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 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 676
Paying for a datePage 28 of 74    (14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54)

I didn't turn them down per se, but junior did.


Poor Junior :( Why was this, if you don't mind my asking? Did they not have nice hands?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 677
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 6:43:47 PM
^^^ stop!!!!!
I am cancelling my cable
This is way more fun
If I was with a man who called it Junior..
I'd be on the floor. Sans junior
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 678
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 6:48:49 PM
Why the heck would someone use a juvenile name like "Junior" when names like "Little Elvis" can be utilized? Sheesh.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 679
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 7:05:43 PM
^ Ew. You just made me think of a penis with side burns.

All I know is I'm not supposed to call vaginas "front bums".
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 680
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 7:06:39 PM
I prefer the name "Mr. Friendly". He's been known to do pushups in a moist cavern until he pukes.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 681
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 7:24:27 PM
Them aggressive women would have been great to meet 20 years ago, lmao.

You guys, and ladies, are a riot.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 682
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 10:04:19 PM
deeptaktolle- OMG,I can almost HEAR it.
"It's Your weekend, why should I change plans because you have a date".
"well I deserve to have a life too, so take them"and on it goes.
It sounds like you found someone newly divorced, still in the throws of hurting each other, BAD trouble.
Saying that, I've been there done that.
My ex and myself are divorced four years now, we have made it from feeling like one or both of us might need bail money for murder, to not talking at all, to agreeing that my ex would not longer talk to me during pick ups, nor me to him and from there came a MIRACLE.
We aren't best buddies, we aren't going to pretend we are anything other than what we are, two divorced people and realizing who our (shared) antics affected the most (our children).
In other words, our mutual time out has worked wonders.
We now talk, but ONLY about our children, that is the only thing we have in common anymore, we treat each other with civility.
Not only is it better for us, it's better for our children.
This is one I had to learn from experience, but I now know when ex's are at each others throats, is to take a time out, at some point come back and try again when BOTH are ready :)
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 683
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/2/2015 11:40:11 PM

may as well throw in a parking lot blowjob while you’re at it

i was on a second date with a gal and we had met at the third street promenade in santa monica, which is a big outdoor mall. i took my dog along because he liked to walk, of course, and i figured he would provide the charm on the date that i probably couldn't. so the date is going great, we grab a little something to to eat and walk some more and end up at my car, which, coincidentally, is just right for making out. when she and i have been kissing and groping for a few minutes, the dog starts howling in the back. he didn't like being the third wheel. so i moored him to the curbside corner of the bumper to reduce his pain in the ass level. a few minutes later, a cop shows up and taps at the window. someone had called 911 because of the dog's noise. after a minute or two of discourse with this straight-faced public servant, we packed up shop, i drove her back to her car, which was in a parking structure, and now we're back at the beginning of the anecdote.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 684
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/3/2015 6:42:42 AM

Something lightweight like a meet-n-greet date that doesn't deserve a capital-D in "date" occurs, and it can, under some circumstances turn into a full-fledged date


I suppose it's possible. But having various rules and stipulations about when it turns into an official "date" makes things more complicated than necessary. For me, going out with a person from online dating site for the first time is a date. Regardless of time, cost, activity etc. However it is often a casual and low key date such as having a few drinks at a bar.


My caliber of a man is a gentleman that pays when he invites a lady to dinner and does not have any expectations except for good company and possibly another date.


That works both ways though. Unless a man directly states prior to the date that he will pay. Or maybe the person that did the asking was the "host" and arranged the date, I don't think a woman should expect a man to pay for the entire bill. On my first few dates / meetings I had with women, we often mutually decided the details of the date.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 685
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/3/2015 10:38:58 AM

I suppose it's possible. But having various rules and stipulations about when it turns into an official "date" makes things more complicated than necessary. For me, going out with a person from online dating site for the first time is a date. Regardless of time, cost, activity etc. However it is often a casual and low key date such as having a few drinks at a bar.

It's not a "rule" but just a common-sense observation. Some dates are going to be very low-key. Some won't at all. I agree -- whether you're meeting up for a couple drinks and having something low-key or taking her out to a fancy dinner, the opera, then a drink afterward -- it's a date. However, I'm just talking about the level/theme/weight of it. I think the guy should be, by default, aiming to pay -- unless the gal pulled a "Friends First" disclaimer -- and it's a low-key meetup. Then it's not a date. Other than that -- yeah. Good thing is though that a low-key meetup/date is going to (almost always) be less expensive than a full-fledged Date -- so the guy shouldn't have much of a problem with it.

On my first few dates / meetings I had with women, we often mutually decided the details of the date.

That's many times how it rolls. Only a fool would think that all dates had are a guy chasing a gal, Asking if she'll go out with him, and she saying Yes (thus he treats her). Especially nowadays, it's a mutual/shared development -- much like two buddies set up an outing to a bar/place on a particular weekend. When meeting people online, many like to keep it 'casual' with those they've chatted with and not met yet, while not wanting things to be all drummed-up right from the get-go (we haven't met yet!). Combined with the cat already being out of the bag that there's at least some mutual attraction/interest since it's an online site -- many will just banter/exchange ideas on when/where to meet up, and it's just shared blame/interest. :)
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 686
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/3/2015 5:11:59 PM

I think the guy should be, by default, aiming to pay -- unless the gal pulled a "Friends First" disclaimer -- and it's a low-key meetup.


I used to agree with that. But dating has changed way too much over the last 10 years. I remember when I first started dating, there was communication, there were 2nd dates... Now, we go out, I never hear another word from her and run into her and some other guy the next week while I'm food shopping.

I think it's safe to assume that most guys that are arguing against automatically paying, would love to treat their next girlfriend on a great date. But the reality for too many of us, is we're treating some other guy's next girlfriend instead.

Because of that, I have a ton of respect for the women who offer to pay for themselves when they don't see a 2nd date happening. There's no reason that women can't meet men in the middle with this one. A lot of times the guy will still pay for her, but it's kind of different. Paying for someone's dinner after she was honest about not wanting a 2nd date seems like way less of a waste of money than paying for someone to be left in the dark... Just the fact that it's actually appreciated.

I'm not sure about the older generation, but in mine, women only turn that way of thinking into a way to waste your money. You can't treat guys like they're disposable and then expect them to want to pay for you and treat you to everything. If we want to assume that the guy always pays, then we should also be able to assume that the girl treats him fairly in return. Vanishing on someone who just bought you dinner for the sole reason of "he's ugly" is the reason this argument even exists.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 687
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/3/2015 5:27:49 PM
^ I don't really care who pays, except in one type of scenario: If I find the guy particularly unattractive, I make a particular effort to be the one who pays. Psychoanalyze that.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 688
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/3/2015 7:52:26 PM

^ I don't really care who pays, except in one type of scenario: If I find the guy particularly unattractive, I make a particular effort to be the one who pays. Psychoanalyze that.

it's likely your sense of reciprocity or fairness talking. if he pays, part of you thinks you'd have to repay - that is, further interact, and somewhat on his terms, when all you really want is to be over, done and gone.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 689
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 12:45:03 AM

I used to agree with that. But dating has changed way too much over the last 10 years. I remember when I first started dating, there was communication, there were 2nd dates... Now, we go out, I never hear another word from her and run into her and some other guy the next week while I'm food shopping.

That's always awkward. Best thing to say when you're at the grocery store: "Hi Sally. Oh, so, you chose him? Well, I can't complain about being a silver medal winner. Hey dude, we're Eskimo brothers! High five!" ;) [*Eskimo brothers = guys who had sex with the same girl]

I think it's safe to assume that most guys that are arguing against automatically paying, would love to treat their next girlfriend on a great date. But the reality for too many of us, is we're treating some other guy's next girlfriend instead.

Very well said. Although it's unfair to Only look at it from that POV, I think it's very Important To have a good look at it from that POV, because it is true. However, a date that's best described as a "meetup" (ie low-key date) -- doesn't change the landscape of the who-pays thing. Like anything else that unfolds on a date, it ends up just bearing less weight comparatively speaking -- good or bad.

Because of that, I have a ton of respect for the women who offer to pay for themselves when they don't see a 2nd date happening. There's no reason that women can't meet men in the middle with this one.

I agree -- and it Should be Status Quo / Standard if said gal is not broke (unless guy Explicitly asks to *Take* a gal out who he's knowingly chasing). But the reason they don't want to meet "halfway" on this concept, which is just ethical/common sense is partly because there's a Skewed perception of a guy asking to Take a gal out. Some people are stubbornly ground into what they call "old fashioned" (which almost always is not; it's really just Selective cherry-picking for one's favor) -- and will (falsely) assume a guy playing a mere role in setting up a date = Asking/Chasing to Take her out. Because an "old fashioned" POV just has a guy paying regardless. It'd take a gal Explicitly Asking to Take a guy out for it to be otherwise, in their minds. Otherwise, a guy pays. Not all women of course -- just more than enough.

There should at least be a push thru social evolution for a rule that:

(a) A guy doesn't have to ask to Take a gal out for him to be in position to Pay, but...
(b) Unless he Did clearly ask to Take a gal out -- she should Expect to have the bill split if she's not attracted

I think (b) can happen -- which is why some guys with low self-esteem when on a date sensing that she May not be that into him, is going to Insist on paying for the whole thing because he fears her doing so would only validate her not liking him. That's a conundrum a gal's going to be in for sure. But hey, if the guy Insists -- let him pay.

I don't really care who pays, except in one type of scenario: If I find the guy particularly unattractive, I make a particular effort to be the one who pays. Psychoanalyze that.

Well, if you find the guy unattractive and make an effort to be the one who pays -- you certainly Can care who pays. And if you don't care who pays -- that's across the board -- which also, you wouldn't have any added positive view of a guy if he paid when he didn't even ask you out -- and you wouldn't have any negative view if he did ask you out, you had a great time on the date, but then he wanted you to pay the whole bill at the end. :)
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 690
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 1:49:22 AM
Personally, if I'm going on a date with a gal to somewhere that actually costs money, I would offer to pay.
It is just awkward when it's split or putting them in a position where they have to ask for me to pay.
Poor things. I just want her to enjoy her time with me, and not have to be thinking about what she can or can't afford
and how much money is being spent. Plus I do like spoiling my lady anyways :)
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 691
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 2:27:05 PM
mr. axis555 said:


Personally, if I'm going on a date with a gal......


is it still OK to call them "GAL"?

mr. axis:

Poor things. I just want her to enjoy her time with me, and not have to be thinking about what she can or can't afford


that's a good point. I wonder if I should rethink my idea that a first meet and greet should be dutch? well, from my experience they are usually low cost affairs. but I have learned not to assume after the one I chronicled here.

axis:

Plus I do like spoiling my lady anyways :)


once I know they're not using me I love to spoil my ladies too if I date them long enough. I like to treat them to shoe shopping and I've taken my dates to the nail salon for a pedicure, making sure ahead of time they can take her.

I might mention to all who read what happened to my meet and greet get together with Amy and the unpaid dinner, she has kindly agreed to go out on a date with me at my expense.
her hours have changed and she wants a nighttime date so the museum date is out.

we'll be doing dinner this Monday night and i'm hoping to take her out this coming weekend to shake some booty at the dance club
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 692
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 2:56:08 PM

I just want her to enjoy her time with me, and not have to be thinking about what she can or can't afford

I don't think that happens so much when shopping for shoes. :) Now, if you pointed out a place to go to that was relatively expensive, sure, a low-income gal could just throw in the tip. But not all female dates are broke. You'd be doing the Same thing, regardless as to whether she's low-income or solid middle-class.

Plus I do like spoiling my lady anyways :)

A gal on a 1st,2nd,3rd date isn't "my lady" (or "your lady"). You shouldn't try to buy a woman's interest. I can understand wanting to just get the bill to make such a thing a non-issue, sure. But you don't want low-key drink dates turned her scarfing down a meal and assuming the guy will pick it all up to be the norm. That's taking it for granted and Expectations hastily had, and is quite rude. Many said women aren't broke, and many said women who may be worried about finances (like most Americans) are also (like most Americans) not living on a sound-minded budget and just want the other to take care of the whole thing Without question -- even if he didn't ask to Take her out!

Now, with that said -- those are the breaks of the dating game. A guy should expect it, deal with it, and not let it get to him... and to only just be turned off if a gal he's Not explicitly chasing is expecting him to pave / pay her way as a Given (when he doesn't know her either), when she's no financial trouble ... and to just toss that item in the dumpster. If a poor sap of a guy looks at said type of gal and goes "Boy do I want an opportunity with said gal! I can win her over with my credit card charm!", that's pretty sad too - lol.

Good news is most (non-poor) women aren't going to be carrying an attitude of "Uhhh, yeaaah, you pay dude -- even if you didn't ask to take me out, and even if I brought up the notion and we mutually talked about it." It will usually be a much better attitude than that.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 693
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 3:13:02 PM
Tom,

I heard the Zeta Cygnids meteor shower would be occurring on the 6th.

Perhaps there's an observatory nearby?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 694
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 3:37:34 PM

Posted by Clooneystutor:
"Perhaps there's an observatory nearby?"

Excellent suggestion / reminder on what could be a terrific date. Good thinking.
Depart at dusk, stop for dinner, and off to an observatory for nighttime viewing.
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 695
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 3:45:24 PM
thanks for the tip Clooney.
no observatory so my first inclination was a romantic walk watching the stars hoping to be able to make a wish on one of the shooting stars.

then I remembered where I live. here's the WKBN forecast for the Youngstown area:

Monday will start off with a mix of sun and clouds, but clouds will increase throughout the evening. We could see showers late Monday night, but the rest of the week rain is likely.

yuck. gotta get outta here.

i'm hoping that maybe I can make her see stars with my sensual kisses!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 696
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 4:28:28 PM
whatsamattababy
I agree with you totally. We do not want to feel any obligation to a guy we are not going to see again. Some women however do not have such scruples. Hence the name "drink" or "meal whore" gets bandied around. If a guy insists on paying for a meal on a first meet then I would just choose a snack and thank him.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 697
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 5:52:13 PM

Poor things. I just want her to enjoy her time with me, and not have to be thinking about what she can or can't afford
and how much money is being spent.

interesting perspective. i wonder how many of the 'traditionalists,' upon learning they were assumed to be of few means and requiring rescue from money decisions, would suddenly remember they had wallets.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 698
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 6:24:13 PM
I can buy a cup of coffee but I'm much to delicate to have to worry about paying for the jaguar I really really REALLY want. A lot.

Because I'm a poor thing. And I shouldn't have to worry about what I can and can't afford.

Just putting it out there for anyone who wants to pick up this poor thing's slack :)

vv Yes! I said already! I can buy coffee! I will even let you use my Keurig anytime you want!
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 699
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 6:33:37 PM
^^^
I'll pick up your slack if you can pick up mine :)
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 700
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/4/2015 7:45:48 PM


"Perhaps there's an observatory nearby?"



Excellent suggestion / reminder on what could be a terrific date. Good thinking.
Depart at dusk, stop for dinner, and off to an observatory for nighttime viewing.


I can't tell if you guys are being sarcastic or genuinely think an observatory is a good idea. I *do* go on dates to an observatory not far from here, and, when I was the president of a local singles group, WE went there as a group. It rocked.

Showing my inner nerd I s'pose.
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