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 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 501
Paying for a datePage 21 of 74    (7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47)
^^^
I'm totally ok with the inviter paying. If I plan it, I pay it.

A home cooked meal usually happens at my place btw and they often bring a bottle of wine. The gesture is appreciated.


If somebody asks me out to dinner on an invitation for a date, he pays. If I do, I pay. And if I invite him to my home, I expect him to bring himself, enjoy himself...no dutch, no worries, no selfishness.


This is a mature attitude, IMHO :)
 waverunningeek
Joined: 3/20/2015
Msg: 502
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 6:33:09 AM
haha I like the way you think.


It's gonna be a whiskey date, or sweet phuck all
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 503
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History
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 7:13:11 AM

As for the women saying I'm bitter, that's just a weak deflection on your part. There's a difference between being bitter and not being a doormat. If you're tired of men brining these issues up, then I suggest you talk to the 50s throwbacks on here like SunshineGirl and set them straight.


You come across that way...no 'deflection' here....

No worries though...I'll be sure to bring it up at the next meeting.....










Of EVERY WOMAN in the WORLD!!!

We meet monthly, after everyone's finished menstruating, so you MAY have to wait a while before actually seeing any changes.....
SMH
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 504
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 9:42:01 AM

We meet monthly, after everyone's finished menstruating, so you MAY have to wait a while before actually seeing any changes.....


Oh, Lordy; Dee, me thinks you'll need one freakin' large dorm to get all those cycles to sync - and when that does happen, how many do you think will come out of that dorm ALIVE?

TK
[I'm thinkin' worlds largest cat fight when all those hormones line up, I mean light up, I mean ...

Aw, never mind]
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 505
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 9:59:47 AM

Who complains (ever) about paying for a check when they really like the other person?


If a woman didn't offer to pay anything on the first date /meeting and the rest of the date went well, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. However if we went on 3 dates and she still didn't offer to pay anything, I might say something like "I get the bill this time" and "you can pay the next time". If she still was unwilling to pay for anything, then I might stop seeing her at that point.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 506
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 10:31:25 AM
An outlier in my dating world...doesn't happen often, thank god.

She says..'I don't have sex outside of a committed relationship'

I told her, 'That's fine. I don't spend money outside of one'

Hahahahhaha

Cheers!
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 507
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 10:45:33 AM
No, no TK...that's why we only meet AFTER menstruation.....

Oh didn't you know?
ALL women menstruate at the same time!!!!



Well really...makes as much sense as the original post I was responding to.....

LMAO

Generalizations, generalizations.....they may help us feel more comfortable in our views...but, like the Blind Men and the Elephant...Are we really getting the whole picture?

Hey, I can be as guilty as the next person...I have my moments, but then, I eventually return to a more balanced way of thinking, and realize that if I REALLY believe my generalizations then that doesn't give me a lot of hope for the future, right?

At least...that's the way I see it....
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 508
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 10:52:10 AM

If somebody asks me out to dinner on an invitation for a date, he pays. If I do, I pay.

In my world, I expect people to be honest with me. Especially, above all human associations, my date. So, if I ask someone out on a date (not a get-together with a friend), it is because I'm interested in them romantically and I'm letting them know this...and if they accept my invitation/request, it should ONLY EVER be because they are mutually interested in me - interested only in the possibility, with no expectations or promises, because that'd be premature, rude, and a backwards foregone conclusion.

So, a woman who I ask out should be honest with me. She should only accept a date request from me because she really is seriously interested in the possibility, hence taking the opportunity for us to get to know each other...she should not go on the date with me for ANY OTHER REASON; she should not operate on that foregone conclusion by assuming that we already like each other, are together and therefore communicating romance to each other, before we've even had those first few dates in the first place. She should not be taking advantage of the fact that "I did the asking" so that she can mooch off of me and play games with these kinds of supposed dating rules. She'd be grown enough to understand that this greatly hampers the right people finding each other because women avoid doing any asking just so they can avoid doing any paying, and make any askers feel obligated to something in such rude fashion. If she is accepting the date with me because she really is interested in me, then she's going to behave as if she has self-respect and therefore consider herself as equal...and not make these premature conclusions about her date nor play these games with him. If she pulls these stunts, that means that her motivations and reasons for accepting the date probably aren't honest, and she's already exhibiting an attitude about any future relationship that's sabotaging.


Who complains (ever) about paying for a check when they really like the other person?

Being cheap and thinking of men and your date in a certain way, will affect whether or not that other person is "liked" in the first place. How are you going to be liked if you're like this? Or, since your date had such a wonderful personality, they are "worth it" and have charmed the other person into outlaying all the money?

Fo rizzle, byatch?!
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 509
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 11:21:43 AM

I also have to say after being in these forums for years and posting here of late...
some of you people really need a breath of fresh air. You're wound pretty tight.

You're wound pretty tight! You're getting all worked up over the concept of "Offer to Pay (and prepared to do so)" vs "Wanting to Pay" thing, when it comes to your general portion. Usually is an indicator that one values the former and not really the the latter. But hey, I'll take your word for what you said that you always Want to pay in your clarification, indicating that a guy getting the whole bill won't have any positive effect on the dating experience. :)

If somebody asks me out to dinner on an invitation for a date, he pays. If I do, I pay.

But it's not always like that, though. Many times people will stretch "Asking to Take someone out" = "Asking to Go out" (much like a friend asking another if they wanna do X) = "Suggesting to go out to X" = "Saying let's go out to X". It starts at the no-brainer of who pays, when person X asks Person Y to *Take* someone out. Person Y 98% of the time being a gal. But when nobody asks to Take the other out -- does it really become gender-neutral? NO.

If a guy & gal are chatting online and after some time, the guy's not readily bringing up the concept to meet up, and the gal suggests it -- does that mean she pays for him? Yeah, good luck getting results of that happening. But if he does -- how is that interpreted? The same as "asking to TAKE her out". Again, if she does suggest that to him or even a statement like saying "we should go out on Friday, I get out of work early, are you game?" -- it's NOT taken that way.

In reality when boy & girl are not dating yet:
- Hardly ever at all, does a gal ask to Take a guy out
- MUCH of the time, a guy does not ask to Take a gal out (but it's still common of course)

When there is no asking to Take anyone out:
- IRL, it's Mostly the guy on the first outing asking, recommending, or saying that they go out sometime [not that different of approach of a friend to another friend]
- Originating from Online, it's more often the guy, but still more common for the Gal to do so too. Again, neither is asking to Take anyone out
- When a 1st outing/date's already had, it's common for either party to bring it up as a suggestion to go to [this local concert / this happy hour on Thurs / etc] -- much further away from being misinterpreted as Asking to Take someone out

Point being: Let's just be real. It's quite common someone's not asking to Take someone out. When it comes to the guy, he doesn't have to ask to Take a girl out -- it will be assumed so if he suggests it -- or even if She suggests it but he plays Any role in picking a spot or exact time, etc. But with the gal -- no. She has to Explicitly ask to Take the guy out. That's the only time it applies to a girl. Otherwise, it's treated by the same rules as if the guy did ask to Take her out, even when he didn't do.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 510
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 12:39:19 PM
Wow. Some men have gone through very great lengths to analyze the "who pays" argument. I bet they have flow charts and spreadsheets and everything.

Here's the thing. If you don't want to pay for the person you are with, grow a set, and state TO THEM that you will not be paying for them on any outing. Problem solved. Don't get your knickers in a bunch while smiling sweetly at them, and then birch about it later, out of earshot of the person you've just been "forced" to spend $4.00 dollars on. I, and most of the women I know, don't go anywhere unless they have the money to pay for themselves, and to get themselves back home. If I invite someone out, and I want to treat, I will state clearly, "Would you like to go to X with me on Saturday afternoon, my treat?" Then, there is no ambiguity as to who pays or not. If I am invited out, I assume that I will be paying for at least my portion of the cost. If the person insists on treating (has only happened two times), I thank them, and accept with the assurance that next time, it's my treat. And the next time, it is my treat. Makes life very simple.

If the person you are going out with gets offended by your stipulation that they have to pay for their own meal, coffee, movie ticket, etc, then they clearly are not a match for you, so why would you care that they are offended in the first place??
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 511
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 1:00:21 PM
And how many people let themselves notice a certain 'game' that persists in our culture? - There is all kinds of advice on how to get a girlfriend. Even pof has a vid on it. There are books and movies all about what all women supposedly want and what a man has to do to get one. It's a strange kind of brainwashing...which greatly neglects the other end and sneaks in that implication of that foregone conclusion (that any woman is already worth it and never has to do any learning or growing up herself)...not because I have this viewpoint as a male, but because I know for a fact that a significant percentage of women don't agree with this also and consider it really obnoxious and tiring, and are so tired of everything being leaned one way in pop-media and pseudo-culture.
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 512
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 4:05:43 PM
my POF meet and greet turned out to be great.....and bad. pay attention now. was I wrong?

we decided for our first meeting to get together at the bar at Vernon's in Niles, Ohio. we never discussed dinner. I was there first and ordered a beer at the bar and immediately paid for it. she came in 10 minutes later and I couldn't be happier. she was 46 years old, well built, better looking than her pictures, long hair and with a master's degree currently working on her PhD in psychology.
there was instant chemistry. she sat at the bar with me and ordered a vodka and soda. she did not pay.
she had personality and positivity coming out of her wazoo! I was at the top of my game, had her laughing and lots of stuff in common. she leaned in and kissed me several times. we were holding hands.

she ordered a second drink and did not pay. after 15 minutes I ordered another beer and paid for it.
after an hour she said she had not eaten and would I mind if she ate something. I said no. she ordered a pasta dish with shrimp and vodka sauce and ate at the bar. it came with a salad and rolls. she ate and we talked in between bites. I ordered nothing. more kissing and holding hands.
after two and a half hours of a greet and meet she said she had to get back to her kids, had the leftovers boxed, took them, kissed me goodbye and promised we'd go out on a real date soon. I said ok. she walked out.

she didn't pay her bill. the bartender asked if I was going to pay it. I said no I just met her. I said how much is it - her two drinks and her dinner came to $35. the bartender ran out into the parking lot but she was gone. the owner came over and they were talking but never asked me to pay for it. I had paid for my two beers when I ordered them so I walked out.


I would have paid for her two drinks but not her solo dinner.
what are your thoughts? I just got back 2 hours or ago.

 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 513
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 4:33:33 PM
So when she asked do you mind, what she really meant to say is do you mind BUYING her a dinner.

You should have paid her bill though, it isn't the restuarant's fault.
But never date her again...............unless you really don't mind and pay up.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 514
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:16:53 PM
^^^^^^^^^^
Have to disagree there Charmin...

The restaurant was responsible for ensuring that it was clear as to who was paying....The server/bartender should have asked when SHE ordered if that was to be one bill or two....

I'm sure that Tom would have then clarified that she was responsible for her own meal, or else offered to pay.

I wouldn't have paid either. It's not HIS responsibility that she assumed that he would pay her bill and never actually clarified.
These type of , don't even know what to call it....games? Unconscious signals? Not quite sure what it is exactly, but people do that stuff ALL the time....

We assume that when WE say 'blue' that the other person is picturing indigo in their minds because that is what WE are thinking....Her asking "Do you mind?" is easily misconstrued as in "Do you mind if I eat while you don't?", as some people find it impolite to eat in front of those who aren't....Or, as in what she apparently MEANT, "Do you mind footing the bill for my dinner, even though you only asked me out for a drink?"
But it would be considered 'crass' to some to openly ask if they mind paying for your meal, even on a first meet.

Love the intricacies of human psychology!!!!

Either way...NOT Tom;s problem as I see it, the ultimate responsibility is on her, to ensure that her bill is paid, one way or another, before dashing off....
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 515
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:17:31 PM
they seemed to know her. she said she goes to that restaurant on a weekly basis. they knew her name. I have been there 3 times in my life. even the sommelier knew her. I didn't want to be played so I did not pay. it will be interesting to hear what she says about it. i'm not sure i'm going to say anything.

I normally do not buy dinner on a meet and greet. it was 3pm and I had lunch already at home.

yes Dee she DID dash off. when she did that I assumed either she had a tab or I was being put in a situation. but once again, they KNEW her and seemed to like her. was it a game? can't wait to see if she says anything about it.

Charmin says I should have paid. i'd call myself a sucker then. I paid $6 for two beers plus her $35 plus a tip? $47 for a meet and greet? the way I see it is she works and makes money. we had just met.

hey WHAT IF IT HAD BEEN ME THAT DASHED OUT? how would you read that?
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 516
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:38:05 PM
^^^^

I would have paid rather than stiff the merchant. Bu it is strange that the staff knew her; maybe a rare sighting of the endangered Datus Whorus.

If I really wanted in her pants, I would send a text message: Great time Would like 2 see u again UR turn 2 pay or we can work out a trade
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 517
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:42:04 PM
She was tacky and classless, despite her education.

That being said, you are also at fault. If you knew when you paid for your second drink that you were not paying for hers, instead of remaining silent, you should have said something. She got a free meal, you, knowing what the outcome was going to be, kept silent anyway, and the only casualty is the restaurant, who is now out of the cost of her drinks and meal. If it's your rule that you do not buy dinner on a meet and greet, you should have indicated at the time you arranged the meet and greet.

Men allow women to do this, and say nothing. Then, after the fact, they complain about it, behind the back of the person responsible. To avoid this situation again on a first meet, go to a place where there is little to no possibility that the person you are with can run up a tab.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 518
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 6:06:51 PM
tgif111- This is on BOTH of you, I see bad communication, assuming and just bad behavior in general.
I'll start here- You said "we"decided on dinner, but someone had to bring it up first. I think whomever does the inviting pays, now before someone says it, it's bad for someone to take advantage of that and never doing the inviting and/or going dutch or being the one who pays, fair is fair.
If you asked her, you should have paid, if she invited you, she should have paid.
Next- Here's the assuming/bad communication part-since she never said anything, you think you should have gotten out of paying and since you didn't say anything, she thought you would pay. I see a lot of dodging here, not very mature.
Last- I can not believe so many people blame on the restaurant, I TOTALLY disagree.
He got there first and was there alone for ten minutes, having worked as a waitress and with a son who is a chef, I know how the industry works.
During the first approach to a customer is when they ask if there will be one ticket or multiple tickets, he was there alone at that time, so they did a single ticket because he was the only one THERE.
When she joined the OP, he should have said something then.
People who work in restaurants often work for less than minimum wage and mostly rely on tips.
When someone does a dine and dash (let's just call a spade a spade, because that IS what happened here), at the very least, the waiter is in hot water, at worst, the money comes out of THEIR pocket.
Like I said, bad form all around, this one has me feeling......... :(
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 519
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 6:12:15 PM
clooneys

I would like to know how she would get a guy to commit without sex, in this day and age? Some cultures perhaps.....
Liked your comeback though lol!
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 520
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 6:26:56 PM

the waiter is in hot water, at worst, the money comes out of THEIR pocket.



Exactly why I said he should pay the bill. Why should the merchant be at fault?
Let's say this was just two friends and one took off without paying the bill. Do you tell the waiter/waitress you're not paying when both of you were at the same table ordering? No.. you pay and then go give your friend shyt for taking off! lol
But since this is a date and I assume he will never hear from or see her again, it's a $47 dollar lesson learned.

An interesting turn of events when it's revealed she is a regular at this place.
Ohhhh I wonder!
Will they make her pay up when she shows up again. Will she show up?!
Will it be with another date?
Will she stiff that date?!
How many has she stiffed for a free meal and drinks?!
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 521
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 6:38:24 PM

bamagrl68:
Last- I can not believe so many people blame on the restaurant, I TOTALLY disagree.
He got there first and was there alone for ten minutes, having worked as a waitress and with a son who is a chef, I know how the industry works.
During the first approach to a customer is when they ask if there will be one ticket or multiple tickets, he was there alone at that time, so they did a single ticket because he was the only one THERE.
When she joined the OP, he should have said something then.


I disagree, Tom paid for his 1st drink, when he got it. Then He paid for His 2nd drink, when He got it. He never opened a 'TAB', nor did they ask about putting it on His non-existent, 'TAB'..... That should have been a 'Clue' to the Server....
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 522
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 6:38:50 PM
I would say the kissing and hand holding
Cost you $35.00
what, was it going to break the bank? You stiffed someone who is out of pocket
That is awful
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 523
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 7:04:54 PM
Tom, your meet stiffed you, but you should have manned up and picked up that tab. It was only thirty five bucks. Wasn't right to stick the establishment. JMO

Glad you went back and offered. That speaks highly of character. However.....this


I don't pay for that fool.


Doesn't.

Uncalled for I think, don't you on reconsideration?
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 524
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 7:16:54 PM
I had a guilty conscience. in retrospect I felt I should have bitten the bullet and manned up. I felt like I was being played. maybe she does this to other men and I din't want to be the fool who paid.

I just returned from the restaurant and offered to pay. the owner told me to forget about it and I gave the bartender $10. the owner says she knows her from her coming in and she will speak to her. I insisted on paying but the owner said no.

this was a meet and greet at 3pm. nothing about food was mentioned. on other meet and greets much of the time the bill is split. when I go out with women in their 20's and 30's they will often INSIST on paying to show me their independence.

I go out with a different woman every week. this has not happened before and I feel like she was trying to play me for a sucker.

she's working too. she has money coming in. she ate. I did not.

but you're never too experienced to learn. communication is key!







I would say the kissing and hand holding
Cost you $35.00


I don't pay for that. that's routine meet and greet action!

I had second thoughts on that as well CC so I amended it. didn't like what she said though.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 525
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/28/2015 7:54:22 PM
tgif111- Props to you for going back and making things right.
This one is personal for me, I turned to waitressing at 19 when I was by myself raising a baby, people in this profession work HARD for low pay and little appreciation, so again, thank you for going back.
Behind blue eyes is a poster I respect, I want to know, and here's where I'm relying on your honesty......
Did they open a tab when you were there, at first, alone?
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