant? I am fully tolerant I just choose to make a joke about everything. Doesn't mean I believe anything or think im better, I am a Leo - im suppose to be abrasive, so give me a break petulia :P

Come on, vector. Nice one but I can't believe you buy astrology unless it's convenient.

Hey, thanks for that idea.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 438
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/20/2015 6:32:49 AM

I won't do dinner dates anymore as a first date either


I had dinner on first dates / meetings. However I won't go an upscale restaurant. There are casual inexpensive places near me that serve sandwiches, pasta, salad etc. Depending on where you go and what you order, it may not cost more than 2 people having a couple of drinks at a bar.
 itstoofunny666
Joined: 2/4/2015
Msg: 439
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:07:27 AM

However I won't go an upscale restaurant. There are casual inexpensive places near me that serve sandwiches, pasta, salad etc.


"Hey, meet you at The Golden Arches at 8?" Yeah, I can't see that working too well. :oD
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 440
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:37:59 AM

"Hey, meet you at The Golden Arches at 8?" Yeah, I can't see that working too well. :oD

Yeah, but a coffee shop or something would be fine. Nobody's saying to meet at a fast-food joint. :)

I think one of the issues with guys and paying is not wanting to risk lack of interest with a gal by taking her to some place casual, inexpensive -- and angst that some gals want to be "wined and dined" on a 1st meet or a first date where there wasn't some massive buildup leading up to it. I think almost all guys who aren't so much fans of paying for everything on the 1st and 2nd times out have accepted it as that's-how-things-roll, but they don't want to have to splurge on a gal who they're initially getting acquainted with face to face. They'd want to save a solid dinner-date when there's mutual interest established -- then the concept of paying for dates isn't such a big deal (for most who aren't fans of it).
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 441
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:52:50 AM
Leykis 101 says $40 and under on a date. $0 is optimal.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 442
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/20/2015 10:10:13 AM
If ONLY the guy would *only* kiss me on a date ;)

A hug and a kiss nawww totally cute.


and wanted to make out after dinner.

Ew, too much! = the guy is a user perv
the last guy I dated was obsessed with that, you'd think he would give up or quit it when it was obvious I was pulling away and not liking it but no!
Maybe selfish then IMO. Obvious I didn't like it, I even said I don't like making out.

It went a LOT further than just making out, I'm not complaining, necessarily. Just wish it was with someone better *sigh*
I won't make that mistake again, they always try to push for what they can get, anything really.
Don't give an inch or they will take a mile.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 443
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/20/2015 8:59:34 PM

"Hey, meet you at The Golden Arches at 8?" Yeah, I can't see that working too well. :oD


Casual restaurant doesn't necessarily mean going to McDonald's or Burger King would be my top choice. LOL. Having said that, I don't think going to McDonald's would be much different or worse than Starbucks.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 444
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:14:58 PM

It went a LOT further than just making out, I'm not complaining, necessarily .... Don't give an inch or they will take a mile.

Well, let's be fair here. It takes two to tango. And you rolled with it, even as you're not really complaining about it. It's just as much your 'fault' as it is his 'fault'... but since neither of you were complaining, there is no 'fault', so I don't see how it's a one-sided situation.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 445
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/21/2015 4:45:09 AM
Hey no god no, I didn't sleep with the prick
Thank god!

Nah I'm not that stupid, thankfully. I wouldn't bump my sex count up just for him ew no. I suspected he had ulterior motives, especially when he was so horny in person. So going by that I knew our dating/or relationship wouldn't last long so I denied it.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 446
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/21/2015 10:04:38 AM

Casual restaurant doesn't necessarily mean going to McDonald's or Burger King would be my top choice. LOL. Having said that, I don't think going to McDonald's would be much different or worse than Starbucks.


We finally agree on something.

I think it's because coffee is the "hip" thing to do. Stop making coffee into what the cool kids drink, and I'm sure Starbucks will become just as bad as McDonald's to a lot of these people.

It's what I keep saying, it's not about the two people in the relationship, it's about the image. Men and women have become a fashion accessory.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 447
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/21/2015 10:21:56 AM
^^^Actually, the McDonald's I've been in now have the zillion flavors of coffee, lattes, and all of the other fashionable yuppie drinks and are competing with Starbucks by offering the same type of product at prices that don't require getting a second mortgage on the house to pay for it. But most people still have the idea of a first meet at McDonald's as loserville, and sitting in the same type of cheap plastic chairs in a coffee shop as a proper date/meet.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 448
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/21/2015 11:42:07 AM
Because Starbucks is "hipper" and McDonald's isn't known for their coffee even though there are a lot better local coffee shops than Starbucks, Starbucks has created an image of being hip place and they're even advertising that they're the go to place for first dates. McDonald's on the other hand is fast food even though they've tried to change their image of being a shitty place to eat by updating their chains, adding two drive-thru's, changing their pricing plan, having more options etc....people are so caught up on a "Dinner and a movie" for first dates that you wouldn't take a first date to McDonald's for a planned dinner. If you think about it Chick-Fil-A is fast food but most peopl see it as more upscaled than the other fast food restaurants.

Though I've been on first dates and we've stopped at a Wendy's Burger King or McDonald's to grab something quickly.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 449
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/21/2015 11:52:53 AM

Because Starbucks is "hipper" and McDonald's isn't known for their coffee even though there are a lot better local coffee shops than Starbucks, Starbucks has created an image of being hip place and they're even advertising that they're the go to place for first dates.


Well, in a world where some 2.2 billion people live on the equivalent of 2 US dollars a day or less, Starbucks has done an amazing brainwashing job of convincing millions of people that the only right way to start their day every day is with a 4 dollar cup of coffee.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 450
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/21/2015 12:15:12 PM

Well, in a world where some 2.2 billion people live on the equivalent of 2 US dollars a day or less, Starbucks has done an amazing brainwashing job of convincing millions of people that the only right way to start their day every day is with a 4 dollar cup of coffee.


They use the same marketing approach as apple: We exist, and everyone else is doing it.

But, without looking it up... What country does their coffee beans come from? Are they pre-ground, or do they roast and grind them themselves? They're selling an image, not coffee, and in the US, we're dumb enough that it works.
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