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 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 651
Paying for a datePage 27 of 74    (13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53)
Clooney
You come here.. I will buy you two glasses of wine
You will have to walk the pup but
2
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 652
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 6:44:33 PM
Is this an auction? Ouija, if you come here, I will buy you two BOTTLES of wine. Wait - I'm not doing this right, am I?
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 653
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 6:50:37 PM
Damn, I'm gonna have to centralize myself between Kelowna and Kamloops...

Ouija...Whatsamatta has a better offer. Can you do better?

I love the view from my perch ladies, keep it coming...hehehehe
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 654
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 6:57:43 PM

When does a “meet and greet” with someone from OLD officially turn into a date? After 1 hour? After 2 hours? When the bill exceeds a certain amount? When there is kissing involved? Among the people that call it a "meet and greet", they have different viewpoints about if and when it can turn into a date.

It's technically a date unless otherwise specified (ex: "Just friends" or "Friends First" = not a date)... but a "meet and greet" date from a Matchmaking site Is a date, but has little weight/expectations to it. However, if it unfolds into a full-fledged Date, then it's more "official" I guess. There's gray areas, of course, just like anything in dating.

Here -- I'll give you an example of a NON-date and how it on-the-spot turns into a Date. Ready? Boy meets girl at a bar during happy hour. His friends have gone home, and so have hers, but they're both single and their friends aren't (which is why they left). So Bob and Sally just met, mingled, exchanged #s. But it's still early and it's Friday, now about 7PM. Bob says "Hey, we're both hungry -- want to go down the street here downtown and go to that nice restaurant?" "Okay, says Sally," with a smile. They go out to that place for dinner, kiss, have a couple drinks... go to a bar for a nightcap, and Bob takes Sally home and porks her -- oh no, wait... no, he walks her to her door and kisses her, and says he had a great time. That was something turned-into-a-date on-the-fly. Not so common, but you get the idea.

Something lightweight like a meet-n-greet date that doesn't deserve a capital-D in "date" occurs, and it can, under some circumstances turn into a full-fledged date. It isn't a 45-60 minute meeting at a coffee shop with handshakes & lemonade -- but at a bar, and lasts over 2 hours, kissing, etc. What was geared for a nothing-special, turned out to be. They look back on it -- that was Their 1st Date.

My caliber of a man is a gentleman that pays when he invites a lady to dinner and does not have any expectations except for good company and possibly another date.

OP didn't invite her, according to him. It's funny how everyone assumes the guy invites the woman because he went out on a date with said woman, right? :) On top of it, what was just going to be a low-key meet-n-greet date, to just have a couple drinks, turned out to be a 2.5 hour date w/ kissing and her ordering a plate -- and without even gesturing or anything, expecting him to pay the bill! Perfect example of how standard dating works -- love it or hate it -- it doesn't matter who brings up the notion of where or when to meet... unless the gay explicitly says "I want to Take you out" -- the guy is unfortunately expected by Most to pay -- even if he wasn't Inviting her to anything and it was a mutual idea (even if brought forth a bit moreso by the gal). It is a Raw Deal. There's not always 1 person who Invites & 1 person who Accepts -- it doesn't roll that way all the time. Much of the time, both people are to blame for having the date -- welcome to the 90s! :)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 655
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 7:12:17 PM

Damn, I'm gonna have to centralize myself between Kelowna and Kamloops...

Ouija...Whatsamatta has a better offer. Can you do better?

I love the view from my perch ladies, keep it coming...hehehehe


I'm not competing with Ouija. Do I look like a fool? (Rhetorical question fyi). I already know how this is going down: I'll be the one walking the pup. Again :S
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 656
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 7:17:50 PM

Fear not ladies....on a first date if I were to ask you out, by gawd I'm paying. You can offer to split it, pay the tip whatever but it ain't happening.
I value MY standards. Also I would think my picker was non existent if I thought you felt sex was a requirement for me paying for the date.

I only ask someone if they interest me in some way and hopefully it leads to a exclusive relationship, if not then no harm no foul.


But...would you allow her to treat you the next time? I dated one guy that would not allow me to pay when we went out. I had to become very creative in how I was able to return the courtesy! I even had an "unbirthday party" for him once, just so I could have an excuse as to why he couldn't pay that time - complete with a present! hahaha)

(Don't tell anyone but there are actually some of us women who also like to treat their dates too!)
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 657
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 7:20:44 PM
slowitalldown said:

Disappointed in you tgif. Where did that double standard come from all of a sudden? You think the other women you've been scoring with haven't had any partners before you? Are you so pristine? Doesn't sound like it from the way you write.

What's with the slut shaming?


I was just being coy and disarming.
It wasn't my intent to be mean and nasty.
i'm not pristine. when sex is offered , I don't usually turn it down.

but there IS A DOUBLE STANDARD.

on those rare occasions I DID turn it down I was kicked out of her house, screamed at, belittled, she sobbed like I killed her cat or called me another name for gay.
I bet other men on here will back me up on that.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 658
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 7:28:25 PM

But...would you allow her to treat you the next time?


Sure. Hopefully she would mention that before the actual date so I would know her intentions. My post was really specific to the first date however it would hold true in subsequent dates as well unless she was set on treating......but it would never be expected.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 659
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 7:31:51 PM
Tom,

I didn't turn them down per se, but junior did.

A few women patiently gave me a 2nd chance while a couple did not.
 Forte31599
Joined: 11/2/2014
Msg: 660
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 7:32:48 PM

or if WE are doing the inviting then WE pick up the bill in it's entirety....


One of my worst dates turned on a reversal of expectations.

After having taken a woman out maybe a dozen times, always gladly footing the bill myself, my date planned, on her own, a special night out, dinner and a show, her treat.

Just a few hours before I picked her up, she had a nasty confrontation with her daughter, having learned that she had been "played" by her daughter and, to make matters worse, the daughter intentionally hurt her. So the first 2o minutes of the date was an angry recitation of what had happened, followed shortly by her telling me that she was broke, and telling me that I would have to pay for the date. This, of course, as opposed to politely asking me.

It was hard to feel that I wasn't being punished for the hurt she was feeling, I was dumbfounded and expressed my disappointment that what I had excitedly told my friends and co-workers, that I was being "taken out" by my girlfriend, wasn't really the case at all. She begrudgingly paid for the meal, then called off the rest of the date.

Awful night, all the way around.

I didn't care about the money. What I cared about was that she didn't do what she said she'd do. Was her hurt sufficient justification? I still kick that around in my head, unsure of the answer.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 661
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 7:44:49 PM
^^^
My sons have asked me for money unexpectedly. Yeah, it sucks, but they didn't ask to be born.

Was she justified? Perhaps she was truly broken by an unexpected play by the daughter, but I think she could have handled thing differently.

I would've hoped she would have offered a quiet evening at your place, or hers?
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 662
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 7:54:02 PM
Forte,

sounds like a bad evening for the both of you. i'm sorry because it's sad.

she could have explained and canceled, asking for a raincheck. she could have asked for a video night instead.

I think YOU were justified in being disappointed.

did you know she was broke? that can cause problems when one of the daters is living hand to mouth.

there is no BALANCE.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 663
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/1/2015 9:29:59 PM

"played" by her daughter and, to make matters worse, the daughter intentionally hurt her. So the first 2o minutes of the date was an angry recitation of what had happened, followed shortly by her telling me that she was broke, and telling me that I would have to pay for the date. This, of course, as opposed to politely asking me.

Okay, this is what you're (possibly a bit hastily, but still) calling your Girlfriend at the time. She's frustrated. She's p!ssed. And on top of it, she is broke. Paying for the date... it's only going to add to it. I understand your frustration, but telling friends & co-workers that she's paying for a date beforehand should have Zero effect.

I think you treated it as if she was just having a run-of-the-mill day and said "Uggh, I gotta tell ya. I'm pretty broke -- you're going to have to pay for this one, sorry," despite her earlier promise, and her just Expecting it. Okay, I can understand getting upset by her taking-for-granted attitude, ok.

But she went thru hell -- ya gotta give leg-room for that. I would have said "Hey... I understand you're in a world of hell with your daughter. Yeah, I will... but why did you plan to take me out if you're on little to no money? I understand I'm 'the guy' and all, but at the same time, that's a concern. Hey, I don't want you getting to the point of toeing the line of bouncing checks to pay for a date. Or anything for that matter... but as an FYI, dating me, I'm sure you have less "going out" expenses... which is great. I just hope that would give you breathing room a little bit over time ... for stuff you really Need or to treat me to a dinner at some point, ya know? Just saying... and I only say it because I'm worried about ya being broke..."
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 664
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 1:40:32 AM
@Forte....

Some good advice here, and some kinda questionable re:this woman, imo....

No need to over analyze anything....

She had a bad situation, found herself in a bad mood and ideally, should have apologized and proposed an alternate evening if her funds were low, don't think you would have turned that down, now would you?

Perhaps she could have postponed the date she HAD planned, perhaps she had some unexpected expenses that week?

Sh!t happens and people don't always behave well, that's why there are such things as apologies....

I agree however that she behaved badly, could have and SHOULD have been more apologetic about the last minute change in plans, and frankly it wasn't YOU that she was mad at....I understand that she needed to 'vent' but come ON....no need to allow her daughter to ruin the whole evening....

Life happens and plans change, I think it's all about how we handle those changes, not whether or not things go according 'to plan'....
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 665
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 6:45:46 AM

After having taken a woman out maybe a dozen times


I'm impressed you made it to 12 dates.

Online dating is like a plane taking off.

If there's a mechanical problem, you'll find out pretty damn fast.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 666
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 12:59:13 PM
forte31599- You didn't say what the daughter did.
Did she steal money from her mom and that was why she couldn't pay?
If that's the case, broke is broke.
If that had happened to me, such an emotional confrontation with my daughter, I might have canceled the date entirely.
Would that have been a better option, considering the night sucked anyway?
Just wondering.
 Forte31599
Joined: 11/2/2014
Msg: 667
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 1:17:29 PM

forte31599- You didn't say what the daughter did.
Did she steal money from her mom and that was why she couldn't pay?


No. The daughter had been playing her mother about a relationship the daughter had been having with a boyfriend and then, just 24 hours before it would have been all irrelevant, told her, just to let her know that she had been playing her all along. Seemed pretty cruel to me.

I never believed that my date was actually broke. I believed, instead, that she was deeply hurt (though she wouldn't admit it) and I was the collateral damage that evening.
 DeepakTolle
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 668
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 1:23:16 PM
Forte, she should've apologized and asked to see you a different time when she was in a better mood.

It's the risk we run dating people with kids - I've had women cancel with me last minute due to drama with her kids but that's way better than hanging with a woman in a foul mood !
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 669
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 1:27:40 PM
forte31599- Wow, that would cut me to the quick.
I have two sons and one daughter and me and my daughter share a special bond.
I love my sons equally, but there is just something about a mother/daughter relationship that is special.
I could be wrong, but I'm about 99.9% sure that you are spot on and paid the price for how she was feeling after the fight.
Being totally honest, I would have been a mess too.
I'm sorry you got burned because of it.
That's just ONE thing that chaps me about selfish people (the daughter), they just don't care how their actions affect other people.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 670
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 1:35:02 PM
deepaktolle- Thank you for sharing that.
That would have been my instinct, just to cancel and apologize rather than go on a date in a bad mood.
I TRY to be considerate of others.
I hope this NEVER happens,but at least I got some good input from a mans perspective about which would be the way to go IF it happened :)
 DeepakTolle
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 671
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 1:44:01 PM

deepaktolle- Thank you for sharing that.


Thank you for the acknowledgment Bama.

It isn't just people with kids that can result in a story like Forte's.

I used to date a woman who shared custody with her ex and they did NOT get along !

In order for us to have alone time , she'd have to see her ex when they exchanged the kids = an angry confrontation = her in a bad mood for our get together ..... would you believe that one didn't work out in the end ?
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 672
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 3:21:51 PM

wait. I just thought of something.

if you did that for me then you did it for other men BEFORE me.

maybe a whole lot of men! YIKES!!


That doesnt sound coy and disarming. Sounds mean and nasty.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 673
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 3:39:11 PM

I never believed that my date was actually broke. I believed, instead, that she was deeply hurt (though she wouldn't admit it) and I was the collateral damage that evening.


Although I don't excuse her behaviour, there is a theory that when someone has been hurt and has not had the opportunity to rectify the situation in a manner they are satisfied with, they sometimes lash out at the closest person to them. It's almost like a "displaced revenge", because they know the person they lashed out to is safe.

Think about how many times you have had a difficult day at work, or something happened on the way home, and you stewed about it because you didn't have the opportunity to respond to it. Many people will be cranky with the person they are closest to, even if they had absolutely nothing to do with what made them angry. I've caught myself doing that a time or two. On one instance, I dealt with a particularly belligerent patient at work, and when I got home, the fact that my son didn't put the morning dishes in the dishwasher became an indictable offence. :)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 674
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 4:38:06 PM
I agree 12 dates is a lot, almost a relationship. You paid all the way along so she must be pretty hot. If I had seen a guy that many times, I would have reciprocated in some way long before that disastrous night out she invited you on. Why didnt she cancel and plan another date?? She sounds immature and selfish.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 675
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 4:43:02 PM
tom

I imagine that as you were in her house that she felt that you would be in for some sex. You could have made some excuse like you were not feeling well, had not taken the Viagra yet or something to save her ego. But she sounds unstable and you may have dodged a bullet.
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