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 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 576
Paying for a datePage 24 of 74    (10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)
**face palm**

I left PoF two years ago and this thread is still going? Did anyone ever figure out who pays and does anyone really even care??
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 577
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/29/2015 11:29:10 PM
^^^^^ If you're referring to this subject, this is the latest incarnation started 1/15/2015.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 578
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 2:00:53 AM
Social standards place more value on women's time than men's, at least when it comes to dating, which is why the man is expected to do the heavy lifting. That is the expectation. I don't agree with it at all, but you have two choices, either live with it and the pressured gender roles, or discuss it first with your date (and risk her losing interest).

It's an unfortunate situation we're in. An age of a hypocritical push for equality.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 579
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 10:01:00 AM

I don't date that much but I always expect to pay for the first meet and greet. I make the offer and suggest that she can leave the tip or pay the next time. Usually this is accepted (even if there is going to no second date). If the lady really wants to go 50-50 or pay her own way, I'm good.

In a nutshell -- that's my mindset, and that is how it works with me, too. Even though when stepping back (like in forums) I roll my eyes at it. If the guy wants to maximize his chances with a gal he Likes -- whether romantically or just sexually -- he has to have the full expectation, and be Fine with it, that he's going to pay for the whole thing. What does veer a bit from what you say is that I don't always make the offer to get together -- it can be a mutual consensus driven just as much by her -- or many times totally brought up by her. But the guy should still be just as prepared to pay even though he didn't "ask her out". In those cases, if her profile and/or how she describes herself is one who supports herself and such, and he reads she's Not interested or in some rare case there's some clash (arguing or her crying about a bf or whatever) -- there's going to be no harm in splitting the bill. Harm's already been done and you didn't ask to take her out or anything in that realm.

this is straying a bit from the subject, but there's something to be said for showing such 'rough edges' early - you get to explore compatibility, find out what the other person is comfortable with.

Yeah, but my example was just, IMO, a better way to say it. A gal who's "prim and proper" about the dating scene would still find it 'rough' a bit. IMO, my line was just more smooth -- but didn't veer from the concept itself (which yes, can still be rough). "I'm not going to eat, but no sweat -- if you want to buy some food, I certainly don't mind," puts it in more a natural context -- almost aids in selling the notion that it's not some big deal if she herself were to buy a food item off the menu herself. But sure, still 'rough' in the eyes of some. I don't think it's subtlety, though. It's carried out as if a gal Buying some food when she's hungry when on a date is no big deal.
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 580
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 11:45:07 AM
*******************************************************************************************************************

I'LL have an update for you regarding the next phone call to this woman (Amy) and let you know what she said.

******************************************************************************************************************

i'm never really highly concerned if there are trouble spots on a meet and greet or on an actual date for that matter.


for one, i'm leaving this area permanently for Tampa.


second, even though she's a rarity here (an attractive PhD) I look at things somewhat different as I am a serial dater and that there are more females out there and i'm sure some of them want to go out with me.

so if I have a failed M&G or date I shrug my shoulders and move on.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 581
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 1:17:43 PM
drinkthesunwithmyface- I had a pretty sharp learning curve after being married for 21 years and starting dating again.
Talk about a shock, things were WAY different when I found my self single again at 42!
I learned, fairly quickly, NOT to assume.
You comments are close to what I was saying about the communication/assuming thing.
NO one should go on a date thinking the other person is going to pay and not bring it up.
It is awkward, but otherwise you end up with dates like this one.
EVEN if the man asks me out, I ask, just to clarify, if he's paying or we are going dutch, if I'm the one inviting, I pay but will accept an offer to go dutch.
Bottom line-By the time we actually meet, I make SURE it's clear as to who is paying, problem solved :)
Dee- You are a great person, but we will have to agree to disagree on this one.
IF she knew the people in the establishment, they thought she would pay, yeah, BIG mistake, I'll go that far, but I'm still glad the server wasn't out of pocket and I maintain one or both of them should have said something. IF she DARES to go back, you can bet they will get the money out of her before they serve her, if they serve her again at all. :(
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 582
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 1:45:42 PM
Even if she wasn't sure who was paying, why would she leave without
someone paying?

I wouldn't leave a bill sitting there like that. Seems like that was the perfect
opportunity for her to find out if he was paying or not.

She must be one of those creatures I hear tell about in fishes that go out with
guys for the free food.

That's why I also offer to pay, because I assume I am at least paying for my
share....sheeesh....what bartender lets people have drinks without asking about
a tab or getting cash?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 583
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 2:01:34 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^
None, ime.....

Which is why I said what I did....
@ Bama....np, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.... ;-)
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 584
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 2:12:49 PM
this may answer some questions:

*************************************UPDATE ON THIS PAYING THE BILL CONTROVERY*********************************




I just got off the phone with her. I told her how much I enjoyed her company and that I wanted to see her again for a real date. I said we had a bump in the road regarding our differing views on who pays and if she wanted to bow out I would understand. she said she wanted to go out with me again. she said she felt the electric buzz between us. she said that as she left the restaurant she thanked me for the meal. i'm hard of hearing so I did not hear that (the place was crowded and there was music playing).

so she explained something to me. she had been married for 20 years and had been dating for only the last two years. she had just last week gotten on POF and had no idea what a meet and greet was. she thought we were on a date. I take responsibility for not explaining this so it's my fault for assuming she knew.

she said in those two years she dated several fellows off and on around her busy schedule (work, school for her PhD and her 2 children) and these three men had always paid every single time. so I see where she was coming from. she is basically a dating amateur.

I told her I would pay for our next couple of dates and see if we had the same connection we had the first time and go from there. I asked when she next wanted to go out and if she wanted an afternoon or night time date. I was kinda disappointed that she said afternoon next Monday a week from today. I said fine. how does the Butler Art Museum sound to you? thankfully she said that was great (not many options here). I was hoping for a Friday or Saturday as we have 2 dance clubs left and i'd love to see that booty shake. she had a pair of tight jeans on with some small cuts all over them when we met and as I led her to her chair at the bar a saw a nice tight heart <3

so I guess (so far) all is well in Youngstown, Ohio and i'm looking forward to getting to know this woman.
umm for a short while.

TOM DA BOMB
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 585
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 2:43:50 PM

I just got off the phone with her. I told her how much I enjoyed her company and that I wanted to see her again for a real date.

You guys DID have a Real Date. A meet-n-greet from an online matchmaking site IS a date. It's a low-key one, entering into it. How low-key it is depends on how it unfolds of course. You guys kissed during it? It's not some flimsy date. It was Definitely Real.

she said that as she left the restaurant she thanked me for the meal.

I always chuckle at the word "meal". Sounds like a reference to animal food. Giving someone a "meal" (say it out loud) -- sounds like something in reference to eating from a trough - lol.

she said in those two years she dated several fellows off and on around her busy schedule (work, school for her PhD and her 2 children) and these three men had always paid every single time. so I see where she was coming from. she is basically a dating amateur.

Okay, she's going to grad school -- a busy lady. But she's not an idiot (I'm assuming). It's NOT a misunderstanding. It's not because a few guys paid her way that she came to this conclusion. It's how she saw and sees things. You realized she wasn't "scamming you" after the fact (you had little reason to think she was btw) -- and now you're back-pedaling, because you realize that although it's a bit "wtf" that a guy "should" pay for all dates when you're in the pre-season of dating -- it IS worth it to pay a girl's tab when you two click really well. 2 years in the dating scene is not some "amateur". It's not rocket science. She expects the guy (you) to pay -- and since you realize you have a chance with her -- you are from now on. Case closed. :)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 586
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 2:45:28 PM
Well Tom, sounds like you learned something valuable about assumptions and communication from this experience, and whether or not it 'works out' with this woman, it has NOT been a waste of time....

Glad to hear that you talked it out withe her, and that she took it so well....Doesn;t sound like you'll have that problem with her again....

Good luck with whatever may happen there....
 waverunningeek
Joined: 3/20/2015
Msg: 587
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 2:57:23 PM
I call them Foodie Prostitutes.


She sounds like she was a professional meal whore, full of entitlement (man always pays).


Bottom line is this... men don't pay for meals because they're gentlemen... they did it out of the financial necessity of the 50s where the man was the breadwinner.

65 years later, feminism took hold and women are in the workplace and making money. In 2015, if you still believe the man should have to plan everything and pay for everything, then you're simply delusional. And in for a very rude awakening.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 588
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 3:01:29 PM
browneyesboo- It's a no no not to, I admit that, but.........
Unless you are going out to dinner/drinks for the first time EVER, most of us know how it goes.
I'm an honest person, so I would have said something and paid for my part.
It's a good thing the woman in this scenario isn't on here, I'd give her a piece of my mind.
She KNEW better, no one is going to convince me other wise, they BOTH did.
If the OP is telling the truth and she had been there before, she took advantage of the fact they trusted her and that's just........:(
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 589
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 3:13:03 PM
My WTF moment in the whole Story, is when Tom ordered His 2nd Beer & paid for it with Cash when delivered...

Up to that point I could see the Waitstaff/Bartender assuming Tom was paying for the lady.......
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 590
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 3:30:59 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^

EXACTLY!!!!

When I was a bartender they TOLD me very clearly that it was MY job to ensure that ALL purchases were paid for....
With that in mind I would ask when a man or woman was joined by someone else BEFORE I served them whether it was one bill or two....

That WAS a part of the job......especially in a place that serves food at the bar....

Was very easy to do, and eliminated any awkwardness on the part of the patrons.....
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 591
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 3:48:52 PM
you made some good point Norwegian guy but I have to disagree that it was a date. meet and greets sometime turn into face sucking matches and I just think she wasn't aware of
ONLINE ways of dating. she just joined last week. ergo I think she was a dating rookie. she was NAIVE!

DEE-life is a learning opportunity and you're never too old to be taught a lesson. I plead guilty.

blue eyes - I always pay upfront to signal my intent.

bamagrl - maybe she was hoping i'd be like the other men.


after the bartender came in from the parking lot when she chased after Amy, she didn't know who to turn to. she said outloud "WELL SOMEBODY'S GONNA PAY FOR THIS!!!"

she was upset and panicked. I went back there at 9 at night and spoke to the owner. I offered to pay and tip. the owner says she knows the woman Amy to see her and she will talk to her. I gave the bartender $10.

Amy had 2 Absolut vodkas with club soda and a lime (she said it was lower in calories). I would have paid for those had she left it at that. but she ordered pasta with shrimp and ate while I ordered nothing and at that time I said to myself -hell, she can pay for her own.

Amy said she'd go back there and pay and I believe all three parties learned something -the bartender, me and Amy.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 592
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 4:05:10 PM
Behind-Blue-Eyes 53- Here's what I think happened.........
Tom comes in alone, they don't know him, he orders a drink and pays cash, no need to open a tab.
Then Tom's date comes in that they DO know and not being clueless, they realize they are on a date, Tom has been paying cash, they know his date and don't start a tab.
Tom and his date sit there, ordering food and drinks on a date that Tom has at least LED them to believe he's paying for and his date allowing them to continue to do so because they know her.
The waiter/bartender broke the rules by not asking Tom AND his date who was paying when she joined him, but they knew her and trusted her.
Lesson learned, (on the waiter/bartenders part)I'm sure.
Didn't Tom say in one post that he wasn't going out with her again?
Now he IS?!
Someone pass the vodka, where's Walts? ;) ;D
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 593
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 4:27:35 PM
Hey Bama...you're welcome to some Polar Ice...just bought it today and am enjoying a couple of bloody cesars! ;-)

Good for you Tom...glad you went back and tipped the bartender, but if she had worked where I did, the owner WOULD have deducted it from her as a lesson in what NOT to do.....

You only have to learn that particular lesson once, ime....
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 594
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 4:50:54 PM
Dee4166- Here's my favorite drink............
One part Pinnacle whipped vodka (it comes it different flavors,or unflavored,to get the taste right for this drink, you need the whipped flavor-as in whipped cream), one part orange juice, one part pineapple juice, add ice, stir and serve.
Remember those ice cream bars from when we were kids, they had vanilla ice cream on the inside and orange Popsicle on the outside?
That's what it tastes like, yuuuuuumy!
Thank you, Cheers :)
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 595
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 4:55:01 PM
thanks Dee. when I first walked in I actually told the owner who greeted me as I entered (not the bartender) I was there on a blind date. those are the words I used.

bamagrl - yes I did say I was NOT going out with her again but when I spoke to her on the phone I saw that what she did was not gold digging or being a meal whore. she misunderstood based on the other (I think she said three) men who paid for everything in previous dates. she was kind and sweet and not argumentative. I explained to her the difference between a meet and greet and a date and she was surprised that there was such a difference. she thought we were on a date. all in all she was so gracious I wanted to try again.

ummm plus I wanted more kisses!
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 596
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 5:02:38 PM
@Bama...they have a pre-mixed Bacardi Breezer that tastes EXACTLY like those creamsicles!!! I could drink them all day...MEGA calories, but yummy!!!

@Tom...more kisses huh? You're such a CAD!!! LOL
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 597
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 5:12:20 PM
My test of a new club or bar is the simple classic Long Island Iced Tea. How they make it tells me everything I need to know about the place and if I should go back. The shape of the glass (volume). If it's loaded with ice cubes. And of course, how it tastes and if it has any kick. Places don't usually charge their lowest dollar for a LIIT, so they better get it right and give me something that's worth sipping on for my money and the effort of carrying the thing around. There's a certain point behind the LIIT being what it is, and how they make it better not defeat that whole purpose.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 598
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 5:25:14 PM
Why did you post about “her” expectations and how wrong they were? You had expectations of your own, and she is as entitled to think you are wrong as you are.

I find it very difficult to believe that over the course of the hundreds of dates you’ve claimed to have had over the years, there has never been a paying problem until now, with this woman, you feel the need to judge and put down on this forum.

I didn’t wallow through this whole melodrama, but at some point it sounded like you had both left and you let her know the restaurant was waiting for her to pay her share? So they just let you both leave without paying? And you must have given them her name to pursue her bill? I would think ANYone, male or female, in that situation would pay the damn bill like a decent person. Then you could always go after her for her share, maybe even charge interest. I can’t believe you made such a melodramatic scene over this.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 599
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Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 5:29:31 PM
tgif111...
ummm plus I wanted more kisses!


And I'm sure you want to see if the melons (boobs) are real or surgically enhanced.

And I'm also sure you want to palm her onion (booty).
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 600
Paying for a date
Posted: 3/30/2015 7:14:33 PM
^^^^^^^^^

you know me so well cooldog!

yeah, i'm guy so who wouldn't want those things! but i'm not going to force it. I want her to want it first. but more than that my rep is to show a woman a good time without pressure for anything she doesn't want to do.

I want to take her dancing, choke down a few drinks, see if we can make each other laugh. go to the museum, look at some paintings and talk about them. take her to the Cleveland zoo and imitate the monkeys, get silly and see if I can get her to relax and open up to me. yeah, sneak a kiss in too.

see if we can make each other's lives a little more fun, interesting and in the end worth living.

if I can do that for a woman, even for a short period of time THAT makes me happy.

who knows, maybe someday when I least expect it cupid will shoot me in the ass with his poisoned love arrow.
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