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 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 476
Paying for a datePage 20 of 74    (6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46)

She always pays. Without it even coming up. She never asks to go dutch. And feels bad if I try to pay anything.


And she doesn't have any expectations of me either after paying for dinner.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 477
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 6:02:10 AM

So I am tired of men bashing women as if all women expect all men to pay. It's a bore and a major turnoff. If you've been burnt, it's too bad, so sad. But it doesn't mean your concerns fall on deaf ears. It does apparently mean you will continue to gripe and ignore women like me as if I'm invisible.


Precisely.

But these types of men have to ignore women like you and me, and countless others, because they have to justify their snivelling. The thing that strikes me, is how hypocritical they are. Women are all gold digging creatures with no capacity for anything but being on the take, but yet here they are, looking for one to call their own, so that they can fulfil whatever requirement it is they need that they can't provide themselves. *eyeroll* So who's using whom?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 478
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 6:25:00 AM

So I am tired of men bashing women as if all women expect all men to pay. It's a bore and a major turnoff. If you've been burnt, it's too bad, so sad. But it doesn't mean your concerns fall on deaf ears. It does apparently mean you will continue to gripe and ignore women like me as if I'm invisible.


I don't think ALL women expect a man to pay. Sometimes it's the women that expect a man to pay will think that all or almost all other women agree with their viewpoint.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 479
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 9:06:41 AM
[So I am tired of men bashing women as if all women expect all men to pay. It's a bore and a major turnoff. If you've been burnt, it's too bad, so sad. But it doesn't mean your concerns fall on deaf ears. It does apparently mean you will continue to gripe and ignore women like me as if I'm invisible.]

Compared to all the male bashing and griping that women do?
all men want sex
All men want Barbies
all men want to date 20 year olds
I chose to sleep with a guy who I knew I wasn't in a committed relationship with, he decide was no longer interested, but I got played.

Boring and a turn off is right
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 480
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 9:46:18 AM
This has never been a problem for me.
Common courtesy (at least for me) suggests I offer to pay at
least my share on the first ups, always offer the tip because that's
what I do (and I tend to overtip).

Most times, my offer is refused, sometimes my offer of the tip
is accepted.

I still think this is a fishes issue and I'm still pretty sure who pays
what is directly related to how everyone is feeling about each other.
I did offend someone politically one time and when I offered to pay
the check he gave me the whole thing...but whatever. He knew he
wasn't going to see me again and just didn't care, I didn't either so
it was all good.

Who complains (ever) about paying for a check when they really
like the other person?

I'm not sure about the expectations thing...sometimes you're feeling
it and sometimes you're not I guess.
 Diva Po-Po Princess
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 481
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 9:51:46 AM
I usually work everything out before hand. However, if they insist on paying for everything and I know I don't want to see them again, I insist on paying my portion of the bill. I don't want to end up like that "Darren and Joanne". LOL
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 482
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 10:24:28 AM
But I don't do that. I tell the actual tales of what happens. I don't generalize.



Compared to all the male bashing and griping that women do?
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 483
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 10:31:37 AM
Thank you, Dee. I appreciate your kind words and thoughts. I wish you the best in everything.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 484
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 10:34:00 AM
As I write this, I have a batch of Easter cookies I made with my own hands and ingredients that I'm going to parcel to both dates who expressed exemplary dating etiquette. Their kindness to me is much appreciated.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 485
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 10:34:58 AM
[This has never been a problem for me.
Common courtesy (at least for me) suggests I offer to pay at
least my share on the first ups, always offer the tip because that's
what I do (and I tend to overtip).

Most times, my offer is refused, sometimes my offer of the tip
is accepted.

I still think this is a fishes issue and I'm still pretty sure who pays
what is directly related to how everyone is feeling about each other.
I did offend someone politically one time and when I offered to pay
the check he gave me the whole thing...but whatever. He knew he
wasn't going to see me again and just didn't care, I didn't either so
it was all good.]


And all that is perfectly fine. It's ok to make a genuine offer and he if refuses to accept it and still wants to pay its ok.

Herein lies the problems
1. You're offering to pay but it's only to see what he does. If he accepts he's a cheap **stard. You really weren't interested in paying, it's a fake offer.
Personally I find that disrespectful. I spent time planning a great date to get to know you and then do the fake offer move in the last quarter?

2. You're only offering to pay because it's suppose to be clue that you're not interested rather than be upfront and saying you're not interested.
3. You have the attitude of its a man's job to pay. I don't have a problem paying for anything out of generosity , but once it's reduced to it's my job based on my gender then paying for dates becomes the equivalent of paying my bills.

*** I'm using "you" in general not directly at one person.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 486
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 11:06:25 AM
That's why a first meet/date should be for a coffee or some other beverage, where who pays isn't a major issue (at least it shouldn't be). During conversation , sometimes there are clues that you're with a woman who has a sense of entitlement and feels it's man's job to flash money around at all times just to impress her, and it should be considered an honor for any guy to be with her. And for the first time or few times when eating out, go to some place that's good but cheap, so if you're with a woman who is after free meals, it's not a major hit on the wallet, and then stop seeing her.

And when a woman makes an offer to pay her portion or part of the bill, accept the offer. If a woman gets mad because you accepted the offer instead of refusing it, why would you want to be with someone like that who is playing childish mind games to test you, and values her money required to pay her portion more important than the impression she's leaving on the guy?
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 487
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 11:10:35 AM
Personally, I don't care if there are men who think that all women are only after getting their clutches in the man's wealth. If you want to be that bitter and paranoid, fill your boots.

But again, if women are so vicious, why are you here looking for them?? You would think you would cloister yourself and your worldly possessions away, so that these evil birches couldn't get at it!!

And I bet that none of these types of men will answer that question...
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 488
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 11:19:12 AM
1. I offer to pay not because I want to see what he does, but because it's the right thing to do. I don't fake anything.
2. I offer to pay not because I want to send a subtle signal, I don't expect men to read my mind. Some think they can, but they are often wrong. I offer because it's the right thing to do.
3. I offer to pay because we are two adults each with our own income, meeting to see if we can take it further, and it's the right thing to do. I don't think it's the man's job. I supported my husband while I worked for about 25 years.

I'm addressing you in particular. If you knew my history you would see why this recurring theme gets on my nerves.


And all that is perfectly fine. It's ok to make a genuine offer and he if refuses to accept it and still wants to pay its ok.

Herein lies the problems
1. You're offering to pay but it's only to see what he does. If he accepts he's a cheap **stard. You really weren't interested in paying, it's a fake offer.
Personally I find that disrespectful. I spent time planning a great date to get to know you and then do the fake offer move in the last quarter?

2. You're only offering to pay because it's suppose to be clue that you're not interested rather than be upfront and saying you're not interested.
3. You have the attitude of its a man's job to pay. I don't have a problem paying for anything out of generosity , but once it's reduced to it's my job based on my gender then paying for dates becomes the equivalent of paying my bills.

*** I'm using "you" in general not directly at one person.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 489
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 11:45:44 AM

Herein lies the problems
1. You're offering to pay but it's only to see what he does. If he accepts he's a cheap **stard. You really weren't interested in paying, it's a fake offer.
Personally I find that disrespectful. I spent time planning a great date to get to know you and then do the fake offer move in the last quarter?

2. You're only offering to pay because it's suppose to be clue that you're not interested rather than be upfront and saying you're not interested.
3. You have the attitude of its a man's job to pay. I don't have a problem paying for anything out of generosity , but once it's reduced to it's my job based on my gender then paying for dates becomes the equivalent of paying my bills.


Well, you're using me directly because you quoted my post.
I do not offer to pay to see what he does. It wasn't a fake offer...it's what I do because see above (common courtesy)
I think you're reading things into encounters because of YOUR expectations...not those of your date.

If I offer to pay...it's sincere.
If I don't offer to pay...that's sincere as well.

So...this has never been a problem for me.
Sorry things aren't working out for you though...hopefully you'll find someone like me soon!

:o)
 waverunningeek
Joined: 3/20/2015
Msg: 490
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 1:21:38 PM
EDM: I don't doubt it since you're attractive and well spoken.

For so many reasons, dinner is just a bizarre way to spend your first moments with someone. On top of all the other first date pressures, you have to worry about stupid stuff like spinach getting caught in your teeth haha. Unless you're taking her to Taco Bell, dinner is a romantic thing, which doesn't make sense on a first meeting. Besides, of all the things there are to do... eating isn't very high on the FUN list... unless you're sharing a dessert and feeding it to each other... which, again, not first date stuff.

As for the women saying I'm bitter, that's just a weak deflection on your part. There's a difference between being bitter and not being a doormat. If you're tired of men brining these issues up, then I suggest you talk to the 50s throwbacks on here like SunshineGirl and set them straight.


I'm asked to dinner quite frequently, here.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 491
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 1:51:01 PM

As for the women saying I'm bitter, that's just a weak deflection on your part. There's a difference between being bitter and not being a doormat. If you're tired of men brining these issues up, then I suggest you talk to the 50s throwbacks on here like SunshineGirl and set them straight.


What the…? You don’t know anything about me or how I choose to date.

Nobody needs to “set me straight,” and I have no idea what you’re talking about. I have no problem whatsoever with however any woman chooses to be the best way to date for her. Do you always blame women for the poor choices YOU make?

Don’t worry, I promise I would never, ever want anything to do with a man like you. Put your buck and a half away.

Feel better?
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 492
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 1:51:02 PM

1. I offer to pay not because I want to see what he does, but because it's the right thing to do. I don't fake anything.

The key is -- not "the right thing to do" in mannerisms or what-momma-says, but because the gal paying half is the Most Appropriate thing To Do (not to offer, but to Do). And some (a minority % of) women do believe this. Problem is, many women just see The Offer as the good thing to do, while also seeing the guy Denying the offer as the good thing to do. Big difference. Seeing the mere "offer" as the right-thing-to-do is playing games. And since that's done so much, it's most appropriate for a gal, when she means it, to make it as readily apparent as possible that she Wants to pay for her half (not just Offer for polite mannerisms with accepting the possibility of paying).

I do not offer to pay to see what he does. It wasn't a fake offer...it's what I do because see above (common courtesy)

Is the OFFER common courtesy, or is the whole thing -- actually PAYING one's half common courtesy? :) If it's just the offer, then it's Fake. Not fake in the sense that they don't have the money to pay for their half -- but fake in the sense that they Truly Prefer Not to pay for their half and there are at least passive expectations or hopes if he does nor does not pay for the whole thing... and that it would possibly make a difference in how their gauge their dating success or compatibility.

In other words, a fake offer = an offer one doesn't Optimally desire to be taken upon.

If I'm out with a buddy and I need a ride home in a little bit, and I live only a mile away and I say, "I'll buy you a beer if you do," and he takes me up on it and I am disappointed and I didn't Ideally Want him to accept it -- then I was still making a fake offer -- even when I wasn't going to hesitate to buy him one If he accepted.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 493
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 1:57:46 PM

There's a difference between being bitter and not being a doormat. If you're tired of men brining these issues up, then I suggest you talk to the 50s throwbacks on here like SunshineGirl and set them straight.


It is not up to anyone to speak with the people of our gender. If you don't want to pay for something, simply don't pay for it. If she objects and it offends your senses, then clearly, she isn't the one for you. And yet these types of women are never short of dates, because they are often very attractive. Meanwhile, women of substance remain single. If these men would stop thinking with their dirks, then perhaps they wouldn't have this issue.

From my personal experience, I usually do a quick drink or coffee on the first meet. I can count on one hand (it was literally twice), that a man has paid for my coffee. I pay for mine, and often his as well. No biggie. I actually don't give it a second thought, and if I were to start dating again, the same would apply.

I have also dated a couple of very wealthy men. One of them, I dated twice. Three years after him breaking up with me, he contacted me again. He broke up with me at the time, because he was just starting his career, was not earning very much, so most of the time, I would pick up the bill, and that bothered him *eyeroll*. The second time, despite some initial reluctance, I agreed to go out with him. By this point, he was established in his career, was making a ton of money, and lived in an absolutely beautiful monstrosity of a home. He offered for me to move in with him, and he would pay everything. He had no children, so he had ''nothing else to do with his money but spend it on me". The money I made would be my spending money. If I wanted a new car? No problem. He would get me one. He offered this not once, but twice. I declined both times.

I find that often, men use this as a way to get women. Both of the wealthy men I ended up dating clearly stated within the first or second meeting, that they were men of means. Some of the ones I didn't end up dating, also used this tactic, for what I can only presume was for the purposes of impressing.

There are some women, quite a few actually, that are not particularly impressed by, or have the need for someone else's money. But because these whining men have been had before, they like to paint all women with the same broad stroke. And again my question. Why are they here, if ALL women are on the take, unless they are also on the take for something??
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 494
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 2:02:09 PM
OMG...seriously.

Get a freaking grip.

Read into what you will.

I can't force my money on anyone, I'm not going to rip the check out of his hand,
I'm not going to demand to pay it.

I offer to pay...it is a sincere offer, I do it because it is courteous and I do not expect people
to pay for me EVER.

I also offer to drive people to the airport, to the hospital, to doctor appointments.
I offer to pick stuff up at the grocery store for people when I'm going by there myself.
I offer people a ride if I see them standing there looking like the might need a ride.

Clearly I can be a **** if I choose to be.
But when I'm out with someone, I OFFER to pay. What they (or you) choose to read into it,
I'm not going to waste anymore time trying to figure out.

It's the weekend...I'm outta here.

I also have to say after being in these forums for years and posting here of late...
some of you people really need a breath of fresh air. You're wound pretty tight.

VVVVV
Hey Gooba,
I didn't write that. Ms. Sunshine did and she doesn't represent me or my gender...
she was speaking for herself...but carry on.
 waverunningeek
Joined: 3/20/2015
Msg: 495
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 2:05:18 PM
I know what I read. And apparently you don't know what you write. On the first page of this thread, you wrote that the man always pays no matter what. And it's that kind of backwards thinking that makes the rest of your gender look bad.


What is the general consensus about paying on dates?
You pay.

Does it have to do with who made the date?
No.

Is it considered less chivalrous if the woman pays?
No such thing. You pay.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 496
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 2:16:52 PM
.


[Well, you're using me directly because you quoted my post.]

I actually agreed with your post and stated that your approach was fine after I copied your quote. I should've used "some women" instead of you in my three points. I'll take ownership of the miscommunication on my end

[I think you're reading things into encounters because of YOUR expectations...not those of your date.]

No. My three points were based on comments I've seen by some women on here and in general. They are women do the fake offer, offer to indicate lack of interest, or have the attitude it's a man's job to pay. Clearly that isn't all women but those women do exist.

I've dated enough women who did genuinely offer to pay.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 497
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 5:39:50 PM

For so many reasons, dinner is just a bizarre way to spend your first moments with someone. On top of all the other first date pressures, you have to worry about stupid stuff like spinach getting caught in your teeth haha. Unless you're taking her to Taco Bell, dinner is a romantic thing, which doesn't make sense on a first meeting. Besides, of all the things there are to do... eating isn't very high on the FUN list... unless you're sharing a dessert and feeding it to each other... which, again, not first date stuff.


I appreciate your compliment.

I haven't had a complaint on any of my dinner dates.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 498
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 5:46:14 PM
If you're not comfortable with a dinner invite, then don't accept.

Heck, put on your profile that you don't accept dinner invites on first dates.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 499
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 5:53:03 PM
I never do dinner dates.

In fact, coffee is now out too.


It's gonna be a whiskey date, or sweet phuck all.

Basically setting in concrete as we speak.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 500
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/27/2015 6:39:32 PM

Dinner is really dumb thing to do as a first date for so many reasons. But if she insists then I say go dutch or pick something else.


In that case, if a man wants to come to my home for dinner, I'll be sure to invoke my feminismz and insist we go dutch!

He will pay for his portion of the following:

His own transportation;
Food/beverages/desserts consumed;
My time cooking and elegantly and artfully plating dishes;
Fuel for cooking and keeping him warm;
Water for cooking, flushing, and washing;
Cleaning supplies and detergents to clean up after him

Deal? Works? No, it's stupid.

If somebody asks me out to dinner on an invitation for a date, he pays. If I do, I pay. And if I invite him to my home, I expect him to bring himself, enjoy himself...no dutch, no worries, no selfishness.
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